drowning-in-you
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2004 1 January :: 11.45pm
:: Mood: awake
heh...
Metal: Everything you do seems to be heavy. You
don't get along with many people that well, but
you do have a taste in music that is more
sentimental than most.
What type of music best fits your lifesytle?
brought to you by Quizilla
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 1 January :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: okay
happy new years...my first real big entry of the year...*ouch* ;)
well i have a few things i need to get out...some good, bad, scary, stupid...but then again, it's my journal...i don't give a fuck what you think...(this would be a wonderful time to back out now...chickenshits...lol)...ok now that that's out:
my dream from the other day...god that was scary...before i start i must give some background info-> i guess i've been thinking bout my old friend Amber Culverson lately...i haven't seen her since the end of our sophomore year...we kinda left on bad terms...we got in a fight the month before school got out...supposedly she was pregnant & i was mad cuz she didn't tell me...come to find out she lied bout the whole thing...but then again, i dunno...well we both apoligized, but i don't feel completely forgiven i guess...or i dunno bout that either...what i do know is that i miss her & the thing that hurts most to know is that i won't get to graduate with her...& if things go along the way they should soon, then she won't be at my "wedding"...(that's another topic, maybe another time)...well that's the background, here's the dream: i had this urge to find Amber once & for all...i decided to go on a road trip to Sacramento (where supposedly she lives right now) & look everywhere for her...i signed up online to do those ppl search things...i looked everywhere in the state practically...i finally decided to give up on it for a while...i got back to school & was told there that Amber had commited suicide that day...i cried so badly...i remember justin coming in w/ the local paper w/ the story inside & hugging me...then i even saw my ex jake (who was also her ex too) & he cried w/ me...i went home & saw my aunt rosa & she told me, "i'm so sorry, i hope they find the killer."..."WAIT, SHE COMMITED SUICIDE!" i started to yell...the news was on tv saying that it was a murder...so justin, jake & i went looking for the killer...i had other parts to my dream that had no point of finding her...but it was scary...& i thank danny for waking me up w/ a phone call that morning...i woke up breathing heavy & crying...& to this day i'm still shaken up by it...i talked to ben bout it some...:
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
i just have this feeling i'm never gonna see her again...during the summer when i was driving dannys car i all of a sudden freaked out & started crying because i realized i wasn't gonna get to graduate w/ her...the funny thing was though i was still driving so perfectly & my eyes were so full of tears i couldnt' see shit lol
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
but yeah
war at the warfield says:
i can tell u miss her dearly
war at the warfield says:
lol well keep tring
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
yep
war at the warfield says:
u'll get contact someway or another
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
yeah your right
so after that i kinda felt better...thanx ben...
denisse finally sent in he app for sarah lawerence...oi...well i sent mine in yesterday for christian heritage...let's cross our fingers now...*sighs*...
i forgot to mention to ppl bout this bit of info...i got my license on the 22nd...so yeah...
i'm still running for carrot queen though i know i'm definetly placing last cuz i haven't sold very many this year...if you wanna buy tickets email me or call me...
oh yeah...i have a new number: 1612...haha hope you all know the first 3 numbers...lol...just the ppl in the imperial valley...whatever...
i've downloaded kazaa...big whoop...i still am gonna have danny make me cds...cuz i love the way he makes them ;) (sarcasm baby...just eat it all up!...lol)
well i think that's all for me tonight...the first of january...kinda crazy huh?...well have a goodnight everyone...happy new years!
joey, i love you...my new years resolution is to be honest w/ you...never to hesitate to tell you what i think...be more calm when i know a fight will start...& to call when you ask me too...lol...i'm gonna marry you soon...& that's a promise i'm willing to keep...*kiss*...i love you!
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 1 January :: 9.24am
:: Mood: calm
just a bit bored in 2004
you're velvet goldmine. you're sparkly and beautiful, and possibly from another world.
take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the  slinkstercool community.
You are a pair of sunglasses. You try a bit too
hard to be cool and to fit in. You are very
easy to get along with because of this except
when your attitude kicks in.
What kind of glasses are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 31 December :: 1.11pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: the tv...joey's watching it
oh boy
well joey is gonna come over in a few...never mind he's here...lol...dont' really know what we're doing tonight...so yeah...i had a scary dream last night & i'm kinda thankful that danny called me this morning & woke me up from it...
i'll talk bout it later...gotta do apps for CHC... *ugh* :(...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 30 December :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: bouncy
that's kinda funny...lol
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 30 December :: 4.38pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Evanescence & Mana songs
hee hee hee motha fugas
i'm back on the net!!!...whooohooo...i got my computer for xmas & i just got internet today...well that's all i've got...oh yeah & i went to disneyland for the very first time :D...alrighty then...talk later.
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 19 December :: 11.56am
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: the nutcracker...heehee, i said nut...lol
catch me as i fall, say you're here...& IT'S FINALLY OVER NOW!!
FINISHED MY TERM PAPER!!!
:D
HAVE A GREAT XMAS BREAK
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 18 December :: 10.14am
:: Mood: confused
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
i can't handle the fights that joey & i have...at least i haven't lost my sanity to the point that i want to break up...thank god i guess...what does he want me to do?...he has a problem w/ danny (& it's understandable)...& he says it's fine if i talk to him & hang out w/ him...but then he gets all jealous (understandable once again) & then makes me feel like crap & i get the hint that i can't hang w/ danny anymore...but when i said i wouldn't talk to danny anymore he said it was fine...WHAT DO I DO NOW?!...
joey, i need help...
ppl reading this, i need a tissue...
:'(
3 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 17 December :: 1.37pm
:: Mood: one step up from depressed...lol
:: Music: library noises...nothing...ha
oh boy here we go again!
so yeah this week has been such a bad week...term paper is due for mac friday, muscle analysis due tomorrow...haven't started anything yet (of course, it's cuz i'm an Alaniz you know...lol)...i've been so stressed out from band, homework, the radio, trying to sell tickets (which if you'd like to buy any raffle tickets, email me & i'll give you more info-only $1!)...& i'm surprised joey still stays with me after this week...i've gotten into multiple fights with danny too...i had thought of for a long time of the possiblity of ever getting back with danny after high school more than likely but i've realized we've both fucked it up for both of us...too many fights, too many bad memories...there were good ones too, but still, pain outwieghs happiness in my terms...so yeah we got in a stupid fight lastnight & i hit him so hard...i just wanted to tell him how much i hate him & how i wish i'd never met him...but i would've lied...i don't regret going out with him or anything, don't regret losing my "precious gift" to him, don't regret getting in trouble cuz i lied to my dad to have to go out with him...it's not that...sometimes ppl say things just to be the bigger person...& i hate that bout myself...i got a complement lastnight when joey dropped me off @ my house after work...he told me that he envied me...cuz i have compassion for others...cuz i can be friends with my ex's & actually try to be there for them, when usually we see in society that once the relationship is over, they erase every memory of them...i can't be like that...we had an arguement today & to see him fall was to be the highlight of the day, yet when i got into class i cried like a pansy...so did he i was told...i hate to be so mean, i really do...but the fact of the matter is that i don't think we'd ever be able to go back there again...who knows...but know that this doesn't mean that i'm breaking up with joey...oh HELLS NO!!!...he's been good enough to be patient with me & i admire him for that really...i think the only problem is that his family gives him insecurities...i guess his mom isn't really happy with me cuz i still hang out with & talk to danny...but sorry he's still my friend, even though sometimes i wish i could pull out his heart through his asshole (i'm sorry, i was joking with that, but it came out way too graphic, so i apoligize if anyone was offended or if i've triggered anyone's upchuck reflex...lol)...so yeah i got that going for me...hee hee...
i feel tons better cuz i'm typing so fast right now, it's really incredable...i haven't been on a computer for a while now...hopefully i can get a computer for xmas...YEAH RIGHT...so anyways, well hope everyone has a good rest of the week & if i'm not back by then, have a great Christmas Holiday... :D
2 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 13 December :: 4.25pm
:: Mood: tired...if you only knew
:: Music: the sound of my popcorn being eaten by a beaner...we won't mention names... :(
so yeah...
well i took the act today & i think i did fine...saw vanessa & her bitch today...lol i don't mean it in a bad way, but if you've ever really seen the way they are at school then you'd totally know he's whipped...ha ha...i got to use the car last night to go to the xmas dinner @ church, then afterwards i took denisse out to the country to find lu & danny & we cruised round a bit, dropped them off, then i dropped off denisse...danny & i got in a fight again last night (tell me something new i bet you're saying to yourself), so yeah...but we're cool now...lmfao...anyways...well i've just had an ok day today...hopefully i get to go out tonight...i hope i get that job at the movies now that i think bout it...damn...well gtg, the popcorn misses me & i want to kill the person who is raping my food...DAMNIT, BACK AWAY FROM THE PALOMITAS BEANER!!!
talk later :D
2 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2003 12 December :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: thinking of "my immortal" from evanescence
the tears that would never fade from within
well if you haven't noticed joey & i have been fighting & we've been keeping it updated on the journals too...which is something i kinda hate but whatever...anyways, sometimes it seems like it's getting better, but i'm afraid they never will...things keep coming up & it doesn't help when he's got insecurities bout me...i just wish he'd come up to me & say something bout it...it makes me feel like i'm not important enough or he thinks of me as a lier...i hate also to have the thought that everyone is keeping me in check for his sake...sometimes i feel like i can't be myself anymore...i've acted like a bitch all this week & i hate it so much...after we got in our fight the other day i debated on something that i'm still debating on even now...no no no, it's not breaking up, but it's something that i have to make a great desicion on...i think i was just more disapointed this week because i was so wanting badly to get married this weekend with all my friends there...& this fight comes along & he bummed me out when he said we should wait til next year... :( ...ok...i guess we can...
:'(
& what sux is that no matter how hard i try to cry, i can't...
1 extra bushel |
royal load of cranberries
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