I think im going out of my head
most importantly,
I miss Sara soooooooooooooooo much
without her it seems like the world has stopped.. I just cant wait to tell her everything.
... and I miss Paige too ;)
This spring break has gotten old already. I really want to go to the show on Sunday.. definately
Also im going to stop thinking.. wishing .. that things will happen. I think ive figured out that it wont. I think im the last one to figure that out. I think everyones laughing at me behind my back.
And i still feel ugly and fat.
Im going to stop

father forgive them
Well i went to Paiges St Patricks day Fiesta.
After talking to him .. i definately think i have a thing for Jason.. thanks paige hahaha I dont know he just seems really cool...
It was fun haha
Staceys heart with lips.
Well this spring break has been very nice.. nice is the word.
I havent been very poetic lately.. blech. ehh whatever
hmm we will see what happens .
Partys .. i meet people at parties what a concept. haha
<3333333

I havent updated in awhile.. but now is as good a time as any.
WHY? WHY? no matter how good things get can people still find something to complain about. It seems that getting what you want isnt good enough. Fucking work... i know id work if i ever had the chance. Blah to you all *shakes fist*

It's the perfect end to a spontaneous day
So listen, i never usually recap my day, ezpecially my weekend.. but thiiis is a MUST.
I've been feeling crappy lately, but this weekend totally fixed me.. even though tomorrow is going to be hellish
*Friday*
Stayed home from school, which totally made me feel better... i relaxed my voice and drank tea with honey. blech. Then i went to teen cabaret<3. hung out with Stephen, Michael Corey. (ugh my mom is being a bitch ).. Met the guys from Pipe Clay Rut.. which is funny because Stacey wanted to meet them. Met these 'southern' guys from unchained <3. cute and smelled good.. met everyone haha. Theres more to these stories but i hate the openess of these diaries. My lovely friends were there. They wore shirts with my name on it and it was really sweeet. I did pretty good supposedly.. im "going to be the next alanis".. oh man hot guys. nobody likes me cause im 15.. hey turning 16 so soon.
*Today*
Today was/ is crazy !!
Went to lessons and guess who i saw? my good luck charm. Mr Tony. no last name just because if anyone read this they would think i was psychotic. I see him whenever things are good. Hes soo lovely
Then i went to the car wash. What a blast
"I washed and dried his car "
Got honked at sooo many times haha "Hey baby"
I love truck drivers and old men.
Then Miss Spontaneous me said hey lets go to the beach.. so we did .. how great?? I saw Sara there.
It was Paige, Stacey, Danny, Brandon, and I.. what a weird mix of people. They skinboarded.. we ate chips and talked of old times. Its lovely at the beach.
I got sunburnt so badly.. my mom is noooot going to let me live it down.
Then we all go, minus Stacey, back to Paiges house,, it took us like an hour.
Plus we had two new victims..
Josh and the other kid. OH MAN!!
These kids are from hicksville..I forget the name of the town but i want to visit.
They are big beefeating 17 year old football players. They like bragging about about driving their teachers BMW and sweettalkin' Haha ooo what a night.
"Steak and potatoes"
No
"How about Chicken and potatoes"
(talking about their friends mom)
"Oh man patty's a Fine woman"
We went to boomers.. to ride the go carts.. yes. yes. thats what we did. then but then we left and drove around in circles to get to Dennys. IT took years to get our food
We talked about sports.. and Paiges Turbo blinker.
Paige is marrying josh <3.
We drove around soooo much and listened to simple plan.
I liked it it was different and funy and crazy and utterly memorable.
This has been one of the weirdest days of my life.
I <3 it. but it totally reminds me of the breakfast club.
I seriously love all my friends soo much.. Im really happy i found them.. or they found me
Im too Lucky.
:)
Now i am sitting here with my apple juice.. hurting .
woo woo

*You say the world.. it doesnt fit with you*
Im blaming everything on myself today, forever..
Im staying home tomorrow. for several reasons.. one of them being that i need to step out of everything for a day.
When i came to visit you that's when i knew
That i could never have you.. i knew that before you did
Still im the one whose stupid
I dont know.. ive come to a turning point in my life i think
right now im disgusted and i cant even look in the mirror.. which is conveniant because there is one right next to me.. blech.
And i have hope.. no matter what I say and it gets me down.. because no matter how many times i get kicked, well i always get back up. Sometimes you should stay down. Ya know ..just give up.
I hate getting hurt by my fantasies.
I always wish things would change.
Im so stupid.
I dont even know what i want.. yeah i do. I want to be loved.
I hate ruining my life by wanting things i cant have.
Thisissostupidthisissostupidthisissostupid
I dont want to be alone anymore.
Please come to teen cabaret bye

I've got my sights on brand new beginnings
I got a huge compliment today from Sara.. she said ya know those voices that every word has meaning and emotion and such impact that it makes it great and wonderful.. she said i had one of those voices. She also said i should be a country singer.. but like rhett miller and lucinda williams. Which i would love.

To cool to be forgotten
Eating fruit loops.. be prepared for a long entry..
Well I didnt get to write last night.. which i should have because i was inspired then.. Lets discuss
So basically this whole week has been pretty lame.. except monday. woo woo
Fcat testing was a bore.. no one is my room is worthy of me. It was easy anyways.
Ya know friday has always been the best day of the week.. i have been disapointed. I believe yesterday started off badly..o yeah it did. I planned to talk to someone, plans suck. Levins class was ok. I got to hold up canola oil and say "you mean i can put this in my car" and then carry it around school. I did gladly. Actually thinking about it yesterday was a pretty good day.. hindsight. But going on. Got to walk around the gym.. Then tried out for teen cabaret.. got in WOO WOO. Then the concert.. excitement.
It sucked.. i mean it was the worst concert that sara and i can recall. But i must say in an attempt to be grateful.. it was better then most things. So we waited on the HUMONGOID line.. even though we already had tickets. Saw Kelly harper. We saw Authority zero.. never really heard their stuff. They are pretty cool.. different. I was standing next to Ricky Alschuler!! hahahaha. Then i prayed like a mofo that the starting line would be on next.. and they were. Sara and i kept trying to get up to the front but these two guys..who were not even into it, stood in our way. We finally pushed them out of the way in time for the last song. Kens beautiful.. but i am divorcing him! Stardoms already gotten to him. I met him again.. hes bleh. The starting line has gotten lower on my list. All these 'hos ' like them. We all knew it would happen eventually. They piss me off.

Also we didnt even see Sum 41 because we hate them .. and all canadians. (sorry amy)..But i mean have you ever met a cool canadian.. no. Kelly, marli, and jamie were there.. i wanted to laugh and point at them. I mean what they hell? you are soo cool
blueyed717: i dunno a big part of the sucky night was marli and all of them they just made me mad
QtSarah987: ME TOO!!!!
blueyed717: its kinda of like organisms you know when they have a niche? and when someone/ organism trys to take over that niche there is always a problem
why the concert sucked
1. Hot as hell in their
2. The starting line was not as energetic
3. They only played a comuple of songs
4. All the girls there
5. those guys in front of us
6 Sara got her digital camera stolen
I decided i can get passionate about justice. Ageism is soo annoying. The manager didn't believe sara brought a digital camera in their. idiot. No i just carry around the case for fun Then my dad came and he acted all nice towards him.. might have helped that i slipped in he was a lawyer. =o. I hate injustice. Sara's writing a letter and charging. Good i told her she should take action. I mean if your going to be passive about this.. well why care about anything.
The only thing good about concerts is the hot guys.
Which brings me to my next point. I want something tangible. I figure everything i want is about 6 blocks away. It seems almost impossible for me to attain this. February is such a horrible month for a lonely person.
Ugh this is not as expressive as i want it to be.
He sleeps all alone on Second Street
With a roof over his head and food to eat
But he can hardly make it day to day cause
Everything he wants is six blocks away six blocks away
He walks real fast down the dirty street
He turns his eyes from the people he meets
It hurts so bad what can he say
He sends her a message six blocks away six blocks away
Six blocks away dirty old street
Six blocks away he can hear her heart beat
But i think i am cutting myself off from red cross. I got to banyon creek at 7:30.. They said dont be late in Capital letters. Who wasnt even close to getting there? latisha.. so i left. I dont need them.
Hey its march. I forgot.
This weekend is the weekend of death. I guess i will start doing work soon.. or something

- Where's there?
ps. my dad says "Thats what i love about you.. you can't do the simplest things".. im cute that way

shake down 1979, cool kids never have the time
I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?