jedibumblebee
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2005 6 April :: 12.12pm
:: Mood: lethargic
oh my goodness i love Paul :) he's my favorite person ever ever ever. yay he makes me so happy.
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danibean
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2005 1 April :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: happy
i feel so good right now. i'm actually going to go hang out with people i like. and that i don't have to pretend and be fake around. and i went to tina's today and hung out with kale, sarah, and radine...it was like old times with stuffing ourselves with pizza and cheese bread..mmmmmmmmm yeah. and we used tina's tanning bed...yay!!!!! so i'm going to matt's tonight to play poker and have some genuine fun and good times. that makes me happy....break is going to be awesome. yup..:)
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crazygirl
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2005 31 March :: 7.38pm
don't worry about a thing
you know your path is true
just ease your mind
have a banana or two
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upchuck
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2005 31 March :: 11.25am
Well I'm going to say things. And most of you can ignore them, because you all don't post. Now Jessa has been great, giving me tons of material on my friends page, so now I will respond to her (sorry Steph, your life just seems to crazy and similar to mine to say much).
It's really weird how all our lives intersected for that brief moment in time that we call high school. That you, the crazy flirty girl that you described, was who I know you as. The person that you represent in your journal now, it's like someone I wouldn't even recognize. I definitely know that if I were to see you now, all inpregnated and stuff, I definitely wouldn't recognize you. I don't think that the evaluation that you took represents the idea that I have of you. It may very well represent you, but not of the girl who I knew. It was so long ago wasn't it? But not long in time terms. You showed me what platonic love could be. The basic understanding, and empathy for another person. All I could do is laugh when I watched you fall for another guy that I had introduced you to. I see it all now. you talk about Marty's former girlfriends. Sarah and I were great friends. Despite all her flaws, and she had many, we were still friends. And I saw her on Red Flannel Day, and the conversation we had. The evolution of friendship that people experience is amazing. I know my thoughts are nowhere near coherent. BUt they are my thoughts nonetheless. We are, you and I, destined for great things. And for fear of someone taking it the wrong way, it's not about us. You and I even, and that time in high school. It's about all of us, that unique group of people at a time that, even in our foggiest imagination we couldn't imagine the present. Us, me you and Brianna at the lunch table, could we imagine where we are now and what our relationship with each other is. Us, me you and Andy, in my living room while you were trying to bring him out of his shell. Us, me and you sitting in your living room, no words being spoken, but just you understanding the pain. We couldn't imagine what life had in store for us, what God had in store for us. Friends change, but do friendships? I hope I have provoked thought because, despite of scientific evidence to back the claim, it's good for your kid.
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crazygirl
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2005 30 March :: 11.44pm
walking out of a night club to hear birds chirping and realizing it's brighter out than when you went in. check.
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danibean
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2005 30 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: contemplative
hmmm....things are coming to an end. and some things already came to one. it's sad to think about, but exciting to look forward to new friends, living arrangements, and teachers. not to mention a lot of hot guys! woo...anyways, i've been thinking. weird...i know...but don't fear, for it's good news. i'll tell you...just things, not necessarily all bad or good...that have crossed my mind.
1. i haven't updated in forever....and i've had this journal since my freshman year...humph....that's kind of neat-o
2. it just crashed thunder and lightening...and i liked it
3. i'm over the fact that dan laatz lied to me only so he could ruin our friendship so he could be with someone else (this is good...)(that i'm over it anyways)
4. i don't have a prom date....this is bad...only because i feel like a complete loser....i have a beautiful pink dress...that makes me feel like cinderella, with the glass slippers and all...but no prince....i'm trying to figure out what my problem is....
5. graduation doesn't seem real....or in reach at all whatsoever
6. i wasn't as cool as andrea groner when i was a freshman
7. i'm fake?
8. i'm scared of change
anyways, it feels good to get stuff kind of written out. feel free to leave me love...and remember...i love you :)
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crazygirl
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2005 28 March :: 1.22pm
i think it's a little concerning when someone's trying to find a dog to match their new louis vuitton dog collar.
peter, you make me sick.
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Upchuck
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2005 24 March :: 6.53pm
So here we go again. Another teenage gunmen. You know, it bores me to read the press coverage. They interview the popular kids at school. "oh he was a freak." "He listened to heavy metal and was, like, a goth." It's so stupid. These adults all have this view that their kids are perfect little angels at school. They have no clue. High school is such hell. I think the funny thing is that I fit the description of all these guys to a T, with a few exceptions. 1. I have a stable family 2. I don't wear dark clothes. Other than that I was the atypical teen gunman.
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sugarpeep
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2005 24 March :: 10.59am
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: 3EB : Crystal Baller
Wha??
pic of the day By Frisket. We have one very serious obsession in common *gryn*. Ponies.
Hmm.. So this journal works again eh? Good to know because I like it much better than my other three. >.>
Righto, still in school. Switched my major. I'm now in for Natural Resourse Management. That's park services, land surveying, zoos, botanical gardens, etc. for thems who don't know. I recently got back from a wonderful week in Florida with my grandparents. We had WAY too much fun and saw all kinds of birds.
I'm actually single for once. O,o Not sure how long that'll last though. Just got out of a wretched relationship that is, hopefully, FINALLY over. -.-
I work at Toys R Us.. remember Karen.. when we got kicked out?.. Yeah.. they hired me. :P But I'm looking for a job that's more in my field.
I have tons and tons of fish (cichlids, koi, goldfish, betas, catfish) a hamster, and A KITTEN I CAN"T WAIT TO GET!!! *pant pant* Okay..
As mentioned above, I've recently become obsessed with ponies.. again? I have 63 of them. Three of which I've modified for others. Yay ponies. You can see some of my pony mods here ~> http://sugarpeep.deviantart.com
What else is new?.. *shrug*
Mreep! My Pals! You know who you are! You all mean so much to me :)
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upchuck
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2005 23 March :: 6.10pm
So I don't know what I am going to do. I got an email from my professor today telling me that if I miss three more classes I'm going to fail. But wait, oh yeah, I already am going to fail. I should really go talk to her, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know it's me. I know I am the reason I'm failing. And I'm just not willing to do the things that it takes to learn. Maybe it's not even that I'm not willing, it's just that I can't. I can't do it, it's not possible. I don't quit on things. When I don't do well at things I realize that I'm not good at them and move on. Right now, I just want to move on. I just don't want anyone to be mad at me. I don't want to piss the prof. off. Maybe I just give too much of a shit. Other class I could pull a cat and a rabbit out of the bag and be fine, but not in this one. No way. That just makes my night. I had other things I wanted to talk about, but that's it.
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upchuck
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2005 22 March :: 10.07am
Well I guess no one actually cares about my whiny little life.
I'm in a different mood than I was in last night. I have a sense of accomplishment now. I finished the paper. I worked on it for abour 1:15 last night and then woke up this morning and pounded out on it for another half an hour, bringing my grand total to
1:45
My balls hurt, just in case you were wondering. I don't know why either. huh.
Anyways,I spent that much time and I'm sure that the whiny little kid who is in my class that hasn't hit puberty yet because his voice hasn't changed and he squeeks everything (I think I spelled squeak wrong(you can also tell that I really don't like this kid because I'm going on and on and on and on and on (smacks self up side head to stop the skipping record) and on)). He is so annoying. He had the nerve to tell me that I didn't have enough "textual" evidence to support my argument when he had one single citation and his paper was slightly over ONE PAGE long. I had fourteen citations FOURTEEN and he had the nerve to tell me I didn't have enough. It's a good thing I never see that kid outside of school. I would throw him up against a wall so hard. UGH. It's like the time I wanted to smash someones head into a brick wall, yeah, that bad. Anyway. I think I'm done now and I don't think that "Anyway" is a sentence to itself either.
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Upchuck
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2005 21 March :: 11.31pm
Today I just got so scared. So scared of the future. What the hell am I going to do?
I'm sick of school and I don't want to go anymore. I want a life away from my life. I want to be like Matt and Angie and Alex and not have to realize the potential that I have. I want to waste my life.
That also brought me to another scary thought that I've been having: what if this is it? What if I've made my mark on the world and just flamed out? I don't know how I could live with that.
It's really strange, but now that I'm with her I actually feel more alone. I feel like there is no one that I can really talk to that doesn't have a motive for me. I could talk to her, but I know she has a motive. Plus, I don't want to be that serious already. I mean, we are getting more serious than we were before is some ways, but I don't want to become emotionally serious yet. That's just too much.
So I've got a paper due in 9 hours and I haven't even started it. I feel like not doing it.
I'm hating going to my Spanish class and I'm contemplating not ever going again. I'm going to fail, I might as well do a good job of it. And what does it say about me that I just want to give up? I want to give it all up and just be a lazy drifter with no future, no potential, free to do what I want when I want to. I don't think I'm cut out for that, but I don't think that I'm cut out for the life I"m living either. I'm going to go cry, perhaps sleep a little, perhaps write a little.
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upchuck
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2005 16 March :: 12.57pm
I'm still in this kind of limbo, trying to navigate my way between two things that I think would severely disappoint me.
Kim and I are back together. They all said that it wouldn't take long and they were right. I love her, I really do. However, there is this weird feeling that I have, kind of a doubt about the future. The hard thing is that I convinced myself that she didn't want me. I convinced myself that there was nothing wrong with my life before she came along, so why was I so depressed when we broke up, nothing had really changed right? And now I'm having trouble with the opposite aspect. I was getting over her. I was healing, in fact, I was getting used to not having a girlfriend. All the things that you can do as a single guy, but not when you're in a relationship, like flirting with girls and thinking about them in different ways. It's strange because part of me doesn't want to lose that. I kind of feel like there is nothing wrong with my life before she came along so why should I change my life because of her. So I walk the line, trying not to do anything that is going to upset her, abut at the same time still maintaining my individuality and not isolating myself in the confines of our relationship.
We talked about just having fun and not letting things get too serious. But I realized that it's a cop out on my part. I don't want to let things get too serious so that she doesn't have the power to hurt me again. I don't want to give that to her willingly this time. Yes, I'm a different person than I was four months ago. I don't think she thinks that we can just go back to the way we were, but some of the things she does seems like it. Obviously I don't want to go back to the way things were because there was a reason that she ended up with him anyway. Things are kind of confusing right now, but I just need to remember to not let these little nagging quesitons bother me, and just keep livin'.
BTW, I think I've failed my Spanish class. I don't think I have the brain anymore to get a new language. Or at least the way that they teach it here. It's very remedial, and I am very used to the pace in college. I need to know when things are due, sooner than the day before, because I just don't have time. I need to have concepts and ways of thinking about things to keep me engaged. Learning the language the way they teach it is like learning your multiplication tables. If you have the necessary background you can do it, but if you can't you feel inadequate and develop a bad attitude which only leads to less partcipation and learning. How I know all these things and can still be failing the class I have no idea, but it's a test of my redmedialness (if that's even a word) more than it is a test of my intelligence or true ability to learn the language.
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jedibumblebee
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2005 12 March :: 11.22pm
I almost hate to do this, but....
Facebook me, bitches!
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crazygirl
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2005 10 March :: 1.31pm
i'm so fucking tired of people twisting my words around.
what the hell is so fucking wrong with telling the truth?
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