brokenmentality
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2006 26 February :: 12.03pm
yesterday started out pretty rough.... but fortunately got better.
we went and saw brokeback mountain... it was really good. keegan didnt like it. whatever.
then we went to oasis. that was nice.
and then this morning he wouldnt make me french toast because he has to complain and whine about everything. so i had frozen waffles. i just want to be treated like a princess like other girls. their boyfriends make them breakfast. mine wont even cook.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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tonyp.
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2006 25 February :: 8.48pm
i hate to bitch and complain soo much but im gona and if your my friend youll listen.
i hate this, i feel like a ass hole. i feel like im a horriable person because im mad at my mom. it pisses me off to see how shes acting how shes milking this for all its worth, i feel like it might not be as bad as it really is. everyone is making her think shes completely helpless and is gona die and thats how shes treating it, its like shes giving up and that makes me mad as hell.
my car is a piece of shit, i was suppose to be getting a better car when i got ride of my thunderbird insted i got a car with a leaky gas tank and on top of that i get in a god damn accident.
i get my hopes up because of chad and getting a job at a shop but nope. once again i think im gona get a job and of course i get let down.
not to sound like a depressed emo kid or anything this is just how i feel......i feel like the whole god damn world is out to get me, i need a break.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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joeydomina
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2006 25 February :: 1.01am
Well what can I do now. Nothing worse I think. oh well let me know what I can do. ttyl all bye JOey
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 24 February :: 11.41pm
Tonight was really good I guess you could say.
First I went to Aarons after school and then we went to the game.
I seen Ryan Case there and I was really happy. I haven't seen him in a while and then I was just walking and someone called my name and I turned and it was Martha and Ashleigh. I was so excited. I haven't seen either of them in over a year now. Martha had a baby named Alex and he's 6 months old and Ashleigh's baby is 5 months old and her name is Haleigh. They both were so cute. I was holding them the whole time.
Oh and so then of course I'm just minding my own business when Sara comes up to me and she either heard Josh saying this to someone or he told her but anyways I guess he was saying how he wanted his cousin to meet me because he has the biggest crush on me and blah blah blah and so Sara said I should go talk to him and I was hell no that's not going to happen. It's too akward for me now. It's fine not knowing if someone has a crush on you and yeah if you have a crush on them then that's perfect but when you don't it just makes things akward and it basically made things 10 time worse when he wrote a fucking SONG about me. I've never had anyone do that before and it's just a little weird esp. since in the song it said "I want to love you forever." Yeah..that's what I said. It's just too much for me and I don't know how he became so in "love" with me since I've never liked him back and i've also never lead him on. He loves me but he doesn't know who I am and of course after the game Aaron and I are walking to my car and Josh is also in the parking lot and he has to make it known that i'm outside so he starts talking really loud so Josh can hear him and look over and see us.... It's just too fucking weird for me. First I get flowers by one boy and now im getting songs by another. It's not really cute unless you actually are dating this person. Now I'm just getting annoyed by this whole thing and I feel bad for complaining about this it's just I need to vent right now and everyone else in the world is sleeping.
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking. When you fall, everyone stands, and you've had your fill of sinking.
someone say moo
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tonyp.
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2006 24 February :: 4.57pm
well god damn
i was driving home from sand lake and some smart ass pulled out of the bank and just kinda waited for me to hit him.... my shoulders alittle sore and my car is too but its all good. the guy seemed nice, poor basterd only had the car for two days.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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fallenfaces
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2006 24 February :: 6.38am
:: Music: Ani Difranco - Angry Anymore
On the outs.
I always expect too much and get my hopes up for nothing.
Don't try to fix this, it'd show you actually cared.
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swimfan14
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2006 23 February :: 8.35pm
You know..I can't remember the last time we kissed because you never think the last time is really the last time. You always think there will be more. You think you have forever but you don't. -Greys Anatomy
Yeah so...it's like...I really want to tell you...but then again I don't want you to know.
someone say moo
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fallenfaces
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2006 23 February :: 7.13pm
Nothing ever works. I shouldn't convince myself otherwise.
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snowman
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2006 23 February :: 6.34pm
so i work at the plastic company right next to the rockford post office, its a really fun job, if jobs are fun
3 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 23 February :: 6.23pm
You say we're bitches but we laugh because we knew it way before you did.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 22 February :: 3.59pm
Take me. Break me. Every mile further there's a part of me that slips away. One day you'll see, even if you got down on your knees you couldn't make me stay.
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brokenmentality
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2006 22 February :: 8.52am
monday keegan and i saw date movie. with out a doubt, that was the dumbest movie i've ever seen in my entire life. we were about ready to walk out of the theater it was so stupid. never in my life can i imagine enjoying such a tasteless classless film as this one. honestly... anyone who dares wasting their money on that movie deserves to be shot. (we used the gift certificates his mom got us for christmas therefore nobody directly spent money on it.... therefore we're safe.... lol) seriously... i just had to update to warn everyone. its not funny, its disgusting... and made me sad for the actors and their now flawed careers.
yesterday i made cupcakes for the break dancers (they have practice every tuesday, thursday and saturday) and i drew little stick figured breakdancers on them with this gel stuff. awww. i shall be known as the crew mom. *giggles because im just the cutest*
hmm.. thats all i suppose.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 21 February :: 10.39pm
My name is Nicholas and I am loved very deeply and completely by a young woman named Rachel. This young woman loves me very dearly and tries her darndest to make me happy and smile when I'm feeling a little down. Earlier today, I was a bit upset and antisocial. Instead of pressuring me, Rachel left to run errands and returned to keep me company. Very sillily, in an effort to make me smile or just to be weird, she read to me from The Little Prince. She tries her best to force that book on me at every turn.
Anyway, this Rachel girl loves me very much at tries to prove it as much as she can. She makes food for me every once in a while and on Sunday made a little indoor winter picnic for us to share. She lets it be known that she loves me very much. From my smile handles all the way down to my little feetsies.
Although the loss of my job and Rachel's future trip to France has set our plans back a few steps, Rachel still would love with all her heart to move in together. Being that we're both poorer than pancakes, it doesn't seem to be much of a real goal anymore. Rachel is constantly on the search for another job so maybe it's still attainable, either way it's something we hope to achieve at some point in the future.
Rachel loves me a whole lot of oodles and still hopes, in her hopelessly romantic way, to someday be my wife. Whether it's three or ten years from now, I know she'll stick around. As long as she gets at least a ring after five years of putting up with me. Heaven knows she needs a reward for that.
Our two-year anniversary is coming up soon (sort of) and it seems like we've been together for so much longer than two measly years. I suppose it has something to do with time flying when fun is had but surely this comfortability and feeling that it has and never will be any different from how it is now must come with a lot more time than two years.
Anyway, Rachel loves Nick. With all her heart. For always and forever and for a day or two. Three if he cooks. (He does. Very well indeed. I am willing to add on three months for that.)
(This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Rachel who can't seem to stretch her paper to six pages but somehow can easily write about nothing for one.)
1 moo |
someone say moo
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tonyp.
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2006 21 February :: 7.16pm
well im alittle bumbed, i was suppose to be getting a job at a tattoo shop that chad (the guy to is teaching me ) was going to start up. it would be his second shop and he wanted me to run it. well turns out that one of the guys didnt want to start a second shop with him and the third guy ended up in jail so im not getting a job, oh well i guess its best i need to stay home and take care of everone. today was my moms first kemotherapy treatment. i guess it went well shes sleeping now, she has been sence 4:30 i guess kemo takes alot out of you. i have a favor for all my friends who still go to school or see me ever. to start collecting pop taps and send them to me, it helps pay for my moms treatment and it helps the kidney dialisas (i dont know if thats how its spelled). so if you see me and your nice enough to but some taps in a baggy that would be awsome. i got a nintendo game cube yesterday and i went out and got some games but i need a memory card or everything that i do dosent get saved. any one have a gamecube memory card they want to sell me for cheap....im broke.
well thats it.
7 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 21 February :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: sick
I feel like shit. My lungs feel like they are going to..I don't know, fall out or something if I cough anymore. It's sucky. I hate being sick. Why can't I just be healthy for at least a month straight?
I said I wasn't going to go out tonight because I just stated that I'm sick but I don't want to cancel my plans at the last minute. I'll just go, have a good time, and not complain.
Haha what an akward day for Elyse and I. We never should have told that boy those things. Now he thinks we love him just as much as he loves us. We were only kidding. It was all just for a joke. So now I have to avoid him and when I do run into him, I just have to look the other way.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 20 February :: 7.12pm
and when you finally regret it....blame yourself.
I'm only doing this because I have to.
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 20 February :: 2.36pm
:: Mood: lonely
Never changes.
Why do I do this to myself. I let myself get lost in him again. But just as I do that he becomes a class A jerk again. I don't like that, but I can't stop it. Somehow I feel that I need him or something. I don't, and I realize that. But I don't act on it. He does a million stupid things and I let him counter that with only one sweet thing.
I was going to give him back his ring last night, we never actually did that. But when he came over I lost it. He was being so sweet. We were acting like we did in the beginning. It was amazing. I suddenly realized why he'd been my best friend for so long. Then I told him that I'd been about to give his ring back, and he got really sad. He asked if I still wanted to. I said I really didn't know. Then he told me that he didn't really want to give mine back or take his back, but that it was really up to me. He expressed the same confusion that I've been feeling. He said that when he was with me he wanted to be my boyfriend again, but when we were apart it was nice to be free. I feel the same... but I know that I'm still in love with him. I don't think he really is still in love with me. I think he's just in love with the idea of "us". I don't know what to do. I was SO jealous last night when he and Kayla were over. Caleb was suppose to come too, but since he didn't it was just the three of us. I didn't enjoy that in the least. I love love Kayla, she's one of my best friends anymore, but JD likes her, and I hate that. My mom at one point asked if I'd just invited them over to watch them flirt. I was gonna' kill her... mostly because she asked aloud the question I'd been asking myself all night.
UGH!! What am I suppose to do? I feel helpless somehow... like no matter what I do I'm screwed. He gets all freaky and jealous when I do stuff with other guys, and he never does anything with other girls. But I hate just sitting around thinking about what was and what might've been. "What if's" should not be the focus, and I pride myself on not thinking about them... at least not a lot. So what do I do? Just sit and wait for the world to work for me? Or do something about it? The latter obviously... but how? What do I do about it? I have no idea. And he is NO help at all.
And to think Saturday would've been 11 months for us. Instead it's been a month tomorrow since we broke up. Isn't that crazy? Yea!
Okay enough babbling. Advice would definetly be appreciated though.
Bye loves.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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brokenmentality
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2006 20 February :: 1.08pm
i should get around and take a shower. i stayed at keegans last night.. now hes at work. he stayed at my house friday. basically this has just been an us weekend.. which is noneless than wonderful.
yesterday was another rampage game. no need to update about what an incredible amazing FANTASTIC boyfriend i have... i think everyone knows that. (really.. though, mines the best.... :)
we got lucky at my house, we only lost power for like 3 hours on thursday or whenever the storm hit, and then saturday morning we lost it for about 4 hours... but other than that... i've been warm, toasty, and using electronics over here.... hate me if you must. *smiles*
my moms boyfriend/friend/whatever he is is leaving today to fly back to conneticut... (thats where he lives) im sad hes leaving... but a little releived. why.. im not sure. probably because he's been over at our house like every day.
i dont think my hair is brown enough now. perhaps i'll get it dyed next time instead of putting alot of lowlights in. or perhaps i'll go back to being blonde. ehh... who knows.
the whole house is clean... and i made french toast when i got home today. how keegan can not like french toast is beyond me. loser.
its so nice not having to tan anymore. i hate tanning.. its so incredibly bad for your skin. the only time i EVER want to tan is for dances and my wedding.. lol. and seems how i only plan on getting married once and only have prom left.... my skin will stay youthfull and magnificant. so HA all you crispy skinned tan-o-holics.
i really dont have a single other thing to say now.
wooo school tomorrow. wooo 2 impossible deadlines to meet on friday.
this week WILL suck hardcore.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 20 February :: 10.41am
:: Mood: productive
:: Music: JQ99 FM
Life
So, I'm sitting at a desk in an office answering phones, drinking coffee, and typing on the computer. On top of that I'm talking to crazy men who walk in asking for my mother and grandfather and don't know me. And who are now on a mini-tour of the facilities with a man I have known as grandpa Duane for my entire life. Yep, I'm officially out of school. Or I could be. Up until today I thought I'd hate working in an office, but it's not that bad really. I enjoy it. Plus it's really not too busy yet... which is good. And JD's bringing me lunch later. I love him... what a sweety?! But yea this is really weird. I feel all grown up. Like I'm totally not in high school anymore. I even had coffee in the "break room" while watching MSNBC or some such news program. Yea, that's just nuts. I like today... going back to school tomorrow's gonna' seriously suck after this.
Now onto the only way I can tell I'm still 16. HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA!! See last night JD came over after work, and we hung out. It's so weird when we do that though, because we both still feel the need to act like we're together. Example: I said something to him joking around and he tackled me, basically, but when I looked up at him he said "You want to kiss me." And I said "yea, but I'm resisting the urge", then he kissed me. It's so hard not to revert back to our old ways. Although I do like friend JD better than boyfriend JD most of the time. And I think I like myself better now too. But I still like being in his arms. Last night we went upstairs so I could show him my new stuff, and we ended up just laying on my bed talking about last spring break. And while we did this he just held me, like it was all okay again. Like we were still together, and still in love. I missed that a lot. We're so much happier now. It's crazy.
Okay, enough thinking about that. It's just messing with my head more.
I'll talk to you guys later. Have an awesome last day of break all. Love you mucho.
XOXO,
Jacqui
someone say moo
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fallenfaces
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2006 19 February :: 9.22am
I have something to look forward to now.
(You)
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swimfan14
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2006 17 February :: 10.21pm
I'm at my dads right now with Kelli and Brina. Kelli is downstairs in my room on my computer right now and i'm upstairs in my kitchen on my laptop. My dad hasn't gotten us wireless internet here yet for our house so I figured I wouldn't get any signal but I picked up signal from one of our neighbors so now we don't have to pay for it lol. It's pretty exciting. Brina is downstairs annoying everyone while i'm up here in the piece and quiet! Thank god.
Today Kelli and I went shopping for Brina and we got her the cutest outfits. I got her the cutest shoes too! I had to get her some pink ballet flats, of course :) and then we got her pink cowgirl boots. They're so cute. She's stylin' now.
Ohhh yeah. We can't forget this story. We were at Target today too and we got into my car and we were on our way out of the parking lot and I seen this car that was basically parked out in the middle of no where and the windows were foggy but I could still see in it and I seen this guy and girl having sex and I was like "OMG KELLI THEY'RE HAVING SEX!" and she's like "WHAT?!" so she wanted me to turn around and we pulled up right next to them and they started putting their clothes back on. I'm not even kidding about any of this. I was disgusted. Who has sex in a parking lot? I never would have sex where random people could see me. That's a little, umm GROSS!?!
I went out to dinner and to Cold Stone tonight! I love that place. If you haven't been there you probably should go.
I guess we aren't supposed to get our power back until Sunday at midnight which is too long so that's why I wont be returning there anytime soon.
I'm getting a little freaked out. I feel like i'm being watched up here. We have a huge windows in my kitchen and I just heard a loud noise in the garage so I ran downstairs.
crazything2132 (10:39:21 PM): why r u coming downstairs
crazything2132 (10:39:26 PM): is that you?
crazything2132 (10:40:42 PM): omg
crazything2132 (10:40:46 PM): what was the loud noice
crazything2132 (10:40:50 PM): are u dead?
Born2bOnStage x3 (10:41:38 PM): you heard that loud noise?
Yeah..what a nice friend haha.
I just want you to know that, I miss you, I miss you so.
6 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 16 February :: 9.40pm
Well we don't have power here either. I'm on my laptop though. I seriously am greatful that I have one because otherwise I probably would be going nuts right now like I was a few minutes ago before I realized I could get on the internet from my laptop. My three year old cousin Brina is here and I'm watching her until Sunday and anyways she wanted to find her lip gloss that I gave her and it was upstairs in my room and she kept telling me to go get it for her because it was "too dark" upstairs so we gave her a flashlight and we told her to go get it herself and she was up there for like 5 minutes until we realized we didn't hear her anymore so then we started calling her name and she wouldn't respond and then randomly she goes "I lost my flashlight!" it was so funny. She was just sitting up there in the dark looking for it. I was cracking up when she said that. I love her so much.
He confuses me so much. Why does he keep asking. I haven't figured it out yet. Well I have one idea but who knows if that's even possiable.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 16 February :: 12.54pm
I don't want you to know where I am because then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line, well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said that, it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to try and never become that way again, cause who I am hates who i've been.
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joeydomina
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2006 16 February :: 11.31am
I am gonna go to Illinois with my ma and my uncle for a day or two. I need to do something that will take my mind off of my situations. It's so hard talking to her and letting her go. I dont know if thats a good thing or not but I do know I love her. Not to get pathetic or anything but I slept last night holding onto her valentines present that I can't give her. I truly miss her. I don't honestly know how I'm supposed to go a month without being able to see or talk to her, I can barely make it a few days without being able to see her or talk to her. I find myself staring at her picture all the time hoping and praying that she's okay and not miserable like I am. All I want is for her to be happy.
Joey
someone say moo
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