:: 2004 18 July :: 4.11 pm
:: Mood: discontent

compact mirror
Our talent show's next week. Shit.

I wish I had some money....and no lecturing me...I plan on applying somewhere BEFORE school ends next year so that I'll have a job as soon as summer begins.

2 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 14 July :: 3.36 am
:: Mood: moody

Texas
I apologize for my previous entry. I've been thinking again...something I often do when I can't fall asleep. I'll stop whining now....since there really isn't anything to whine about.

who said that?

:: 2004 14 July :: 3.32 am
:: Mood: discontent

plastic clip
I wish emotions were easier to control.

I wish that I could choose my emotions.

I even wish I stopped loving sometimes.

I wish to be loved sometimes.

Wow...I sound like such a needy person. Disregard anything I said above.

He chose to ignore me again tonight...now I'm just annoyed. He needs to make up his mind. Are you going to talk to me or are you just going to continue ignoring until your next girlfriend dumps you? I hate you. But not really. You don't even have to love me back...just acknowledge the fact that I am still here....

Screw it.

Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 13 July :: 6.55 pm
:: Mood: content

compact mirror
Watching major flirts flirt insanely is really obnoxious. Thought I'd say that. Thank you for your time.

Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 12 July :: 12.24 am
:: Mood: pissed off

glass rocks
Bah on a stick! Ok??? Just fuck it all...and no regrets (yay).

Fucking hell. That's it...no more boys for me ever. EVER. GAH!

People should stop fliriting. Flirting is bad. I don't like it. Ok, I hate it when other people flirt.

Whatever....screw it all.

who said that?

:: 2004 10 July :: 4.29 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

Broken Cds
I think it's really sad that nowadays teens resort to online quizzes and surveys to distract them from the boredom they suffer. I am guilty of taking part of the chain letter society by taking quizzes and forwarding them to my friends so they can complete the exact quizzes that I had done before. I think I've already taken nearly 100 quizzes by now (Ok, maybe not that extreme, but you get the picture).

So why am I disappointed you might ask. No, it's not because teens, including myself, all resort to Quizzila or the newly named Tickle as a source of entertainment. I find it all to be rather amusing. I'm actually disappointed because I recently learned that I won't be getting a car. Well, my family won't be getting a third car for that matter. Apparently my family can't afford to buy a car. I mean, I'm not asking for a Mercedes or a Lexus. I just wanted something small and cheap. Something that I could use for the two remaining years I have in Highschool. I'm pissed because I am so sick and tired of asking people for rides. I waste everyone's gas money and I wanted to be more responsible and drive myself around. And I really really hate calling my mom to pick me up because she's usually at work and then I have to wait 40 minutes before she even reaches Vernon Hills. So, I guess I'm going to be asking people rides, still. ::Shrugs:: It's just, I was so excited and my parents basically promised me that they'll get another car. I've been thinking about how after school I don't have to worry about losing my ride or missing the bus. And after rehearsals/crew I don't have to wait for my freakin' mother to take ages to get to school.

This is what I had in mind. We get a third family car...something much smaller because my parents seem to be obsessed with SUVs and because smaller cars are less expensive and don't use up as much gas. And so I figured I could use that car until I go to college (so for two years) and then I would leave that car behind for my brother to use who will be a Sophomore in highschool once I become a Freshman in college. Besides, I'm planning on going out of state and it would be difficult to take a car anyway. And once my youngest brother becomes a freshman, my other brother, Chris, can drive him everywhere since he'll be a Junior. I had it all planned out. I was even starting to research some used cars and stuff...but I guess there's no point. And I shouldn't be this upset becauase our family can't afford it...so I'm screwed out of a car no matter what. I would buy myself a car but I'm no where near being able to afford a car because I'm completely broke. I've been saving up my entire life...and then I started feeling guilty about my mom paying for everything so I started paying for my own personal things which I recently found out...if I had asked her for the money...she would've given it to me. So now I'm screwed. No one's hiring...and even if they were...I'd only be able to work 2 weeks and then would have to take 2 weeks off and then in another week or so school starts and I don't plan on working during the school year...for my own sake. I don't know...maybe I should work during the school year. Screw theatre. I've been finding that I have less interest in theatre after every show. Probably because of all the disappointments.

I really want to stage manage Dracula, and I heard that Kristen Meylor's not doing tennis which means that she could possibly apply for SM and then there would be no point in my applying because they probably will give the position to someone who's more experienced. I really, really, really don't want to ASM for her. Because for the remainder of the show and the school year, I'll feel as though I've lost, again. I'm extremely competitive...but on the inside. I may not seem like it because usually I back down when I sense myself losing. And I hate it. Because then I sulk about it...about how I'm not "perfect". I'm so scared. ACT's are coming up and I sense a score lower than a 20 coming up. Why? Because I know I'm not gifted academically. I never was and I never will be. It's just the fact. I probably could've gotten A's in math Sophomore year but I gave up trying because I knew I couldn't do it. That's why I'm dropping honors. What's the point in taking honors if I'm going to fail the class?

For the musical I know I'm going to be part of the chorus because I can't act. Oh god, everytime I think about or see myself act...it disgusts me. I'm terrible. Just absolutely awful. So if we lose this talent show...I'm most likely going to blame it on me. Why? Because I'm with two actors. Two really good actors too. Two actors who've made practically every single thing (not just plays) they've auditioned for. And what am I? The reject who's been cut from everything her entire life. I'm really realy scared that my "acting" will ruin our act. During rehearsals it disgusts me to see myself act. I know Goli and Matt are just trying to be nice by not saying...."oh maybe you should do it like this because it'll be better". So if we lose...if we don't even make it to finals....I'm really sorry. I'm apologizing in advance my mistakes. No, I'm not doing this for attention. The fault is usually mine.

During classes, people don't want to pair up with me because they know I'm dumb as fuck. How many times have I had friends talk to me...and then ditch me later for someone smarter? Countless times. Did I care? Not really....I accepted it like normal and was surprised when I was asked to be in someone's group.

I don't complain about people not calling me or inviting me because it's normal. I'm obviously not the pretty girl or the fun one so it makes sense to me. And no this isn't a fucking pity me entry.

I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I run all the time now because I don't feel good enough and so if I lose a couple pound...then I'll feel better about myself. So far it's not working. I'm losing weight which is what I wanted...then why the fuck am I still so angry? I get my motivation from anger and the anticipation of seeing him again. I know he's got better things to do. He has his work, his friends.....his girlfriend probably. Except maybe he broke up with her...I don't know. And like the sucker that I am... I still love him to death and don't care if he uses me as a rebound girl. He's done it to me before. He completely led me on before he got a girlfriend. That asshole! I hate him...but I don't. And I really really miss him. But why? I just don't know! There's nothing to miss about him. He someone I need to erase completely from my memory and mind you, I've been doing a pretty damn good job of doing so. I stopped thinking about him the entire school year. I even chose to move on. And now he's home and I think I want to see him...but I'm not sure. He's gonna go back in a month and a half...and I don't want him to.

Why am I still regretting everything that I did? I was in the shower the other day and I just started thinking (like I so often do) and I started thinking...Sandy you were such a selfish bitch beginning of sophomore. And so I'm sorry again Marina for being so damn ignorant and selfish. And I'm sorry to all those girls who left comments in this journal before I deleted everything. I was such a bitch and stupid and gah!. I feel like such a loser when I think about my sophomore year. I'm really sorry you guys.

This entry's way too long. But I don't care. I sound so selfish in this journal....which isn't weird. I am a selfish bitch. I know it and I admit it. I'm sorry to everyone who has to put up with me. I have so many fucking mood swings. I was so looking forward to my Junior year...I'm not anymore. What's there to look forward to? More disappointments? More failures? Yes.

Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 9 July :: 3.46 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

white pamphlet
La di flippin da.

I be bored y'all. Ha. I said y'all. Ok shutting up.

........................................................................

Ok done shutting up.

Dudes. Now I'm really bored. Speaking of dudes...I know why I say that so much. I had this friend growing...well we weren't friends until about 5th grade...but we'd known each other since kindergarten. It's really funny actually because we used to hate each other up until 5th grade. But anywho....in Junior High...she would always say "dude" and it was because someone from her camp always said it...and I guess that rubbed off on her. So now I always so dudes. But now she's in North Carolina. It's really said...I didn't even get to see her before she left....see she went to Libertyville and ever since Highschool started...we rarely spoke. And then I heard she was moving from Rachel and yeah, I do miss her...you know...she was a good friend of mine and everything. ::Sigh::

Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 8 July :: 7.29 pm

Dammit. In my last entry I had my mood as depressed....and then in parentheses I put: (well...not really....I'm actually feeling schitzo) and it didn't post that. I'm pissed. ::Shrugs:: Oh well. I'll try it again some other time. So just as a side note I guess...I wasn't depressed....just the stupid journal didn't post whatever else I had along with my mood. ::Sigh:: Oh well.

who said that?

:: 2004 8 July :: 5.13 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: me and the moon (it's stuck in my head)

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 1 July :: 3.05 pm
:: Mood: bored

orange post-it notes
So I saw Spider-man 2 yesterday with Patrice, Reid, Q, and Corey. It wasn't that bad but I still wanted to kick it. The movie I mean...or maybe the characters. Well, at least it wasn't Romeo and Juliet-ish where the two people fall in love in 5 minutes. Peter and Mary Jane have been in love their entire lives so it made it better....or forgiveable.

So Patrice and I are going to make an anti-romance/love movie where the lovers die. Wow, I'm not sounding morbid at all. It's just....it's the same thing over and over again....and now I'm getting sick of it. But in what movie are they NOT going to portray some kind of romance...lovey dovey..."Oh, I can't live without you" deal? Very, very few movies.....and in those movies, there's probably alot of violence and blood and gore which I'm not too fond of.

I got a new phone last night. It's cool. It's one of those camera phones with a camera (duh, Sandy). Except they're transfering my number and all that other jazz over to my new phone so it's gonna take another day or so before I can start calling people and people can call me. Well, I re-entering my phonebook from my old phone to new and it was a pain in the ass. See, in my old phone, you enter one person's name in it and you can enter different numbers and information so in your phone book there's only one name, and not "so-and-so cell, so-and-so home". Well, in my new phone...it doesn't have that crazy feature so I sat there all night typing "so-and-so home, so-and-so cell". It was quite time consuming. But whatever. It's in color, has a camera....I can now download things....it even has games so I'm happy.

Ok, I go now.

Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 29 June :: 7.41 pm
:: Mood: bubble-y

double A batteries
I am entertained. By waht? By my own mind. Woo...I'm telling you it's a party over here. ::Stares blankly::

I'm telling you, I'm a bad person...I'll just leave it at that.

Ok, so the last entry wasn't a "pity me" entry. I was just typing because I was fed up seeing some things. No really, I insist...my life isn't all that shitty. Yes, I have my "problems" but I know more than just a handful of people who have experienced so much more. Depression is not a joke. Depression isn't just your mood. It's a disease. I had never thought of depression as anything other than a "mood" until a friend of mine who suffers/suffered from depression pointed that out to me. Yes, we all say taht we're "depressed", I know I have...but you can't feel depressed one day but feel excited the next. It's like saying you know what? I'm a bit schitzo today and wake up the next morning saying that you are now paranoid. I do believe that you can experience short periods of "depression" without actually being diagnosed. I say this because I know I've experienced this period of time. But did that I mean I was suffering from the disease we like to call depression? I believe not. Because I got over the phase. And I could not diagnose myself of this disease because I am not a doctor. But I don't need to be a doctor to know that I'm not depressed. I'm not. I'm upset, I'm angry, I feel down, but I'm not depressed. I know my friend probably won't agree with me about experiencing short periods of depression (yes, I said short...a few months are mere seconds when compared to years and years), but I know she's probably smiling as she reads this because I no longer say that "I'm depressed" because I'm not. I'm "sad", I'm "angry", I'm "mad", I'm "upset", I "feel down", I am everything but depressed. And trust me, a few months of feeling "down" does not need medical treatment. After talking to friends who have been diagnosed with depression and are on medication, what I experienced a couple years ago was a short period. An emotion....it wasn't the disease. And feeling "alone" for a couple weeks is nothing. I don't know what it's like to have depression because I haven't been diagnosed but from what I hear, it's not pretty.

That is what I have to say for now.

::hugs:: to the pear for helping me realize this.

Btw, I have a xanga if you want to check it out. My username's Chuckleheadedchick. I don't feel like putting the link here...I will later, maybe...if I feel like it. It's in my profile and since everyone on my buddy list who uses AIM knows, I figured why not let the one's with AOL know my xanga too.

Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 29 June :: 4.26 pm
:: Mood: jello-y

nail polish
I am officially scared of journals. People don't fight in person anymore. Let's post shit about people so they'll read it and respond by writing another entry...it's this endless cycle of talking shit about people.

My mind is very blank right now. I think I've just given up on caring about "things". I had a friend who tried to convince me to try and get a guy. I simply said no. I don't want a boy. I mean...I do....but I don't. I see so much shit happen in relationships and I don't want to go through the same shit. I need to expand my vocabulary...for my birthday i want a thesaurus....so I use an alternative word to "shit".

Yesterday was wierd. I didn't want to see people. At all. I saw people because they came over and I didn't have the heart to say "Go away". I was in a shitty mood from the second I woke up and I knew I wouldn't be "entertaining". And things didn't improve when I was told that the reason that "they" came over was because they stopped by someone else's house learned that she wasn't home. It's not the first time that's happened to me. When this person's not home...they come over here. I really don't care about that...it's just...don't tell me to my face that that's the reason you're over here! It's saying to my face directly "Sandy, you're a second hand friend...we really wouldn't have talked to you if other people in this neighborhood were". It makes me feel wonderful...woo.

But whatever...that's the least of my problems because I have so many. I find that people complain too much...with me on the top of the list. And one thing that I'm trying to keep myself from doing is whine and whine and complain to people who has gone through more shit than I can imagine. I apologize to people after my ranting because I know they have seen more and gone through way worse shit and it's really not fair for them to listen to me complain about my crap when in comparison, it's really nothing.

::Sigh::

I'm back to my anti-social attitude and no, I'm not reading Harry Potter...that's just my attitude. I'm just sick of seeing drama happening and it's just like come on, people, let's grow up! We're not in Jr. High anymore. Yes, we are in highschool and we have to cope with more important and advanced things. Let's not go back to our young selves and act like we don't know any better.

Alright, I'm done. I'll go call Patrice and see what she's up too. But before that...to the potty...I have to go pee (Yes, I love informing people).

Always, Sandy

2 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 29 June :: 2.33 am

i don't know why i even bother....i should wait until i find a boy but oh whtat the hell...most of the results relatively true anyway...esepcially the parts that describe my personality

Your True Sign Is Taurus

Patient

Stubborn

Possessive

Self-Indulgent

Greedy and Generous

Determined and Deliberate

Lover Of All Things Luxurous

Comfort Seeking and Comforting




What's Your True Zodiac Sign? Take This Quiz :-)



Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen

Peacemaker, first to end a fight

Good at thinking up creative dates

Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily

Going with your gut instead of your head

Emphathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault

Good at recognizing patterns in relationships

Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count

Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love

Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow

Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind

Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart




Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love? Take This Quiz :-)



Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

who said that?

:: 2004 22 June :: 8.19 pm
:: Mood: super ass bored

more surveys to melt your brain with!!

::DO RE MEEEEEEE!!!!!!:::
Name:::	Sandy Kim
Age:::	according to my birthday 16 but i can be 6 or 7 or 10...depends on my mood
DOB:::	February 11, 1988 remember it!
Girl or Boy:::	ok I won't lie...I'm a boy...wait I mean a girl...hold on...a boy....oh fine I'm a girl...yes I'm positive!!
Freak or not Freaky:::	not freaky
Hair:::	I swear it's brown...if you don't believe me...come outside with me int he sun...or under the light...then tell me what color it is
Eyes:::	brown....I wanted colored contacts at one point....but thought it wouldn't look right if i had blue eyes
Height:::	just under 6 feet...no really...i'm under 6 feet....i'm 5'4"-5'5"
Are you really bored to take this?:::	yes I am pretty bored...that's why I'm filling out surveys
Suckz for you:::	well sucks you to BE you
::MAH FRIENDS!!!!!!...I think...::
Funniest?:::	you
Loudest:::	the person next to you
Smartest:::	turn around...they're looking at you
Loudest:::	me
Nicest:::	you
Shyest:::	you
Someone like you:::	me
Best Friend:::	I don't believe in best friends
Enemy:::	no comment
Do you Looove::
pepsi or coke:::	water or lemonade...oh fine if I had to choose pepsi
vanilla or chcocolate:::	chocolate...what girl doesn't love chocolate?
condoms or candy:::	candy flavored condoms...just kidding....candy
boys or girls:::	"i'm not lesbian..i'm bisexual" i prefer the male gender
making out or hugs:::	hugs...spit swapping makes me nausous
cellphones or internet:::	er....how about a cell phone with internet? hey they got those nowadays
Harry Potter or LOTR:::	HARRY POTTER!!! dude LOTR doesn't make me anti-social
me or you X ) :::	us
Rock or Rap:::	rock fo sho lol
this survey?:	your survey
::Turbulent PASTTT!!!!::
gotten kissed?:::	actually no ::blushes::
had a bf/gf?:::	no...well...not really...sorta....but it didn't count....because it was...no....
drunk?:::	alcohol's nasty
high?:::	high on life
beaten up?:::	i'll beat you up
talked to someone?:::	well...at one point
was it me?o_0:::	hell yeah
touched someone?:::	where?
eaten?:::	I eat food when I'm hungry thank you very much
::OVER OVER OVER...TURN::
it ended:::	what did? your face?
did you like it?:	I like you
would you come back for more?:::	more of what? questions???????
did you love me at the end?:::	I've loved you from the start
are you an animal lover?:::	I'm not a hater
would you sign my petition:::	if you sign mine
where? at www.petitiononline.com/122288R/petition.html:::	or on a piece of paper
BYEEEE LOVER!!!!:::	BYE DUDE!!!

DO RE MEEEEEE!!!!!!!! brought to you by BZOINK!

People have you loved?:	I believe just one...otherwise none
People have you kissed?:	with my virgin lips?
Commandments have you broken?:	more than half
Places have you lived in (for over 3 months)?:	um as in cities or houses?...for cities: 2 (Chicago and Vernon Hills) for homes: 4 i think?
Countries have you been to?:	just one other...wait Niagra Falls is in Canada right? ok then 2 other countries
Languages can you speak fluently?:	dos...English and Korean
People are you talking to right now?:	just one...but he went away boo!
Times have you been in a car today?:	oh man let's count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....6 times
Different kinds of meat have you eaten?:	more than 3
Different kinds of liquor have you tasted?:	I have never tried any kind of alcoholic beverage
Jobs you have held?:	just babysitting count?
Years of school have you attended?:	well you got the um...so far up to grade 10
Shows have you been to this month?:	shows? this month none last month...er...1?
Friends would you call "close"?:	I believe only 2

How Many.... brought to you by BZOINK!

People have you loved?:	I believe just one...otherwise none
People have you kissed?:	with my virgin lips?
Commandments have you broken?:	more than half
Places have you lived in (for over 3 months)?:	um as in cities or houses?...for cities: 2 (Chicago and Vernon Hills) for homes: 4 i think?
Countries have you been to?:	just one other...wait Niagra Falls is in Canada right? ok then 2 other countries
Languages can you speak fluently?:	dos...English and Korean
People are you talking to right now?:	just one...but he went away boo!
Times have you been in a car today?:	oh man let's count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....6 times
Different kinds of meat have you eaten?:	more than 3
Different kinds of liquor have you tasted?:	I have never tried any kind of alcoholic beverage
Jobs you have held?:	just babysitting count?
Years of school have you attended?:	well you got the um...so far up to grade 10
Shows have you been to this month?:	shows? this month none last month...er...1?
Friends would you call "close"?:	I believe only 2

How Many.... brought to you by BZOINK!

I know you just love yourself so much, this whole section is of you!
Name? I said FULL name!:	Sandy Kim
where were you born? state? city?:	I was born in Chicago, Illinois on February 11, 1988
Do you still live in that same place?:	no I don't...I currently live in Vernon Hills, Illinois
If no, do you wan't to go back?:	not really...I lived in the more suburban area of Chicago...I would love to live downtown though
Zodiac sign?:	Aquarius
Are you single?:	I have been for awhile
if not, who are you dating?:	you
Eye color?:	brown
Hair Color?:	brown
is it fake?:	nope
Do you have glasses?:	when I'm not wearing contacts
Are you one of those kid's who don't eat meat?:	I'm one of those kids who do eat meat
Are you a trouble maker in school?:	Are you? I'm not...not usually....unless the teacher really likes me...then I start talking for the hell of it
Do you get good grades?:	I tend to
Favorites.
color?:	purple and blue
Food?:	pasta!!
Boy's name?:	Tyler
Girl's name?:	Hm...I don't know...I can name the one's I won't name my child
Day of the week?:	the one that ends with -day
Month of the year?:	I'm not sure....I like August and May why? I don't know
Hour of the day?:	midnight
Okay on to the "Not making any sence section"
Why are you taking this?:	Why aren't you?
Is this what you concider fun?:	not really...occupies free time....
What is on your desktop backround?:	Linkin Park from their Numb video...I found it on lpassociation.com...you should go there too
What time is it?:	time for you to get a watch
What is the last thing you ate?:	brown rice and a carrot
Look around the room your in...Tell me 5 things you see?:	picture of patrice, jill and wender, invitation to a party, planner, post-it notes, black pen
Guess how many stairs you have in your house?:	enough to get me to the first floor, the second floor and the basement
Guess how many windows you have in your house?:	enough to let the sun in
Do believe that breaking a mirror brings you 7 years of bad luck?:	no...cuz I would have 14 years of bad luck now...and I don't have bad luck ALL the time
What was the last thing you laughed about?:	Um...at Goli's...our rehearsal
Could you see yourself being a murderer?:	no i actually can't
mumble jumbles
what animial do you think has the best life?*not humans*:	dogs
why?:	why not?
5 things you thought about today?:	auditions, getting there on time, voice not cracking, rehearsal, what we would do during rehearsal
What are you wearing?:	clothes (or just a belt )
Do you rember what your wore yesterday?:	more clothes?
Do you have a best friend?:	I don't believe in best friends
What is "its" name?:	waht's your name?
Pick a number 1-10:	5
Do you like roller costers?:	sometimes
Do you play any sports?:	yeah the one called theatre
What is your favorite sport to watch?:	a musical
What is your favorite teams for all sports?:	theatre
If the internet was sex i would be?:	waht?!
Can you see yourself getting aressted?:	um...maybe
Do you really think cop's sit at a desk and eat doughnuts?:	no i don't
Do you crack your knucles? or any other bone in your body?:	yeah....i should stop
Have you ever broken a bone?:	no ::knocks on wooden desk::
Have you ever broken anyone elses bone?:	nope
Have you ever been in a fight, a real fight, a fist fight?:	just a verbal one
What time is it now?:	time for you to get a watch
What is your IM screename?:	toki358
What is your favorite candy?:	something sweet....ooo sweedish fish!!!
Are you a gum chewer?:	hell yeah
Have you or do you have braces?:	i got them off middle of freshman year
Have you ever gotten stiches?:	nope
How often do you lie, white lies count. scale 1-10 ten being a lot.:	7
What is your favorie fruit:	pineapples
Question 44 Did you pick 3 or 7?:	no i chose 5

The Time Killer. brought to you by BZOINK!

who said that?

:: 2004 20 June :: 4.15 pm
:: Mood: bored

BEADS!!!
i've had this crazy inspiration where i want to make everything.....but....er...i don't always have the patience to do so. but yesterday i went to hobby lobby and got a whole mess of beads right? it was so sweet cuz i was like i never wear jewelry because one i think they're annoying and two because i don't want to spend the money. well i figured if i made my own stuff i'd wear it....so i got a whole mess of beads....i wanted to get more things but i didn't have enough money. anywho...i was cleaning out my room the other night and i found some of my old clothes...i'm like hm...if i add a little something here and cut off this piece here it'd look really cool. so i decided...i'm gonna go to all these thrift stores and buy clothes but like alter them and make them look all cool and stuff....i'm just waiting for my mom to finally get me a sewing machine....

i feel really bad though because my parents are having to spend so much money on me. before school starts they promised me a new flute (eek!) which i'm happy about. i still have the vocal workshop that i'm going to and we only have the down payment paid....so that's some more money thye ahve to spend....and then if i make this one choir thing....that's another couple hundred. ::sigh:: i'm debating on whether i should go to theatre fest or not....it's not exactly free....and there's other things i want to do/get. i'm trying to decide...waht's more important? ::sigh::

i was talking to my dad the other night about college and whatnot.....and i decided...i really do want to go now. before i was afraid to....i was scared of leaving home...but now i'm ready. and i'm gonna work my ass off so i can get into the college that i want...or somewhere near that one school. the more i read about that school the more i want to go. it's like oh man...this place rocks and has so opportunities. ::crosses fingers:: i hope i get in....and i swear not to slack on purpose....shh it makes sense to me.

i'm gonna go for now....

Always, Sandy

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