such sweet symphony
so, its been a while.

i am really looking forward to doing some major art this weekend, i cant wait. and i feel like such a nerd for being excited about painting, but i guess thats just how i am.

i want to do a portrait of one of my friends. it would be like the ultimate gift.

i think so, at least.

i dont know whats going on with me this week, but ive been procrastinating out the ass.

i really hope i can be better friends with lauren and mark, they seem incredibly awesome. and heather is so hilarious, i love her.

ive noticed that ive been comparing myself with other, which is so awful, because i hate doing that.

ugh, this is such a worthless entry, but its midnight, who gives a damn?

i thought i was safe from your gaze
so today i felt like absolute fuck. i woke up at 2 in the morning and i felt like screaming bloody murder. instead, i snuck into my mom's bathroom and took some aleve and tried to go back to bed.

my alarm clock, my R E A L L Y obnoxious alarm clock, failed to wake me up, and my mom came in about three times.

and then i said i wasnt going to school and that i would call her when i did finally wake up. she told me to feel better. i miraculously fell asleep.

and then i woke up at 10.00 but could not move. it felt like someone was playing twister with my insides, and after an hour, i had to force myself to get up and eat breakfast before i fainted or vomited.

i vomited anyways after breakfast, wasnt that great.

and then i just layed in different parts of my house, because the thought of moving somewhere else made me want to cry, and i only did it when the place i was in became too hot.

i turned on the tv, and didnt pay much attention, but at least it was distracting.

i took more medication throughout the day and started feeling a little better around 3.30, which is when i remembered that nahs inductions were tonight.

and i did NOT want to miss that.

so i started getting ready and by 4.20, when my mom came home to take me to the highschool for the inductions, i had accomplished to put on clothes, brush my hair, and put very little make up on.

so, now i'm a member of nahs. and im happier than i should be about it. but come on. when i came up to accept my certificate, ms roeder said to ms thimler "she is a very good artist" and ms thimler says "is she?" and ms roeder replies "yes."

that made me feel good.

the gallery and reception afterwards was great.

and i saw some of james' work. that kid is amazing. ahaha, but his hair is ridiculous. he congratulated me though, as i walked into the gallery.

i managed to plaster a smile on my face, even though i felt like hurling.

i came home and wanted to pass out, but refrained, and instead talked to chrissie online.

that girl is freaking incredible. i mean, jesus, she is just awesome. i burst out laughing quite a few times during our conversation. and im already feeling much better.

so tomorrow i am going to teach her math, and then we're going to eat ice cream, and win things from friday's.

i cant wait. :)

crescendos and lulls
i really want to go to the phantom of the opera, and i think im going, too.

also, score, i am going to scotland and/or italy. definitely scotland though. i think over the summer, and we might go to italy over spring break, im so excited!

and my sister says the next time we're in sweden, we'll go drinking in london, because i'll be 18 by then!

i think i'll be a lot more different then i was last year. im not sure if its a good or a bad thing.

i am such a fuck up.

wtf mate?
oh my god, most fucked up dream ever. i have to write this down, because im already forgetting it.

it was like a movie.

i was at emma watson's house, and we were eating dinner or something. then tom felton (as draco malfoy) had wrote a book about quidditch or some nonsense.

and after dinner (?) we all had to go in emma's room, but somehow my head identified it as ginny's room. anyways, i couldnt find it at first, and i only found it because there was light coming from the crack of the door.

there are other people besides me in there, but i dont remember who they are. but, there is someone in her bed, and everyone (which has narrowed down to two people, wtf) and this kid jared is under the covers once someone pulls them off.

and he's lying in the bed, but it's way too small for him. the footboard for the bed is against the wall, but his feet somehow manage to slip between the space between the wall and footboard to get under the bed. almost like his feet were made of paper.

and we go "what are you doing in here, we're supposed to be doing something." (i dont remember what we were supposed to be doing.)

and he mumbles, because he's half asleep, and says "hermione said i could."

then i somehow end up in this gigantic parking structure. just one floor of it. and i dont know what to do, but something tells me i have to crash into something.then a little red car goes by and i "lock on" to it. because now it feels like there is a ps2 controller in my hand. there really isnt. but still, i lock on using the R1 key which is totally wrong.

as i locked on, a little yellow "1" appeared on the side of the car, and i thought it was too small of a number. so i really quickly locked on to another car which was going fast and i tried driving into it, because i somehow am a car, but also myself. its confusing just thinking about it.

i could never crash a car and i was getting frustrated. and then there are no more cars driving around, but james marsters kind of walks in between the parked cars, with his signature black duster, his platinum hair, and a cigarette in one hand. he stopped by me and told me something, then took a drag of his cigarette. i dont remember what he told me.

i end up in the back of this van with two other children. and there is a small bird-cage like cage that is black and is seperated into four different parts from a seperator inside. and i know that there is a red, a blue, a green, and a yellow fairy inside.

let me say: what. the. fuck.

moving on. one of the children is a little girl and she is really scared, so to make herself feel better, she says out loud that she doesnt believe in magic.

and i look at her sadly and say "you know, everytime you saw that, a fairy dies." i hold up the cage, and the green fairy is lying on her side. i think in my head 'poor earth fairy.'

then i am observing the front of the van (it is white, by the way). but it's in motion, so its kind of like watching a movie. cut to the inside of the van, and sarah michelle gellar is in the passenger seat. smoke is coming from the back of the fan and somehow filtering into the front.

she says "what's that smoke from?"

and michelle trachtenberg, who is behind her says "i dont think you should worry about it."

that's all i remember.

your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
haha forgot to mention the new layout. i = such a dork.

is she an airhead? HAHAHA oh god yes.
hahaha i went out with sabrina and tiffany tonight.

tiffany has her own vehicle. not the greatest, haha. they picked me up around 9 and we went and had dinner at macaroni grill. i had chicken parmigiano. mmm.

but when our waiter, doug, was putting the pepper and the oil on the plate for you to dip your bread in, tiffany was looking at him like he was insane.

and as soon as he left she goes "what is that for?!!?"

we laughed. and said it was for bread.

and then sabrina said the cheese on my chicken was mold, and tiffany believed her. holy christ.

but here is something priceless:
when sabrina was at her house, they finished watching a movie, and she says "just put the dvd back in the case."
and tiffany says "how do i rewind it?"

good times. anyways, we hit up barnes and noble afterwards, and get coffee and some sort of dessert. none of us finished them.

it was such great fun. and sabrina is getting a mustang convertible!!! ahh! we are totally cruising in that mother.

and since i had coffee i am very very very awake. fuck.

teenage angst? oh no!
i am not having such a good day. blah.

i think my mother is going to kill me soon though. i ordered some my chemical romance patches online. with my debit card. without asking permission.

oh dear.

ugh. all day ive had this constant need to just scream. or pass out or something.

and the moment of zen for the day is:

What one-liner are you? by shinikami
Name
Line	A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

.. wtf?

yay something corporate

Take the test, by Emily.

i dont think duct tape will work this time
its christmas eve.

christmas is broken. because it doesnt feel exciting or happy or cozy anymore.

and my cat is a maniac. as i type, he is ARGH kneading into my left thigh and is purring like a steam roller.

wince.

i love this song.

oh walt you silly man
i love how all the fairy tales have been disney-fied. they are much more gruesome than you would think. and hardly any have happy endings. no lie.

take the little mermaid for example. first of all, she eats people. second, she doesnt actually get the guy; to get legs and have fun as a human she has to kill the man she wants. but as she is going to stab him, she cant bring herself to do it and instead stabs herself in the heart. and then she turns into seafoam.

isnt that fantastic?

everyone should go out and get trashed.
it is winter break!!!!!

and i have exams to study for. what bullshit.

dude, i have the most fucked up dreams ever. the one i had last night was absolutely ridiculous. if you want to know; ask. otherwise, just leave it. for your own safety.

i sometimes wonder why they're so odd, and have come to the conclusion that its just my family gradually driving me insane.

i am sad about my chemistry exam. sad sad sad. i got a 105/120.

BECAUSE OF THREE STUPID IONS!! thats such shit. blah.

welcome to the outback.. in africa.. WTF?!
ah. chemistry is easy when you study like a madwoman.

ugh. i am so not looking forward to the precalc exam. im trying to think of some genious way to cheat. because we can only have a piece of paper that he gives us, a pencil, and a calculator.

and yes, he clears the memory of graphing calculators before every test. argh.

and holy shit, my bus is so retarded.

they were talking about STDs or some shit like that, and this one boy was like "yeah, but thats a disease way down in.. africa or something if you get bit by a kangaroo."

so i ask myself.

is stupidity contagious? it seems he passed it on to some of the others on my bus. i pray that i am immune.

prepare to evacuate soul in 3, 2, in 1
during exam week i think everyone walks around with an invisible gun to their head.

and i am about ready to just fucking die from everything i have to do.

tomorrow is the chemistry exam. you can imagine how thrilled i am.

..

i also have 2349516140560673828510483684 things due on thursday which i have neglected to do. it sits there staring at me from my bag saying "you are so fucked."

ohmygod. we took all the notes we need for the precalc midterm today. when i looked at the board i wanted to cry. holy shit.

insomnia would be better
so this dream i had.

i was at a party at this house. and i was talking to alot of people and suddenly i had to go run to the house next door to get something. the dream is set in a kind of grayish tone.

and i run across this yard with gray grass and jump over a tree made out of metal.

it looks like one of the trees from ferngully, you know, with the mushroom things sticking out of it like little plates.

i step on one of the mushrooms as i fly over it.

and then i end up at the next house over and there are people there. i look to where they're staring. its a house, with one of those screened porches that wrap the whole way around it. like an endless patio. and just as i look, a naked man with a funnel on his head runs from one side of the porch to the other.

now, i couldnt see his bathing suit area. it was 'censored' out like the 'whats my age again' video by blink 182, when tom, mark, and travis are running through the streets in their birthday suits.

i turn to the group of people and say "he must be really drunk."

the rest of it was really strange. and also i was talking to some boy and we were looking across the street and our noses touched and we started laughing hysterically.

it was pretty fucked up.

fight club
new layout.

i haven't updated in a long while. i hope i can update more now that i will be getting my computer back soon.

i was grounded.

and later i must post a very odd dream i had.

yay memegen

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	breath taking
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...	awakening my heart
Your smell is...	amazing
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	unique
Quiz created with MemeGen!

see the devil on the doorstep now
bush won.

what a fuckhead!!

i am wearing black tomorrow. i shall mourn kerry's loss.

ah ha, and it coincides with spirit day.

oh the joy.