our memories are long gone from here. left in the bushes, they've been cut down to the size of a tree stomp. can u see what life is going to be like if u stay on this concrete path for the next ten years? can u see the clouds above ur head, and ur high school acquaintences with their major success? do u feel the longing for making new memories because the old ones are of no meaning to the friends u feel for?

i want to go play with the little kids and babysit and get straight A's. i don't want to work and frustrate myself with classes that i'm taking to impress colleges when i can't even take on the work. i want to have close friends who i can call at anytime during the day, and right there... we are out the door to go see each other and the rest of the day's boredom is cured. i want to know that i can walk outside and go to the mall. i wish i could be able to have billions of names & numbers of people in my cell phone that i met one night while hanging out and can randomly call them 3 weeks from now and just be able to hang out with them. i want to take my camera and snap pictures of crazy moments and then have everyone complain about how bad they looked, or that we took so many pictures that the flash made them go blind. i want to be able to take all the money in my name and spend it on improving myself, green eyes... laser scar removal. i want to take my hard earned money and blow it on clothes and food, and buy everyone with me a new outfit or 2 and take them out to dinner. i wanna have those inside jokes that i can laugh with friends about like crazy, and we can die in laughter over the phone for endless hours and have pillow fights or sit on the back porches of anyone's house and make so much noise that we have to run because the cops are coming. i want to come in at 3 am and be wasted and hit my head on the toilet seat while my friend watches so we can laugh about it in at night. (morning and afternoon i would be hung over) i want to re paint my room whenever i want and buy whatever i want to satisfy me. i want to make friends who will be there for me throughout the rest of my life, and make memories that we will always remember, even if we end up having alheimzers and have to make a scrapbook in our teenage years so we don't forget.
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children, this isn't a sense of depression, so don't think i am so down. its just what i have been feeling the last few days, and the things i have noticed that are taking change are hitting me a little harder everyday. i realize how far away i am to getting more best friends. and i realize how far away i am from old friends and how if i wanted to laugh about something a friend did... i couldn't... because i... don't have any. i mean... there are all u IB people who i love to death, but... look at how many people are fake. how many people shit talk. how many people sit and do homework on weekends instead of make plans with each other to hang out with. don't any one of u ever wish that we can hang out... outside of school? like... ALL of us. just hanging out. making memories. maybe its because i've seen all these Roosevelt middle kids and how good their friendships are... but its because they were all willing to take chances and do stupid stuff. u think anyone in ib would do that considering ur scared of disobeying ur parents, or upsetting them? think. life is great if we make it that way. nobody is ever going to be a perfect child or student or success, so just chill out and enjoy this. because the more u go out and have fun, the more people u meet, and the more chances u will have to get to the top.

i have no clue where any of this is going... so imma stop here.

i just wanna life, with u in it.

3 more days 1o.12.o3

o by the way... does the word "body" consist of Head to toe, or like... ur features (muscles, butt etc.). leave ur opinion in comments please. someone and i are having a discussion of this... and we need to see who is right lol. <3

16 and hold it tight. | take my hand..