all things must surely have to end

12 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 28 July :: 5.44pm

i've been waiting five years for ryan gorter to be sent to jail and it's finally happening.

5 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 22 July :: 5.54pm

oh harry potter. . .i love thee.

anyone want to start a support group? i'm willing to talk about it.

3 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 15 July :: 5.51pm

i think i'm growing.

1 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 29 June :: 4.25pm

Dani Lauer's Open House was totally rockin'!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

totoot toot tooot ttooooooootttt tooooottttttt

I wish Kathy was my mommmmmmmm!!!!!!1

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr\

totototottoootooooottttttttt

toot!

:: 2005 21 June :: 4.30pm

Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string
Till you cut through my tether and changed everything
From the sky you looked small, but I loved you the same
So I darted back quickly to spell out your name
And when they say that I'm just a terrible kite
You'll tell them you're proud of my loveless flight

1 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 20 June :: 10.40pm

I picked out baby clothes today =]
Everything is so cute.
This kid is going to have more clothes than she can even wear.
She's going to be just like me =]

3 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 15 June :: 8.33pm

oh gody god

it can't even be possible. but you know. it would be hilarious in a very sad way.

but not really. it would be the more horrible thing. EVER.

i can't hide. and. oh. i have to be something.

i won't be the girl from cedar springs.

:: 2005 14 June :: 11.00pm

It's a girl!!!
She should be arriving on October 29th.
I'm so excited, now I get to buy pretty pink dresses =]
I'm so glad that "accident" happened

8 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 11 June :: 9.56pm
:: Music: vertical horizon-the best i've ever had

So things are cool. . .

My mom and I are getting along. Here's the trick. I make it seem like I'm busy and I run around for her a lot and talk to her and she seems to leave me alone. And it's not so bad. She's just lonely I think.

Jake and I have stopped fighting. and things are just very nice nice nice.

My open house is tomorrow which means some money for some things.

I have a roomate who is not crazy and she knows my stepsister

aaron is gone

my car is working

it rained a little bit

i have bangs

someone noticed my very intense eyes

i'm not sad about band camp or school or anything

i don't have anemia, lukemia or mono. i just need to eat more meat.

i signed up for my classes

i'm not being a bad babysitter for the most part

so here's the usual vagueness

today is the anniversary of your death and
i celebrate
with
enthusiasm
i will bury you with
duct tape

thank you
thank you
thank you

for closing the door
no
slamming
abrupt
and throwing the deadbolt

and while i pounded
until my
fists were bloody
all over the unwelcome mat

then YOU crawled through the window
and
i wasn't disapointed

gush

5 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 3 June :: 9.51am
:: Music: fallout boy-grand theft autunm

I am going to lose it. Not even joking.

I thought things were going really good. I just graduated, I have cool friends, everything is pretty great on the boyfriend front and I thought my mother finally calmed down.

But no. Underneath all of that niceness she's harboring her bullshit. I can't even describe it that's how completely stupid everything is. I guess she expects me to spend my whole summer vacation cleaning. That's not happening. I do my chores. I do what she asks me. I drive A-ron around. I only ask her for money when it's totally nessesary. I try to whine less and I don't talk about how I don't love Jesus. I did my invitations. I'm working on the picture thing for my open house.I'm even trying to organize all the photos so we can be a happy family again.

I don't get it.

and the job thing. I've applied at Great Day, D&W, Meijer, Arbys, Tractor Supply, Movie Gallery, Kohls (twice) Debs, Rue 21, Shulers, and I don't know where else. I've picked up applications to like everywhere in Cedar.

Everyone MIGHT be looking at apps in a few weeks. So I go in or call to see how that's going. Oh, still looking. They'll call me. Not.

Arbys says my availitbilyt sucks even though I can work weekends and every day of the week, just not during the day on Monday and Tuesday.

Meijer? Who knows.

Bath and Body Works wasn't interested.

To work part time at Kohls you have to have open availability and I was willing to give up babysittting to do that. But now they're not hiring.

What the deal? Seriously. I'm qualified and I like working.

And I'm getting better. I go to the therepy. I take the medicine. I do breathing. I go into crowds and I try not to flip out. I didn't even cry when she yelled at me last night.

I don't want to live with my dad. I don't want to have two transitions this summer. But is that my only option? I don't want to punish my mother. I love her and everything she does. But why can't she relax and just accept who I am, an absentminded procrastinator? I seem to manage don't I?

Or maybe I'm missing something and I'm the bad one. I'm lazy and selfish and demanding.

oh my.

:: 2005 29 May :: 2.35pm

Open House
June 12th
1-5pm
636-4135
call for directions!

:: 2005 10 March :: 11.29pm

Why do I waste my time hoping...

It's never going to happen.
I should just let go.

:: 2005 9 March :: 12.15am

I miss you.

It's terrible that things were allowed to get to the state they are now. I regret that. And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
And I love you

2 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2005 7 February :: 10.02am

it's not a handicap, it makes me feel safer.

i'm pissed.

and if it wouldn't be weird i'd crawl under the desk right now.

:: 2005 6 February :: 5.55pm

I love tax time.
It's wicked awesome.

And I'm very proud of myself for doing two seperate city returns all by myself.