blackecho101
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2005 2 March :: 6.42am
i need to update... so here it is...
oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 1 March :: 4.50pm
:: Music: Crossfade- So Far Away
Now I'm blaming you for everything...
So it seems when I try to get a point across, I always hurt someone's feelings.
And it feels like I'm always either getting blamed for something, or letting someone else take the blame for my own actions.
I've been pretty bitter lately. I'm not sure why. I'm trying to stop. I don't like it at all. It's not very becoming of me.
All the teachers have ended grades for the marking period... Even though report cards don't come out until the 21st.
I think I'm doing all right, though.
I'm so immature...
But very mature at the same time.
I am an awful procrastinator...
But I get things done last minute. I work pretty well under pressure.
I love cold weather...
But hate the wind.
I get hurt easily...
But I hurt people easily, too.
I have my ups and downs... I just feel like... I'm less of a person than everyone else. I'm not sure why.
My moods flucate a lot, and they change from extremes. There's no grey area, really. Just happy or sad. Then there's times like right now... When I feel too tired to even think of which emotion I'm feeling.
...No one reads this anymore.
People don't really talk to me anymore;
Few people really even care anymore...
Thus is life.
The end.
2 carrot flowers |
oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 28 February :: 7.21pm
I miss you...
oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 27 February :: 3.35pm
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need...
I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm going to cry again. I'm so hateful and mean, and I don't even realize it when I'm doing it.
I keep taking things the wrong way, or too seriously. I've been so bitter and mean to people... People that I love and care for. I don't know why. I hate it, but I do it anyways...
I feel like I'm losing my friends again. I've lost quite a few friends recently... I mean, I have a lot of people who I call friends, but only a few are actually really good friends...
I feel like I'm losing Keely. All she talks about is Avalon... I bet the one time I write about her in here, she'll read it. I don't know. We never really talk... and when I see her she ignores me a lot... At least, it feels like that anyways.
I'm noticing John changing. I still love him so much... But we don't talk as much anymore. It sucks. I just miss him so much... I miss hearing his voice every night... I miss just being able to see him. Meh.
The only two people I really talk to a lot on a daily basis are Randy and Aisha. Two people, who last year, I would have never considered "best friends". I'll probably end up doing something to mess all of this up, though. I don't know what, or how, but I probably will. I feel like I'm going to lose all of them. John, Keely, Aisha, Randy... Everyone.
I'm just in one of my moods... I'll probably end up deleting this later... But I felt the need to get it down somewhere. So here it is in my journal.
...The end.
PS- I unfortunately cannot say this is the first time an Xbox has come before me.
2 carrot flowers |
oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 26 February :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: Paranoid.
:: Music: Disturbed- Prayer
Let me enlighten you...
Today was... Long. *sigh* And, I want to go to Ralph's freaking party, but I don't know where his house is. Oh well.
Woke up at 6, got to Roland Grise by 7, then got on a bus for three hours. XD We stopped at McDonalds for breakfast, and we were all dressed up. People were looking at us so weird. It was great. We got to the church, and sat around for a long time... We did random things to pass the time... Played bloody knuckles, slaps, cards... And yelled at black people. (: But they didn't know we were yelling at them. It was great. XD
Went in. I was so nervous for my solo, even though it was really short. That judge was intimidating. I went kinda sharp near the end, but no one else said they noticed it. I couldn't feel my toes.
It was weird. For some reason, I kept thinking I was going to die today... Do any of you ever get that feeling? It sucks. o_o
Funny bathroom experiences:
(At McDonalds)
Me: *walks in bathroom*
Hispanic ladies: *look at me, then start speaking Spanish*
Me: *stares at them, turns around, and walks away.*
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(At Golden Corral)
Me: *walks in bathroom*
Girl 1: Who's in here?
Girl 2: Me.
Girl 3: Me too.
Me: *stays quiet*
Girl 1: Julie, are you taking a dump?
Girl 3: Yeah.
Girl 1: Me too. Will you wait for me if you finish first?
Girl 2: *walks out* You guys, be quiet, there's someone in here!
Me: *leaves bathroom*
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I was trying to sleep on the bus, and Nick kept peeking over the seat. "Do you want to listen to some British rap?" That stuff is the junk. XD It's soo funny. Nick is funny as Hell man. He kept asking all the little kids if they jack off. They were all like "EWW MAN THAT'S SICK! OF COURSE I DON'T! (=
Well I think I'll end this entry here. Later.
oh comely...
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