Orfwashere
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2003 7 July :: 11.45am
:: Music: Sublime - Stand By Your Van
I woke up this morning and had a strange desire to play this album. Every time I put it on, it reminds me of how great life was last summer when I bought it. I sure miss those days, and the amazing feeling I'd get that comes from being on top of the world. I miss that more than I can believe, because this summer has no feeling. It's just worthless. It consists of sitting here wasting my time, going to the gym wasting my time, and going to work wasting my time. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I can't even say I have any friends. Theres always people that will talk to me every once in a while, but theres nothing else. Jeez, I hate this summer. I'm starting to hate my life. Pretty soom I'm just gonna hate me. I wish I wasn' there. I need to get away
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plainmornings
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2003 5 July :: 4.53pm
who wants to be beautiful when beautiful's just a lie?
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orfwashere
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2003 3 July :: 12.20am
:: Mood: chill
:: Music: Spring Heeled Jack
I was just watching NYPD blue on court tv, which is my new addiction. I love this fucking channel. Well on this episode, the man Steve Egan admitted to murdering his son Brian. Interestingly enough, Brian Egan gave me a nod hello today, and also asked if we could have sex. I guess that means he’s over the whole "his girlfriend of over a year broke up with him to go out with me" thing, which is good. It wasn't exactly my fault. He seems like a cool kid.
Hmm, that was a change of pace for my journal. I just found that kinda interesting; but it's not like I have anything better to write here. Same old boring life. I'm going to Bush Gardens this weekend with the fam. I can't wait (sarcastically).
Well, I'm out. Hope everyone has a cool fourth.
-A.J.
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plainmornings
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2003 2 July :: 11.24am
:: Mood: excellent :0)
:: Music: Pass me the football...
The best days of my life <3
First off.
Last night + Wellington Girls + crappy movie at the drive in rocked my world(+Gregory too heh) DON'T go see the Hulk, its awful.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
TONIGHT!!!!!
ABBY D's SURPRISE 80's themed party!!!!!
I don't remember the last time that I had that much fun with everyone. Pics tell all!!!
GOO SEEE!
Man. I was all 80s dressed and running through the Boynton mall. Scavenger Hunts rock.
Thank you to everyone <3
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBY D!!!!!
<3<3
PS. I didn't do Gregs makeup, that was alllll him :0P
hmmm "last night" would be 2 nights ago... woohu wasn't up last night so i'm just copying and pasting my livejournal entry.
GOOOOO SEEE PICS!!!!! they really rock
rockrockrock.
_________________________________
Today was amazing. Gregory came over early this morning, made me pancakes and we laid in eachothers arms forever :0P 5hrs later hes gone :0( and i am indeed beary sad. :0(:0(:0(
oh. by the way, Ben Garb is No Parking's new drummer. Weird. heh.
THE LINK!! well url anyways...
http://public.fotki.com/plainmornings/abbys_pizzzartaaay/
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plainmornings
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2003 30 June :: 1.32am
stream of conscious
Stream of conscious...
chosen sweetly i fell. i fell out of your world. Drugs consumed many, not me. It wasn't the drugs as much as you lying. What made you think I wouldn't understand, wouldn't want to help. You told me that it was a plea for help, you wanted me to notice, to care but you did the one thing i asked you not to do. I read your words, your heart poured out onto this screen and it sends sharp pangs through my heart because I cared. This is probably the one thing that could tear me away from the perfection I have now found. How can I be so happy yet still feel obligation. Maybe I still care... I shouldn't. Conflicts of the heart yet I know what I'm doing is right. I have waited so long for this and to lose it for something that has not worked numerous times? If we were meant to be together then it would have worked. Maybe not the first time, the second, the third?? If we were meant to be together "forever" then forever would not have been terminated so soon. Maybe it was love, I really don't know. You walked out that morning, told me that when you'd said it you meant it and for how long I was screaming that inside. It broke my heart. Out of anger I acted and you walked away. I am not saying that you walked out on it because I pushed you away myself but understand, it wasn't just me. Amazing. I can be on top of the world and your words, just your words can bring me down. I must care, I guess I try too hard not to. I read what you wrote for her it was always so much more beautiful then what you'd write for me. You say that it was just lust, a fatal attraction for her and that I was "home", I was what was familiar to you but she was the prize. I don't doubt that you really did love me or anything but you never showed me. Whereas you gave her the world, you felt 100% for me yet only gave me half. You said that you would never say it if you knew I wouldn't say it back. You never knew how I really felt for you, maybe I was a fool for waiting. Maybe i'm smart. Two people obsessed with getting hurt and this is what you get. I have learned from this. I will give 100% from now on, my heart on my sleeve I will get the 100% that I deserve.
I always knew I could do better.
Why am I even thinking of this, its over, i'm happy, I don't need to do this.
Goodnight.
Disclosure: If you're reading this and have to question if this is for/about you then you're wrong and its not. If it was then you'd know. Thats all.
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plainmornings
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2003 28 June :: 3.49am
:: Mood: there is no word to describe how wonderful i feel
:: Music: Timb stuck in my head heh
i don't even know where to start...
i'm so numb with ecstasy (no not the drug, just the feeling) right now...
i'm going to say it and most definately mean it this time for sure. I have never been so happy in my life, its been 3 weeks of seeing him EVERYDAY (literally lol) and the after glow hasn't worn off yet which leads me to believe that its not an afterglow at all but this aura that we share between us, one of complete freedom and passion.
I know that he won't read this because as he put it, he "doesn't like reading other peoples thoughts" but you know what, he doesn't have to read this to know how i feel about him.
With my heart on my sleeve, I can now finally breathe a sigh of relief...
::sigh::
<3.
PS. in unrelated news, Timb & Harold rock my world as well.... they rocked pretty damn hard tonight @ the loft <3<3
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orfwashere
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2003 28 June :: 12.15am
:: Mood: chill
:: Music: Authority Zero
Maybe a change is comming...
Hmm, where to start.... It’s been a while since I've written anything worth reading. I'll give it a shot this time though.
I think I am finally starting to turn my life around. I swear, since November, my life has gone straight downhill until it just couldn’t go any further. It was just a series of devastating events and depressing moments, but now close to every aspect of life has changed since school got out. I've gone from pissed off and depressed to ultimately peaceful. It’s so strange, but hopefully a change in me will create a change in the events surrounding my life. When you're on the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up, and I think I'm already starting to move. I just hate how I've been neglecting my sax lately. The guitar has been getting all my musical attention, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I do a good deal of playing and I study out of my theory books at least once a day, so I'm still improving in musicianship, but my saxophone skills are going to the shits.
Also now I’m really starting to dig this band Authority Zero. I've heard of them before, but never gave their album a good listen. Thank you CD Connection. I looked on their website and it said that they are playing at the waterpark in my home town of Keansburg N.J. tonight. Good stuff. They kinda remind me of Lucky Boys Confusion, which is a decent band as well.
So thats about it
Much Love,
A.J.
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plainmornings
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2003 27 June :: 2.37am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise
when you've found a guy who will tell you you're beautiful even when you look like shit, make you dinner and buy you nailpolish, you know you've got a keeper.
I did nothing to deserve him.
I'm so damn lucky.
<3
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plainmornings
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2003 26 June :: 11.54am
lol wow i suck.
i'm excited anyways :0P
i'm grounded.
i wish gregory would call :0(
i feel empty but complete. its a weird feeling.
i wish i went to wellington yesterday and had chicken lo mein with the cool cool cool girls.
the.end.
100friendsw00t!
okay. i'm NOT grouded :0) Ashley and I are doing driving school together and Gregs making me dinner tonight <3
off to the mall con Sara B. <3<3<3
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plainmornings
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2003 26 June :: 12.59am
:: Mood: crappy
Hi, my name is Vivi.
I got a speeding ticket.
Worst night ever.
Yeah. that just about sums up how i feel right now.
funny story though...well maybe not so funny if you weren't there but proves how small of a world it really is...
okay. well this took place during my break tonight at work. Vicky (one of my coworkers) came in with her brother, Dan and his girlfriend Kassidy who are both back from college for the summer. I got a bagel and sat down with the 3. As I sat down I realized that Vickys brother had long, curly hair very similar to Gregs..(us girl freaks talk about hair ALLLLLLL the time heh) sooo as i got up to get a magazine from the rack i pointed to Dan's head and stated "Greg has hair like this" and walked away. When i returned, Vicky asked me what Gregs last name was which i replied "Pishko" and all 3 of them burst out laughing. Very confused I asked what was so funny and Vicky explained that after i'd left, Kassidy said that she had gone to school with a kid named Greg Pishko who had hair like Dans sooo they were all tickled that it was the same person :0) Sooooo it turned out Kassidy graduated IB in 2002 and knows Greg & everyone else. We had a great hour of bonding over FOOLS stories and band stuff (Dan used to be in Jaded at the Swingset) soooo it was really cool.
yeah. thats all.
oh yeah. I saw Greg all this morning which made my day despite all the crapiness <3
hes soooooooooo wonderful. really.
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plainmornings
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2003 23 June :: 4.25am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Radiohead - Hail to the thief
finally a good apple...
it has probably been awhile since i've really updated...(sorry!)
I do have a good explanation i swear! haha
well... i'm extremely content with just about everything right now.. its summer, i love my job and one of the best guys i've ever met likes me, really likes me and its just perfect...
i spent over 2 hrs talking to him tonight, both of us clarifying how we felt about eachother and stupid little questions we had for eachother...
my conclusion would have to be that Ben is right, he IS going to be the good apple of the bunch.. finally a guy i can be with and not have that uncomfortable feeling of "i can do better".
He makes me so happy...
PS. thank you to BenFranklin for lunch/4:30 dinner today, that made me equally happy as seeing Greg <3 heh no competition here, just love.
You mean the world to me Sr.Garbarino<3<3
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Orfwashere
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2003 22 June :: 3.55am
:: Mood: sigh
I guess its now official: I'm slowly going bald.
I never really noticed it, but over the last few months I always had a few hairs fall out here and there. I thought nothing of it; it didn't bother me in the least. About a week or two ago, I saw that the hair on the back of my head near the crown was getting a little thin, and my hair line is slightly receding in the front. At first I thought that I was just over exaggerating, but today I showed it to my dad. At 54, he still has a full head of hair and is slowly but surely going bald. He told me just what I didn’t want to hear; that I am most likely going bald. That’s such a scary thought, that at 17 I am already doing something that most men do around 40. I don't know what to do. I thought about Rogaine, but I've heard it’s not worth the hassle of having to do it every day. It could also be stress related. Getting the boot from Atlantic and having to leave all my friends, or at least pseudo-friends was a harsh blow. School got really stressful and pointless after that. My summer is virtually stress free, and that could be a plus.
I think this balding deal could have been my subconscious reasoning for growing my hair out. Anyone who knew me well knew that my hair usually wasn't longer than an inch at the most, but now it falls down almost to the tip of my nose (I do have a big nose btw). I use less gel and wax and shit, so it can’t be too bad. I figure I'll cut it back to normal soon because I'm pretty close to having a 60's mop top… not that those aren’t cool as hell, but cool on people other than me.
Jeez, I hope this isn't for real.
People would always tell me that I was going to go bald some day from all the gel I put in my hair, and I would reply that at the time I go bald there’s going to be some amazing cure for baldness. Where the fuck is that cure now?
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plainmornings
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2003 19 June :: 4.08am
[Current Clothes] turtle-saur shirt _ khaki capris.
[ Current Mood] contemplative
[ Current Music] none. although i've had radiohead stuck in my head all day
[ Current Taste] n/a
[ Current Make-up ] um... whatever thats left
[ Current Hair ] pony tail
[ Current Annoyance ] ehh i don't want to talk about it.
[ Current Smell ] n/a
[ Current Thing ] i should be sleeping
[ Current Desktop Picture ] former Adastra boys
[ Current Favorite Artists] Radiohead etc.[ Current Favorite Group ] iwhagohsg.
[ Current Book you're reading] the summons by john grisham
[ Current CD in CD Player] wilco i believe
[ Current DVD in player] igby goes down <3[ Current Color Of Toenails ] pink/red
[ Current Refreshment ] n/a
[ Current Worry ] eh... if you matter enough to me then you'd know.
LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] Greg... besides my kitty :0P
[ You Talked to ] Ben
[ You Hugged ] Gregory Luke.
[ You Instant messaged ] Ben
[ You Yelled At ] i dont' know but probably someone
[ You Kissed ] pssft who kisses and tells :0P
FAVORITE...
[ Food ] i like food.
[ Drink ] Dr.Pepper
[ Color ] why have one when you can have them all
[ Album ] Radiohead - Pablo Honey
[ Shoes ] gota be the bowling shoes or the pimp tie-died chucks
[ Candy ] gummi bears, twizzlers
[ Animal ] kitties
[ TV Show ] trading spaces
[ Movie ] geez. right now i'm really digging Adaptation
[ Dance ] i don't dance.
[ Song ] um # 2 on the Coheed CD... I don't know names, sorry.
[ Vegetable ] spinich.
[ Fruit ] proly tangerines or something
[ Cartoon ] um.
[ Store ] um.
[ Kiss ] depends
[ Hangout ] in someones arms that i care about.
[ Vacation ] Italy and Greece.. that rocked my world... also trips to the keys = own.
ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] i try to be sympathetic.
[ Open-minded ] i think so.
[ Arrogant ] elitest maybe, arrogant i don't know.
[ Insecure ] probably
[ Interesting ] haha i hope so
[ Random ] spontaneity rocks.
[ Hungry ] always fatty.
[ Friendly ] very.
[ Smart ] IB? lol in that case i guess no.
[ Moody ] don't push me.
[ Childish ] i'm little, im allowed
[ Independent ] its lonely.
[ Hard working ] when needed
[ Organized ] depends what you're talking about
[ Healthy ]i could work on it
[ Emotionally Stable ] not as much as i'd like to be
[ Shy ] not really
[ Difficult ] very.
[ Attractive ] not particularly
[ Bored Easily ] depends
[ Thirsty ] sometimes
[ Responsible ] depends
[ Obsessed ] very
[ Angry ] currently yes even though i shouldn't be...
[ Sad ] even though i might not show it...
[ Happy ] its weird, kind of like crazy equilibrium.. i'm happier then ever but sad in my heart too.
[ Hyper ] its 4am what do you think[ Trusting ] i like to have faith in people
[ Talkative ] very.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] lets not go there.
[ Slap ] too many people. especially racists.
[ Get Real Wasted With] wasted on life?? lol[ Get High With ] smokings dumb.
[ Look Like ] too many people
[ Talk To Offline ] lots of people... probably Gregory right now
[ Talk To Online ] i talk to everyone.
[ Date ] they know who they are.:0P
[ Fuck ] oh jeebus... lol
i'm thinking too much about everything and its really bringing me down :0(
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plainmornings
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2003 19 June :: 2.36am
happy birthday Canadian Dave<3<3
i couldn't ask for a better night.
I have a live journal now also if anyone cares, www.livejournal.com/users/plainmornings
also. Ben and I bought a year of communal picture sharing @ www.fotki.com/plainmornings
<3.Vivi.
Gregory Luke doing the drive thing.
Birthday boy with AJ & Sharif :0)
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orfwashere
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2003 17 June :: 1.42am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Coltrane
So its the middle of the night writing in my journal and I'm depressed. How cliched . Been this way for a long time now. Not tooo much of a big deal though. What teenager isn't depressed?
Onto brighter news....
I have three years of tax returns that I never filed, totaling almost $400. I wasn't really sure what to do with my money. I was stuck between buying a decent drum set (which would be cool as hell to have) or saving up for a new tenor sax (which is actually something I kinda need). But while surfing the internet this week, I found something new and appealing to me. My mind is now made.
Yamaha WX5 Wind MIDI Controller
Holy fucking shit. An electronic sax.... looks like a clarinet
A good one too. Midi, wind systhesis, reed control. This fucking thing's got the whole deal. Oh man. Apparently it senses how the reed is played, and the air, and.... man, this is just friggen cool. It has all positive reviews from users. And its only $600. Only half the price of a lower end tenor sax. Oh snap I am soo getting this.
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