soooooooooooooooooooooooo bored like what
[Current Clothes] my grey lucky skateboard shirt from 7th grade and my srandard black shorts. standard at home chillin gear
[ Current Mood] shitty
[ Current Music] 40 oz to freedom
[ Current Taste] the taste of my sinus being clogged or something
[ Current Make-up ] n/a
[ Current Hair ] wildly overgrown and ungelled
[ Current Annoyance ] my mom
[ Current Smell ] no smell. cant smell. stupid sinuses
[ Current Thing ] this. im too bored
[ Current Desktop Picture ] sublime sun
[ Current Favorite Artists] skunks (from back in the days of moon)
[ Current Favorite Group ] sublime
[ Current Book you're reading] dark tower 3, the waste lands
[ Current CD in CD Player] skunks
[ Current DVD in player] i stopped watching movies a looong time go. i think my dad has minority report in it tho
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] toe nail color
[ Current Refreshment ] water. i want some mountain dew really badly tho
[ Current Worry ] research paper in english.

LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] me.....and umm...yea. i think thats it.
[ You Talked to ] suki
[ You Hugged ] its been a long ass time since i hugged someone
[ You Instant messaged ] reefer
[ You Yelled At ] dad
[ You Kissed ] its been a long time for that too

FAVORITE...
[ Food ] italian
[ Drink ] water/md/rockstar
[ Color ] bluuuue
[ Album ] stand by your van
[ Shoes ] globes
[ Candy ] not big on candy and sweets
[ Animal ] animals too. ill stick to humans
[ TV Show ] simpsons, allin the fam., conan, athf
[ Movie ] tcm
[ Dance ] i dont dance much, less im buzzed or ona sugar high. then it doesnt matter
[ Song ] only of you, by greenday
[ Vegetable ] lettuce. damn those salads
[ Fruit ] theres too many to name
[ Cartoon ] simpsons
[ Store ] kmart.....till it closed
[ Kiss ] passionate and slow
[ Hangout ] it usta be atl
[ Vacation ] chilin with my cousins in staten islans

ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] pretty much
[ Open-minded ] i try to be
[ Arrogant ] somewhat
[ Insecure ] in some ways
[ Interesting ] take a look at my room
[ Random ] decently
[ Hungry ] depends. some times i can eat almost nothing and be chill, then other times i gotta eat 3 burgers and still want fries
[ Friendly ] when im not being shy, yea
[ Smart ] kick'd out of ib. hahaha
[ Moody ] meh
[ Childish ] only at heart
[ Independent ] a little too independent. it sucks. damn onlychildness
[ Hard working ] only sometimes
[ Organized ] im ny own way
[ Healthy ] i usta be
[ Emotionally Stable ] semi-stable. its been a while since i broke down
[ Shy ] sometimes. i dont let it show much
[ Difficult ] no. laid back
[ Attractive ] i say no, but other people say other things
[ Bored Easily ] fuck yes. hence the lame quiz im taking
[ Thirsty ] right now yes. need mountain dewwww
[ Responsible ] im some ways
[ Obsessed ] that depends on what obsessed is defined as
[ Angry ] decently angry. it doesnt show
[ Sad ] now that im not at atl with amigos, i am
[ Happy ] i try to be. its jsut the white man keep holdin me down
[ Hyper ] gimmie sugar, gimmie beer. then ill be hyper
[ Trusting ] i trust a select few......they arent very trustworthy. oops
[ Talkative ] around friends

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] probable the assholes at the school board that wouldnt let me stay at atl
[ Slap ] mrs owens, my english teacher
[ Get Real Wasted With] the usual
[ Get High With ] ill pass
[ Look Like ] me. maybe with dreads.....if dreads wouldnt look stupid on me, id like to get them
[ Talk To Offline ] friends
[ Talk To Online ] people i cant talk to offline
[ Date ] someone :)
[ Fuck ] i'll fuck you up
when you least expect it
you think you're moving closer
when suddenly you wrecked it
but all the same, the pain gains wisdom
as if you ain't had enough then you're in some
prison of your own creation
mental dilation
look at what your facin' placin'
blame in every direction
but in the end it's your own infection

its time for an update....
so yea. i havent posted since i started at river. damn, look what that school does to me. i was in a shitty and lonely mood before, but im feeling decent right now. chill fits it best. thank god for sublime....

so neways, heres my schedule
1) ap biology
2) jazz band 2
3) trig/analy. geometry
4) eng 3 honors
5) band 3
6) spanish 3
7) ap american hist.

that schedule isnt too bad, but it really sucks that we have seven classes a day, an hour each. so its like when i finally get started, its time to go to my next class. most of my classes are in this one huge building, which really sucks. i was usto having to go outside and get some fresh air to change classes. im not liking these indoor hallways

and im gonna get out of english honors and go back to ap. it is a really lame class. they're doing everything i did in pib english2, so its really worthless.

these last 4 days kinda sucked tho. i don't really know anyone that well there, i mostly just rememebr seeing faces from middle school. im trying to make friends, but most of the kids there make me sick to my stomach. in math today, they were all talking about their mercedes and how their dad's s class has this, but their mom's c class has that. fuck you, rich bastards. well my mom's hundai has a tape player. take that. hahaaha

there are some pluses to being at river tho. rite now in ap bio, we are on chapter 18. at the end of the semester at atl, we were on chapter 25. so im now being tested on sections i allready was tested on. good thing i forgot it all over break.....or i never really learned it. one of the two. and in am history, the whole class isn't just lecture, like hall's was. my teacher is a cool young guy, and all he does is crack jokes and give really shitty lecture. theres more reading tho, but its worth it. and he also has homework, classwork, and notebook grades.....somethign mr hall has never heard of. score.

but in band, its all crazy. its kinda like an even trade with band. stoneman knew nothing and was a horrible teacher. at river, friedman knows his shit, but hes a huge jerk. he was nice to me, cuz im new, but he turns into a huge asshole during class. so its kinda like band sucks either way, whichever teacher i have. their jazz band sucks tho. well, actualy, they're really good, music wise, but they dont compare to how much fun i had in atl's jazz band. they dont have any guitars, and their band is all serious about going to festival and shit. for us back at atl, it was all cool like "yea we suck. lets just get this one song to sound good, the rest can sound like shit, and we'll chill for most of the period." i miss that. all the interesting fun people. they're all band dorks in the river jazz band, and their drummer doesnt compare to paul or jake. blah.....i also cant go to concert or jazz festival with their band, cuz im here too late in the year....unless someone gets sick and dies, and i can take their sopt. im hoping. but its actually better for me. i don't hafto go to any of their after school rehrsals. score number 2

ive written enough now, but one last thing. at river, they have vending machines that work, and take dollars. theres like 10 million of them. soda, water, chocolate milk, and snack vending machines. its soo cool. i can go get my self a bag of m&m's on my way to class. bah. im done now

-A.J.

it can't be happening.........
fucking a, it is happening. my first day of school in over four weeks!! im actually happy to be going back, but saddened that its not at the school i love. in less than 18 hours i become a spanish river shark.
grrrrrrrrrr
i'd rather drop out of school than go there. the rich asshole kids make me sick. i am kinda excited tho. their band director seems really cool, and he was excited to have me. hes gonna put me in the jazz band, and his top honor band or something. i get to try out for him tomorrow at lunch. i didn't know what to play. i thought of esprit de corps, but thats too much for me to work on in just one day. so im gonna go with coconut champagne (score!). i told him i was first alto in jazz, and he got all impressed. hahahah

my insomnia is getting really bad. i couldnt sleep last night, and im prob not gonna be able to sleep tonite. gonna be a zombie for my first day at river. yay! dont care. fuck that school. oldschool greenday rules. well neways, im bored as hell, so im just gonna list the things im gonna miss from atl:

-suki
-2nd lunch on white days
-fuckign around in jazz class
-the atl smell
-how dirty the school is (river is waaay too clean for me)
-having a mailbox in the ibo
-the shittyness of the morning announcements
-dr baum <3
-lockers after first pd
-broken soda machines
-playing ska in jazz band
-skipping cuz of bio tests
-picassos
-looking at the field in the annex and thinking, wow, there usta be dirt and 10 million portables there
-that bitch in the clinic
-the stupid media center ladies
-todos me friends
-making fun of mrs radu
-mr hall, and his expressions
-dirt instead of grass
-destroying the band room (stands, holes in walls, picture frame thing, etc.)
-the spanish dude in the cafeteria
-skot and all the dudes in n.o.t.
-dyme boys. hahahahaha
-chillin in trig
-drew and elena
holy fuck theres a whole lot more. just my brain has turned to mush since being off of school for so long

i started reading stephen king's dark tower 3, the waste lands last night, cuz i couldn't sleep. i stole the book from the media center freshmen year after i finished dark tower 2. i never read it, so i figure 2 years later its damn time. just wanted to share that. im so lame

worthlessness above
-A.J.

[n/a]
to sum it all up, im now going to spanish river for the remainder of the year, and theres no way out of it.

more detail (shit this is gonna be long):
i found out friday afternoon that my reassignment form was denied. so this morning my dad and i trek out to the school board to go talk to someone in student services, and plead my case: that i can't go to boca high cuz of boca's screwey block scheduling system that would make me lose credits, and i cant go to any other school than atl cuz i don't have transportation

so some dickhead who was really rude and insulting shot down my airplane. he was really condesending, and i wanted to kick him in the face. he said basically, i have three choices, and that its tough shit
1) deal with the fucked up boca high system and lose credits
2) go to river and walk to get there
3) go to olympic and walk to get there

so it works out to that i can go to any school but atlantic, all cuz atlantic is over 100% student population. oh fuck, like when i was there it was ok, but going back there is gonna overcrowd the school. fuck you! so we go to atl and talk to mrs wigel.she seemed like she actually cared, but there wasnt much she can do. she told us we can call the district and appeal the reassignment.

we called to do that, and within an hour the appeal was overrulled, or some shit like that.FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. so we then trek to river. on friday i become a student at spanish river. so im out of school till friday. i have an appointment to go talk to the river counselor on wednesday. this is such bullshit. im gonna walk to river, cuz theres no fucking bus to get me there. wow, i wish i was still suffering in ib. that would make things easier, but then i wouldn't get into college. god damn, im screwed no matter what i do. im becomming so used to not going to school. i think im just gonna quit. no, that would never work. im just ranting. maybe cuz im pissed

well heres some lyrics. everybody else posts lyrics, so now its my turn:

fuck fuck fuck
mother mother fuck
mother mother fuck fuck
mother fuck mother fuck noich noich noich
12 1234 noich noich noich
smokin weed, smokin weed
doin coke, drinkin beers
drinkin beers beers beers
rollin fatties, smokin blunts
who smokes the blunts?
we smoke the blunts
rollin blunts and smokin.....
(yo lemmie get a nickle bag)
fifteen bucks, little man
put that shit
in my hand
if that money doesn't show
then ya owe me owe me oh


fuck this
-A.J.

hooray for all my plans crashing through....yea, i'll explain later. its not important right now. im back in my rut. it feels good to be home again. as shitty as it is, it always seems to inspire me to write. i could fill a whole fucking notebook if i wasn't so lazy. here ya go suki:

getting away
stars everywhere
a field of dreams
nothing to do but look

i feel it coming closer around me
the un-relinquishing grip of reality
temporarily escaped
for this one night

living for the moment
with reality aside
its almost gone
the one second of time now complete

don't want to go back
i could live here
can i?
it won't let me

curse my reality
why must it hit me now?
the moment is gone
come back to me.....please

shit
i was supposto get a call yesterday. what did i get? nothing.

today, it's almost 12:30, and still no call, other then solicitors who wake me up. assholes

what am i to do? i think im gonna call soon, cuz im very worried. i want to go back to school, soooooooo bad. i am so horribly sick of being in this house.

atleast i did get an extra week of vacation. grrr...history essay im gonna hafta make up, and bio test on thursday.....and god only knows how many movies im missing in english 3 honors. hehehe

so desperately bored. im gonna go out and get some lunch.

another worthless post
-A.J.

shoot me
ok, so its now 1:15 in the morning. everyone's probably asleep now. lucky bastards. not going to school sucks soo much more then i ever thought it could. this break has been waaay too long now, and i really want to see todos my friends and everyone at school.

hopefully i can go back on friday. theres nothing to do here during the day. im not gonna complain about it too much, cuz i know everyone is really pissed or jealous that i am getting away with staying hope. suprisingly tho, i've remained decently productive. i took down all the christmas lights, cleaned my room, and rocked out on sax. crazy shit. but theres this ever gloomy feeling that i get from doing all this....like ya know the feeling when you're not doing your homework or studying, and ya know ya should, but ya put it off, and you get this inner feeling thats like a mini oh-shit alarm.....well i'm getting that from sitting home here, but there is no homework to be doing. i have no classes to prepare for, no readings, etc. it should make me feel great, but it doesnt. damn my conscience

here's the good part: (this is where i get to rub it in about getting out) im not gonna get up till after 12 tomorrow, im gonna watch the hell out of the tv, i dont hafto rush and read zen and the motorcycle something something before the quiz in tok, i didn't read lost steps, i dont hafta write my world lit paper, don't afta plan for my extended essay, im probably gonna make it through this year without writing a single research paper, or anything that requires looking up information, no more mrs schilit, no more cas, no more chugging down 10 million vocab words for spanish in 2 days (haha, like i actually did that ne ways), and theres a whole bunch more perks of not being in ib that i won't discuss here

well its late, and im the least bit tired. 1:29 about now. i think im gonna go watch tv. cheers is probably on. i wish i had something to do tomorrow. damn this is a worthless post

mmmmmy vacation is a week longer!!
ok, so yesterday i went to the ibo. i got a reasignment form. so this morning i go to boca high, to talk to their guidance counselor, and instead of registering, he tells me exactl ywhat to put on my reassignment form so it would be accepted. so then i trek to forest hill to give them my form. the lady says it would take three days. then its back to atl to tell mrs kelli whats going on. mrs kelli officially rox in my book. she said that the county said they are leaving the reassignment up to the schools (score!) and connie and jackie were allready accepted, so when my form gets transfered to the school, i will be readmitted to atlantic. thats not gonna be until friday. so that means i have TWO MORE DAYS OFF!!! hell fuck yes! i allready had today off, and now i get wednesday off and thursday. i don't hafto register for boca high, like i thought, so i get 3 free days. nice.

we worked out my classes for when i get back. i keep ap bio, ap am. history, band, and jazz. i move to spanish 3 regular (there is no honors :( but better than the pib class), trig honors, and english 3 honors. that will make things a lot easier. also next year i only need to take a full year of english and health as a senior to graduate. i also found out that i can retake all the classes i got d's (bio h, chem, physics, spanish 3, alg 2) in during my senior year, and it will erase the d and turn it into whatever grade i get. score! yay for d-less transcripts. and yay for getting out of ib! i highly reccomend it to all.

and one more thing....my reassignment is only good for the rest of this year, so i will hafto do another one next year, but that one will take into account of senior privilege, so i will be able to stay at atl. fuck yes!!! i am soo happy right now. everything is suddenly working out in the right way for me. just the only bad thing about all of this is i found out the college i really have a hard on for (Berklee College of Music in Boston) is over $30k/year. sigh. that is way expensive for my blue-collar family. oh well. maybe scholarships. i'm done now
-A.J.

the new millennium.....
damn, i can't believe its allready the year 2000. i sure wasted these last thousand years.

newyears was decent, fun, big sandwich....lack of chicken. well here starts my new year. i promise myself this will be better. life won't bring me down so much, and i'll try to have more fun. no more alcohol.....how will i ever survive? i should start appreciating things more in life, cuz i always overlook them, or they suck to me, and i shouldnt view life like that. fuck it, im done with the inspirational A.J. messages for now.
another worthless update
-A.J.

the year in review......an A.J. production
as im going through the last few hours, blah blah. fuck it. this year was decent, to say the least. it wasn't great, but didn't suck

JAN
-new computer
FEB
-2nd period donuts!
-ben and josh killing eachother
-lonely v day
MAR
-stonebitch
APRIL
-new keyboard!
-birthday
-first referral
-new sax!!
MAY
-greenday!
-depression
-breakdowns
-euro. die. euro
-end of school!
-disgustingly expensive energy drinks!
-sublime shirt!
JUNE
-first time ever going to arby's!
-sara!
-physics
-the beach!
JULY
-missing trip to keys
-missing trip cuz of physics
-die. physics. die.
-warped tour!
-surfing!
AUGUST
-new sublime cds!
-school
-band camp. die.
-new stereo amp!
-got a raise at work!
-going home drunk and not getting caught!
SEPT
-sara!
-new mission speakers!
-"doin time!"
OCT
-beer nipples!
-almost got fired from work (not the first time)
-new business
-homecomming!
-halloween!
NOV
-cd connection!
-nfg
-sevendust gone. forever. 2 times
-kfc, taco bell, orange juice!
-i screw up everything
DEC
-sellout!!
-christmas
-reflex action (electric)!
-almost getting fired from work again
-new years!


that was my year. im soo fucking lame. i wish i had my sevendust cd back

fuck you mr youngman

yes, its official. i've been kicked out of ib. bright futures scholarship, down the fucking tubes. gpa for any other scholarship? naah. im pretty much fucked. hopefully they will let me stay at atlantic.
neways


my new years resolutions:

1) no smoking; cigars, cigaretts, etc.
2) no drinking; only in moderation
3) not go to boca high; no matter what the circumstances, i'm staying at atlantic
4) get my fucking permit; its been a lot more than a year and a half since i turned 15. god damn
5) buy a drum set
6) foucs on school work
7) watch less tv
8) exercise more; run/jog atleast once every other day
9) be nicer to people; be less sarcastic and mean
10) be less of a dork; haha, im writing in my journal, that is pretty dorky
11) not care what people think about me
12) try to think before i say or do anything (wish i woulda been doing this about a month ago or so)
13) no more using people; rides, hw, etc.
14) be mroe friendly
15) smile more
16) read more books
17) get better at guitar
18) start/play in a ska band where i play sax
19) learn how to sing. hahaha
20) redesign my room
21) surf more/spend more time at the beach ----> get tan


holy shit. i got a lot to acomplish. theres probably more things i should add to that list, but im not thinking so well over break. fuck it
-A.J.

my password is "abcd"
i've been really tired lately. i wonder why.....prob cuz i think im getting a cold. maybe cuz i stopped eating healthy. living on cookies and candy isn't healthy. thatnk suki and sara. lol

my dad wanted me to go to ft. myers today with him to pick up some cars. fuck no. we got into a fight the other day, and he thinks it is all resolved now, even though nothing has changed, and he hasn't accepted what i said to him. ignoring bastard. im just gonna let this shit all slide for today and tomorrow. he'd better like my present for him, cuz it was expensive, and if he starts, im just gonna flip and leave. im soo sick of that asshole

anyways....the drumset idea is being shot to hell. im not gonna have enough money for it. my aunts usually send me money, and this year they sent me shirts. i can't buy a fucking drumset with preppy shirts im never gonna weart that will just sit in my closet. whatever, maybe some day, i'll be able to beat off the heads of my set.....haha, nobody's gonna get that

before i go, this is good for a laugh:
stupid bitch


A.J.

wow, im having soo much fun by myself
hey laurel, you rock! i had soo much fun at your party tonite. cough

thanks for inviting me. i'll remember this next time you try to talk to me and the next time i ignore you
band bitch

un dia mas
fuck yes! one more day. can't wait, although im probably gonna bomb spanish, and prob do well on trig. meh. this could possibly be one of my last few days in ib. fuck ib

i got up waaay too early this morning, like anhour and a half ago, so im really bored. atleast im awake

i got upearly so i could study. fuck that. im all excited tho, i think i now have enough christmas money to buy my drumset. score! im gonna beat the shit outta it

off to school
-A.J.

i have new fins for my surfboard, and i wanna put them on, but i can't find the damn fin key. fuck.

im so good at hiding my emotions and how i feel. is it wrong to be proud of that, that no one knows how really messed up i am? i look content. isn't it all that matters? well i guess thats it. it doesnt matter how i feel, shitty and empty. whatever

::censoring myself::

i hope this chirstmas and break is good. i got everyone really kickass gifts, so i hope it fills them with the joy of the season, or some crap like that.

i hate sympathy

i need to exercise. maybe i'll go try that
-A.J.

damn, what a rush
wow. i didn't think it was that good. i surely did not deserve a standing ovation. it was sucha fucking rush tho. at first i was nervous as hell, and was shaking, but after a few secs, i just got soo into it. musical orgasm. scary afterwards tho, people i've never seen just kept comming up to me telling me how good i was. gah. armed with my fake smile, i thanked them all for being so kind. it wasn't that good, i didn't deserve all the praise. well it was fun, and that alone made it a great night. phew. screw bio bullets. im going to bed. night
A.J.

my life is now complete. i saw wiggum skank
this is kinda weird:

my alarm clock usually goes off at 5:15, and when it goes off, i set it for an extra 20 minutes and go back to sleep. the clock is from the 70's, and the letters have worn off so i have no clue how to use the snooze button. so neways, i was in a deep sleep this morning, which is weird for me, the insomniac, so i get up to go give myself 20 minutes, and i pressed the button too many times but was too tired to think and hafto fix it. so i go back to sleep, and i think my mind was still set in dream mode, and i say to myself "fuck, i'm gonna be late and miss the bus......well, atleast i got my tommy jeans"


i said that outloud. holy shit, that was the funniest and weirdest thing i've ever said while half asleep. i haven't owned tommy anything, other than a necktie, since 6th grade. after i got up for the second time, i spent 10 minutes just hysterically laughing at myself. for some reaason it was hilarious to me. it prob sounds really lame on woohu, but fuck it, i don't care.

i'm done

this is my update......
today was full of christmas lights. too much christmas lights. the peak is 22 feet high, the ladder is 16, at an angle it doesnt reach that much, putting it in the bed of the truck adds 2 feet, and the fucking tree is in the way. how i got lights on the damn house is a mystery to me. so i go to plug them in, and about 12 lights just to the exact left of the peak are out. shoot me.

i've been bored. these last two nights stuck at home. i want to go to 7-11, and i don't know why. i usta go to kmart when i felt alone and depressed, but mine closed, so now i feel for 7-11. don't ask, its an A.J. thing.

i hafta work tomorrow. i despise work. i only get 3 hours, which with taxes leaves me with $20 in my pocket. im questioning if $20 is worth having to get up before 11 on a sunday, having to shave (to conform to their "apearance standards"), dealing with the asshole customers, asshole epmloyees, and super asshole managers. fuck work

well im off. i have nothing to do, but its better than nothing.

i haven't been myself lately, and its having a negative effect on me and everyone involved with my life. im sorry everyone. i try not to dwell on things, so i keep myself busy with lights and random bullshit, but things hurt, and pain is good, so i want to keep them close. damn, im just babbling on.

im down with andy now, which is cool. one last thing, i've been meaning to say it....the "J" stands for Joseph. there





you....

you are every......

happy thanksgiving everyone

im watching the bob marley behind the music, and thinking about the day. i woke up at 1, and we ate at 2. how odd is that?


im planning to go crazy with my christmas lights this year to show up my neighbors, so my day started with me getting out all the lights in the garage and untangling them. fun fun. i'm gonna need a lot more lights to complete my vision of having the house glow through all my neighbor's walls, so they can't sleep, and wonder why their lights are inferior to mine. hahahaha. evil laugh


we ate early, and i was pretty hungry. food was good, but afterwards i realized that we forgot to have corn. damnit. my neighbor stopped by, and he had a visitor with him. Ivan Murrell was the visitor, an old time baseball player from the Astros. he was really cool, and it suprised me that my neighbor knows all these baseball players. it was different.


i eventually finished sorting the lights, and i had desert. ill steal one from dave....pecan pie=r0x0r. lol. gracias novia. no te merezco. the day ended with conversations with people that would never talk to me again. suprise suprise. well this has neen a crazy week, hopefully going to sevendust with dave tomorrow will make me forget most of the crazy stupid things i did, and that have happened. theres a few people that i really need to thank, and i will. untill then, im out.







another worthless post

i was wondering:

who the hell is that black guy that is always with eminem? i notice its always the same guy, and its not dr dre. i don't know who he is, and he's always standing behind him, and acting like eminem is his god. he must feel so empty inside, being in eminem's shadow. hes a large tall black guy standing in some skinny cracker's shadow. i bet hes probably plotting to usurp eminem's spot on the rap/hip hop scene. poor guy

im done
-A.J.

the bus has been de-virginized
today was weird. i was in a good mood, and had a lot of energy.....so very rare. bio was fun, and gel electrophoresis kicks ass. its all squishy and fun to play with. bus was quite relaxing, to say the least. don't ever sit in seat 21. word of caution. well im gone. glad woohu is stil here-gracias andy

today was good, but i feel horrible right now, and im having trouble putting what im thinking into words to fix this.