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[Help] me -o u t- said the M.inno.w to the [Trout]

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impersonality

:: 2006 10 September :: 9.30pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: [The Music] + [Breakin']

My self esteem is very low right now. And I guess reading Shojobeat doesn't help. All is does is remind me of what I'll never have, who I'll never be, what I'll never be able to expirience... It's not very good for me ): I think, a lot of times, I, well, not just myself but everyone-we'd be much happier not knowing. Ignorance is bliss, they say. I'd be much bertter off not knowing what i'm missing, but I think curiosty would have something to say about that. It's like an addictive psychological masichism! :/ It's just really depressing. I felt that way in Japan, too. But since we're talking cliches here, I should probably mention that the grass is always greener, but sometimes I feel like all mine died. I'll probably feel better in the morning though.

1 audible grin | Laugh for me.


impersonality

:: 2006 5 September :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
:: Music: [The Presidents of the United States of America] + [Bath of Fire]

I hate gym class. I just can't do it. I just. can't. do. it. I get the shakes as I head for the class. When she said we were on the track today I could feel my heart speed up. I could feel the panic. Not to mention I'm terribly weak, in the twelve minutes I couldn't even make 4 laps. Twelve minutes is the kindergarten requirement. My legs are wasting away (: Even when I go down stairs, they feel weak, like they're going to buckly under me. I just want to sleep. All the time. I wish I could just lay in my bed and rot away forever. ):

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Impersonality

:: 2006 27 August :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: [Against Me!] + [Don't Lose Touch]

K, so, I hate acne. I'v been washing my face daily and what effect? I broke out! Christ, now I have to go to school looking like I've been smearing BACON on my face everyday. .____. My only conclusion that I've come to is that since this has just happened over the past few days, it have something to do with how at my dad's I sleep with the fan going full blast right in my face ^^; Which, apparently, isn't such a good idea. I'm surprised I haven't caught a cold or gotten an ear infection from it yet. And not only this but now I have a huge fucking MOUNT FUJI on my chin that'll take forever to go away.

$#@%!

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impersonality

:: 2006 25 August :: 12.29am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: [Courtney Love] + [Don't Mix The Colors]

What'cha painting?
It's well worth saving
It's so much like the things I like about you

It's so bright
It's so pretty
Please do one thing for me

Don't mix the colors,
I like them that way
Don't mix the colors,
Please let them stay

What'cha painting?
It's work for framing
It reminds so much about you

It's so bright
It's so pretty
Please do one thing for me

Don't mix the colors,
I like them that way
Don't mix the colors,
Just let them stay

All the colors you can name
All the colors make me feel the same
About you

About you


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impersonality

:: 2006 23 August :: 11.56pm
:: Music: [Descendents] + [Catalina]

Schedule in the hizzay!
1. Biology Adv
2. German II
3. Computer III
4. English Adv 10
5. Am Cult II Adv 10
6. Geometry Acc
7. Adv. Art Studio
8. Phys. Ed. 9-10 /
Speech/PT

k so.. Biology for homeroom .___. hmm...

So, the UP sides of having PE, it's last period so I don't have to worry about messing up my hair, or being tired and sweaty/wet for the rest of the day. Plust since it's first semester, after it's over, IT'S OVER BABY! (my anxiety in the class is just getting worse by the year, if i got help it wouldn't be so bad, but i downplay it a lot. ^^;)

The DOWN side since it's first semester i can't dye my hair until after pool class... cuz of the chlorine... damn... and.. it's first semester.

Only one class with Als, but it might just make us in A lunch again. That was coo' xD

1 audible grin | Laugh for me.


Impersonality

:: 2006 15 August :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: [Everclear]+[Everything To Everyone]

i think you like to be the victim, i think you like to be in pain
Would you be disappointed in me if I were to say I wanted these?

:[

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impersonality

:: 2006 14 August :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: [Goo Goo Dolls] + [Name (Live in Buffalo July 4, 2004)]

Super cool Japan postage!
FINALLY. HA, I figured the best way to do this is to just post what I have written in my journal. But since the journal was like homework, the writing was just to get by, and since the leaders read it, the GOOD stuff won't be in there. They gave us a tab to put in our journals that they can't read past for our personal things, but who wants to do more writing when you're in fucking JAPAN?!?!. Not me. Ho ho ho. So I'll just add anything important about that day after the journal entry.

Here we go.

Day 1:
It hadn't really hit me that I was leaving until the night before and then it got me hard. I started to feel really sad. But when it came time to leave, I felt very anxious. The parents said a tearful last goodbye and then we boarded the bus. The bus was okay. Everything was fine in the Buffalo airport and the flight to Detroit was very short. I was a little nervous about flying but it was okay (I've seen too many airplane crash movies.) The Detroit airport was very big and it felt like a mall. We got into some problems when we went to exchange currency and we ended up on the other side of security, but it we handled it like ambassadors and we got back in. The flight to Japan wasn't as bad as I thought. It was long and cramped but somehow I thought it was going to be a lot worse. It was the longest flight I've ever been on. The leaky wing made me nervous, though. The Japanese airport was better than the others. We got to see some of Japan on our bus ride to Tokyo, and we saw Tokyo Disney. Everything's lit up like Las Vegas and the buildings are tall because they don't have the space to make them wide. We ate at a restaurant in Tokyo, and the city was very busy and it looks beautiful at night. The food was western but prepared with a little Japanese twist. We checked into our hotel where we are now. I'm to bed. Oyasuminasai!

Okay so yeah, the first day, when we were in the aiport Nick, Chris, Clarissa, Amber, Trevor and I went to exchange money. (Nick led this little expedition.) We just looked at the map and followed it, but like, they should have a warning on those doors that once you pass there you can't get back in. Well we ended up having to through security again but they wouldn't let us in because our leaders had our boarding passes. So then this boss guy comes and helps us get new boarding passes and then we sucessfully got through security and got back in with time to spare. xD that was scary. We told the first leader that came around, which was Doug, and he didn't really care but then when Eria saw that we had our own boarding passes she was like "O__O where did you get those?" but then I was like "We already explained it to Doug" then she was like "Okay." end of that XD. The hotel we stayed at that night, the Prince, I believe, was NICE. Four or five star. We had fun exploring and then we found the convience store where I bought some Pinky candy <3 and I tried green tea ice cream and it was okay, but it wasn't all that good either. Really icky but tolerable XD. Their green tea is a lot stronger than ours, but I prefer American green tea. I don't think anything else is worth pointing out for that day.

Day 2:
I slept pretty well and in the morning we ate breakfast and we boarded the bus to the government building. We got to see the conference rooms and the view of the city was astonishing, everything is so packed together. It's nothing like . Eating lunch at the cafeteria there was interesting because thre were displays of food with a number and then you insert your money, pick your number, and get a ticket that you take to the chefs to get your meal. We visited the sumo museum that learned that sumo was based on religious rituals. The museum was interesting but there were no guides and the descriptions were in Japanese, so I couldn't take much information from it. We briefly went shopping in the electronics district. The stores were packed togethr and most of them didn't have doors. There are lots of TV's advertising things and escalators. The outdoors merges with the indoors. We visited the animation studio and we got to voice a cartoon. The guide was very humorous and even though there was a language barried we all had a great time. We ate shabu shabu which is raw beef you boil yourself in a pot. We don't have much food like that in the states because raw food is taboo in our culture. But it was very tastey and fun to eat.

Okay, so, the Tokyo metro building was pretty cool, the view man, the VIEW. XD And the guide was very cool, at the end she took a picture of use with her phone LOL. At the cafeteria I was eating with Nick and Trevor, and like, the tables are connected with a barrier between different 'tables' and while we were eating this old Japanese guy starts peaking over it, and then he disappears again, and a moment later he peaked over again and asked us what country we were from xD It was pretty cool lol. The sumo museum was... BORING XD it was like one room with nothing that we could read. We only learned what our manager for the trip, Keiko, told us. There was a tv playing short matches and we all crowded around there and were betting on which guy would win xD. Akihabara, the electronics district was super cool~ It was all like manga, anime, games, gundams, cameras, ipods, and PORN! Lawlz XD Nick and I were in the back of this one store gawking at all the porn and one of the mags was (i think) boys in leatha and drag and stuf XD It was cool. But we think that the store guy was trying to tell us to get out XD Haha. So we were all "Zomg oh snap!" In one of the stores this tall pretty french lady was talking to us, she was trying to find a kimono that fit her, with no luck. She spoke english, german AND spanish as well as of course French >.< But she was super nice.

Anyway, i'm getting bored already. I guess this thing will be in installments XP

Laugh for me.


Impersonality

:: 2006 9 August :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: artistic


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impersonality

:: 2006 7 August :: 10.38pm
:: Music: [PENICILLIN] + [Indwell]

So I have to get back in the swing of updating. For right now there won't be too much, I'll make a post all about Japan soon I swear. Postcards may or may not be coming. I haven't uploaded my 400 some pictures yet, either. :P

Ciao.

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Impersonality

:: 2006 6 July :: 2.18pm
:: Mood: guilty

So my trip is in 10 days. I have 800 US dollars in spending money. :O This is the most money I've ever had in my entire life. It makes me very sad, and I feel terribly guilty to the point of tears. My parents sacrifice so much for me and I hate it because I'm not worthy of any of it D: All the money they've spent on this stupid trip could have gone to something inmportant. My mom could have used it to help fix her teeth. My dad could have used his share to help get him the help he needs right now, but instead they waste it all on their stupid little daughter and her pathetic dreams. It's terrible.

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impersonality

:: 2006 3 July :: 9.45pm
:: Music: [Atsushi Sakurai] + [X-LOVER]

Jezzum Crow am I terrible at internet checkers :O

By the way. I found out that my hypnagogia is caused by a purple dragon with a long neck named Dudly. I'm not making this up, I saw him, and it came to me that HE does it.

Be careful when reaching into water because you might accidently pull out your double. That's what the lady in my dream taught me. I was her apprentice, she was teaching me magic. Apparently this was a very important lesson :O Also, lightning can reveal the truth.

EDIT:
i need to really start proofreading these things :O

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impersonality

:: 2006 1 July :: 12.12am
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: [The Cranberries] + [I Just Shot John Lennon]

detox...

When we were little we used to stare at the sun because we thought that the spots we saw that resulted from doing so were angels.

True story.

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impersonality

:: 2006 26 June :: 11.38am

Latest Obsession: Gay Music


I'm buying this cd. Like pronto.

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Impersonality

:: 2006 16 June :: 8.21pm

I realized something amazing today.

.....


No, really.

While I was babysitting we were at the neighbors' because he likes to play with the neighbor girls around his age (one is 8, one is 10, ev is 7). And the girls were climbing their swingset even though they're not supposed to. The mom told them to get down and they argued and back-talked but eventually came down, and when the mom was out of sight, the girl said : "God, I hate her. She is an evil stepmother." WOAH. Okay, you're fucking 10 years old. You don't hate your momI And, I don't know if it was the other girl or not, but she said "Sometimes I feel like just runing away and getting out of here."

And at that time, I thought:

If climbing on the swingset is the worst of your problems, then you have it VERY good.

And at that time, I realized:

I thought that because she is younger and doesn't understand the world, hating her mom because she won't let her climb the swingset. When I am an adult, I will look back to where I am now, and be thinking along similar lines.

I HAVE NOTHING I SHOULD BE COMPLAINING OF.



It just hit me today, and it felt amazing.

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impersonality

:: 2006 9 June :: 10.21pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: [Phantasmagoria] + [Moonlit Revival ~into the phantasmagoria~]

I got sun poisoning XD It's utterly amazing. Well, acutally it's itchy but still amazing. I don't know why i find it so amusing but it totally is. I broke out in a rash on my arms from being outside. Now, normaly i don't GO outside (which is probably why i got it), but Ev hates it being indoors.

active little boy + pale-assed loser = the recipe for sun poisoning

So now i must stay inside (not possible when i'm babysitting, during the hottest hours of the day!) but outside i must be 'screened at all times and i have to hide in the shade. XD

mike put it "vampirism stage 2" i might as well be a vampire XD


it's funny, there's a break in the rash where i wear my bracelettes. ha. it's all pale and normal there.

I'm so much cooler than you<3

on a different note, i finally got mosnter rancher evo!

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