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2003 18 December :: 9.04pm
:: Music: simple plan - im just a kid
thinkin' about life
They say love is blind....
i can say that i have found someone that made a huge impact in my life. but yeah. the coolest thing about the whole concept of love or a soul mate or a true best friend is that it totally changes ur perception of life and makes u see things in a different way.
But the worst part is that nothing lasts forever, even tho i wish that some things would. and things happen that i cannot control or prevent. .
I think I'm known for crying when things get too intense for me. i never said i was a strong individual. well sumtimes. but with certain things i cant handle them well. i fuck things up. i think way too much. i worry about things. and maybe i can be a little too nice.
but anyway. its true that u cant fully appreciate happiness until you've experienced sadness. but when i do excperience sadness it feels to me as an infinate torture. seriously. thats why in the back of my mind, im always waiting for things to fuck up, for great things to end and bad things to begin. :(
Cuz the truth is, some things in life are just too good to be true. unreal. like a dream. but i cant get it out of my head, that my life was meant to suck. and maybe thats not exactly true, but it feels that way. its soo easy 4 me to depress myself. all i have to do is think about that, and about the times when i have tried to get somthing/someone but i dont. i think omfg, why dont i get what i want Its as though life is passing me by, and i have to live with the burdden of knowing that other ppl will be happy and i will remain a miserable/sad person. but i guess things can only get better
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2003 17 December :: 9.11pm
Pardon Me
A decade ago I never thought I would be, at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory; an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear.
I need you to see that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definate possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me.... I'll never be the same.
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2003 17 December :: 8.54pm
hola! i had my spanish n chem exams today.. eh, i hope i did okay - who knows!?! tomorrow i got drama and english.. ez a's i hope. i just redid some of my play, so its looking good!
u know what i hate? being completely cut off and not knowing whats going on in 1/2 the freindships i have.. its like, lemme know how you feel here lol i cant read minds.. sry i wasn't born with that talent. so ya, im like so lost on so many different levels..whatever
anyways, so i got out at 1145 today from school, thats cool, we get out that time thurs. n fri too. hey guys a week till xmas! whoop whoop! i cant wait for the break! but today i went w/ kim to pick up carly n meg cuz they got out at 3.. so i did n then we went w/ kim so she could get a job.. go u!! congrats.. makin the big bucks now! .. i need a job lol.. but no good jobs for 15yr olds.. egh! so ya, did that n then chilled for a lil while, then came back here n hung out, nothin exciting!! but ya.. im out.. xo
-danielle
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2003 16 December :: 8.04pm
egh, ill update more later..
life is about not knowing // taking the
moment and making the best of it
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2003 15 December :: 9.42pm
:: Music: green day - when i come around
Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: GREEN DAY
Are you female or male:: She
Describe yourself:: Coming Clean
How do some people feel about you:: Chump
How do you feel about yourself:: Scattered
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Basketcase / Uptight
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: Walking Alone
Describe where you want to be:: All by Myself
Describe how you live:: Having a Blast
Describe how you love:: Welcome to Paradise
Share a few words of wisdom:: Nice Guys Finish Last
exams start tomorrow!! -- amer. history! *blegh* haha we watched the new guy in drama today -- that movie's funny.. well nothing exciting happened today so im out!!
-danielle
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2003 14 December :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: annoyed/discouraged
:: Music: trapt - stillframe
cant always get what you want
hey, before i even write about the bullshit im going to write about i wanna say a few things.. i dont understand why im not supposed to be happy.. why im not aloud to smile, why for once in my life i cant get one of the main things i want.. this is my journal, i write what i want to write, so when all you people write how im not supposed to be happy or im not supposed to smile, fuck you, ur obviously an unhappy person that needs everybody around you to be unhappy, and i for one am not sinkin down to the level to start shit. just either leave your name or stop commenting in my journal.. i have friends who keep me happy and sane - and i thank them for that! so can it with your petty bullshit, im done, im through! i dont give a shit what you have to say, just leave me be! i dont go startin shit, and i dont need drama brought to me, im trying to live life as best as i can, and i didnt know somebody had a problem with me to where at first im supposed to die, and then im supposed to live life well and not smile! as for the person who is commenting anonymously, leave your name or just fuckin IM' me and talk you shit and tell me how you feel, cuz really, i just dont care. i dont want problems, i just want to be semi-happy.. so if you have a problem with me, let me know, or just stop and leave me alone, im not going to go out of my way to try to find out who you are or what your point of these comments is, and im not gonna go out of my way to delete all these comments.. maybe your right, maybe i dont deserve to be happy or smile, but i really want to.. i really reallly want to! i think everyone deserves a little happiness.. and i'd love some right about now! but yeah, im done with this whole subject, i dont want to start shit, and i dont want to have anonymous comments telling me to die or not to be happy, but its not like im really happy right now anyways. . .
that was so dumb, u know what, fact of the matter is that im NOT happy, im SO lost/confused, and im hating it all!!!! whatever tho, i cant change any of it, so anonymous -- you win!! im not good enough to have what i want, and im just a fuck up who does everything wrong and really doesnt deserve to be happy cuz i make everyone around me miserable?! i mean, why does someone not deserve to be happy? i dont know what i did in general or what i did to you, but im sorry -- to the whole fucking world im sorry! maybe i should go dig a hole and live in it, i wonder who would miss me..well really i dont care, but whatever im done with the depressment! i dont have what i want and i cant change it, so its whatever, ill get past it maybe one day i will have what i want, who knows? i dont, but im done.. im done complaining and making it seem like my life sucks ass! cuz it didnt, and i hope it doesnt start to..
anyways, my weekend, friday i did nothing, i was gonna go out w/ carly n mike n bill n bob, but i didnt want to, so instead i slept all night, saturday i went to carly's and we just hung out, after her mom left we took some shots of gin, got a little buzz, then rj came over for a little while... thats it, then brandon called but we didnt wanna go out, so then we went to bed, n sunday we just hung around the house again, and then a whoole shitload of people came over her house for dinner... it was cool.. n now im here! but ya, exams start tuesday, then winter vacation! awesome! cant wait! well.. im gonna go, sry about babbling earliar on something that isn't even much worth it -- im out!
-danielle
--relationships suck--
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2003 13 December :: 1.44am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: outkast - hey ya!
cold!!
burr!! its cold lol! well! its friiday! woo hoo! the weekend then a week of exams, then winter break! awesome!! today was so boring... i did nothing, came home, went online, talked to wick (thx for makin me smile, i needed it!! ;D ) n then went to beed!! caught uup on soo much sleep, i slept from like 5 - 11 ! it was awesome, plus noone was in the house so i got peace and quiet! who knows what plans are up for the rest of the weekend!? either way, im gonna be catchin up on more sleep so its all good! today we had a pep rally -- soo dumb, i didnt go, i stayed in art instead for the duration of the time... but im freezin' and im tired, so im gonna go - ill write more tomorrow! LateS
-dani
[( befOre i met yOu i didnt knOw wha it waz lyke tO lOok at sOmeOne nd smile fOr nO reasOn.. )]
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2003 11 December :: 4.57pm
:: Music: maroon 5 - harder to breath
my boring ass day
heyy... welp, this weeks been goin by kinda s.l.o.w. but tomorrow is friiday! woo hoo! well, today we go in drama and read heathers play aloud, it was okay, i wanna read mine lol.. then we watched pirates of the caribbean.. we didnt finish it yet, so we're gonna finish it tomorrow!!! then 4th hour was boooring, i just finished a project for her class.. n thats basically wat happened, it was coold during lunch today! lol, btw happy birthday kevin! xxx ooo big 1-7 haha .. im debating whether i wanna do more christmas shopping this weekend, probably not, who knows?? cuz i dont wanna waste a weekend to go shopping, blegh!
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2003 10 December :: 10.42pm
:: Music: hoobastank - running away
bored
hola! lol, omg i totally screwed up my spanish skit today.. we cheated hardcore, Mrs. Goldman caught Jess right away.. but the rest of us hid it pretty well.. whatever, teacher is totally oblivious! aanyways-- after school today carly came over and so did brandon and john.. it was fun i guess lol, we played cards as usual and just laughed and were complete idiots. then we wrestled, but i couldn't do anything cuz i couldn't stop laughing.. whatever, it was funny. now im here, completely bored -- i dont know what to do with myself. oh yeah, we saw chris for a lil while.. he cut his hair WOW bigg change!! anyways, my muscles are still pretty sore, but feeling better. thats a plus, i cant wait for the south florida fair to get here lol.. fun times.. argh, and Christmas is really almost here, we have 2more days of school this week, and then a week of exams, then boom, its winter break! i still gotta get rea and steph something, so ill prob get nichole sumthing to, to say im sorry for whatever drama we had and just to start over or w/e, i wanna get their mom something too!! oh, and nate wants a tongue ring.. and plus idk if i should get sumthing for Jess Mb Tyler Kevin Brandon John Frank Erik Jordan Jon Mike n all them.. lol just hook 'em up w/ candy canes haha! but ya, i hope i see a lot of ppl during xmas, cuz i hardly see them, and i got them sumthin, who knows? i prob. will! well havent seen wick n rea in the longest time! i miss you girls!! but im gonna go -- xox
<3 - danielle
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2003 9 December :: 10.10pm
:: Music: trapt - headstrong
hey! didnt go to school today, my body was aching, and i wanted to sleep in :D whatever, it was okay, i went Christmas shopping with Carly and my mom cuz Carly stayed home from school too! i ended up gettin presents for all the people i wanted to - Carly Meg Rj Danny n Wick, i stilll have a few more to get, but i got those outta the way so im happy!! then carly came over and we hung out, she just left a few min. ago! we were doing trivia and crap - it was iight. then we saw chris, egh... but anyways, im gonna get going, just wanted to say i got some Christmas shopping done! ill probably update later tonight or tomorrow! hope ya'll like your gifts! xox <33
-d
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2003 8 December :: 11.02pm
:: Music: hoobastank cd
confused and wishful
**yawn** today was a bum day, alex came over after school and she stayed til like 7 -- we didnt do much, just talk, chill, go online, walk to the 99cent store and kinko's lol and shit.. then brandon and thomas and carly came over and we played cards for a while, then we went to brandon's n then we went to PBCC to go to john's baseball game, we ended up not stayin long cuz we got bored and tired and cold.. but ya, like i said today was a boring day. lol thanks for all my friends who stood up for me in the last entry or whatever, even heather, its nice to know i got you guys behind my back, but honestly, im not worried about anything, or im trying not to worry, im taking thing by ear and just letting it play itself out... i dont wanna hurt anybody in the process of my life or being happy, and i dont want to hurt myself either, i just wish everyone got what they wanted and nobody had to deal with the bullshit drama, but whatever, it's over and done with and i love ya'll who commented, iLu all xxx ooo !! ur all awesome!! <33
-d
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2003 8 December :: 12.27am
bakesale = awesome!! i ended up not missing any bands, cuz we went before sarah went to work! yay! hoobastank kicked ass, they were my favorite, sevendust, eve 6, fuel and trapt were also reallly good, i just had an all around blast! the only thing that sucked was the weather, it was freezing! but, if i could do it all over again, i would in a heartbeat.. all the bands were awesome, i got to see less than jake too, there were soo many people! omg, this couple got in a huuge as fight, and then this one kid got his ass beat right in front of me by this female, i was like daamn! but ya, all in all it was fun
today i went to the christmas parade or whatever with carly and we met up with john and brandon -- it was soo funny! cuz after the parade, we went to the carnival that was next to it, it was kind of dinky, but still fun. we went on this one ride called the zipper, soo awesoem, we spun ourselves 7times in a row! awesome! then we went on this other ride, the ring of fire, these chicks behind us were screaming soo loud, buut - me and carly were yellin at the top of our lungs before all the rides started and during them just for the hell of it, sooo funny!!
well i've decided a few more xmas gifts and people i want to buy for, but ya, christmas is right around the corner, along with exams.. ugh.. and Winter break -- cant wait for good 'ol winter break! well, im gonna go, im tired! xxx ooo
-dani
..To the one's that stick to my side, The one's who help me keep my pride, The one's who help me through the worst, The one's who keep me from wanting to burst,
The one's who understand, The one's willing to hold my hands, To the one's I luv best, Thanx...you're different than the rest..
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2003 5 December :: 12.44am
eh, i dont get myself sometimes, the people i want to be myself around, i get so stiff and hardly talk. i dont know what my problem is, i guess i just freeze and dont have anything to talk about, -- thats so dumb.. eegh.. i really really really need to change, cuz its fuckin me up lol..
wow, im pretty happy right now, i dont know how to explain it .. i just got this biiig ass grin on my face and it wont leave lol..it will in a few min tho cuz im tired as hell lol.. well the bake sale is in 2 days and im excited. it kinda blows tho, cuz im gonna miss some bands.. whatever, lol, missing some is better then missing all of them ..
but ya for the weekend, i wanna chill me danny rj and carly friday and sunday, and saturday before the bake sale. who knows tho, cuz carly wants to chill w/ billy n bob, i havent seen them in a loong time either, but i dont know, i guess we'll play it by ear.
eek, i still have xmas shopping to do.. i dont know what im getting people either.. im prob. gonna get all of my friends candy canes or some shit, n get the special ones actual gifts.. idk. im not money bags over here, i've spent a lot of money on food and drinks, im such a dumbass, whatever!
but ya, advice is needed, what in God's name do you buy a guy for christmas?!?! i wanna get something for carly wick danny rj erik mom probably frank n megan n rea.. thats about it, altho i wanna get a lil sumthin for steph mb and jess.. eh, and kevins bday is in a wk... ugh!! but ya, lemme know wut to get a guy, specially if u like em.
anyways, im gonna go, cuz its late, im talkin to people and im outta stuff to write.. latez!
-danielle
xxx ooo <33
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2003 4 December :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: disturbed - prayer
boredom
hey!! 2days till the buzz bake sale yay! welp, i havent talked to whitney in forever and im mad lmao! i have much to tell her, ive been talkin to rea lately which has been cool, omg, i went to a play today, and i heard that song called peaches.. soo funny i love that song!! well, i have no clue what im doing this weekend.... hopefully something fuun! but - i gotz nothin to talk about right now, so im gonna go take a survey bb xox
-danielle
::15 Random Favorites::
1:Finding Nemo
2:The Beach
3:Shootin stars
4:friends/family
5:drinkin .. esp. parrot bay lol
6:putt putt golfing
7:New York
8:snow
9:spending time with carly
10:spending time with danny/rj
11:spending time with/ talking to whitney
12:laughing
13:singing
14:Daniel Beddingfield
15:sleeping
::14 Favorite Foods::
1:steak
2:honey baked ham
3:corn beef and cabbage
4:mcdonalds
5:chalupa's from taco bell
6:aros compoyos haha sp??
7:grams homemade pizza
8:grams homemade soup
9:grams monicotti
10:grams lasagna
11:grams better than sex dessert
12:grams death by chocolate dessert
13:pasta
14:pretzels
::13 Most Watched Shows::
1:General Hospital
2:Will and Grace
3:Dawsons Creek
4:7th Heaven
5:Strong Medicine
6:Any Day Now
7:Dharma and Greg
8:Suddenly Susan
9:Real World
10:Friends
11:Street Smarts?
12:South Park
13:Rich Girls -- lucky bitches haha
::12 Good Bands in your Opinion::
1:Linkin Park
2:Disturbed
3:Daniel Beddingfield
4:POD
5:Staind
6:Papa Roach
7:New Found Glory
8:Sum 41
9:Simple plan
10:Trapt
11:3 days grace
12:Greenday
::11 Memories::
1:Carlys party
2:meeting danny
3:meeting rj
4:meeting whitney
5:talking to zach
6:lookin at shootin stars
7:rj's get together
8:New York for xmas
9:New Years 2002
10:4th of July and whole summer 2003
11:haha, bein on the buzz..
::10 Close Friends::
1:Carly
2:Whitney
3:Danny
4:Rj
5:John
6:Brandon
7:Megan
8:Erik
9:Bob
10:Billy
::09 Things you're looking forward to::
1:BAKE SALE!
2:chillin w/ wick again
3:chillin w/ danny n rj
4:goin on the boat when it gets warm
5:CHRISTMAS
6:christmas shopping
7:New Years
8:new relationships
9:sleeping tonight! lol
::08 Things you wear daily::
1:bracelet carly made me
2:necklace w/ sun charm
3:earrings
4:shoes
5:socks
6:bra lol
7:thong lol
8:clothes lol
::07 Things That Annoy You::
1:people chewing gum/food really loud
2:2faced people
3:liars
4:shit talkers
5:some reallly thuggish ghetto people
6:people who try too hard
7:fake people
::06 Things You Touch Everyday::
1:my face
2:food
3:computer
4:cell phone
5:jewelry
6:my bed
::05 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over::
1:finding nemo
2:american pie 1
3:american pie 2
4:the new guy
5:dude wheres my car
::04 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys::
1:Light Bright
2:barbies haha
3:coloring books if they count
4:legos
::03 People You Have Hugged::
1:Carly
2:Danny
3:Rj
::02 Of Your Favorite Songs::
1:I hate everything about you
2:Harder to breath
::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With::
1: my best friend - carly! lol, not as in a relationship type thing hehe!
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2003 3 December :: 11.21pm
bakesale in 3days!! soo fun!! well today was okay, i was soo hyper in school! im making this dragon statue lookin thing in ceramics, its awesome! omg, i cheated hardcore on my spanish test today, soo funny, that teacher is completely oblivious! anyways, so after school kim came to pick me up and go to carlys' house and i passed the fuck out -- then rj came and picked me n carly up and we went to lantana beach - those waves were choppy! soo windy, then we drove around n went to checkers - thanks rj!! checkers drive thru takes a loong time, then he dropped us off at carlys after blasting to daniel beddingfield haha. then i went back to carlys and we made up this dance thingy for her final exam in dance, the shits tight, it goes to that daniel beddingfield song - i gotta get thru this.. its kickass!!
but ya, so im going to the bakesale, i cant stop thinking/talking about it, im sooo excited, i dont know who else is going, but i wanna meet up with some people! good band are there, but i liked the lineup two years ago a bit better, but whatever, im NOT complaining.. ahh.. i just found out billy met wyclef (sp?) ill talk to him about it tomorrow!
eh, i dont now what my plans are for the weekend, i know sat. im gonna be busy at night, but idk what to do fri/sun. i want to go out on the boat, but its prob. gonna be REALLY cold.. who knows? i wanna see bob n billy, n i think carly wants to chill w/ them, but i also wanna see danny n rj, and i wanna see whitney, ill see her sat. tho if i dont see her before that.. plus i still have christmas shopping to do. i should just get everybody a little carebear teddybear and a candycane lol no.. idk what imma do!!
"The Hell Song"
Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same thing to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
And knowing how to change the things you've been through
I fear I've come to realize
How fast life can be compromised
Stand back to see what's going on
I can't believe this happened to you, this happened to you
It's just a problem that we're faced with
Am I not the only one that hates to standby
Complication's headed first in this line
With all these pictures running through my mind Knowing endless consequences
I feel so useless in this
Can't patch that back and as for me, I can't believe
Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Sunnenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore
Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same things to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
What else are we supposed to do
Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Sunnenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore
Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Sunnenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore
(Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being what we chose
Now that I find out, it ain't so bad
I don't think I knew what I had)
(Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being what we chose
Now that I find out, it ain't so bad
I don't think I knew what I had)
-danielle
quotez
..I Don't Know Where I Stand with you And I Don't Know what I Mean To You All I Know is that every Time I see you All I Want to do is be with you..
..It's funny how big of an impact you have on me. It's like when I see you, you don't even have to speak. All you do is smile and it can make my day. That's how I remember my reasons for loving you..
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