This is my live now

:: 2011 4 June :: 11.26pm

73 days, then iowa

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:: 2011 11 May :: 12.10am

A day late..
Callie,
I'm sorry I'm late. Time goes by so quickly now that you're here. I hate it. I want you to stay my baby forever. You're already 7 months old. 7 months ago I delivered you in our bathroom. Wow. Over half way to your first birthday. Insane! Any ways... At your last dr.appointment (may 2nd) you were STILL only 67 cm long (roughly 26 inches) and get this, 19.5 lbs! You are off the charts for weight and normal for height. You sit soooo well now. You learn forward so far that you end up on one knee...but still you manage to sit back down with out falling (most times!). Recently,i moved you to your crib. Is maybe been a week. The pay two nights though you've ended up back in bed with me. You s sleep so much better that way...but daddy has gotten so used to you not being in bed that every morning his pillow magically ends up in the middle of the bed where you "used" to lay. You have hard a hard time pooping this past week...in fact you haven't pooped really at all since monday when you had your first BLOW OUT in cloth at the appointment. Other than that one time..you have not pooped out of your cloth diapers. So the cloth diapers are working well for us. I believe your sudden issue with pooping is caused by your eating habits changing. All of a sudden it seems you started eating purees. And then in a short time we moved you to eating twice a day. A fruit and oatmeal mix in the am amd then a fruit and veggie mix in the evening. You were eating really well for like a week straight.now not so much..i think you feel like your belly is full (full of poo!) So its uncomfortable for you to eat. Lets see....you love to stand now. If you're ever upset.. Standing you up..will stop your tears with out fail. We go out side every day. You LOVE grass. Your sister hated it. Oh, and speaking of your sister..you absolutely adore her. You talk and talk and talk to each other all the time. And laugh together. She is the best big sister and you are the best little sister. You have a great relationship with each other..i hope it status this good throughout your childhood and into your adult lives. Oh..your newest"trick"is talking on my phone. I use speaker phone so whenever I'm on it, you hold my phone and start jabbering away. Its the cutest thing. You are the cutest thing. I love you baby. And I'm so grateful you are a part of my life.

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:: 2011 20 April :: 9.20pm

6 months
Callie,
Happy late 6 months baby!
We had two appointments last week, started cloth diapering AND I took your six month pictures. At your check up you weighed 18 lbs 12 oz and were 26 and 3/4 inches. Short and FAT! You can now sit by yourself for a very long time..hours even. Can stand for a few minutes (holding our hands of course) and...here's the big one, YOU CAN CLAP! Right now you are sick...got a pretty bad cold. So does your big sister and me too. You love to eat your feet, and you need a
blanky to fall asleep. You are wearing 12-18 month clothes....autumn jumping up and down can make you laugh no mater how upset you are. You are eating every three hours during the day. Your last feeding is at midnight. Then you wake up twice in the nightstill.. Once at around four or five and then again at 8 or 9. Then you eat at noon,3,6,9 and then midnight. Oh and you still won't eat baby food. Once in a while you will eat a few bies of rice cereal...but that's it.

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:: 2011 17 March :: 12.02pm

I got accepted to Iowa State University's College of Design, I am so unbelievably stoked right now.

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:: 2011 12 March :: 12.29am

5 months
Sorry I'm late. It's been an interesting week. We took you to. The dr. Tuesday because you've had a spot beneath your eye that was puffy and red. She thought it was a Strep infection and so we started you on keflex. Today we got a call from your Pediatrician saying that the cultures were in and that she needed to switch the antibiotic. So... we started you on amoxiciilan today. Hope it works. She said it would most likely cause diarrhea and you've already got what looks like a test infection so...I hope it's worth it! Tomorrow is greenlee's 1st birthday party. Hopefully you can make it. :)
Some milestones for you...
You can sit on your own
You said mama today ( not on purpose I know but still!)
You can roll from front to back back to front
And can turn yourself in a complete circle
You can push yourself backwards across the wood floors
You laugh constantly...especially at your big sister

You're 17.5 lbs and 26 inches!

Oh and obviously that shows you still love to eat... but I've got you up to every three hours instead of two!!!
Don't worry I still love you even though you are attached to me every three hours 24 hours a day.

:: 2011 2 March :: 12.19am

Callie is in my arms and autumn is asleep upstairs. As I read my two blogs ( one about baby scarlett who has brain cancer and the other about maddie who passed away of Sids feb. 17th at 4 months old) I can't help but feel so blessed to have everything I do. I must tell jared thank you when he gets home this morning. I have my two babies alive and well(minus a cold) and a husband that is perfectly happy working (and working hard) and letting me stay home. Every morning that I wake up and have my husband,daughter and baby alive...I am happy.
My heart aches for those not as fortunate as me. And their pain has made me realize EVERYTHING I have to be grateful for. Callie crying at 2 am.... me changing her clothes because she has pooped through yet another outfit....autumn coughing so much she throws up....and when they look at me with their sincere loving eyes....
I wish they knew what a difference they have made in my life and my childrens. Because of them I treat every second of every day like I might not get another.

:: 2011 2 March :: 12.19am

:: 2011 21 February :: 12.44am

exhausted
Seriously. I do not know how a baby can wake up every two hours at night and then wake up bright eyed at 9 in the morning. And still manage on top of that to only nap a couple times a day. Im tired. You're crying right now and have been since at least midnight. Im about to go insane. I thought they say that babies will stop after a certain amount of time. Apparently you're stubborn. I hate it.

:: 2011 9 February :: 12.15pm

4 months old!
Callie,
Wow! You have had a few busy days. Saturday the 5th we started you on oatmeal. You ate probably half and the other half ended up all over your clothes. The next day, you ate all of it! ( my little piggy) Then things started getting harder haha. You decided you wanted to play with it and shoved your hands in your mouth. Yesterday you were too upset to eat and today you ate a few bites, played with some and some ended up on your face and clothes. Every bite you did eat... made you gag...and this horrible expression would come across your face like it tasted so sour. But I tried it before you did and it was NOT that bad.
Last night you rolled from your belly to your back TWICE and it was intentional haha. You don't really like being on your tummy but you still are physically capable of rolling from your back to your tummy. Oooh and another thingbyou started doing a couple days ago was switching your pacifier between your hands and also outrun it back in your mouth. I'm so proud of you! Those skills are way above your current age (6 month skills). Currently you are asleep in my arms. I think you are going through a growth spurt. You used to sleep from 12a- 8am without fail for 2 months straight. The past week or two.. you've been up at 5 and then 9 wanting to nurse for a half hour! Not to mention still eating ever two hours during the day and you've also started nursing on both sides. Piggy.
Happy four months.

:: 2011 6 February :: 12.54am

Callie~
You are 17 weeks old today. In 3 days, you will be 4 months old. I can not believe how fast these 17 weeks have come and go. Each morning when you start rustling around and break out that beautiful smile makes me realize how lucky I am for you to be here with me. I may not have realized it then... but when I had you... we both could have died right there in that bathroom. I apparently.lost a lot of.blood and God only.know how many other things could've gone wrong with the birth in general not to mention all the tlabor that could've been wrong with you. I had been in active labor for 12+ hours and didn't know it. That can put a lot of stress on babies. Lucky for me, you were strong and healthy. Right now you are sleeping right next to me. I'm listening to you breath.
Today, you were so happy. I was able to put you down and play and talk to you...I even left you on the activity mat all alone and you tugged and pulled on the toys attached to it. Grandma and gumpy came over this evening and while grandma had you, you kept looking around the room for me to make sure I was there. I love that now you fuss when I put you in your chair when I have to make dinner or clean. And then when I walk in your direction you start smiling and giggling but as soon as I walk past you, you let out a cry. You love me. And I love you. At least today while I made dinner and sister was talking you decided to talk back. Goo this gaah that. " a goo a goo" over and over. You even put your pacifier back in your mouth after it fell out.

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:: 2010 16 November :: 12.13am

I hurt myself today.

The razor's kiss.

I don't even know why I did it.

Just so full of pills I wanted to see what would happen.

The sting was unbelievable, the blood oozing from the fresh slit.

She wanted to kiss my wound, put a band-aid on it.

But all I could think about was more pain.

A lit cigarette, lit no more. A brilliant new burn.

goodbye

:: 2010 14 September :: 1.05am

Truth
Every shadow, no matter how deep, is threatened by morning light.

:: 2010 7 July :: 1.34pm

Back started to act up pretty badly while I was helping Jen and Harry clear out that house.

Today the real heavy lifting starts, hopefully I won't get another herniated disc.

:: 2009 19 December :: 1.59pm

Weight loss so far: 10 pounds
Weight left to lose: 41 pounds

Then I can sign up for the USMC delayed entry program.

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:: 2009 4 November :: 3.08am

I WILL get a job before january, and I WILL move out.

:: 2009 23 June :: 1.32pm

Gonna go work for my uncle Rob at his place just a few minutes south of a canada for a few weeks here soon, gonna do it a few times. Thinking if I can save up enough money I'm gonna send myself on a vacation.

With Travelocity I can get myself a week in Japan for $1250 if I book far enough in advance, add another grand or so on top of that for food, touristy shopping, etc. and I'd have a great time.

:: 2009 15 June :: 1.55am

Meant to post this last night after Donnie Darko, but I was le tired and forgot, but it just came on during shuffle in itunes!

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

:: 2009 24 May :: 11.23am

No hangover, I AM A GOLDEN GOD!