:: 2008 21 March :: 9.54 pm
:: Music: 23 by Jimmy Eat World

Always the first star that I find

:: 2008 10 March :: 11.54 pm

So I was thinking that I've been depressed for a week and I thought it was related to the fact that I haven't seen Laura for a week and therefore and no real talking time. (There are some things that Nick still just can't understand and that Laura is going/has gone through too.) But then I remembered that I have not exercised in over a week. My folk and square dance class ended and I haven't done anything exercise-wise in its place.

PROBLEM SOLVED!

Also it is warm(er) and sunny here so I am happy now and feeling better.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2008 10 March :: 12.14 am

I have been depressed/upset/apathetic enough these past few days that I am not hungry. Which for me is a big deal. I have to make myself eat.

I wrote some things about people and may have ended some friendships. And I don't care.

I have issues.

I am going to eat some chocolate and count down the days until I see Laura again. I need to talk to someone and she knows exactly how I feel right now because I know she feels it too. I don't feel like getting up to get the chocolate. I am a mess.

I just need a good cry. I tried so hard last night but I just ended up not sleeping well.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2008 14 February :: 11.29 pm

I find it's hard, especially when I'm PMSing, to watch movies or TV shows starring people who have died recently or who I've always loved and died a long time ago.


I watched Roman Holiday today and found it hard to watch Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. It just really touched me for some reason. Besides the fact that the movie makes me tear up in the first place, thinking about how both of those great actors aren't around anymore really affected me.

I get the same way watching Everybody Loves Raymond.

I watched A Knight's Tale earlier this week too. That was hard.

Oh, PMS. Why must you affect me so?

Always the first star that I find

:: 2008 31 January :: 7.25 pm

Did I tell you Nick's sister got engaged? Not Katti, sadly. Jess. She'd been dating the guy for about 9 months when they got engaged. They'll be dating for a year on V-Day. They're getting married in October. I was mad about it for a while but I'm okay now. I just think it's silly.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 11 December :: 4.48 pm

I miss my Kittie Katie. I wrote her a letter a while back but I don't know if I'll ever send it. I wrote her letters in France but I don't know where they are.

I have best friends things to talk about sometimes and no best friend to tell them to. Nick is my best friend I guess but sometimes you need a girl, you know? I need my girlfriend.

I need my Katie.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 29 October :: 12.00 am

What living with Nick is like
After my round of sneezing and um toots: "What is this a fiesta of bodily functions?"

On fall, gloom and trees: "The trees are all droopy like they have hangovers."

On me being mean to the cat: "Why do you think he stole a stuffed animal and hides with it under the bed? Because mommy's a meanie."

"Did you know that sodomy via drugs is a felony on its own? So if I drugged you and raped you, that's one felony but if I drugged and sodomized you, that's another felony. I could drug you and sodomize you and get in more trouble.

- That makes sense.

You'd rather be raped than sodomized?

- Yes.

Even though rape may result in a child?

- Yes. I am assuming that the sodomizing is also in a rape situation. I'd rather be raped.

Okay, I'll put that on a flash card. You never know when you're going to need to know someone's personal preference for something like that."

"Cremated or buried, darling?"

There are more. This was just in the past five minutes.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 9 October :: 12.11 am

I'm getting in a funk.

Don't get me started.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 13 September :: 10.53 pm

You know why I say I can't tell you or anyone any stories?

Because when I do, you tell me it was my choice to go over and study over there and I shouldn't complain about shit that happened.

I hate you so much when you do this. Just LISTEN for fuck's sake. That's all I want out of you and you can't even give me that. It's always "well you made the choice to go over there so I have no sympathy for you."

Well fuck you.

Yes, I made the choice. And yes I left you behind. Yes I know it sucked for you too but it didn't suck nearly as much. I don't care if it's basically my fault and I brought it on myself. Have some fucking sympathy and have a fucking heart to hear me out.

This is why I don't tell you stories. Because you're an ass about it.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 26 August :: 6.53 am

I hate being here. School sucks. Work is okay. I am bored all the time. Balancing takes too much out of me. I'll never be a good mom because I want someone to take care of ME. I don't feel comfortable hanging out with Bekka, Laura and Theresa. I'm always on the outside. I still have no money, no books. And I really have no best friend.

And up until now, I didn't care.

I want my Katie. I want to do over all of June. I want to be back in high school or on fall break at Western. I want to be in my car, driving and singing. I want to be at Ben's playing video games. I want to be with Katie finding the demon baby in the tree, putting shaving cream on the front seat of the car.

I want a simpler time.

I need a drink.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 16 August :: 11.09 am

I went name by name. Here's what I said:

There's a fine line between sticking with odd names, geek names, Scottish/Gaelic names and the names that will have your kid scarred for life, beat up on the playground and changing his/her name on their 18th birthday.

Also, you can have an awesome name but leave it pronounceable and not ghetto. Don't make shit up.

Look, you can be creative and different without going too far. That's what it all boils down to. None of this Raynne Skyye shit. You can have an old-fashioned or foreign name but you need to bring it into this century with English modifications.

GIRLS:
Aileen - it's pretty but it's an old lady name. It would have to have a good nickname.
Evangeline - is also pretty but all everyone will think of is Evangeline Lily. Also needs a good nickname.
Daenerys - How do you say this one? Is it just Deneris?
Bronwyn(n) - One n for the love of everything. Needs a nickname. What's the kid's last name? Alliteration is not permitted.
Guinevere - is an awesome name but I don't like this spelling. I like the Gwen one better. But Jessa's right.
Aviendha - What? Pronounce it for me.
Arya - Is it Are-ya? Or Aria. Because if it's Aria just spell it that way.
Lysanna - What?
Rhiannon -What?
Delilah - Okay but it's bordering on hick.
Shaelynn - What?
Avaleen - What?
Mhairie -NO.
Ginny - Ok. But this is a nickname. And the name of a Harry Potter character so you're screwed.
Aurora - Ok. But not. It's complicated.
Willow - No.
Laurana - No.
Anya - Maybe. It's iffy. It's pushing Eastern European.
Nynaeve – What? No.
Alhana – Maybe. But no.
Daisy – No. Daisy is too country. Especially with Gavin, it doesn’t mix.
Lily – Ok.
Reese – For a girl? With Gavin? You’re pushing it.
Maria – Better.
Kylie – ok.
Melanie – ok
Inara – What?
Michaela – NO. You are not allowed to name your child any male name plus the letter A. Never.
Quinn – With an e, I’ll give it to you. That makes it feminine.
Meg(ara) – Maybe. But, again, the Disney factor is pushing it.
Christy – No. Everyone else’s child will be Christy. In four thousand other spellings.

BOYS:
Tam – what? No.
Gerard – No. Old-fashioned.
Eddard (Ned) - No
Collin – Okay but with one l
Jonas – Yes, good.
Silas – Maybe.
Rand – No.
Bran – Like the oat flakes? NO.
Camden – Okay. Actually, really good. I like this one.
Oliver – I love that name.
Connor – My brother’s middle name.
Eamon – What? No.
Garrett – No.
Liam – Maybe.
Tanis – No. Hick.
Ainsley – No.
Rhys – Is that Reese? No.
Kendric – No.
Cayden – Maybe.
Eian – Is that Ian. No. Not when it’s spelled like that.
Kenneth – Maybe. All the Kenneths I knew were jerks.
Seamus – Ok.
Caedmon – Eh…no.
Tristan – Like Isolde? Maybe pre-movie.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 3 August :: 8.44 pm

I hate to be snobbish but I need to get this out.

In her latest entry, Brianna talks about how now she feels so much more mature than a majority of people she knows.

But she wasn't mature enough to consider the fact that having this baby so recently after her last child could harm both her and the baby. Nor was she mature enough to take into consideration their current financial situation. Nor was she mature enough to consider her current relationship status.

But I hope that her baby will be fine and they will be able to support him or her. I wouldn't wish anything bad on anyone and I know they are already stressed enough about this as it is.

4 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 28 July :: 2.10 pm

Movies I want to see:


Once (It's out but only at Rivertown Crossings theatre)
Dan in Real Life (October)

Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 24 July :: 7.28 pm

When I'm not worried, I should be and when I am, I shouldn't.

Just have bad timing I guess.

Or a skewed perspective.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2007 12 July :: 3.56 pm

I can't remember the password to my icon journal.

Nick's got an apartment. Mom keeps talking about how expensive it is. It really is expensive but I don't know if I think it really is expensive or if it's just her influence.

Anyway. I'm going to go now.

Always the first star that I find