What i wouldn't do to be friends with you
I wish there was someone to inspire me to write [poetry]
I just can't seem to find my muse

QtSarah987: hahaha indeed miss grant
blueyed717: i like when you said that it makes you sound very superior and intelligent say it to everyone and you'll be quuen of the world

... i just might

If i believed in reincarnation, i'd think that Hitler became my mom. I don't know which ones worse to spend an afternoon with. At least he wrote an interesting book.

compare and contrast
Lets compare two sides of the spectrum.
1.Some people, Sara and hopefully others, say that i am one of the reasons they get up in the morning
2. Evil Angel 911: life wuold still go on if therre was no you!!
Evil Angel 911: life wuold still go on if therre was no you!!
Evil Angel 911: life wuold still go on if therre was no you!!
Evil Angel 911: life wuold still go on if therre was no you!!
Evil Angel 911: life wuold still go on if therre was no you!!
Evil Angel 911: life wuold still go on if therre was no you!!

think about that friends. and also think about Joe Strummer, from the clash.. he died if u didn't know. I am sure he made a difference in others lives.
Thank you and good night

All my friends...
... that don't talk to me anymore!!
Finally after several monthes of contemplating, Stephanie Lynn Harding= ex best friend. (and possibly not even friend at all considering we never talk [ keeping the hope alive ] )
I hate change.. when it happens to people who i think are already perfect.
Why do people abandon me? I guess its just that easy to give up.
Stephanie and I were the best of best friends in 8th and the beginning of 9th and then suddenly she got new friends, new clothes and a tan and a pale eccentric nerdy kid was out of the question.
She's really happy now. I guess that means the further someone gets from me.. the happier they are.
Beware of girls named Sarah i guess then. They will bring you down.
I hate her new friends.. they are everything i strive not to be.. i couldn't imagine how the ol' stephanie could have liked them. If i ever became like that i'd shoot myself. boom
I swear I don't even know why i want her to still be my friend. I guess i am hoping that the old Stephanie is somewhere inside.
Ya know its not that hard to keep in touch with someone from another school.
ex: Sara and I still reallly close.
Stephanie used to say that we'd be friends forever when i commented about how we'd prolly lose touch in highschool.
I was right. again.
Fuck her, i bet someone already has actually, I've stopped crying over this. I'm forgotten.
I have other friends who care about me.
Sorry for being a bad person to talk to online- Dana-
I love my friends
SBE

sara is coming over .. now . woot to bad no jamba juice= caribean passion (my spelling is so off and i love being off axis)

Boy you've been a bad girl, you let your knickers down
I know i wrote about 5 minutes ago or so.. but i need to update.. again
I forgot major things
1. Where in the world is matthew paul? matt. matt. matt. matt. matt. He is gone. Can you imagine some who used to be a big part of your life .. gone? taken aay in handcuffs no less. Supposedly he is coming back. Yesterday i thought i would never see him again. imagine.. always laughing with a tinge of sadness.. haha hmm.
2. Jessica's a bad girl. Never do that ever. not now! Didn't she listen in life management .. obviously not. ehh its her life. but it just confirms my decisions even more... unless i get a guy in allisons room ;) .. not. haha

also i feel good that people actually want to hang out with me.. the irony of it all.
and this
"Must be your skin that I'm sinking in
Must be for real cos now I can feel
And I didn't mind
It's not my kind
Not my time to wonder why
Everything's gone white
And everything's grey
Now you're here now you're away
I don't want this
Remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one
Or do you lie
We live in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields

I treated you bad
You bruise my face
Couldn't love you more
You got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
Could have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine (repeat)
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine

I needed you more
When we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
It might just be
Clear simple and plain
That's just fine
That's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
Glycerine"

' i prefer to be remembered as a smiling face, not this fucking wreck thats taken its place'- bright eyes
I feel better.. I do. I don't know if my diary portrays me correctly. I guess its just a culmination of fear, rejection, hatred. Its when i get home and have the realization that my life is not what i wish it was. Most of the time though I am really happy. In school, all i do is laugh , smile, and make jokes. At those moments i am truly happy. (like my icon picture.. thats me most of the time) But when your happy you can never truly be, happy that is, because of the fear that it will eventually go away.. and it does. I want to be happy, truly. But i don't know how to get there. Its like the city of eldorado in Candide. I want something to change but i don't know what has to change. I love my friends. no matter what i say. They are the greatest or else i wouldn't be friends with them.. because i don't talk to people i don't want to talk to. I guess i think i am cool. ehh. I think its the love life. But i thnk thas beyond my control. So i will stay in this state of 'bittersweetness' (like my stacey).
"I sat watching a flower as it was withering
I was embarrased by its honesty"

On another note.. Sara is coming over today. We will take pictures for our site. Then she is leaving. One day we will write songs.
I don't know anymore
I need to go thrift store shopping.. and just shopping
and to drive more
and to get pf changs.. mmm
And i hate when i contradict myself. Some things take so much energy out of me. The buddhist monk is right.. but it doesn't mean i will listen.
no lies, just love
bess

listening to the same old song
"I just want to be something, I just want to be someone, someone who would stand out in a crowd, mother would be proud, something to someone"
Well,
every two or so weeks i get sad. I cry a lot. Yesterday and kinda today.
(the grounds not mine to walk upon)
At keiths.. not that anyone noticed.
Have you ever felt invisible
"so please forvive what i have done, ya know you can't stay mad at the setting sun, WE all get tired i mean eventually there is nothing left to do but sleep"
I mean really. so many a time i feel like if i left , ya know just walked out of a room, if anyone would notice or even come after me. They couldn't possibly concern themselves with the effort of getting up. Follow me off a bridge. If u meet me at the bottom it will be too late i would have already drowned alone. I guess i am dead already anyways.
I mean why?
why am i so alone all the time. In a crowded room.
I don't think going to keiths was bad.. better then going to gothic friday central. It just made me realize.. again. How i am taken for granted . and how no one listens
I know i get sad a lot but it doesn't mean my feelings don't mean anything. Listen for once.
No one notices anything. I didn't talk for about an hour. No one said ' why are u being so quiet'
people noticed that i was sad but did they even get off their ass to ask me whats wrong to try.
If you 'love' me like you say you do, why don't you act like it. ever? ever?????
and i feel so numb and i feel like i don't care and i feel like i could just end it all if i wasn't afraid of pain. ( no i think i take that back kinda) I guess i am not that depressed but i mean I'm not so happy. i need to get attention. something.
Look at me goddamit i am bleeding internally, yet i am getting so pale i might fade away. I can hardly see myself anymore

Auto response from blueyed717: ...talking to the greatest person who has ever stepped foot on this planet

its nice to know someone cares. I've been missing sara all night. I don't think she'd leave me to drown in my tears.
whatever sorry i am a burden to everyone