We've no time for later now

:: 2005 11 September :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: Sad
:: Music: Dying- Five for Fighting

Thor
I'm sad for some reason. I can't tell why, exactly. I don't like seeing Ryan get in trouble. And I think that I know that things are going to have to change soon. I won't be able to see him much anymore. I just know. I don't want that to happen. :-\ That and things that we talked about today. Reality, kinda. I'm hoping we avoid that, you know? I hope. I don't want to be like everyone else. And I like to think that we're not.

On the other hand, I am also very happy because Ryan Hoffman is only the greatest guy ever made.

Today was good. Awesome, in fact. I love today. I hate that I still feel so down.

School too. I'm worried. I just have no motivation. I have no desire to succeed at CLC. I see no point. Therefore, I see no point in trying. :-\ Which is bad.

::sigh::
Oh man. I wish I could stop time. Or not go to school. ::nods::

Ryan Hoffman, you're a good kid. :-)

1 Pirate | X marks the spot

:: 2005 8 September :: 10.11pm

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

esriiutriut ropi'[dkfjgksl;jdsg;lkh ghjio;ashdiouair oynv 4p598mvwteualj yisd cuuwery8tpo7v2wy5ctxn nhjtdl; awbetiogu jow48yat oauci;et hrnfgkldjf ygpoe;r8ty;sdhfa;liitp'atw9u7[0945=tewuhuegwtjkVAVFUIH 'OIAGY

FLi;yasreen;ob vy6wat;hyu;i 'JFDFGHKHL;HFJGFL;KHFDKJHSTIKUWETWI'
ETHLIFG
DFHFGJS;HDGKJFDHGKJDFHGKJLDFGHKLJDFGHKJFDHGKJL

1 Pirate | X marks the spot

:: 2005 4 September :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Hand in my pocket- Alanis Morissette

One Year, suckers
I know I mentioned this in my xanga, but it deserves to be spoken of again.

1 more week! :-)

I'm excited. It's so cool. It'll be a year. Not alot for some of you people, but it's quite awesome to me.

Plus, Ryan is a good guy. :-) I've had him trapped for a year. Poor guy.

Just kidding. But he is a good guy.

:-) :-) Yay

toki	:: 2005 2 September :: 11.21pm :: Mood: Gross I need a good slap across the face. Who's first??? X marks the spot

Anytngbtordinary

:: 2005 31 August :: 1.54pm

Woah... is it Jackie?
Nope.
Ok yeah...you caught me.

I had a lot more private entries on here than I thought man! They were private for a reason though and I shouldnt have even seen them. Boo.

Its weird too cuz they are like a year old.

Talk about needing to let go of the past huh?

Its just weird. One of them was a...erm...a story type dealie. I cant believe that all that jazz lasted until January 2005! Maybe a bit longer but wow...everyone told me it went on too long...but that long?! YIKES MAN! And i dont even think people knew it went up until jan/feb. Thats siiick! O.o I think I'm going to delete all those entries.

But when I was packing to come here a few weeks ago (dear god...its been 2 weeks already!) I found the oldest of old woohu entries haha. Wow... you guys...we had so much shit going on between all of us it was ridiculous!!!! Who did we think we were creating so much drama?! SHEESH. Haha. But yeah...wow...dont look back on the past...or old journal entries. Scary stuff that is.

I'm gonna go write a more fun xanga entry now because xanga is awesomely awesome. Just thought Id surprise everyone cool in here! Hehe bye!

~Jackie

2 Pirates | X marks the spot

:: 2005 29 August :: 11.26pm

This weekend= no fun.

Worked 2-10 Friday and Saturday. 2-8 on Sunday.

Some parts were fun, I just didn't have enough time. I wanted to have a day to hang out with people. The only person I had time to see was Ryan, which isn't bad. Ryan's a good kid to be with. But it'd be nice to have freetime, you know?

So yes. Some fun times. Almost getting arrested. Planned my honeymoon. ;-) Saw the Aristocrats.

School was long today. Math isn't getting any harder. Philosophy is getting tough. History scares me too. I'm excited for theatre tomorrow. Jill- we have to get our tickets to that one show soon. Coppenhagen.

This year I think I'm just going to get through Mondays and Tuesdays just to get to theatre. And Thursdays will be my inspiration to make it through Wednesday. Friday? Ummm...Friday is nothing anyways. Only one class. Sweet deal. Hoping for more weekend days off this week.

Labor day is soon. We get Monday AND Tuesday off. Sweet.

I kinda wanna work on those days. It's too late to tell Julia now. Poop.

And Ryan's probably working. Triple poop.

Sleep time. Nights.

:: 2005 27 August :: 11.40pm

im excited because i finally registered for classes. i did things people said i wouldnt. my mum said id never graduate high school. my brother said id never get into college. too bad that i did, eh? so i've found that i can take a language, no matter what it is...its a new language that will help me decode anything i run across. i'm finally done with trying to please them, and that's why i did well last year in school. so i'm happy making myself so by doing things that please me and make me proud. i found someone who has pride in me for at least my excitement and determination for learning language and it seems like ill almost start working for him soon enough. it's like when you normally like a guy and you'll do things simply to impress them, only the things that impress him are also the things that make me happy.
they dont think im responsible at all and that i have no respect for anyone, including myself, which is ironic if you know them. maybe it's because they want me to fill in the gaps that they are too old to complete now. i know i will succeed, because ill allow myself to be let down by me. i think i have a strength a lot of people dont, which i suppose is thinking very highly of myself, but it keeps me going in my head, believing that ill end up alright.

so now, im not all that excited about college at all, although earlier i was so excited just to have the opportunity to learn japanese. i think that it will be great, but i have no desire to prove anything to anyone.

:: 2005 27 August :: 10.57pm

i dont really have much to update. ill post something i wrote a few days earlier...although am not going to reread it just for authenticity becuase then i probably wouldnt post it.

went to another wedding today...he liked some of the pictures i took....now if only i could learn to focus it right...

nada nuevo con la nino. que triste.

i dont know what to do for my bday. it seems lame to turn eighteen and do nothing fun. like even just with friends. patrice cant on monday cuz of school and everyone has school btu then theres the evening...but why just chill. i wnat to do soemthing but its beginning to look like a lot of nothing.

i also want to do something because im turning eighteen and i dont know if my dad'll take me skydiving but we are going to the race track sometime next week. thats the best thing considering im doing nothing with cigars or porn.

the masks i painted are no longer satisfactory. they're too simple and not original enough. that means ama have to do another one and i have an idea.

ama paint it like the muscles in ones face. i dont know how well it'll work, in fact, im fairly confident it wont...but oh well because no one ever really ahs to see it.

know what sucks about having your bday close is that everytime you get the urge to say "i want..." or "it'd be so great if i had...", you know everyone's tuning in...and youd rather they didnt bother in that case...because its just a spur of the moment and something that'll probably end up in the garbage three weeks from now. besides...that was the whole reason i didnt want to have a party. i hate when people get you stuff cuz you feel like you have to get them something in return...but then theres that curiousity that you'd want to know how inventive people have gotten from last year...or if they were original at all.

oh and the reason i dont like flowers. i found it out. not because neil always got them but because they were so easy to get. they are either the "shit i didnt do something and i need to" last minute...or "i didnt even try" worthless attempt. but no matter. that can stay in here, eh?

g'night. dont spend money on me, kie? my room's messy enough as it is.

1 Pirate | X marks the spot

:: 2005 27 August :: 1.34am
:: Mood: exanimate

I'm moody.

I was going nuts at work today. I don't know why. I wasn't even that tired. My mind is just...fwooosh. I pretty much know why, but poop.

I'm very sad right now. Not sad, morose.

My feet are sore. My shoulder hurts. I feel disgustingly gross.

I don't want an apartment. I don't want to leave my cool green room.

I wish that I could find motivation to run every morning.

I think I should sleep. And not listen to sad songs.

I like this Patrice fella though. It's this dude who wrote a bunch of songs about LotR, but not for the movie. Farewell To Lorien is good. But it's sad. Because that part of the book is sad. I want to listen to the soundtracks now. I want the breaking of the fellowship.

:-(

I just need a hug, I think. I think I'm just a moody piece of shit.

-Patrice

BTW- If you're 18, go see The Aristocrats. Now.

:: 2005 26 August :: 4.18pm

I GAVE BLOOD TODAY!!!

so the government gives grants to families with a lot of medical problems and not a lot of money, especially those with cancer patient children and such. and donors give blood and platelets and marrow and hair to those patients, just as you can give your old clothes to salvation army for people who arent as well off. you pop your kindness on a tax return sheet for the clothes and it gives back, partly so you actually go through with it. it helps so that the people can get jobs and get off of welfare, costing the government less in the long run. so why, if the govenment is giving grants for medical, should blood and other donations not have the same effect? except this is the problem: you can't say $3 worth of blood, $9 hair like you can with pants.

so, ama write a letter to mr. congressman, blajoavich(?), and whomever else passes laws and see what happens. usually, i get ideas like this and dont go through with them but i have nothing else to do right now cuz someone's not responding to my text so ill get right on that.

:: 2005 25 August :: 1.50am

Guess who has no classes tomorrow??? Ooooh yeah. Bask in my amazingness. Be jealous. I don't have to wake up until atleast...2...

That's the good thing about this college thing. Today I woke up at 11. Haha. My earliest class is at noon. Which is sweet. But that does mean crazy night classes, which suck. Stupid math. Urgh.

So, my favorite class by far is theatre. Jill's in my class! Yay! It's cool seeing people I know. That place feels so...gross. And to see Jill makes me happy. Like this.

My theatre teacher is so cool though. He's just amazingly awesome. He loves what he teaches. Just sitting there listening to him makes you want to get up and do something with your life. It's true. I went home last night and started filling out my Depaul application. Him and my Philosophy teacher are definitly awesome.

I don't know, you know the feeling you get where in a class or doing something you love? It just feels right. Like your planets have all lined up and a big neon sign is glowing telling you that you found what you were looking for.

Art is like that for me. Not Art-art. But theatre, photography, and writing. Mostly photography and theatre though. I mean, they're not pratical careers, but shit. It just feels so right. I could apply at Depaul for next fall for the theatre prgram. Probably theatre technology, general theatre, or dramaturgy. Or Dramatic criticism. Then minor in english.

But I want to leave C-Hell-C as soon as I can. Meaning, if I do that, which would be harder to get into, then I still have to stay here for a whole year. I think it would be cool to start during the spring semester there.

I don't want to do theatre and then get nowhere with it. I want to do what I want but have something pratical. Which is why english education makes sense. I still want to do it. But I wouldn't want to teach sophomore english or boring stuff like that. I'd want to be creative writing.

I want to be artsy. I don't want to be scholarly. I mean, I want to learn. I want to learn all I can. I'm pretty sure I'll take random classes for the rest of my life. Still, I don't want to make my life out of it. With those things, once you learn it, you know where it's going. Yeah, you can study the hell out of it, but it's still the same usually. With arts, there's no set course you have to take. There's no scientific method. There's just you and how you express emotion and conflict and what you see around you. And that's what I want to do. I just don't know how.

I'm very confused. I'm giving it a week or two before I decide on what I'm applying as to Depaul. Yep. I wish I had a Choose Your Own Adventure, so I could cheat and see how each scenario works out.

-Patrice

2 Pirates | X marks the spot

:: 2005 18 August :: 11.58am

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "people- both. Really among the nastiest of all medieval European"

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My dresser

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Straight Plan for the Queer Man

4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 12:01

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 12:02

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Ryan's voice in my head

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? To drive. Earlier. My Mom's evil, I'm telling you. Its raining like a dog.

8. Before you came to this website [started this survey], what did you look at? Myspace, xanga

9. What are you wearing? PJ pants and my sister's camp shirt

10. Did you dream last night? Yeeess....It was about work and movies and Ryan running for homecoming king.

11. When did you last laugh? In the office talking with Julia.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Phantom, Aviator, two lord of the rongs, a mexican rug, my show posters from school, a harry potter poster, and the one from the Lotr symphany

13. Seen anything weird lately? Lotsa deer in the suburbs. Just walking on the sidewalks.

14. What do you think of this quiz? Well, I started it exactly 24 hours ago and left it on my comptuer on accident. So I feel like I must finish it

15. What is the last film you saw? In whole? Ummm...I saw most of The Skeleton Key

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? A college degree? Haha. Umm...A house. I sound like such an old lady

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: When I was a baby, my nose was always running

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Stop war, as stereotypical as that sounds. I would make everyone be like thoe crazy enviornmental hippies and have everyone doing everything they can to preserve nature. ::nods:: and to stop affirmative action. Make people blind to color. Make everything a level playing field in all aspects of life.

19. Do you like to dance? Gorilla dance, anyone?

20. George Bush: He's a shit head

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Hmm. Can't think of any right now

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Tobey or Isaac. Or Harold...Haha

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? Yes ma'am

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha! You're the one who had issues believing in me...::smite:: Tehehehehe! Oh look....cotton candy...::skips away::

:: 2005 18 August :: 1.48am

My shirt is dirty. I smell of popcorn. Gross. I think I'm going to go read my book now. I think something I said a few months ago just killed something I was trying to rebuild. Forgive and forget? It's impossible, but it'd be nice. I feel like shit now. I'm just doomed to fail. I'm sorry.