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2003 27 November :: 6.54 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: third eye blind <33
I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned
I'm really good right now. I have this urge to write a really nice entry about how i love all of my friends, which i really do. Ah all of you guys are so much fun and i just can't imagine life without any of you. Dammit ha. Last night was so fun.. and so was the night before that. I bursting forth with all this love for everyone.. which is good. This is how i get when im semi happy. I'm just in one of those i love everyone moods. Woo because its lasted for more then an hour. Sorry if i forget anyone:
Dana: thanks for always having my back and making me laugh nonstop because we are so crazy together
Stacey: thanks for being great. ha damn you are so fun and i know i can turn to you when i have a problem
Sara: thanks for having faith in me.. no matter what (you make me feel forever worthwhile) and taking over the world with me
Ryan: thanks for being my BFF!!!! <33333 haa oh man no really you are too fun and insightful. your theories amuse me YEAH
Karin: math buddy for LIFE. but dude very level headed and i like your opinions and talking and cruising with you while listening to crazy emo music. and yogurt <33333
Jon: best husband. you are so crazy and your antics amuse me. you always make me smile
Paige: oldies + paige + car= fun i love our conversations and your fresh outlook on things and your outgoing bubbliness. fun parties and muffins <3
Allison: thanks for still being optimistic and great at lunch. always full of stories and i know you would be there for me. soccer mom
Sam: you're full of imagination and i never get bored. very caring. thank you
deena: my very own library buddy. We've become pretty close and its very awesome that we can talk about everything and save eachothers grades. Tecumseh!
adam: very nice and i love how you're an eternal optimist. you have a great capacity for love and you care a lot about people so thanks
harry: so sweet and funny, even though it took awhile for everyone to warm up to eachother. very fun.
Erika: i love that i met you this summer. you are sooo funn!!!! ahhhhh amazing
Jason: love this kid. just the nicest person i know. i wish him all the happiness in the world
Neil: thanks for being nice and talking to me and being funny and crazy and TRYINGTO KILL ME!!!!
Steven: you crack me up. and you are amazing. plain and simple. <3
Amy: thanks for making me laugh and being one of the funniest people ever created. wish i talked to you more but your still that cool <3
cari: thanks for being so nice and crazy and accompanying sara and i to the shows. your company is priceless
thanks to anyone who has ever made me smile, because everything counts. I really do think everyone is so great and i really hope i havent forgotten anyone it isnt intentional. Most of the poeple on this don't even read my journal.. eh. I just want to put how i feel out there.. i could say so much more. People cant be summed up in a few lines. But still I'm very content and i feel so great for knowing such special people and i felt it needed to be acknowledged
have a wonderful thanksgiving
oh yes and i love my family too, for what would thanksgiving be without them <3
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2003 20 November :: 9.45 pm
it breaks my heart to see jason like this. i don't know what im going to do.
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2003 18 November :: 9.49 pm
'I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me and think solely about themselves and
you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time I used to say the more tragic the better the truth is whenever I think of the early 90's your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday'- alanis
note to self: stop because you are definately not ahead and you never will be so why waste precious time?
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2003 14 November :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: hellish
I wish no one in my place
fuck. I am so sick of myself. verge of throwing up. I'm about to have another anxiety attack again. I just feel so helpless all the time. All i do is drift around, a shell of my former self (which wasnt that great to begin with). I dont even see the point of existing. and i thought i could avoid crying tonight. I just want to be normal like everyone else and be happy. I don't even see a light in the tunnel.. it's pitch black for miles. Maybe it's just a cave, not a tunnel at all. I don't even see the point of making an effort, because i know i can't get better on my own. I'm so fucking exhausted. I'm not mad at anyone at all. It's not anyones fault.. it's mine for being who i am. I hate being me. I hate it. I abhor it. I am the most vile creature on this planet and i deserve exactly what i get.
said it's not your fault and you've been good to me. it's just lately i've been feeling like i dont belong, like the grounds not mine to walk upon
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[later:.. yeah im working my way towards recovery.. one step at a time. ill go to sleep feeling okay today]
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2003 9 November :: 5.21 pm
:: Mood: amused/ disturbed
This all was only wishful thinking
And i actually thought I had a chance with him. How insane is that? eh, no big deal I just have to learn to stop getting my hopes up. Things like that just dont happen to me.
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2003 6 November :: 8.20 pm
:: Mood: amazing
oh wow. i own the world. I took a chance to make my life extraordinary and i would say i'm on my way. yay. it's the littlest things that make me happiest.
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2003 5 November :: 6.50 pm
:: Music: tbs/ std .. oh man
through being cool
I want to kiss someone now.. and now.. and now.. and, uh, now, but that isn't going to happen. Do you see the problem here?
[i can't wait any longer, kill me now]
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2003 4 November :: 3.59 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
If you don't know, why would you say so? Won't you get your story straight
I decided to go to homecoming this year. I don't know how i can top last year with all the scandal.. oh wait i didn't go last year.. hmm thats funny.
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2003 3 November :: 8.13 pm
just know i' m happy and i want to document it, because this, my friends, is a rare occurance.
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2003 1 November :: 11.51 am
:: Mood: satisfied
hmm, i'm convinced that October was for Drama, but it is NOVEMBER, so now what?
I'm having an adventure today to celebrate. good day.
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2003 26 October :: 1.50 pm
:: Mood: amused/ satisfied
:: Music: Taking back sunday
i hope that when he leaves, you still smell him on your sheets, because i can, i can.
you're down for selling me out
while i play dumb,
but it's cool because i let you, you thought i'd never catch you,
you said "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, i bet. i bet.
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2003 22 October :: 8.25 pm
:: Mood: crappy
to hell with you
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2003 12 October :: 9.57 pm
blueyed717: <3 to the sarah bess' of the world
I'm going to try to be cool like everyone else...
I feel better. which is one thing or another, but the point is that i'm not caught up in all of this drama, which i am so thankful for. I dont know all i am saying is Jon might have caught onto something. by the way i miss him. by the way again, sometimes i feel cool and those times are times that most people will never see which also leads me to believe drastic changes will need to be made.
ooh yeah i had so much fun with sara yesterday and today. stepping away from things for awhile is nice. ahhhhhhhh. music music music.. now that is life.
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2003 5 October :: 11.24 pm
:: Mood: grateful
in response to her journal
thank you stacey, for being you, for sticking with me through the past years, through all of my phases and moodswings. Thank you for knowing me probably better than anyone[ or at least tied with people haha]. Thank you for making me laugh and liking chick movies. Thank you for your horrible analogies. Thank you for making moving out here bearable and trick or treating with me every year. Thank you for making me feel like i am worth something, like some one out there cares about me. So much more. I dont think i am getting my point across. I love you sooo much, just because you are you. My life would be infinately worse with out you haha. dude words are just not enough.
<333333333333333
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2003 28 September :: 9.39 pm
:: Mood: amused
Why can't i breath whenever i think about you
I was in a very good mood today. for the most part. Very fun adventures with Dana [starbucks, giving in to boyscouts, finding cloths on the road, embarrasing ourselves at the library and so much more.. definately Brendon Leonard Show material] , which were sadly cut short by SAT lessons. Anyways though the only thing that got me kind of down is that i feel that im drifting from "the group." It's isnt really my fault though that i can't hang out with them every day. I mean i can't help it, because i do have work. But still i do miss them incredibly, because i do want to hang out with them. I just feel like im not as close to them as i should be. Like i dont talk on the phone to Jon or Ryan and i should because they are my best guy friends. And even though i know i'm not i was still semi hurt when i wasnt on Jon's best friend list, but i guess what should i expect. I guess it is my fault eh? mrm.. well by the way i fully support and believe in the ladder theory on Ryans journal. Thank you and goodnight
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