sendmemoney
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2002 27 October :: 6.44pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: incubus - consequence
i am sitting, looking down at you. but somehow, we are here, together, talking. and i feel so displaced from this world, but not out of love for you, because this is not love, or lust, or anything like it. because of the fact that the person who reaches past me, grazing my cheek, couldn’t tell you how i am feeling, or what i am thinking, or who i am directing my poetry to. and the person that my poetry is written for (and my heart is given to) won’t ever care to see it. and as i sit and listen to why you can’t be here any more, i look around and see that i’m not a part of this anymore. that i am indirectly in the center of this scene and, chances are, that the people on the outside of this picture will never even notice that i don’t belong here. meanwhile i stand on the outside with them, smiling at the irony of it all. and i jumble my thoughts haphazardly into a sentence, struggling to make you understand. but you won’t. how could you? and you are sitting below me, looking down at me.
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 27 October :: 12.12am
Vermonster = 20 scoops of iceee cream, 10 brownies, cookies, fudge, caramel, bananas, whipped cream, sprinkles, gummi bears, cookie crumbs and just soooo much more... Ben & Jerry's = amazing!
Fri: WE BEAT PALM BEACH GARDENS 12-7!!! That sooo means we're #1 in the district! anddd #3 in the state according to Chris :0) yay ATL!
T-bone sleepover... actaully Fri night was a HUGE mess. After the game we went 2 Dennys on Linton & Federal (us being me, stephy, vanessa, ben, Chris D., Matt and Paul) later on Shane showed up but not until I was already wedged in the booth between Matt and the wall. Paul and I switched pants under the table.. let me tell you, those sexy pasty white legs in my black soffees = HOT STUFF! haha Shane left w/o saying goodbye and I felt bad :0( after that we went 2 the beach & it was just an amazing night... definate makeout atmosphere and yeah... thats basically what happened... little did I know that would get me in a gigantic mess... I felt soo bad.. I don't know.. Matt and my situation is kinda bleh I don't know.. I just felt soooo bad today (eh technically yesterday) o wait i 4got to talk bout the sleepover... i taught Chris and Ben how 2 play shithead and we did that then just passed out. We made it to school on time fortunately... 9 freaking AM!!! I was sooo up at 7:30 bleh.. so yeah. we rehearsed from 9-12 and Shane was really mad at me the whole day. Around 1:30ish we headed over to Santaluces to watch other bands perform. Shane was still ignoring me. We performed at around 6:20 and did okay... we got an excellent which I guess is waht I expected... its really disappointing after 18 straight years of superiors we got an excellent. I guess thats pretty crappy but I had no emotion towards it. After we got back Shane finally apologized to me for being kinda assholeish and I apologized for the Matt thing and things are getting better. I went to Checkers with Jess, Corrie & Jenn and met up with Sam and Liz at Ben & Jerry's where we experienced ice cream ecstasy which kinda made me sick. Now I am at home really tired. Goodnight <3
6 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 24 October :: 8.21pm
:: Mood: giddy
tomorrow = TBONE sleepover!!!
plus the big game vs. Palm Beach Gardens... they are the only other team in the county thats undefeated like us :0) Should be good. Also the middle schoolers are coming so yeah.
so yeah. Trombone sleepover before festival. basically 5 girls and Ben lol its at Ben\'s house too soo yeah.
I have been soo happy these past few days::sigh:: heh sweaters = soooooo sexy... wow... I think I obsessed bout that all day haha he wore my jacket thingie... i bet it looked cute but then incredibly gay all at the same time. I missed Thursday and Poison the well tonight which sux :0( I also missed Catch-22 on Tuesday. That really really really sux :0( :0( butttt thats okay. Festival is on Saturday. My bands screwed.
Thats enough for now. goodnight <3
4 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 24 October :: 10.55am
:: Mood: hopeful
when i'm with you, i feel like i could die, and that would be alright.
third eye blind
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 20 October :: 9.30pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: incubus - consequence
slipping in through c a k and out through windows
r c s
lovingly adored.
covering up the burn marks
with long sleeves and makeup
so as not to remind of the past nights
of the past fights
painfully ignored.
pondering if you can tattoo over scars
and how to explain to the artist
the artwork already permanently
covering the body
basking in attention
drinking in the liquid bitterness
like vodka, burning throats
breaking hearts
and weakening mentalities
until enough is enough
and, walking out the door
one last breath of freedom is drawn
before the final blow is delivered
and falling
free you land.
1 lover |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 20 October :: 8.08pm
:: Mood: contemplative
if i don't make it, know that i loved you all along, just like sunny days that we ignore because we're all dumb and jaded, and i hope to God i figure out what's wrong.
our lady peace
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 20 October :: 11.38am
last night was ::gasp:: amazing...
Jessie & I went up 2 the show on MILITARY and hypoluxo, NOT Boynton lol it was soooooooooo much fun.. when we got there everyone was still chizillin in the parking lot. Matt& I walked over to Checkers where I met these really nice guys from Fallen From the Sky. Boca boys haha. Came back & Shane was there for a min ;0) that made me happy too. Then he had to go to his dads house in West palm :0( poopie. After my man bitch departed I chilled w/everyone else (lots of ATL kiddies!) and met some other cool people. I personally liked Fallen from the sky but most of the kids there were more hXc so they weren't too into it. Face Rapist was... terrible? maybe not terrible but i'm not really in2 hXc.... Drewish & Ben's band Drowning Ophelia was... AMAZING! They were seriously the best ones there ( and no i'm not just saying that cuz they're my friends heh) Andrews got the most beautiful voice and I almost died when they played the epic... just amazing! umm The Red Rocke Fiasco was okay... their singers voice was ... well let me rephrase, his scream kinda sucked lol I didnt' really pay attention to the last band.
Afterwards we all went 2 the Boynton Ale House. That was fun.. being smushed in a booth with 8 other people lol regardless... after that Lexie and Jake left and the rest of us ( me, ben, noah & alex ) went to super walmart where we walked up and down the aisles trying on weird crap. I tried on this horse head thing and like these 2 ladies walked by and were like " we tried that on earlier & it got stuck..." lol wtf 1am and some weird ladies were trying on horse heads?? haha Noah got a reallly reallly pimp Power Puff girls' watch & Alex and Ben split this plastic knife set... after that we dropped off Noah and Alex and met up with Matt, Mike and Mallorie at Dunkin Donuts. We chilled there for a while and saw an excursion limo from homecoming. It was Laura Vargas & co. limo & they were all piss drunk. THat was pretty funny. Mike was being a real asshole so Ben & I left. Ben took me home & we talked bout lots & lots of stuff.
It was a wonderful night <3
5 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 19 October :: 1.26am
a wonderful way to end my evening...
grlwthepnkdrsson: so tell
grlwthepnkdrsson: its like saying something just to cause trouble
picsxstarsxdream: wtf
picsxstarsxdream: i just asked u if u liked NOah anymore
picsxstarsxdream: and u asked me why i asked
picsxstarsxdream: and i fuckin told you
picsxstarsxdream: dno't pull this shit on me i'm not in the fucking mood
grlwthepnkdrsson: why would you ask me something like that
grlwthepnkdrsson: thats really rude
picsxstarsxdream: because someone asked me if you still did
picsxstarsxdream: so i asked cuz i didnt' know
grlwthepnkdrsson: so they asked if i did so they could go after him
picsxstarsxdream: this person doesn't want anyone knowing so i'm not guna say anything
picsxstarsxdream: basically.
grlwthepnkdrsson: well who are the other people then?
picsxstarsxdream: what does it matter
grlwthepnkdrsson: it does matter
grlwthepnkdrsson: vivi im asking you as my friend to please tell me
picsxstarsxdream: and as a friend to the other person i'm not.
picsxstarsxdream: why do you care
grlwthepnkdrsson: why do you care that i care?
grlwthepnkdrsson: and you can go tell that person that i do still love noah
picsxstarsxdream: wow you do't make any sense.
grlwthepnkdrsson: and it wont really matter because im sure they'lll go after him anywyas
grlwthepnkdrsson: they shouldnt ask if they dont care
grlwthepnkdrsson: noah can date whoever he wants
grlwthepnkdrsson: its not like im going to beat them up
picsxstarsxdream: fine then cuz you know what
picsxstarsxdream: you're right
picsxstarsxdream: it is up to noah
picsxstarsxdream: you can't stop him or them
grlwthepnkdrsson: who said i was going to?
grlwthepnkdrsson: stop putting words into my mouth
grlwthepnkdrsson: and stop acting like a bitch
picsxstarsxdream: no megan, thats where you're dead wrong. You're trying to manipulate me. you're being the bitch.
grlwthepnkdrsson: why are you being so paranoid?
grlwthepnkdrsson: i dont manipulate people
grlwthepnkdrsson: i prefer being straight
grlwthepnkdrsson: if i want to know something i asked
picsxstarsxdream: megan i'm done with you tonight. i'm tired and i'm not putting up with anymore of this. goodnight.
grlwthepnkdrsson: YOU caused trouble by starting this
picsxstarsxdream: fuck you
grlwthepnkdrsson: you read my journal and were aware that i liked him
grlwthepnkdrsson: dont ask questions you know the answers to
grlwthepnkdrsson: just being you're upset dont take it out on other people
what i fucking do to keep a friends privacy. Fuck it. Fuck it all.
Besides that wonderful confrontation things have been okay. Chris & I are done now & its been what, a day? haha already got boys that want me ;0) eh. i'm just happy bout it cuz thats never the case. Tonight was... wonderful <3
o yea and we won our homecoming game 27-0 against Wellington ;0P
8 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 16 October :: 9.54pm
JamaicanRedVixen: what if i said the husband and i were fucking too?
JamaicanRedVixen: ;p
picsxstarsxdream: WHAT!
JamaicanRedVixen: he's very good in bed
picsxstarsxdream: WHAT!
ummm EXPLAIN!!!
EVERYONES GETTING SOME CEPT ME!!!!
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yeah. adding more now at 11:30pm... Chris and I are technically broken up till further notice. It'll be better this way. Anyways, homecoming week... crazy shit... um. homecoming parade tomorrow night then the homecoming game then the homecoming dance that i'm NOT going to... yay mayb now i'll go to Drewish's show! <3 yes yes.
Brighton says i'm a pedofile. yuck.
2 months and 4 days till my bizurthday!
8 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 16 October :: 9.55am
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: the starting line - nothing's going to stop us now
tossing and turning in fitful unrest
unable to stop
(thinking about that night)
and distract myself with dreams.
the air, laden with the sweet smell of spring,
my shirt, laden with your scent.
in the end, you always left me smelling like Polo and cigarettes.
in the end, you always left me.
but i kept holding on, pulling you back in desperation.
at a loss for words because i didn't know
how i could remind you of what we had.
my choppy half-sentences mirroring my head
thinking one thousand synonyms for love
but unable to compose them into a well-written song
that i would sing straight to your heart
to change it back into what i thought it was, what i know it was, that night.
maybe just that one night.
but that was all i needed to make you
the only thing i could stand to look at,
and your voice, the only sound my ears could take.
... so i wrote it and i didn't like it, i only liked the two lines i posted yesterday, but then i decided i liked it after all, so i just posted it whole, but amy's comment was so great that i wanted to leave it. that is all ...
1 lover |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 15 October :: 7.32pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: the rocking horse winner - miss you
in the end, you always left me smelling like Polo and cigarettes.
in the end, you always left me.
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 13 October :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: mike.
to do. [naked woman]
1. shave.
2. get my tires rotated and my oil changed.
3. get my transcript sent to PBCC.
4. pick susie up from school at one o'clock !!!!!
5. english homework.
6. maybe go to science class.
7. cash ten dollar check.
8. get high (when i pick susie up from school).
9. update journal.
10. polish penguin earring.
11. find out who the stalker girl is.
12. masturbate.
13. start conversation with linda; get number.
14. go shopping with leftover money.
15. find a way to buy pot. (should be on top, not on bottom.)
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 13 October :: 8.17pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: reel big fish - we care
*~so for a long time i let this bother me. then recently i began to realize that this happens to everybody, and it was not my fault at all. and if you’re going to act differently with me when you’re around her, then i will just try to avoid you two together. maybe even you two separately. and yea, maybe i don’t have anybody quite like you, that fits so perfectly with me, to be with. but you know what ? i can live without it. until i find somebody who smiles just like you do, i will just quietly sink into the background and try to remain unnoticed, and not let anybody see that i am just half of what i used to be. and when i do find someone like you, i will remember you and what we had, but put that away and start from the beginning with them. but i hope you don’t forget me completely, because i will never forget you.~*
1 lover |
i love susan.
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