Jacqui-Chan
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2006 25 January :: 3.56pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: nothin'
Fuckin' boys
I am in love with a boy. A boy who is no longer my boyfriend. That's right kids, JD and I are over. It sucks. Crying sucks, breaking up sucks, seeing the sympathy in everyones eyes sucks, not hugging him sucks, not kissing him sucks, not being able to touch him at all sucks. But do you know what sucks more than any of this put together? Trying to be his best friend. That's why we broke up ya' know. To get back on our feet, relationship wise, and set the ground work for it. We didn't do that at the beginning, and we think that may be why we've been fighting so much lately. So yea, not something I'd recommend. Don't try to be your ex-boyfriends best friend... at least not starting the day you break up.
Last night was terrible, trying to figure out what to do next. We kissed good-bye a hundred times. We just cried together, only wanting each other. Is this really the best way to fix things? Do you think it'll help? I don't know. I just want everything to be good. I love him so much. I don't like losing him. I told him I don't know if I want this to bring us back together. Because I don't want to chance ever feeling this way again. Lonely... being lonely is the worst feeling in the entire world. And it can't change, no matter how many of my friends tell me they're here. Because that spot can only be filled by the one I love... and he's not here. He won't be here... because it's over.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 24 January :: 7.20pm
Aww Stacy my background makes me so sad. It's so good but it just makes me sad to look at it because of everything we talked about. I hate seeing people cry and looking at my own picture of me crying is sad. I <3 you!
It's pretty much true though....
3 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 24 January :: 5.10pm
I can't forgive. I can't forget. I can't give in. What went wrong? Cause you said this was right. You fucked up my life. You'd rather watch me burn than break a sweat. You'd rather watch me drown than get your hands wet. You'd rather watch me fall than put weight on your hands. You'd rather walk away than try to understand.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 24 January :: 12.08am
That's what makes me so crazy, the difference between us. You can be heart broken and you can just...move on and I am just....broken.
5 moos |
someone say moo
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tonyp.
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2006 23 January :: 2.17pm
well my mother has limphoma of the stomic which is bad but not as bad as it could be but she needs to get kemothearapy so everyone wish her luck.
i talked to my friend chris reich who just came back from florida and he told me hes "probably" going to open a tattoo shop because thats what he does and he said if or when he does im getting a job with him as his piercer and eventually a tattoo artist even tho once i get the chance which isent going to be soon im going to open my own as well.
i havent really been doing much of anything except nothing.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 23 January :: 11.36am
The year is half way over. I'm happy about it and also in a way, sad about it. Lisa and I now have our 2nd hour together. We're pretty happy about that. It most likely isn't going to benefit us considering we already got in trouble for talking and we weren't even in there for 10 minutes yet lol. Oh yeah, we can't forget this.... The one person that I basically hate is in our class too. Lisa and I about died when we heard her name being called. I don't know why but i've never liked her and after everything last year she gave me a reason to hate her. She's going to get on my nerves real fast. Ohhh I can already tell this is going to be a long rest of the year.
I just want to get this over and done with. The easier it will be for me.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 22 January :: 12.48pm
It's all because of the way it was.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 22 January :: 12.05pm
:: Mood: Tired
I can't do that to you. I just can't.
I would never hurt you like you hurt me.
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bleedingsun
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2006 21 January :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: Chiodos - All Nereids Beware
Nine Months
Today will be amazing.
9 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 20 January :: 11.36pm
Aww I love Annalise!! She's too sweet to me!
Haha I love how someone will call me and then I didn't hear my phone ring and I notice that I have a missed call about two seconds after they called so I call them back and they are right in the middle of leaving me a voicemail and then listening to their voicemail cracks me up because sometimes they don't know if they should stop talking and switch over, or what. I don't know it just has happened to me a lot with many people and it's pretty funny.
Emily called me tonight and that happened, but that isn't my point. She wants to come over tomorrow with Logan and Justin to visit me. Afterwards she said she is feeling sick and she thinks she has mono from me.. Everyone who gets sick all of the sudden think they have mono lol. Let's hope not.
Thank god I only have like 10 minutes left. Robot mode is over soon Stacy lol.
Well this was pointless so I'm going to stop rambling on.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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jacqui-chan
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2006 20 January :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: B-Ball Blitz on FOX
I had a bad day...
Can't he just care? Is it so hard for him to just hold me and make me feel better? Last night all he could really do is say "It's gonna' be okay," but today he could've helped. He could've just come over, or brought me to his house. ANYTHING! All I wanted was a hug and his love. But I got nothing. Even when we said good-bye after school he wasn't paying attention. He just kept talking to Jeremy and ignoring me. I said "I love you" and he didn't even hear me! Then I said "bye" and he still wasn't listening. I was a foot from him and talking loudly, he just didn't care. And now we can't hang out at all, just because of this stupid weather. (and his refusal to go to an f-ing basketball game.) So, when I figured out today was a no-go I asked him to hang out tomorrow. But no, of course not. He's hanging out with Caleb. And we couldn't possibly all do something together. I just love that. When the two of us hang out, Caleb's ALWAYS invited, but when those two hang out I'm shunned. It's so stupid!! I swear, all I wanted was a really big hug from him. That's all I really needed. Instead I get yelled at, argued with, and hung up on. How wonderful is that? Man, what an awesome boyfriend. I told him it'd be nice if he'd at least pretend to care once in a while... he just said he was gonna' go. I let him. I really didn't know what to say after that anyway. I didn't want to talk to him about anything anymore, becuase I was too mad. I still am, but I really do wish he'd call me back and tell me how much he cares, and how sorry he is. But he won't... cuz he's JD... and he thinks he can get away with anything. And he can... because I let him. It's my fault... it's always my fault...
2 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 20 January :: 1.32pm
Last night I was in the hospital again. I was actually going to explain everything thats going on, but now I don't really feel like wasting my time. If you're important then i'll let you know what happened.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait until I can go back to school next week.
I probably wont ever say that again.
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m&ms487
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2006 20 January :: 9.23am
Last day of the semester! I'm very excited.
No more AP Biology.
Now: Bioethics
An interesting switch.
I had a lesson with linda last night. It went better than I expected. I'm doing very well on my solo now, a lot better :).
I have an english test today. Five reading assignments in two days and then a test. Odd?
I just had some bacon and mushroom pizza and a cup of mountain dew listening to banter abroad. Pep band tonight, I'm not going home after school, but rather staying after with my flute ensemble to practice and going to subway and then coming back to school for pep band. It's going to be long day. But, that pizza WAS good.
michelle
someone say moo
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 19 January :: 3.52pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: Mercyme "Undone"
S.W.E.E.T.
Truth. It's odd, everybody seems to think something different of it. Can there really be truth with all the opinions on right and wrong? What is really true, and will we ever really know for sure? It's been so twisted and screwed up so many times that it just doesn't seem possible to find anymore. I don't know. Some people think God's word is truth. Others believe science holds the key to real truth. It's all really a matter of faith, isn't it? My faith is in God, but somehow I feel like that's not necissarily truth. Not always. Maybe truth changes as time changes. What's true today isn't necissarily going to be true next year or in 10 years or even in a week.
Kinda' interesting to think about isn't it. Truth just depends on faith, trust, and knowledge. So my truth may not be yours. Now, will SOMEBODY PLEASE tell the Supreme Court that? Or how about the President? This is some screwed up stuff man.
Anyway, I'll leave you all to ponder truthfullness, even the truth in this little entry.
Love always,
Jacqui
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 18 January :: 6.59pm
Today was a long long day. I haven't slept very much today. I had a lot of friends come over to visit me :) I love them. They're too sweet.
Now my sleeping schedule is off track. At around 3:30 am my mom wakes me up to so I can take my medicine. I fall back asleep. Then at 7:30am she comes and wakes me up again so I can take more medicine. I sometimes get up and go visit everyone who's getting ready for work and school or sometimes I just fall back asleep. I sleep until around 11:30 when she wakes me up again. I get up..she makes me eat something..I watch a movie...I sleep until 3:30..usually by then someones here to see me..I see them for a while...I usally sleep some more..wake up..i'm forced to eat..I watch tv for a while then I sometimes fall asleep and at 11:30 before my mom goes to bed she wakes me up again and makes me take more medicine...
Haha im going to be addicted now.
I pretty much didn't do that at all today so tonight's probably going to be rough.
I'm going into my 3rd hour (drama) for like 20 minutes just so I can talk to H and see what I'm going to do about the play and I have to get all my homework from the rest of my teachers. Ugh..
Josh's letter he wrote me was so cute. I'm so sad for him. He has to face Ms. Eilola alone...oh well things happen. I'll write his letter tonight, and I can't forget to write Lisa's and Kelli's too.
When I got my picture taken for my license the lady was like "you could have at least smiled" since I was complaining about me looking horriable and then she said that and I just wanted to slap her and be like "umm maybe you should shut the fuck up I have mono and I've been in the hospital" and then I also just wanted to lick her or something so then she'd get mono too.
Anyways I don't really have much to say and too many people are talking to me and my brain still can't function very well and im getting too confused so I can't do all this at once.
~mCaLa~ says:
bummer....so H found out today, did u hear this story yet?
*ASH*-forget the things we swore we meant <3 says:
no
*ASH*-forget the things we swore we meant <3 says:
lol
~mCaLa~ says:
oh...well he was in shock..he's like "are you serious? lil one has mono?" we're all like "umm..yea" he let out a yell..lol
Hope this was fast enough Stacy!!
<3 ashley
8 moos |
someone say moo
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tonyp.
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2006 18 January :: 2.15pm
well ive applyed at applebees in two differnent locations and at bufflow wild wings and at the outback steak house and im still looking but hopefully ill get a job soon because i need on so i can actually get the things i need. ive been really busy lately and by busy i mean ive been at eDen alot which is alot of fun. jimi if you read this which i think you do sometimes give me a call im sorry i havent called you i lost your number again. my mom is going to have to have surgery so everone wish her luck and keep her in your thoughts, theres something wrong with her stomic so lets say your stomic is the size of a football well she has a mass that makes it about the size of a softball and ofcours im very woried because i love my mom very much.
but if anyone knows of anyplace thats hiring please please let me know.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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bleedingsun
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2006 18 January :: 12.39am
:: Music: Bright Eyes
Insomnia? No.
I want to go to bed, but my blanket is in the dryer, and apparently we have no other blankets in this house. I put my bedding in the washer earlier today, but I forgot to dry it until about 20 minutes ago. So now I'm here, bored and exhausted, hoping we have another day off tomorrow. If we don't, I'm sure I'll be falling asleep in class.
3 moos |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 17 January :: 11.23pm
I'm not really mad at you. I just don't think you meant what you said. You lied to me and from now on I can no longer believe anything you say.
someone say moo
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snowman
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2006 17 January :: 9.45pm
SWEET, i found out tonight that i will be goin to a prison on a trip in my class at GRCC, thats fuckin ausome
3 moos |
someone say moo
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snowman
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2006 17 January :: 3.24pm
well CC is goin good, met some new people, hopefully gonna start finding out where the parties are at soon
live life to excess
1 moo |
someone say moo
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fallenfaces
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2006 17 January :: 1.59pm
:: Music: Bob Dylan - Blowing in the Wind
Everything reminds me of you.
Days like today are hard.
I hate memories.
Some times I wish they could all just go away.
Yeah, it's better to have loved and lost or whatever the fuck.
But, it's not easier. And I miss you every day and think about you every day. I just want you back. To this day I'd still take you back.
And that is pathetic and sad.
It wasn't like that for a while and now it is again.
I'm trying to be strong. Sometimes it works other times it just does't.
I wish I could throw all of what I remember in your face so you could miss me like I miss you. Did you just forget? Does it just not matter to you? Did it ever matter? I have a million questions that I'll never know the answer to.
I just want it to be over with.
When will it all be over with?
Nevermind. It makes no difference.
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fallenfaces
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2006 17 January :: 1.26pm
That's what I want.
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jacqui-chan
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2006 17 January :: 12.07pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: news 3 at noon
This SUCKS.
So, we kinda' broke up Sunday... then we un-broke up. It was complicated. Now we've been trying to decide what to do. He won't just talk to me about it though, of course not. He just says "I don't wanna' deal with it right now". So I tell him that he's never going to want to deal with it, but he's gonna' have to. We need to talk about some stuff to decide what's best for our relationship. But no, we can't. Which just pushes me closer and closer to the end-it-now side. NOT GOOD.
Ya know what's really weird about all this though. We'll fight and be angry and talk about possibly breaking up, but we still say "I love you" when we say good-bye. It's just odd, I mean, I'll probably always love him... he is my first love... but wouldn't ya' think after talking about breaking up we'd just be too angry to say it? It's silly.
I don't know. I'm so glad we had a snow day today. I was seriously up WAY too late thinking about stuff... not just JD stuff... work stuff too. And exams... oh lord exams. Not good.
Anyway, I'll get going now. Love ya'll, Chao.
-Jacq-
2 moos |
someone say moo
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joeydomina
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2006 17 January :: 12.03pm
:: Mood: Sad beyond Reason
Bingo Died
To Whom it may concern:
Bingo my beloved car has died.
It saddends me to let you all know this. He gave me a good year.
Well now i have to drive my truck around so good luck noticing me now.....
mwahahahhahaha (thats supposed to be crying noises)
good day,
Joey
5 moos |
someone say moo
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brokenmentality
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2006 17 January :: 11.40am
damn ice. im greatful school was canceled... but if it would have been snowing i would have checked the weather BEFORE i got ready (well ready as in washed my face and brushed my teeth.... but STILL awake enough to be angry about getting up) this is ridiculous. middle of winter and it rains. psh.
i was watching the news this morning....
"a chocolate new orleans?" are you kidding me! why is it that racism starts at the top of the chain?! pathetic.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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