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holiday

:: 2005 9 January :: 7.01pm
:: Music: Pixies- Gouge Away

My stomach feels like it's gouging away.
Gosh. So much pain. Ow. It's not the digestive or cramp kind. I know. Ouchhhh.

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holiday

:: 2005 9 January :: 6.58pm
:: Music: Nekromantix- Dead Girls Don't Cry

I can still smell you.

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holiday

:: 2005 9 January :: 9.27am
:: Music: MCR- You know what they do to guys like us in prison

Oh my. I am scared. I found out far too much information for one Sunday morning. Far too much.

3 . | .


holiday

:: 2005 7 January :: 12.36pm

I have this urgent need to see you. It doesn't matter how late. That is, if you don't care. I just need to be with you now. I always do!

2 . | .


sherriffsteve

:: 2005 5 January :: 7.27pm

I love techonology, but not as much as you, you see, but I still love technology...always and forever.
It's been a while since I've updated. I guess I haven't had much to say for the last little while. I'm missing youth group right now and it makes me sad. But not as sad as whats going on inside of me. I don't want to say that God is testing me, because God doesn't do that. I'm simply fighting my way through my own ignorance. God knows that too. He knows that I'm trying, only because I asked Him to. And He heard. I might not see it now, but I'm sure it will come to me, soon enough. I've spent my last few days looking for a job, and trying to find me a car. In other words, I've been couped up, in my house, reading and trying to understand where God wants me to be. It becomes clearer and clearer to me everyday, and I am thankful that God would show it to me.

Today I had the weirdest breakdown. First off, I spent the morning with Dan. It was pretty cool. We hung out until he had to go to youth group. Then I took a little nap and was woken up by my sister screaming, "Molly, Molly, movie gallery on the phone." The lady told me that I have a test to take for them tomorrow. (for a job.) So I was like "Uh tomorrow at one." So after that I was really excited. Becasue for the last couple weeks I was looking for a job. But then my dad called and told me that he didn't want me going to youth group tonight because he thinks we're gonna have a storm. Talk about turning calm into chaos. I was so mad. At first I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing to me, after I had spent hours upon hours trying to clean his house and make his life absolutely perfect. Youth group is one of the most important things to me. Then I took a deep breath and realized that I am one of the most important things to my dad. And he didn't want me to drive through the white out. It took a little while to reassure myself that I was acting crazy and I needed to calm down. But it felt so right to be mad! Even with that I knew it wasn't right. So when my dad got home, I tried to not act like a little brat. But I just couldn't help to not laugh when he was picking on my sister. And then when He started picking on me. It was hard.

And Kelly don't think that I was crying because I didn't get to go. I'm 19, not 5. I was crying becasue it was time to cry, and so I got out my bible and started to read. I dont' even remember where it was but it was was one of the things I needed to hear. I remember reading it before. I even had it underlined in my bible(although, what's NOT underlined in my bible.)It said “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” It became clear to me that God knows this heart, and He won't give up if I won't.

6 . | .


holiday

:: 2005 5 January :: 3.55pm

Recover with me my hurt friend
The wounds you wear aren't forever
The air will cool where you breath
Your tears bear salt from our sea.

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holiday

:: 2005 5 January :: 10.29am
:: Music: Straylight Run- Another Word For Desperate

Repetition makes an impression...I WON'T BE AROUND HERE FOR TOO VERY LONG...
This overwhelming feeling is crushing me. All these things are happening at once. I didn't go to school today. It's not good but I need time to finish things. I will probably have to work till 10 or 10:30 tomorrow night. I also have SkillsUSA try-outs tomorrow at 2:30. It's right next to work, so I'm not leaving. No rest. No rest. Keep running. Wow this sucks. This job is hard, too. Well, not so much hard as it is tiring. And skills is making me tired too. I'm just going to burn-out. I know I will soon. It's all just going to collapse. I can't wait to be out of school. But that will be a while. How am I going to do it... Doctor's appointment today. Stupid damned kidneys. Oh I'm screaming inside.

8 . | .


fadingfallenstar

:: 2005 4 January :: 6.37am
:: Music: Dresden Dolls - Coin - Operated Day

I got a new username for my main journal because this name is lame and I hate it.

anachronism

Add me, sluuuts.

9 . | .


holiday

:: 2005 3 January :: 12.32pm
:: Music: Senses Fail-Buried A Lie

Stuck in my head
Crap. Work.

2 . | .


holiday

:: 2005 2 January :: 7.19pm

Love
I love him
I want everything.
I want it all to happen too soon.
Rushing everything.
I just need to be with him.
He doesn't know how much I need him.
Independent, yet to live I need him.

You take in everything with a certainty I envy.

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holiday

:: 2005 2 January :: 7.15pm

When the sun came up,
we were sleeping in
Sunk inside our blankets
Sprawled across the bed.
And we were dreaming
There are moments
when I know it.
And the world revolves around us
And we're keeping it
Keeping it all going
This delicate balance
Vulnerable
All knowing
(SING LIKE YOU THINK NO ONE'S LISTENING)
You would kill for this. Just a little bit.
Just a little bit.
You would.
(SING LIKE YOU THINK NO ONE'S LISTENING)
You would kill for this. Just a little bit.
Just a little bit.
You would.
Sing me something soft. Sad and delicate.
Or loud and out of key. Sing me anything
We're glad for what we've got.
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us.

2 . | .


holiday

:: 2005 1 January :: 7.39pm

Best New Year's EVER!!!
I am not going to get into details. It was one of the most special nights. I will say this...a lot of people got sick at that hotel. And our next door roomies were keeping me up...And there weren't any refrigerators!!!! And I think Char is home now YAY!

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holiday

:: 2005 1 January :: 7.37pm

If Maverick were to speak a language, I'm pretty sure it would be French...for some reason.
And Charlie...I'm about to feed your fish! Get home!

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fadingfallenstar

:: 2004 29 December :: 12.37pm
:: Music: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Ba ha!
Ok, so I have a story for my dearest Kate.. and whoever the fuck else reads this.

Well, around like 2am Kate and I decided to only communicate by writing words on our stomach then taking a picture and sending it to eachother. Yeah.. it was stupid, but we were bored and it was late. Anyway.. so this morning my mom asks about my rash (ya know the rash I got from having all that sex). I tell her it's gone, but she asks to see my stomach, so I'm like oook whatever. So I show her and completely forget about all the writing on my stomach. And in nice big black letters, it says "Well, fuck me!" And my mom is all.. *GASP!* "Stacy! What is that?!" And I quickly cover it up, and I'm like.. "It said.. puck.." So she buys it, and is then like, "Well, the meaning is still there! Wash it off." And there's the end of my lovely pointless story.

9 . | .


holiday

:: 2004 28 December :: 6.46pm

Char, I found an apartment!

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holiday

:: 2004 28 December :: 6.26pm
:: Music: Modest Mouse- Dramamine

I said what I said and you know what I mean...
Oh man. Why am I so sad? Gah. It's like I want to rush everything.
I just want it all to happen now. I have this feeling inside me too. And it's weird. And I just need to talk to you.

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holiday

:: 2004 28 December :: 4.16pm

I guess guys have to feel all tough and act like jerks around their friends and stuff. I've heard that from somewhere before...

1 . | .


holiday

:: 2004 28 December :: 3.40pm

We have one thing everyone in the world strives for. And it is priceless. And it will always be ours.

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holiday

:: 2004 28 December :: 3.36pm

There is one thing, one VERY important thing you have to learn before you die.
Time is the only thing controlling this life. Why?
That is not the one important thing you have to learn. It could be, but I don't think it is. I just think before we die we have to learn something. Something that could help us after death. In another life. No one really knows what happens when you die.
Have you ever wondered how big the universe is? If it ever ends, or is it infinite? If it has invisible walls, where once you hit them, you bounce back? This book is making me insane.

2 . | .


fadingfallenstar

:: 2004 28 December :: 1.17pm
:: Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Song for Kelly Huckaby [Facts Version]

I got bored.. so deal with it.
Things I hate, are stupid, or annoy me.
Read more..

This list could go on and on. Don't worry..I'll add more eventually. :)

10 . | .


fadingfallenstar

:: 2004 28 December :: 10.19am
:: Music: L.A. Guns - Time

Hey.. sorry to everyone that tried talking to me yesterday on msn. I guess it somehow signed me on. I checked my chat logs and I had like 6 people pissed off or confused because I didn't answer.. heh. Sorry.

3 . | .


fadingfallenstar

:: 2004 25 December :: 3.47pm
:: Music: Switchfoot - You

I got a lot of socks..
like eight pairs.

That's about it.

6 . | .


fadingfallenstar

:: 2004 23 December :: 10.07am
:: Music: Bright Eyes - Burn Rubber

Let me try this again.
Quotes.
A lot of these are old and I don't really take quotes anymore, but I decided to post what I have anyway. They aren't very good this time, I'm slack'n]

Read more..

11 . | .


holiday

:: 2004 17 December :: 12.27pm

Totally the last day. Totally excited. Totally saying totally like a total valley girl.
Oh my gosh.
Totally.

1 . | .


holiday

:: 2004 14 December :: 8.53pm

Lost inspiration
Panic on the rise

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holiday

:: 2004 14 December :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: AFI- Perfect Fit

I can't be a part, be a part, I can't be a part.
I can't be a part, be a part in your modern world. Gotta be apart, be apart, gotta be apart...I don't grasp your values!

Total fest. Gosh. Nose running, shoulder hurting, procrastination...

I'll wait...
I'll give you nothing but a mirthless laugh

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holiday

:: 2004 14 December :: 4.38pm

I AM SO MAD. So mad it requires that I type in ALL CAPS.
You'd think someone would know a thing or two, or at least read UP on their insurance. Not let their daughter drive all the way there expecting to get fixed only to get turned away because she doesn't have a co-pay.

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sherriffsteve

:: 2004 14 December :: 8.24am


It was a beautiful let down, when I crashed and burned. When I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt. It was a beautiful let down
the day I knew that all the riches this world had to offer me would never do. In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out, I don't belong here.

I will carry your cross and your song, but I don't belong.

It was a beautiful let down when you found me here, for once in a blue moon I see everything clear. I'll be your beautiful let down,
thats what I've ever been. And even if it costs my soul I'll sing for free. We're still chasin our tails in the rising sun, in our dark third planet when no one fights and no one's won.

See I don't belong here. I will carry your cross and your song but I don't belong here.

I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come. Your kingdom come won't you let me down. Let my foolish proud, forever let me down. Easy living not much left for pain. Easy dieing hey they're just about the same. Won't you please take me off your list. Easy living please come on and let me down.

We are a beautiful let down, painfully uncool, the church of the dropouts and loosers and sinners and failures and the fools. What a beautiful let down, all resolved in the womb and join us He wants you too.

I don't belong here. Feels like I don't belong here. Let me down. Feels like I'm let down.
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here.
Please.
Won't you let me down?

1 . | .


holiday

:: 2004 13 December :: 8.50am

no more donuts. oh my gosh. yuck!

4 . | .


holiday

:: 2004 12 December :: 6.26pm
:: Music: Alexisonfire

So where
has
all the day gone?
And why
are my
lungs aching when i breath?
Is there something wrong with the heat?
Why am I so cold?
And my heart
feels sick
and it hurts when I speak
and this is not what i call fun...

2 . | .

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