The poems to come are for you and for me and are not for mostpeople.

:: 2003 12 March :: 6.03pm

is it possible to be this happy?

*pinch me please*

(you) are the world to me <3

12 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 12 March :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: rx bandits - status

"if i don't make it , know that i loved you all along" (Our Lady Peace, Clumsy 5).

haha . i love research papers that are finished , even if they're almost one page too short . i probably won't see you guys when i get back , because uhh i don't really hang out with anybody except andrea and michael minei . but i love you guys , regardless , and i'll miss you all , like i miss you now , not having seen like anybody in a long time . <3 bye .

*gone*

3 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 10 March :: 11.29pm

radiohead5k: I took the adastra quiz
radiohead5k: I'm Ben
picsxstarsxdream: lol
picsxstarsxdream: i'm andrew
radiohead5k: *clutches hair in terror*
picsxstarsxdream: o god lol
radiohead5k: in a year...it'll all be gone

haha ben you are the best <3

HASH(0x837c084)
you're andrew, the singer. sho liz.

which member of adastra are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

he makes me so happy... <3

:: 2003 10 March :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: ludacris - coming 2 america

this time on my way out , i won't bite my lip and curse my own stupidity , holding back tears that prove my weakness . this time , i'll comment on and laugh at all the little things that i never minded to begin with , and i'll say that i'm glad this happened because you were only going to bring me down , rolling my eyes at your obvious inadequacies . and everybody will tell me how quickly i moved on and how well i'm taking this , but nobody sees my sleepless nights or how it's not the boy i'm kissing that i think of when i'm kissing him (or even when i'm not) . of course people know how i feel . they've all been through this and know what it's like . but they don't . and if they saw how your hand grazed my back (almost unconsciously , even though i wish it was more conscious) , they'd laugh at your drunken , clumsy gestures , and never realize the significance i placed on it . maybe i need this . to get away from you so i can't come up with stupid excuses to see you (as if i really needed those things) . i'll use this as a chance to get used to not delaying my visits because i know you're not home from work yet . i'll post this so everybody tells they're proud of me for not dwelling on it . but i'm tired of hearing what i should and shouldn't do , or what everybody else would do in my position , and how irrelevant it is that , for that short time , i had everything i could ever want . that one big mistake is more important than every other action , and i'm letting myself be walked all over . just for the record , everybody messes up , and if you're contrite enough , you have all the right in the world to be heard out . so until you're in my exact situation , stop judging me , and realize that you can never truly understand somebody else's problems .

i love susan.

:: 2003 8 March :: 2.50am

what an excellent night <3

Jenns party: fun stuff, <3 my girls! + Brian came w/me sooo it was that much more wonderfulness <3<3

The whole enitre night was wonderful, thank you.

<3<3<3<3<3

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=999&gid=1797138&uid=967153&
PICS FROM THE NIGHT!!

6 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 6 March :: 11.54pm

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=999&uid=967153&gid=1791600&

goooo look!!!

Kudos to alllll the thespians!! you guys were great!!!

Jenn Ds bday in 7min weeeee!!!!

<3 for all...

<3 for you...

2 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 6 March :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: christina aguilera - impossible

how long can emotions keep on going up and down ?
oh man . tonight was AMAZING . i seriously have such great friends . not only do they have GREAT senses of humor , they are SO BLACK it is hard to look at them because of their hotness . holly + amy + fried chicken + mashed potatoes + biscuits + watermelon + darnell - collard greens = perfect evening . love you guys <333 see you saturday .

3 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 5 March :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: euphoric <3

beach + Brian + kisses = Euphoria <3

...then again, anything + Brian would make me the happiest camper en el mundo!!!

<3<3<3<3<3

7 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 3 March :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: taking back sunday - cut from the team

this all was only wishful thinking .

fuck the emotional , heartfelt lyrics that inspire yet another evening breakdown . the prose / poetry combinations that kick me when i�m down . half sentences , because that was all i could get out before my vision was too blurry to read the screen anymore . fuck the fact that nobody understands that some things are easier said than done , especially when every song has lyrics reminiscent of this situation , because this is as emotional as it gets , and , after all , aren�t all these kids ? fuck the scene of 6/8 shirts and too-tight pants , and the kids who hold hands with different people at every show , and cry because each week , their heart gets broken . fuck the hypocrites who strive for unity but only with the cool punks , because , after all , the unpopular ones don�t know anything about it . i mean , how could they ? they can�t keep friends longer than a year or two or three . fuck the journals that are posted for approval , and the ones that aren�t for privacy . fuck the friends who can�t see through the fa�ade of exclamation points to realize that good intentions are not always the works of good people . and fuck me for losing hope and failing to smile for ten minutes while i write this one night .

why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you ? i stay wrecked and jealous for this simple reason . i just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life .

4 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 3 March :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: how quickly you fall from the top of the world...
:: Music: From Autumn to Ashes - Short Stories with Tragic Endings

i hate people. really.
Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
the one thing that I cannot give you.

Did you ever see that one person
and the way they do these things
and it hurts so much it's like choking.. choking?

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.

I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have..
I'll never have.. I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in..
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great place.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipidsky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down.. come down. I cherish you.. I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
just say you would do the same..
just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,

I'm giving myself to Ashes...

why are people so merciless?

:: 2003 3 March :: 4.45pm

i am the luckiest girl in the world <3

heh thats how I have been feeling lately, just wonderful! (thanks to certain beary special persons :0P)

Well.. to clarify, I honestly have no idea whats going on... seems like everyone else knows more about me & my love life then i do lol but thats okay, things are really good now...

heh okay Drew, enough of my rant :0P

Atlantic band = worthless.

oOo. guess who sooo go their Used & Coheed tickets as well as TBS & FATA!!!!! envy me :0)

:: 2003 2 March :: 10.33pm
:: Mood: in awe
:: Music: 50 cent - in da club

i think two point five million dollars is adequate to help me forget about you . we'll see just how hard moving on is NOW . sum 41 are my new Gods , even if they suck live [ from behind the stage , anyway ] , and even if i went alone . actually , i'm glad i did . and so is josh millionare , apparently . what the fuck ? my life is crazy . i love being me . if i weren't me , i'd wish i was . <3

1 lover | i love susan.

:: 2003 2 March :: 6.22pm

who wants to run away with me... anywhere, i don't care.

25 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 2 March :: 11.27am

resentment. confusion.hurt.

i wish i knew something... anything.

the.end.