the feeling of no feeling..
i have this empty feeling, now that micah is going out with barbera there is no other guy i hate it..whenever i see him with her i want to cry but at the same time im happy for them...i want them to be happy but at the same time i dont want to killmyself in the process..i have this weird feeling of "since i know i cant have him, i cant be all over him so i dont want him" but i they do break up i will want him again! but until that day comes when we give it a shot then i will have this feeling! another thing that is bothering mne is me and mah friends! me, kenzxa( i think),antonella, and paulina all feel left out buy katheirne, she is making ME feel like im secound run and like...welp every1 is busy so you can come over, or when i am over we have nothing to do and she wants to call other people...i dont like that.! in thw summer it was just her and i and we needed more time cause we were doing so much! but i dont know what happened!well dinner is calling and so is that long pearl stick lol (wink wink alyssay! i need one!) im out x0x0

shot in the heart...
why do i have to feel such pain, such agony?! why why why do i have to cry?! why do people do this to me? i dont understand?! this feeling i feel crushed! im all out of tears! i look at myself in the mirror and laugh, laugh at me everything i am, but the thing i realized is..why do i cry over him?! i men why do guys say i dontwant a gurlfriend!? and then hey go and ask another gurl out!ifHE knew how i was feeling right know then he wouldnt leave me like this...that is why i dont want any of my friends feeling this way.. os i try and get them togethere and there happy!im out i dont want to cry anymore i dont want to think about him! sabby

the therapist is in
i dont understand why poeple come to m for help..about 4 or 5 pooeple have asked me what to do and all i can tell them is "talk to the person" explain to them..but i shouldnt be saying this, caus if this is what im telling everyone then im a hippocrite. becasue i dont talk to him.so why do i say that...i just dont want mah friends to miss out on the opporitunity that i did, if they have a chance to go out wif each other then by all means go ahead!i would love to see al my friends happy..but instead they are all unhappy..why is that!? why can guys do that!? it doesnt make sense at all! but nothing in life does..i mean all of my friends tell me their probles and all the good stuff that has happene to them but i dont understand what they want me to do!? do they want me to guve them my opinioon, do they want ME to fi it or what!? i dont know?! im out sabby

is that seat taken?¿
Is that saet taken?..was the only thing i was saying to myself in interact..as i was sitting necxt to micah, all i wanted to do wasjust hold him, sit on his lap, hold his hand anything! but no, none of that happened..i mea he may have touched me but thats about it, and while i was standing in mah corner he was right i did want to kiss him..badly! i would love to just kiss him forever, but i know that wont happen, maybe make out but i doubt even that will happen! i wish it did, i guess guys just dont think the same as gurls...some guys will just kiss/make out wif any gurl they think is hot, but gurls do it with someone specail someone they like, and that is the most important part of it! Alote of gurls give guys blow jobs and hand jobs just caue they think that if they will then the guy will like them more, or will ask them out, but think about this, why would you want to put your mouth were a guy pisses? and a guyy can give himself a hand job?! its so gay, and some gurls say "but he was wearing a condom" thqatas still nasty and gay, its pointless. i mean i think kissing is awsome and same with making out, but once a guy wants you to give hm a blow job then thats were it gets bad, i mean a and job is nasty but i mean its not as bad as a blow job. a guy wants a gurl to please HIM, and thats it?! but why is it that guys my age dont ccare about gurls!? are gurls right!? you shuld go for older guys?! why do they think that!? i me ai know that i hung out with a 10th grader and he was really cool, and he likes my gurl kat and shes 13 and hes 15 why do they have fellings?! i mean they dont onkly think about what there going to gte tonight!? why do the guys at my school not care about gurls,? i mean there may be one or to that do but if you can find them fr me then id like to meet them?! i wish that ***** would actually care about gurls i mena all he does is skip around to every gul he thinks is cute and flirt with them!? if he would actually ask a gurl out and not cheat n them then i would have a heart attake?! i mean as much as i would love for im to ask me out but if he asked barbera out?!, then i would be happy for her casue shes lucky i guess that what im asking for is just to much to ask?! and i guess that ill be asking the same questien for a while is that seat taken?, casue if i didnt have to then that would mean that i would aready be sitting there!? would that be true!? its fuynny how there are so many wuestiens i have to ask about what they call "love" but i mean love is powerfull, but not powerfull enough!?¿

short tales of a long story....
the short story of a long tale...how peculiare is probably what you are thinking...but no its not what im thinking...i was thinking of the days i spent laughin and thinking about friends and of my brother, and of all the lovely things that life has stored for me!? but know its like there is nothing good ahead of me?!¿ why is that!? why is it that when we reach a certain age something hits us and we are required to do stuff, like love someone, row up, stop acting childish, why cant we pick when we want that to happen its no fair that it just does! i wish that i could choose when i wanted to fall in love, or when i wanted to grow up. i dont like this feeling it holds you back form all of life, all that life has stored for you, because when you know you have this load on your shoulders it holds you bback, i wish i didnt feel what a heartbreak was but thats life and i guess i will have to deal with it, but what if i dont want to? why dont we get a choice? i wish we did, but i guess as they say life goes on, but soetimes i wonder if it really does..does it?! im out <3 sabby

HIM!
why is it that when i go to school all i think about is i cant wait till this is over! when the ay hasnt even startd?! school just seems like it never ends..yet when it is summer time all you want to do is go to school?! as if it plays games with your mind!? i mean normally in my day i ahve three classes a day and interact. but when interact comes i wish i was dead...interact is the worst..that is the time when all of your friends make fun of you becasue all you are doing is sitting there thinking about HIM the only person on your mind...and whiel you are thinking of him you yet to realize that he is right in front of you tryting to kiss another gurl and trying to ignore you..except when yuo go over theere he acts like nothings wronge, as if you dont like him and he isnt flirting with the other gurl...why do guys do that? think that you dont care that they are all over another gurl?! why cant they just either say "will you go out with me" or flat out "i dont like you anymore im sorry" and finally make it clear for you, but i guess that they get a thrill watching you be in pain..all i am asking for is a truthfull answear!? is that to much to ask!? i guess so for HIM! he just likes playing with gurls minds and making them runn in circles! hes the type of guy which ecery gurl liked and all of them got there heart broken by HIM! you would think that he would have learned form that, but no...instead he wathes you while you sit in front of him pretending you arent looking at him..but inside you know that your eyes are all over him...but then sudenly as you look up your eyes meet his, and for that one secound of looking at him you feel total and uder happiness, as if there is a purpose for you being here and then you go back to being friends..just friends...and friends is whatit will stay because he doent think of you in "that way", but with all yuor mght you wish he did! and as much as you try to get over him it doesnt work, and no nmatter the mount of wishes or the amount of effort you put into it, he wont ask you out..but i guess as the song goes "so its safe to say thta weve been here befor" im out <3 sabby

And you walk across the stage, take a bow, hear the applause,and as the curtain falls,just know you did it all,the best that you knew how, and you can hear the cheering know,So let a smile out and show your teeth, cause you know youv lived it well-saves the day..this is not an exit

lets talk about friend
i was under the impression that friends arepeople who stick together, have fights, and then make up, and then go back to being luvvy duvvy. but whta happens when your friend decides that you always break plans or you dont include her in any of your plans..and as much as you try she just wont liusten and refuses to cooperate...what do you do then? do you just end the relationship? or do you try and fix it...what if your friend doesnt want to fix it?!¿ or your friend says you oviously dont care about me...because you never think of me all you think of is everyone else..or you didnt call me this weekend?! why is it that gurls make so much more of a big deal then guys?!why cant gurls just shut the fuck up and say i wish you wouldnt have broken those plans with me please dont do it again and just end it?!...or is that to much to ask!? god forbid they do...but no instead they start over and over. but finally after 30 min of telling them to stop they finally do and then they start over again with the hey how are you doing stuff!?as if the fight never happened. why is it that this happens? why are gurls so much more melladramatic?..all they do is fight and then make up...and then they go and tell rumors and lies and start talking behind your back...and then you fight again...real friends fight maybe once every few months...but most of the time its over something important...something like..steeling your boyfriend or betraying your trust..but most of the time gurls make u firhgts...yes they make up fights...they will take a little problem and spread it so wide so it becomes a huge problem..and then it escalades and it involoves other people...and pretty soon youv got the gun to your head and your repeting to yourself one little push and this could all be over with...but the truth is that that is not the way out...i have learned that if you kill yourself...you the one little person you are could affect everyone elses life around you...wether they are enemies, friends, familly, or even strangers..when it all comes down to it... everyone cares...so when your in a fight with a friend just stop and think... if i say one more thing i might make it worse...maybe i should be the bigger person, stop cussing, stop talking about stuiped shit and start saying sorry and forgive and forget...if everyone did that then everyones life would be so much better...but i guess the simple things are the hardest things to ask for...so i guess i will get back to the unrealistic life that we live in and just prey that everyone shuts the fuck up and says sorry to each other and starts over again..becasue i know that if everyone did that then the people they are saying sorry to willrealize how cool and how nice and interesting the other person is and then they to would become friends....<3 sabby
p.s im sorry kayla for this whole mess i hope that we are still good friends!

dreaming the impossible dream
right know i am dreaming the impossible dream and living the an unrealistic life. when i look at how my friends and i care so much about the dumbest crap...i mean for once in my life i care about a guy and i have feelings for him...that has never happened....it is a weird feeling...and all of my friends are the same way...they are acting like the world is about to end but the truth is its just in there head...nothing is as bad as it seems...life goes on..but when i think of what has happened to me this past year i think of getting new friends and learning how to take a heartbreak..it may be heard but iv learned how to control y feelings and i think that will help me when i get older....well im going to o have dinner ok?! lata x0x0

i dont know
At this moment i have no feeling, no reason to be happy or sad im just there. i feel great right know i have beat my own battle by overcoming the feeling of being totaly love struck. i am trying to put my feelings into words but it is very hard. i am feeling very satisfied and peacful like something i have been waiting for my whole life has just happened. i am smiling and thinking that my life couldnt get any beter, except for one teny tiny thing, getting the one boy i need to complete me. if i can get him then i would officially ahve the perfect life, friends, familly, and on the top of the list i could add getting the guy of my dreams, because when i dont have him i feel empty spaced out and having that feeling i am waisting my days when i dont see him. no other guy could cover the gap i have, thy have/could try but they would not succed, only because he has been the one on my mind since the first moment i looked my eyes into his, ever since my heart has not been able to get over him, and if i never get him (which i hope will never happen) then i might have to stay with this feeling of the "what ifs" about him, and i dont feel like staying like that for the rest of my life.


"I Miss You
To see you, when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.(?)
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wastin away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and I miss you." incubus, i miss you

party at kats...
alrighty tonight i had an awsome time, we played spin the bottle, musicle chares,listened to music, and played truth or dare...billy,david,antonella,kenza, me, and kat, we also ordered pizza and earlier that day we went to the hospital and ate lunch there and played on the wheelchares..! it was a great day..except i went to micahs house and his brother was like "is that sabrina, im going to close the door now" i felt weird...i guess where even casue micahs
brother doesnt like me and mah sister hates micah from everything shes heard of him so...o well thats how life goes i guess... and im kinda over micah but not all the way i mean i stil think he hot and all but i kinda like billy and a lil david! i guess time will tell..welp im going to go im at kats and shes falling asleep its been a long tireing night! gnight! lata x0x0