The poems to come are for you and for me and are not for mostpeople.

:: 2003 5 May :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: hilarious !
:: Music: pachebel - canon in d major

can you find the flaws in her logic / grammar ? there is approximately 36,000.

susanis a winner (10:02:05 PM): hey
ruthann561 (10:02:11 PM): hi
susanis a winner (10:02:32 PM): you forgot to park in the designated parking space ... you parked in mine .
ruthann561 (10:02:42 PM): there wasn't a car there.
susanis a winner (10:03:00 PM): i know , but it's like reserved for me . you know . since i have to go to school and work and stuff .
ruthann561 (10:04:44 PM): what does that have to do with a parking spot? everybody else in this family does stuff too, would it make sense for all of us to limit ourselves to that one parking spot?
susanis a winner (10:05:09 PM): no i just mean that there was no car there because i was at school / work .
ruthann561 (10:05:35 PM): oh. well, i have work tomorrow too, so tomorrow there won;'t be a car there either
susanis a winner (10:05:59 PM): i know but i need to park my car there tonight so i don't get a ticket from the mission bay police or whatever .
ruthann561 (10:06:24 PM): are there any other cars in the driveway?
susanis a winner (10:07:42 PM): no
susanis a winner (10:07:51 PM): but i am not parking under that tree .
ruthann561 (10:07:56 PM): then what's the problem. i'm sure theres plenty of room
susanis a winner (10:08:04 PM): because that is not my parking space . you are occupying my parking space .
ruthann561 (10:09:08 PM): newsflash: it's not your personal property... we share. do u leave the supermarket if the spot you usually park in is empty? no, because there's plenty of room to park elsewere
susanis a winner (10:09:31 PM): you are not a news reporter and this is not a supermarket .
susanis a winner (10:09:42 PM): we share the driveway . i have my designated spot , you have yours .
ruthann561 (10:10:03 PM): get over yourself. if u do n't want a ticket, find somewhere else to park
susanis a winner (10:10:11 PM): uhhh
susanis a winner (10:10:14 PM): excuse me ?
ruthann561 (10:10:27 PM): ruthann561 (10:10:10 PM): get over yourself. if u do n't want a ticket, find somewhere else to park
susanis a winner (10:10:34 PM): i'm really glad you're home and everything , but you can't just come in here and disrupt everything .
ruthann561 (10:11:22 PM): oh no.. god forbid u don't park in a certain spot of the driveway for one night- sorry to disrupt EVERYTHING, but i hardly think that a parking spot counts as everything
susanis a winner (10:12:06 PM): i am not making a big deal out of this , i am just asking you to let me park where i normally park . you are like flipping out . i don't know why . i just want you to please move your car and let me park in my spot .
ruthann561 (10:12:53 PM): why do u think i';m flipping out. i'm not mad, i just don';t see why u think it's such a big deal, u have more than half the driveway at your disposition, make use of it
susanis a winner (10:13:09 PM): i don't like parking under that tree . i like my spot .
ruthann561 (10:13:23 PM): where did u park while i still lived here?
susanis a winner (10:13:38 PM): i had no car .
ruthann561 (10:13:55 PM): yes u did, \u've had that caqr while i've been here
susanis a winner (10:14:17 PM): i got it in december .
ruthann561 (10:14:31 PM): and i was here for christmas. where did u park
susanis a winner (10:14:47 PM): in my spot .
susanis a winner (10:14:58 PM): which is currently occupied by your car .
ruthann561 (10:15:42 PM): understand that it isn;t yours. this house isn't yours, the driveway isn't yours, the spot isn;t yours, and until u pay it, the car isn't urs either.
susanis a winner (10:15:52 PM): i did pay for it .
susanis a winner (10:15:56 PM): so it is my car .
susanis a winner (10:16:03 PM): none of this is yours either , not even the car .
ruthann561 (10:16:04 PM): oh, i was under the impression you were in debt
susanis a winner (10:16:05 PM): so i am one up on you .
susanis a winner (10:16:08 PM): not for the car .
susanis a winner (10:16:12 PM): i paid the car in full .
susanis a winner (10:16:15 PM): period . it's done .
ruthann561 (10:16:43 PM): it's not a contest, but if it was. i would bow down to you, susan, because you are one up on me
susanis a winner (10:16:44 PM): i am not asking you to move out . i am not asking you to call it my house . i'm asking you to please leave me the one spot on the driveway that i enjoy parking in . i think it is a reasonable request .
susanis a winner (10:16:52 PM): you are ridiculous .
susanis a winner (10:16:57 PM): i am not fighting with you .
ruthann561 (10:16:59 PM): i'll do my best next time
susanis a winner (10:17:00 PM): i am asking you to move your car .
ruthann561 (10:17:05 PM): thanks for the advice
susanis a winner (10:17:21 PM): i am not asking you to sit here and insult me because i spent money on people for christmas and owe it to mom .
susanis a winner (10:17:37 PM): i am not asking you to sit here and tell me that this house isn';t mine , because it's not yours either .
ruthann561 (10:21:55 PM): i never said OR implied that it was, and i'm not insulting you, just stating the facts. u are in debt, but guess what so am i, so it doesn;t make sense for you to victimize yourself insisting that i'm insulting you when i';m in the same senerio, the difference is i don't think it's a big deal to park your car, cuz ur perfectly capable of driving it, and like i said, i know you're possessive of "your" spot, so tomorrow i'll park whereever there is room, and i'm sure there'll be plenty of room, so i'm not worried or upset. i'll just do it differently tomorrow.
susanis a winner (10:22:25 PM): thanks .
ruthann561 (10:23:55 PM): no problem. if i happen to forget in the future, which i probably won't, remind me while i'm on my way out or something, not when i'm in the middle of something on line. i just agreed to park elsewhere, so as often as i think it's necessary (like when u r home or coming home soon), i will.
susanis a winner (10:24:12 PM): great .
ruthann561 (10:24:19 PM): not a problem

6 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 5 May :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: venusian skyline - murder red and gold

all i�ve got left are these beautiful etchings resulting from turned backs and fragmented insults yelled in portions served with dinner . there�s no use in attempting to explain myself . my frustrations turn to sketched impersonations , and it gradually becomes more important than caring to forge relationships that have deteriorated in front of my very eyes . i start to wonder if this is all for inspiration , and if it�s even worth it . then i hear whispered phone calls deliberately whispered a little too close to closed doors and the realization hits me that it�s not a choice of subject matter but a forced work of art that hits a little too close to home .

:: 2003 4 May :: 10.49pm

BuFfDaDyZz: BuFfDaDyZz [10:38 PM]: whatz up man... how was ur weekend???
snookkingfish [10:38 PM]: it as tightest weekend of my life
BuFfDaDyZz [10:38 PM]: tru
snookkingfish [10:38 PM]: i saw so many real boobs

gota love that kid <3

i on the other hand have accomplished nothing today urghhhh

gota make Sara B that bday card.

goodnight <3

:: 2003 4 May :: 3.57pm

just say no, to drama kids :0P
(and i'm not talking about you thespians out there)

i am actually having an excellent weekend. Got to see/hang out with a lot of people that mean a lot to me. (got to see lots of people that don't mean anything to me either lol)

I've made amends with a friend and i'm happy about that.

OoO Hair to share cut date was May 3rd and now everyone has sexy short hair!!! Everyone looked sooo great, it was loads of fun :0)

Work is great, really enjoying it & thanks to everyone who came to see me, <3 uuuuu!

VOTE VIVI FOR CO-CAPTAIN!!!!!!!!

<3<3<3<3<3

Ps. heard you wanted to slit my throat... lets see a sequence of events, would you do that before or after you'd kill yourself in pity?

19 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 29 April :: 10.38pm

thankfully he is okay.

i on the other hand am veryyyy stressed out heh

<3

:: 2003 29 April :: 5.33pm

oh my god...

i don't know or care if any of you are religious or not but i'm asking you to pray for my friend Sharif...

on the way home from band practice as i was getting on the on ramp at Atlantic Ave. I got a call from Ben Garbarino asking me quick for Sharif's home phone number... kinda annoyed because i was driving and all i was just like "why?" thats when Ben told me that coming out of school after band practice Sharif had gotten into a horrible car accident, hitting someone head on and totaling his car. I am not positive of how hurt he is now but I imed Tucker, anyone who left after me and Tucker said that he didn't know that that was Sharif that had been hit and that it looked pretty bad and the firetruck and ambulance came.

please pray for him... god let him be alright...

10 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 28 April :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: inspired
:: Music: john mayer - your body is a wonderland

i want to slit my wrists but i don�t know how to do it without dying , and if you die , what�s the point ? because then you can�t watch them bleed . life is so fucking beautiful sometimes , but the kind of beautiful that�s sometimes unreal and grotesque , like a supermodel who deprived herself of one too many meals or a painting that�s been replicated one time too many and is grainy and faded with age and artificiality . it�s ironic and wonderful and hideously delightful , and it all depends how wasted you are if you want to see reality at its finest . i�m looking for someone right now , but i don�t know who . or i know who , but i don�t know why , because the worst kind of rejection is the one where you have no plea bargain , and nobody cares to hear you argue your case , so you stand before the judge , hands dropped to your sides in a show of submission before anybody who cares to try and pin the blame on you . and you shout �I�m innocent!� but they already have you painted in their minds as the guilty party , the defendant , and the condescending smiles irritate you to tears that they see as an admission of remorse . those damn condescending smiles . the freezing hot smiles , like when you touch a stove and for a minute you begin to wonder why something that boils water can be so cold , until your reflexes kick in with jarring effect and you pull your hand away and remind yourself to never look in that direction again .

1 lover | i love susan.

:: 2003 27 April :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: death cab for cutie - styrofoam plates

it�s time to start anew . i�ll throw out the past , delete these feelings from my memory , and maybe some others that i don�t particularly like . i don�t really know why i bother , but i also don�t know why i bother trying to work them out instead of just ignoring them , because i know it never works out. and while we�re on this topic , i don�t know why you bother trying . you�re nothing more to me than an example of what not to become , along with most of the people that used to mean something to me . this past year has more been a lesson in loss , with some betrayal thrown in for added effect . right now i�m too overwhelmed with everything to start to fix what�s wrong , so ... that�s it . it�s gone . it�s not going to bother me when people call me things or say i�m doing things that I�m not , because confronting multiple people is too big a task to take on . it�s not going to bother me when i�m not really home alone but i may as well be . i'll shut my eyes to infidelity and my ears to derision , because they�re both things that i don�t deserve . from now on , i�ll focus more on what makes me happy instead of what makes me angry , and i�ll realize that speculation is bound to happen , even when i�ve done all i can to prevent it , and that i�ll be put down for attempts at consolation no matter what it is i�m saying . so i don�t know . i don�t know what the different is between my poetry and my prose anymore , and i�m not really trying to classify it , so i don�t ... care , really . i�m not giving up . i�m not giving in . i�m just giving everybody what i can , and trying to keep myself as happy as i try to keep everybody around me . we�ll see what happens .

:: 2003 27 April :: 11.33am

man oh man i had a good night :0)

despite an utterly crazy day comprised of working then speeding like all hell to my theory class then coming home and talking to Ashley in my driveway then throwing on some clothes and running to pick up AJ...

got to Ovation, not too many people there which rocked. Met up with Bonnie and Heather and many hot guys that Bonnie knew from Wellington. GOt in and met some cool kids from Ft. Pierce.. lets see there was Corey who talked too much, Mando who was wearing a Sloth shirt, Joey who was reallly cute and didn't say anything but just smiled heh, and Mike who i called Mikey who likes Tenacious D and has sexy hair. Soo chilled w/them before it started then bumped into Taylor + OH crew and Dave and Anna and Nicole + crew. Irish Car Bomb... ehhh hung out w/Nicole then found BOnnie and she dragged me all the way to the front for Rufioooooo omg it was soooooo amazing, everyone around was singing at the top of their lungs and they closed w/my favorite, above me andddd i caught 2 stickers sooo goo me!

decided to chill during Yellowcard and bought some merch. got a pimpin Rufio shirt that says sweet licks :0P and the LP and the guy gave me an "I <3 Rufio" sticker. rock.

LAGWAGON!!!!!!! my obsession throughout middle school.... they were soooo good!! it was fun singing along to them too, lots of old memories. Its weird... i saw them about 6? years ago and they didn't look this old lol then again i was talking to this guy Harris and he said that he'd seen them 10 years ago so maybe they are really old.. probably over 30... crazy but still insanely amazing nonthe less.

what a good night. thanks to everyone specially AJ who came with me <3<3<3

8 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 24 April :: 10.52pm

half days = own.

Lucilles + DDR + Teirney's room + all my company + Jenn & Steph & perm kits

all made my day <3

:: 2003 22 April :: 9.06pm

lol well yeah. i'm alive :0P

i was going to make this big production of coming back on the one year anniversary of my journal and guess what ladies and gentlemen, i forgot :0( lol

as many of you know i resumed another journal i had (picturesxstarsxdreams) but i think i'm going to go back to this one also... more of the friends only stuff on the other one soo its all good.

<3

4 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 22 April :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: sublime - boss d.j.

this road goes on for miles and miles , and i thought it was only 1500 feet to the park , but this is way longer . the scenery fades behind me ( fades to black ) and i watch through my rearview mirror ( watching my world disappear ) . and i�m driving and driving and driving and i�m late like always but i�m carefree as fuck , thinking , what�s five minutes more ? and i wish you were here so i could hold your hand because it�s not as big a deal as it seems sometimes , at least not right now . so then i start to realize that i�m writing in run-ons , and i hate run-ons , but i kind of like writing this because it is so representative of the mood i�m in and these thoughts that don�t stop . my head is spinning , but damn , it�s beautiful , and my tangled hair is the last thing on my mind tonight because tonight , i�m letting it all go . you know ? i�m done with dealing with shit , because you�re only young once , why all the drama ? just take my hand , because it�s not the approval i�m after . it�s all you , baby . i just want to roll the windows down because you like it just as much as i do and drive for miles and miles � or maybe just the 1500 feet to the park , so we can sit like we used to and forget all our worries because when i�m with you , they all disappear . if i had that effect on you , you�d never want to leave me , so i arm myself with distractions and turn this car around . after all , ten minutes is nothing . nobody will mind , and i can start this night off right .

2 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 20 April :: 11.11pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: incubus - calgone

WHOOOO IT'S FOURRRRR TWENTYYYYY !
he said he didn�t like them , but i told him they were the most beautiful eyes i�d ever seen . i always used to stare into them , switching lanes unintentionally because i was focused on the passenger seat , singing lyrics to early 90�s songs on the mix cd we both had a copy of ( and so did the following people : � ) . he had that thing with his eyes , and i with my hands , but he never hesitated for one second to turn and look at me , and never blinked when he did , so as to not lose that connection we felt ( i got to have faith , the faith , the faith ) .they were plain brown � shit brown � but it wasn�t the color that made them ( or him ) beautiful . when you looked into them , you could see the tortured emotion that was never expressed in the indifferent shrugs and the dissatisfaction in sitting on couches alone . you could see years of built up repression ; the tears that never made it down those cheeks , the tight fists never thrown , the outstretched arms that remained at his side , hands in pockets , instead of reaching out for her ( whoever she was ) . sometimes i felt like i knew him , but i always knew i probably never truly would .

:: 2003 20 April :: 11.18am
:: Mood: alex
:: Music: alex's voice

susalex.
dear journal,
alex has been really cool today . if i told you this was killing me , would you stop ? go go gadget arms . i want to taste your flesh . i have eaten large amounts of chocolate since 12:24 last night . it's not like we finish each others' sentences . TOENAILS . hi kids , we're home early . i'm drunk . not SO drunk , just drunk , times 100,000 . tom dancing and singing (you gotta work it) . hearrrrrrrrt . 1464 consecutive hours of hanging out , six of which , every day , were on the telephone . stop raping my journal . susan = books . it sucks cock . george michael's faith . swimming to the deerfield boat (are we just kidding ?) . free gas . stone cold strawberry milkshakes . marriage may 3, 2003 . HAPPY 420 2003 !!!! credit card ? you got it ! it's the faaaather . what a nice leg . love ice i mmmm cream . DANCE BREAK . QUADRAPALEGIC DANCE BREAK . i wish mr . fagen shared your enthusiasm for dancing . EVER !!!!! hi painter . stepmom . janitor . HUGE COCK . you always know how to make me smile . stop slobbering on me . crazy / beautiful . it's impossible to have too many inside jokes . NOOOOOO ! aleaf , because you were named after ... a leaf . pull my hair (ooh baby) . why don't you have hipbones ? my favorite book is comic books . WATER . greeyelloRED. DON'T YOU HATE PANTS ? huuuuuuuuh . what about public schools ? what ABOUT public schools ? HURRICANE . let's cut off our legs . NOTHING CAN STOP US THEN (except stairs) . mmm free sunglasses . mr . benavides (best joke ever) . donuts ... i've been sidetracked . you missed my mouth completely ... you obviously don't know what you're doing . i can take a hint .