kate
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2003 4 August :: 8.31pm
:: Music: Gary Jules - Mad World
always wishful thinking
This song makes me feel sad. It's so soft and lonely. Makes me feel weird.
I had trouble staying awake at work today. I was tired because I couldn't sleep last night and it was also so boring today that there was nothing worth staying awake for. James.. you have to switch crews. Or else I do. I can't stand the borrredom of being with those stoners for 7 hours.
mm... *closes eyes* I think I'll go to bed soon. *opens them* I feel sleepy.
I'm rambling. Nonimportant gibberish... oh look at that, Brent messeged me, that's cool.. no one's online... wow, already 8:43.
I'm sorry, I'll stop wasting your time now.
1 Tiger |
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 3 August :: 6.16pm
:: Music: Bush - Mouth
Camping with Neilee, her mom, (Sue,) and her aunts was all right. Not tonsss of fun, but good I guess. Guess what Mitch? Our camp site had these signs that said "KOA Kamping." As in... camping with a K... woohooo..... Anyway, we met this guy named Daen, (said like Dan,) and he had the most awesome personaility ever. He had very short attention span and talked.. and talked... and was really funny. He was there with his friend Aaron's family.
Neilee and I also walked along railroad tracks and played under the expressway, yeah! We went to Lake Michigan and jumped in in our clothes. It was nice. So we also took quotes during our trip. Here they are: (you should read them.)
*sticks pole up Sue's ass* "Didn't think you were gonna get lucky tonight, huh Sue?" -Aunt Cindy
"You got sand on my sand shoes." -Neilee
"I feel like a cookie." -Kate
"I don't." - Neilee
"No, I feel like eating a cookie." -Kate
"Oh I thought you meant you felt like all soft and floppy like a cookie." -Neilee
"Yeah... kinda soggy." -Kate
"The cookies are just floppy and just kinda flopped." -Neilee
"Her big thing? That sounds scary." - Aunt Cindy
"I'm dying of hunger!" -Neilee
"Shut up, I'm cooking." - Aunt Cindy
"I can't believe you made a yummy sound towards my conditioner." - Neilee
"Geez, those litter critters." - Kate
"I like gum, not body parts." -Kate
*Neilee squeals* "That's the sound a dog makes when you step on their tail and stuff." -Kate
"We get to be violated?" -Aunt Cindy
*kid walks with net* "Bug catcher!" -Aunt Cindy *All of the aunts and Neilee's mom laugh like they're a gang of bullies.*
"Being happy is nice." -Neilee
"Our friend! At KFC!" -Neilee
"Lice infested hats." -Neilee
"It's just harmless stalking." -Neilee
"Our meats getting attacked by flies. How yummy!" -Neilee
"Pet peeves." *shakes fist* -Kate
"Your slimey eeriness infected my index finger." -Daen
"I'm sorry, did I make your eye feel infested?" -Daen
"Is that star moving?" -Adam (some other guy we met)
"No, but that plane is." -Aaron's dad.
"Golden Cornmeal mush, mmm, my favorite!" -Neilee
"I'm paying for these three." -Sue (we're at a restaurant)
"Get the steak and eggs." -Waitress to Kate and Neilee
"I like her." -Neilee
"James's wood!" -Kate
"What are you thinking about?" -Neilee
"Speed and quality." -Aunt Kimmy
"I don't have a ribbon on my boob anymore." -Kate
*Kate hits her head on hanger rack*
*Kate moans in pain*
*Neilee laughs*
"Smells like pencils." -Kate
"I'm going as fast as I can!" -Aunt Cindy
"You're stopped!" -Neilee
There. The end. :)
3 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 31 July :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: melancholy
mother complaints
K8 says:
are you there Gary?
Gary says:
Kate... did you need somethin?
K8 says:
depends. are you busy?
Gary says:
well.. i was gonna head up to bed, but i have a few minutes if you'd like them
K8 says:
no.. go to bed
Gary says:
are you sure? i'll probably just go play a video game upstairs
K8 says:
yeah... there's nothing you could say that would make a difference anyway. Goodnight.
Gary says:
well well.. that statement is just an invitation for me to ask whats on your mind
K8 says:
just... get really unhappy... when I think about my how my life can't ever be the way I want to be. I can never actually live out my childhood...
K8 says:
she hates my friends... she critisizes everything I like... she hates my music...
Gary says:
your mother?
K8 says:
she thinks I'm weird.. I need God... I don't know anything.. I'm only 14, I don't know anything... I'm not mature... I've got the mind of an 8 year old...
K8 says:
yes...
Gary says:
do you know any little kids? like... 3-5 years old?
K8 says:
no
K8 says:
yes
K8 says:
kind of
Gary says:
do some of the things they do just baffle you? like leave you so confused you have no idea whats going on in their head?
K8 says:
i don't know...probably... I'm rarely around children.. they annoy me
Gary says:
well.. the feeling you have with children is similar to the feeling your mother has about you
Gary says:
she has no comprehension of the music you like, no ability to believe that you can like the stuff you do and still believe in God and Jesus as your savior
Gary says:
she cant relate to any of it.. and that scares her
Gary says:
that's why she critisizes it.. she doesn't understand it... she cant
K8 says:
well it's taking away my life...
Gary says:
she will try and restrict you.. and its going to get worse before it gets better
K8 says:
yeah... I turn 18, it gets better.
K8 says:
and my childhood is already gone
Gary says:
no.. it will get better slightly before then.
Gary says:
yes, your childhood is gone...
Gary says:
you're 14, your not a child anymore
K8 says:
tell her that. she talks to me like I can't do anything for myself.. like I neeed her. To live.
Gary says:
that's how she wants it...
Gary says:
that's how she will always want it.
Gary says:
it gives her a sense of being needed...
Gary says:
on top of her not understanding a thing about you... she also feels like you're slipping away, like you're going down this path of unholiness. Its not true, but she doesn't understand that. She also feels like you dont need her anymore, and, being her youngest child, you are the last one she has to hang on to
Gary says:
when you leave, she has no one else to mother or baby, no one who will need her "to live."
K8 says:
although I understand it all better... it doesn't help. I'm still stuck this way.. unhappy... and helpless
K8 says:
I hate that I can't do anything about it..
K8 says:
I went to Justin's today.. I wanted his parents so bad. I didn't want to leave his house
Gary says:
the only thing you could do is to try and talk to her.... but its not likly to work any time soon. like i said, it will get better, but its going to get worse first
Gary says:
and as for Justin's parents... every parent has their downside.. ask justin, if he doesn't know of one now, i'm sure he can come up with one later.
K8 says:
of course, but they're still so much better than mine.
Gary says:
try not to dream about other people's parents, because its not really much of a possibility
K8 says:
i know..
Gary says:
mmm i'm not sure.. yours seemed to have raised a very fine girl to me
K8 says:
I did most of the raising myself
K8 says:
I'm nothing like them.
Gary says:
i know.
Gary says:
they let you drift... and i think you're much better off than your sister.
K8 says:
agreed.
K8 says:
I guess you can go to bed now.
Gary says:
ha.. i have permission?
Gary says:
:)
K8 says:
heh... yes.. you were a good boy..
Gary says:
i think you should go to bed soon too... i think you've had a lot on your mind and a good nights sleep would do ya good.
Gary says:
well, i do try my best for you
K8 says:
I know you do.. and I thank you. A lot.
K8 says:
Goodnight Gary
Gary says:
g'nite Kate.
Sitting here in silent tears. I just want to be taken away from this place and held forever.
2 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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kate
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::
2003 31 July :: 3.52pm
I got 2 compliments on my eyes at work today, which I'm somewhat used to. It's still nice to hear though. They said they were "Freakishly blue and nice." Yeah... but I was very surprised to get a compliment on my smile. I've never been complimented on my smile before...
I'm goin' to buy a new bathing suit today. Then I'm going to Neilee's, I think. Then tomorrow morning, CAMPING!!! YAY
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 30 July :: 5.58pm
My mom and I are driving to guitar lessons. Some guy cuts us off or something, I wasn't really paying attention, but then my mom starts complaining about him doing so. Then she waves to him. I said, "Why did you wave to him when he made you mad? Why didn't you flip him off?"
She said, "Because I'm showing that I'm an adult."
"Mom, that's only gonna make sense to you."
"I don't care. As long as I'm satisfied with myself."
I felt compelled to share this pointless story.
p.s. I guess work's not so bad. Not including the sun burn part.
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 29 July :: 9.26pm
So I'm taking up James on his offer of burning the CDs. (He wouldn't let me give him any CDs though, pfft.) Anyway, I have to remember allll those songs, so tell me a bunch of songs you know I like.
Heh, thanks for the help. (I'll be expecting at least 2 songs from you.)
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 29 July :: 6.46pm
:: Music: NONE still.
Oh man. Today is just getting more and more frustrating. Apparently someone was looking at porn on my computer, (my brother no doubt,) so I keep getting all these pop-ups of half-naked or completely naked woman in... unpleasant positions.
At least work was tolerable.
4 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 29 July :: 5.28pm
:: Music: NONE
I'm INFURIATED. I just want to break something! I had 400 songs in Kazaa... I get on the computer today and they're gone. NOTHING. Not one song is there. Like I never downloaded anything. Apparently my brother came over to get us more space on our computer and guess how he did that? OH MY GOD, I WANNA SMASH HIS FUCKING FACE.
guess I'm getting a little worked up over some music.. but GAAHHH.. you'd be too. Especially you Joe, with your 1,000 whatever songs.
My music.... *sniffles*.....gone... all gone....
4 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 28 July :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: Fine.
Tell me - how accurate is this to me?
You are quick to pick up information, Kate, and someone needs only explain something to you once for you to grasp the entire concept. Your questions are clear and concise, and no one will be able to accuse you of not paying attention to their words or actions. At the same time, you may be become too sensitive to the information around you. An overload of stimuli could eventually overwhelm you.
Your sign is that of intense Scorpio, the eighth sign of the zodiac, best characterized by passion, intensity, and emotionality. You are considered to be the most powerful and extreme sign of the zodiac, because you deal with the process of fundamental transformation on all levels.
Pluto is your ruler, Scorpio, and is known as the planet of permanent change and transformation. It is also associated with sex, the life cycle of birth and death, and regeneration.
You are the second of the three water signs. Pluto's influence makes you a charismatic, yet enigmatic person. While you may appear serene on the surface, you contain a magnetic intensity and powerfully hypnotic personality, belied only by a penetrating stare of deep intelligence.
Scorpio, you rule the eighth house of the chart, which is associated with other people's money, possessions, and values, as well as wealth received through inheritance; it also describes how and to what extent we commit, and bond with our partner, both on a sexual and emotional level. Yours is a fixed sign, which means that you are steadfast in adversity. Once you put your mind to something, you display self-discipline and staying power. You work stoically to achieve your goals - no matter the cost!
Dear Scorpio your strengths lie in your ability to confront and channel powerful emotions and profound insights. With your great tenacity and willpower, you are well suited to positions of authority, thanks also to your firm sense of responsibility, your strategical approaches, and your charismatic aura.
You do have weaknesses, too! You can be blunt and demanding, and at worst, you may become merciless, obsessive, and manipulative. You are known for your passive-aggressive behavior, which sometimes reveals your proclivity for martyrdom. You also run the risk of displaying destructive, and revengeful behavior, which confirms your radical all-or-nothing approach to life.
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 28 July :: 8.26pm
:: Music: Tool
Scorpio & Cancer
Two Water signs dominated by sensuality... their sex life is likely to be thrilling! But is that enough? Cancer and Scorpio share a common craving. Both want to settle down; they claim to be monogamous, and instinctively sense the other's emotions. Both are comfortable in the realm of silence. However, Scorpio's rudeness may sometimes cause Cancer to recoil; Cancer's moodiness may be hard for Scorpio to bear. Moreover, Scorpio's overweening selfishness could wilt the strongest Cancerian love. If they endure, their love will be a symphony.
I hope I'm not rude.
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 26 July :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: fuck.
:: Music: The Hives - Find Yourself Another Girl
my family = fucking morons beyond possible belief
on another note.. got my 21st cone tonight. It was sitting outside the hospital so I just.. picked it up... took it to the car.. and brought it home. It says Wet Floor on it.
The MRI was nothing. If anything, the worst part was the shot or the wait. I just layed in the tube thing and they gave me these goggles so I watched a movie. It was... way easy. I get the results in about a week they say. Let's hope I'm not dying or something.
2 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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eddy
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2003 26 July :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: No Doubt
All Nighter
Yep, the all-nighter was pretty fun, until about 3 or so when i started to get really tired and i was having these really bad mood swings :S i was depressed for like 5 mins and then i went to the psycho hyperactive part of me, well not quite that part but i was a lot happier than i was, but yeah, it was fun, like when me and jessica and kristine sat around drawing for like 2 hours or something lol, ummm yeah, then after the all nighter i went home and slept till like three and ive just been up watching Trigun since then, yep, everything is starting to come together now, i think i almost understand everything lol, but yeah...that was basically my day......
14 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 26 July :: 5.15pm
:: Music: Tool
She sat there, at her desk, staring at that blank white wall as she had done so many times before. But this time, the whiteness swirled. Swirled and twisted into horrible images. The red of blood, the sight of pain and the aroma of death filled the room. She sat transfixed on the images that seemed to flash before her eyes. She showed no emotion even as a child of age 5 appeared, hung by its own bedsheet. The mouth lagged and the eyes hung from their sockets. After examining the sight, she blinked and the child disappeared. Standing up, filled with such deep apathy, she seemed to float over to her dresser. Bottom drawer, in the back right corner, under the box of lost memories, she picked up that knife. The one she sharpened every night. The one she thought of daily. The one.. she planned to use. She walked out of the room, into the world, and slaughtered the one she loved, with no more than a tear. Nothing but lethargy coursed through her body, her heart. She looked at his lifeless face and stared into the blank eyes, stained with the tears he had begged with for his life moments earlier. A smirk, and she greeted herself with her favorite knife.
3 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 26 July :: 2.47pm
:: Music: Tool - Schism
So I just got some chocolate milk. mmm. The great day kind, not Save-A-Lot shit.
So my last 2 days were pretty good. Had their fun times... Refer to Neilee's journal for more details. Heh.
Not much in the mood to write a whole lot today.
MRI is today.....
Munchin'
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kate
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2003 25 July :: 1.46am
I'm cold.
Our Lady Peace - Clumsy
Throw away the radio
Suitcase keeps you awake
Hide the telephone, telephone, telephone in case,
You realize that sometimes you're just not okay
You level off level off you level off, but its not allright now
You need to understand
There's nothing strange about this
You need to know your friends
You need to know that
I'll be waving my hand watching you drown
Watching you scream, quiet or loud
And maybe you should sleep
And maybe you just need a friend
As clumsy as you've been
There's no one laughing
You will be safe in here
You will be safe in here
Throw away this very old shoelace
Tripped you again
Try and shrug it off shrug it off shrug it off
It's only skin now
You need to understand
There's nothing fake about this
You need to let me in
I'm watching you and
I'll be waving my hand watching you drown
Watching you scream
No ones around
And maybe you should sleep
And maybe you just need a friend
As clumsy as you've been
With no one laughing
You will be safe in here
You will be safe in
I'll be wavin my hand
Watching you drown
Watching you scream
Quiet or loud
And maybe you should sleep
And maybe you just need a friend
As clumsy as you've been
And no ones laughing
You will be safe in here
You will be safe in here
You will be safe in here
In here, in here, in here, in here
2 Tigerers |
Munchin'
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