I didnt want it to mean that much to me :(
The worst has happened on such a nice day

Little darlin, its been a long, cold, lonely winter.. here comes the sun
Mmm things are starting to look better.
Im in a pretty good mood right now. Today i layed out in the sun and listened to Sublime, Weezer, the Clash and the Beatles. Im just in such a delightful summer mood. I feel like the beach and shells and suntain lotion and jamba juice.
While in this mood i realized, though it could only be temporarily [let's hope not] .. screw Jason. like really i can find someone so much better, somone who actually wants me and understands why i love the summer wind. And would be as goodlooking as my mom expects. And hey, maybe one day jason will come around, but you know what it might be too late. His loss.
I am such a catch ;)
[ I can play the guitar like a mother fucking riot ]
Ps. im still basking in the glow of my wonderful friendships. <333

Bo Babe344: find something that makes you happy and do it every day
Sophomore year is such a learning experiance.. I'm already looking back on this year with a smile.. despite all of the drama.
I mean, I've learned my lessons and I'm trying to become a better person.
I can't honestly say I was the same person I was six months ago.. I think i'm wiser.
But honestly. it was and is a great year. I'm very grateful for all of my friends. I'm very grateful that things happened they way they did (though sometimes i wish they didn't)
I cant really express how i feel but it's a good feeling.
This summer is going to be a blast

She used to call me baby softly sometimes
I haven't been writing in here.. i dont know why
Basically i was rejected last night ( he said "lol" he said he didnt want a relationship.. [but he wanted to crush an innocent girl] ) and im not so numb anymore.
My mantra last night was "it's the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine"
I dont feel too fine anymore
Its those stupid moments when he is being funny or stupid when i realize how much i liked him.. like him.
Its over.. damn it its over. And im on the verge of tears again. But i wont cry. I'm too strong for that.
"I should have seen it was over and left it alone but i had to go on embarrasing myself."
Please comment im at a loss for words

I was hoping this time it would be different
"I didn't ask, they shouldn't have told me
At first, I'd laugh, but now
It's sinking in fast, whatever they've sold me

But, baby, I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)

It gets hard when memory's faded
Who gets what they say
It's likely they're just jealous and jaded

Well, maybe, I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)

I can't let it get me up
And break up my train of thought
As far as I know, nothing's wrong
Until I hear it from you

Still thinking about not living without it
Outside looking in
'Til we're talking about, not stepping around it
Well, maybe

I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)"- Gin Blossoms
~~
Im a little bit heartbroken. Not that anything particularly bad happened. No no you know what i had fun.
I dont feel like writing this.. ask me about it or ill type stuff later..

You cant fake it hard enough to please everyone, or anyone at all
I just had another emotional break down a few minutes ago. I dont really feel like writing but i am. I mean i just couldnt breath and i just kept coughing and crying, its like everything just kind of snapped.
And there is something seriously wrong and no one beleives me. And as stacey said previosuly about herself , i dont think anyone really knows me. No.
I decided i cant stand anything anymore. I cant stand this life and i just want to get out. Everything is going wrong

*I start wishing i had something i could offer them*
None of us have been writing.. it seems wrong.
I feel very weird right now. Like somethings wrong but i cant pin point it.
And I know everyone, or dana, is disapointed. And Id like to say i was too and i kind of am, because well this behavior is unacceptable. Yet. i seem to have accepted it, because i dont think im capable of such an enormous change. And everyone thinks its soo easy to just say hi or strike up a conversation with someone. And well for me it's one of my biggest fears. Like i compare it to getting a shot. Im sure this morning i probably would have threatened to jump out the window like i did the last time at the doctors office. No one understands how its not just that easy. It kills me. .. while this whole thing obviously kills my social life.
And i hate writing because who knows who has this thing
But ill deal with it
So i have this problem and I have these two guys who i really like. And with jason its just shit and i always have this internal fear he likes Stacey. And so what if she has a boyfriend or not because that hasnt stopped me. Prime example guy number two. Neither i can talk to. I just wish i could be normal.. but i guess I got to be smart or something. Great.
And i also suspect something. that you cant be happy for others.. unless you are happy.
Im not a lucky kid. no no no. I dont know what to do with this life anymore. It gets to me every now and then