And with our broken smiles we walk away

And with our broken smiles we walk away

:: 2004 4 December :: 11.11pm

One hour nine minutes.

fourty-seven point seven miles.

i don't know. it doesn't look good.

From Kalamazoo: one hour and nine minutes.

Still doesn't look good.

6 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 2 December :: 10.49pm
:: Music: death cab for cutie.

So no pelvis? I'm kind of pissed in a relieved way. whatever.

dandruff not going away. mom not buying me dandruff shampoos.

tomorrow=darkroom fun time and less school.

7 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 25 November :: 10.48am

Cell phone found. Still works

I hate Thanksgiving. . .and all holidays in fact.

I'm thankful for the people who put up with me.

Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 25 November :: 3.06am

Okay. So maybe I might have run over my cell phone. It's okay. And I had to work tonight and it sucks outside. Or blows. . .whatever. Maybe I almost hit a tree. Whatever.

I didn't get to see Jake, but that's not because he's a jerk. It's because I had to work. See?

It's taken me twelve hours to feel better, but I've done it. I should call someone and tell them.

I stomped around and got yelled at. I tried to sleep several times. I watched the Sunday Night Sex Show and Drawn Together. I watched Romie and Michelle's freaking High School Reunion. Eh. . .sort of. I tried reading and music and orangers. But what finally work was me taking pictures of myself naked. Well they're only head shots, but still.

6 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 24 November :: 10.41pm
:: Music: death cab for cutie-expo 86

oh no. i'm so stupid and sorry and mean and should be locked up.
desperate and nervous and i'm going to be abandoned. i'm pretty sure about that.

i can't believe myself.

2 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 24 November :: 4.03pm

You spend all day sleeping and waiting only to be fucked over by the weather and work.

It's not fair that I cry easily now. And I can fucking whine if I whine. My dad gets to drive to detroit. I get to make pizzas.

I hate being empathetic.

3 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 22 November :: 7.47pm

You Are a Liberal for Life

You've got a bleeding heart - and you're proud of it.

For you, liberal means being compassionate, pro-government, and anti-business.

You believe in equality for every person, and you consider yourself universally empathetic.

Helping others is not just political for you ... it's very personal too.

What political persuasion are you?

Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 22 November :: 7.35pm

grcc=downgrade

jess=okay

2 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 21 November :: 1.58am
:: Mood: jubilant
:: Music: death cab for cutie-passenger seat.

It's really the best feeling I've ever ever ever ever ever had. Probably. At least in the top seven.

Everything I want. But for real.

I want to turn on all the lights and yell and dance.

5 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 19 November :: 11.26pm
:: Music: death cab for cutie-the sound of settling

Let's focus here:

Things are good.

I've decided that satisfied is not a place you want to be. It's only a thing to be constantly striving for. If you get there wouldn't you be bored? Without the indecision and the heartbreak and and and the uncertainty and the changes and the simple things and the tragic. . .and everything you love and hate you'd just be stuck.

3 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 15 November :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: soooo grumpy

okay okay

i'm crazy and i keep getting more weird.

i can't be aloof and i can't be overbearing and i can't find a middle ground where i feel normal and i want constant reassurance. i want to yell and hide and get a better taste in my mouth.

i mean i don't believe that it's okay even though it must be. does that make sense?

maybe i'm not even ready and i'm just going to be really imature or i'll be really good and hide all my fear and then i'll freak out.

you know it'll be fine and then that melting feeling will come and i'll pretend like i'm not crazy. and then i'll feel weird again. i'm not an intuitive person. i'm just freaking nuts.

maybe i'll follow my own advice. no bull. but that would involve me telling the story again.

ugh.

12 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 15 November :: 6.36am

I'm not sure why I can't seem to breath. Maybe I'm losing the hang of it.

5 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 14 November :: 11.17pm

will i be the kind of person who doesn't own a toaster?

pray for me.

4 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 13 November :: 10.52pm

I'm so mollifed and happy. And I don't even feel stupid or ugly or like i have to look impressive. i can trust and i can feel safe. but it's not anxious and it's not mean or embarassing and i don't have to listen to my doubt because it's not telling the truth.

it's nice.

and i don't freak out when i see durangos or look at the clock at 9:24 or care.

i only wish my mom would be happy too. not be such a meanie. but that's the only fly in the ointment.

and maybe i'll quit my jarb. and maybe i'll get my period soon and my body will be better and i can have babies.

4 comments | Its raining inside my head

sugarmouse0587

:: 2004 13 November :: 12.25am

intense.

Its raining inside my head