godessalthena
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2014 12 June :: 6.58am
I never want to go to that apartment ever again. The remainder of the lease is 4 months. Samie had a great idea tho..
Pay Laura the next 4 months of rent, or maybe even pay it to the management company, and then get off the lease and leave. I can't stay there. I don't feel safe.
And 4 months is a VERY long time.
Fuck that ass hole.
1 brave word |
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spud
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2014 10 June :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: exhausted
this whole sobriety thing
*tolkien analogies in italics
i think i might try to start posting my AA stuff on here, just because i would like to have a place to put my thoughts and progress, and this seems a more suitable venue than facebook.
current status: i have a sponsor. i make it to as many meetings as possible, but tuesday night and friday night men's stags are my mainstays, as they fit into my schedule well, and i like the stag meetings. since i started my job, going every day has not been an option. not even close. even the monday night meetings with david have stopped, but i do talk to him on tuesday nights at least.
to sum up briefly (i may come back later and edit):
don't drink.
if only for the next five minutes, ten minutes, an hour, a day. don't worry about forever, or even tomorrow, just don't drink today.
fix the spirit first - the mind and body will follow
don't think your way into right living, live your way into right thinking.
pick the god that you want to be in charge of your life. if you're giving all control of your life to god's will, it should be a god that you're comfortable entrusting with it. (my god laughs at fart jokes) gandalf
don't drink.
pray. all the time.
establish a routine. ask for guidance in the morning (and remind yourself who's in charge while you're at it), say thanks at night.
don't drink.
be honest. completely, brutally, painfully honest. about everything.
be cognizant of what's going on between your ears. motives behind activities are important (WHY you're doing something helps determine whether or not it is advisable to do so).
don't let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT)
be honest, open, and willing (HOW)
don't drink.
alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful. the one ring
you have a disease, which is why you see others (who don't have it) drinking with impunity.
be of service. be available to help. look to be used for god's will.
don't drink.
it's pretty simple, really. i was just making shit unnecessarily complicated all this time. might not be easy, but it's simple. and it permeates everything in my life, whether i like it or not.
2 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 10 June :: 6.28am
I saw Rosie and Lauren's mom out for a walk on my way to work this morning :)
1 brave word |
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godessalthena
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2014 8 June :: 8.11pm
I finally got up the guts to tell Laura I'm moving out when the lease is up.
It's going to suck paying all my bills on my own.. Oh well. I think the freedom will really be the reward.
Bleh
5 brave words |
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catatonicsean
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2014 8 June :: 3.13am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: The Dictators - Master Race Rock
Got a new gig...working at Arby's, but what the hell? A job is a job, I suppose, and we've got bills and a baby to worry about.
Things have been splendid, and things have been shit. Stress, panic, laughter, incredible sex, poignant moments with el bambino, and so on.
No real complaints here, but I hope things improve, even marginally, because scraping the gutter is no way to live.
Everything will be Okay.
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godessalthena
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2014 7 June :: 10.56am
i use the same voice for every impersonation i do
2 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 6 June :: 3.12pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Brand New
JESUS CHRIST
Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone I could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle
Do you believe you're missin' out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through
And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone
Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
'cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.
Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot?
Do I float through the ceiling?
Do I divide and fall apart?
'cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And the ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates, does Thomas ask to see my hands?
I know you're coming in the night like a thief
But I've had some time alone to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up (everyone now)
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you're coming for the people like me
We all got wood and nails
And tongue-tied at hate factories
We all got wood and nails
And tongue-tied at hate factories
We all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine
1 brave word |
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godessalthena
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2014 5 June :: 10.13pm
Continuously using me is one thing.. Stealing my shit is quite another.
I wish it wasn't so late. I want to stay up and pour out my emotions. But I don't want to be dead tomorrow either :( fuck being an adult. Ugh.
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godessalthena
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2014 3 June :: 7.48pm
I adore all these sweet, perfectly romantic moments. Where I accomplish life goals, and remember the innocence of my first real love.
I am so delighted. Not even stress from others can bring me down for long! I even doodled a little... I drew a monster. No fucking shit.
It's nice to be complimented, doted on, to easily spread joy and happiness on another's face as easily as breathing. It just brings me such an excitement.
I'm trying not to let negativity and doubt take over my headspace. I am so suseptible to those thoughts, I have to be very aware of myself. It's hard to go blind down this exciting path when I have to keep my eyes open to make sure I don't trip on the way down.
ya kno wat im sayin ?
5 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 30 May :: 10.51am
I'm so proud of myself for getting my homework done on time this week :) hopefully it's a trend I can keep up on bahahaha I need to be more serious
It's finally motherfucking Friday!! Even though this was a short week, it still has felt like it dragged on forever. Every day felt like one day ahead, so it should be Saturday! I almost didn't come in to work today, since bed was just so nice. Haha
But I've been so on task this week! I've gotten all my work done, I've been on top of things. I just feel good. Other than assholes at work haha
I want some sushi god damnit.
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goodbye
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2014 29 May :: 11.41am
I used to hold him down. Now all I do is just suck his joy away.
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godessalthena
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2014 28 May :: 5.15pm
Everything is so small here.
1 brave word |
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goodbye
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2014 25 May :: 10.03am
I want someone to call me darling. To show me affection in the way I need.
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godessalthena
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2014 23 May :: 6.38am
I'm getting really fucking sick of being treated like a child and being taken advantage of.
I'm really fucking tired of people treating me like shit and then expecting me to continue being nice and like them.
I'm tired of people doing fucked up shit and not expect damage to happen.
I AM SO FUCKING TIRED.
2 brave words |
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