toki
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2006 23 April :: 10.11pm
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
I'm...not. No more, please.
Guilt, stress, guilt, sick, stress, lost, stress, guilt.
klajffsnvjerpadlsdfjsghgklasdghksjksghjkjla;sdfhjksdgdaklfjcfla;ksdfjk
Seriously.
1 Pirate |
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toki
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2006 19 April :: 9.14am
I have to leave for class soon. I leave 20 mins early from the library. Which is pointless. Whatever. I'm weird about always having to have the same exact seat in my classes. I got to religion uber early yesterday and this girl had already taken my seat. >.< I swear, they're all out for me. Not cool.
I want to go to Caribou and talk. Not to myself, with someone. Not with someone I usually talk to either. I want something different. I want sleep. I want motivation. I want organization (?? I don't know either) I want to....I don't know. I want to eat without feeling like I should go puke. I want to be hungry and not worry about how much I've already eaten. I want to do homework and not have it take me two hours when it really only needs 30 mins.
It's not worth it, really. That's not a healthy thought, but I know that's how I look at it. I don't even know why I'm doing this.
I've discovered that the way I think is not normal.
All is folks that.
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toki
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2006 19 April :: 8.52am
:: Mood: tired
I just don't care anymore.
That's not a good thing.
Meeeh. I brought Harry Potter today. He's my friend. He's alot better than mr. I write boring books about stupid things that no one will ever care about.
That is all.
I miss free time.
I miss having time to organize my shit.
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mudpiegrl
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2006 18 April :: 8.30am
i haven't actually made a real post in here in forever.
class was cancelled. life is busy but boring. wake up-drive-yellow line-purple/red line-class-class-red line-yellow line-drive-home-eat-change-drive-work-break-work-eat-drive-sleep...start over. Read more..
i dont even know what time my next class starts. 9:30? 10?
click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
but iuno wha to put there you could put a blue background just a ... hah hah ha h ah
clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack
.............inhale............exhale
click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
.....zzzzip................................................rustle
.................bing bing.......................................bing bing
..............................vvverer vverer
life is interesting in the library...
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mudpiegrl
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2006 16 April :: 8.37pm
im going to rant about god. im going to lay it straight out: i believe god is an idea that humans created to explain exsistance. it's straightforward, i think. i have yet to have someone really full-out argue with me. i think we've reached a point in our culture that it's completely acceptable to "believe" in god, but still doubt the idea. outside of church anyway.
patrice and i were discussing fate. some people argue that god has control over everything and from the moment we're born, knows our mistakes and successes and the moment we'll die (q related this theory to playing the sims ::click:: write rant about god ::click::). however, there are other's who believe god only initiates life, which would be the domino effect; flick the first and watch the rest fall.
the thing that kinda gets to me is not the indecision among the human race, nor the insistant denial by those i've talked to (because, as i said, most agree), but the fact that someone can say...yea, i suppose i look at it the same way, but later, in the same sentance, can say...im going to church, but im probably going to burn when i walk in the door.
do you sense the confusion in this person's head? sadly, this happens a lot.
8 Pirates |
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toki
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2006 11 April :: 9.20am
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: Library sounds
Hunger
World forests was canceled today. Pretty cool that I get some time off, but sucky that I came all the way down here and woke up fucking early just to sit in the library.
More good news! I have a week more to read for world forests now. That's awesome. Quite. I'm still going to try to finish it for Thursday, just to keep up with my schedule, but if I don't it won't be the end of the world. And I get Friday off!
It only sucks that I couldn't have gotten this break later in the quarter when I'm actually swamped with homework. Oh well. Any break is okay with me.
Been uber frustrated lately. For many reasons. My mother is being my mother again, which you all hopefully know what that means. I'm only in my third week of school while everyone else is getting ready for finals and I know the work is just going to pile on anytime now.
I have to start looking for another job soon. Still be at the tree on weekends just because. I was thinking maybe Yardhouse because Jorie's there and possibly the Kimis, but I don't really want to work with my sister. Too much tension in the house that I don't want to bring to work. Which sucks. If Kimis works there, I'll miss out on a whole bunch of fun times and then Jorie and Kimis will be friends with my sister and the world will be even weirder. I don't like weird.
Once again, oh well. Accept and move on. That's life.
If anyone knows of a job that'll pay me uber money, tell me. That'd be quite awesome, thanks. :-)
I've been rethinking things recently. Decisions I've made and shit. And yeah, I realized how horrible I feel because of them. No one's fault but mine, but I need to refocus.
Focus on school and work. I need money and I need to do homework. I need to raise my GPA to atleast a 3.5. Right now it's at 3.35. So I need to get my butt in motion.
It's tough. I know it's important to get money and to get good grades, but I also think it's important to have fun. You know? I don't want to become one of those people who focus all on school and lose sight of their lives. That would not be good. What's the point of life if you're not enjoying yourself?
I don't know. I don't even know what I'm fucking doing anymore.
I'm proud of myself though. I've thought things over and I'm much more firm in my beliefs and such. I don't want to get drunk. I just don't want to do it. Plus, nothing is more fun than watching and talking to drunk people. It's true.
I don't think I'm better than anyone, I promise. I just don't want to do it.
Maybe I'll apply at the library. They close no later than 9 every night, 5 on Sundays. That means I would still have a social life sometimes. Just not during the day, which kind of sucks.
I don't knoooow. So fucking hungry. Grrrrargh. Can't eat until 11:50 though. Sad, I know.
Mmmm...classstime. Woo boredom.
Bye folks.
-Patrice
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mudpiegrl
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2006 2 April :: 4.31pm
sleeeeeeeeeeep would be reaaaaally nice...
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toki
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2006 26 March :: 11.09pm
:: Mood: nauseated
Break's over.
Back to reality.
I hate school.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 29 October :: 2.54pm
No where is safe. they're like cheering zombies, squeezing between and smashing against each other mindlessly, collecting confettis from the ground and watching in amazement as paper falls. PAPER! Covering everything, like snow! and screams and yells fill the spaces not yet occupied by the adreniline filled bodies. and all around me they are eating! Stuffing their mouths and talking of victory as an army would, unconcerned with decency.
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mudpiegrl
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2006 24 March :: 1.06pm
it's strange, hanging out with my brother. i quite like it, but it's weird. i feel bad because everytime, i dont have monies and so he pays. i plan to pay him back though. im going to take different bills and fold and roll them and create a little city of htem. it'll be super awesome.
patrice and i took a road trip and ill put the story of that up as soon as im done with it. that's pretty much it.
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mudpiegrl
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2006 14 March :: 6.15pm
i went back to smdp on friday wiht my mum. i went because i got free lunch out of the deal. for once, i felt like my mum was proud of me, however, not for the sake of being proud but rather to prove everyone wrong about me. they knew i got bad grades and was always late, so in an adult's eyes, i was not going anywhere. my mum took liberties with the short sentance "she sold a painting". surely, it's an accomplishment, to an extend, but it was bragging. i purposely try not to brag cuz i hate it. my old math teacher is now the principal and said he has a whole wall to fill if i want to paint him something. "something religious", but even mr. lally isnt religious...and if i did do something religious, i can guarentee it would not be a happy baby jesus or symbolic suffering.
beside that though, my week was hectic as hell. just trains being late and leaving late and locking my keys in the car at a parking garage and bleeding all over my pants so that i had to leave right after my first class. but my midterm was easy and this week isnt too bad, just lots of stuff to do.
spring break is soon. im working during the weekend and during the week im supposed to go apt shopping with trixy and make cheese and peas with her, too.
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mudpiegrl
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2006 12 March :: 5.24pm
Carl Jung, within his archetypal theory, posed that the self holds more importance than any other archetype. He illustrated this by several symbols originated worldwide represented the self because, when looking at these symbols, one's eyes are drawn to the center. Read more..
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2006 5 March :: 11.05am
so it's blaringly clear that it's that time of the month, however, i still have not been visited by my friend. i asked my mum to go to the doctor and she said she'd make an appointment. so ill update on that in a bit.
3 Pirates |
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toki
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2006 1 March :: 12.04am
88% on my history paper!
Woooo!!!!!!
That means I am now getting a 77% in history, fools.
7 freaking 7! Hopefully that'll be a B soon.
Oh man oh man. I'd be okay with a C. Much better than that 56% I had earlier. Eeeps.
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toki
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2006 26 February :: 10.56pm
crumble.
cruuuumbbllle...
c.r...u...m.....b...l....e....
CRASH
boom
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