This is my live now

This is my live now

:: 2007 9 October :: 12.32pm

Well, I'm not pregnant anymore... and I kind of miss it.
so, I hold her 24/7 to make up for it.

She was born September 26th at 12:15 pm and weighed a whole 8 lbs. 9 oz and was 21 inches long.

I have no idea how she fit inside me.

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 7 October :: 8.13am

So, I'm just the medicine
You take when you're sick
You get well and that's it
I'm put back on the shelf in your mirror
And it isn't exceptional
The course of our fate
So, people love and they hate
And I guess it's just our turn to hate
Yeah, you were just some song I wrote
A poem on a page
A sculpture I made out of clay
Desire was the flame
But now you're more of a basketball
Boys just pass you around
They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble
And then we all get high fives
And you think I'm an asshole now
Well, you're probably right
But at least I'm not blind to the facts
I've been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don't ask about my appetite
I didn't lose it tonight
No, it's been gone half my life
It's just act, I've been eating for you

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 6 October :: 10.19am

Ya know, I'd be a completely different person today if I had never joined this website.

I never would've met Lauren.
Never would've been invited to SpokLAN by Lauren.
Never would've become friends with Julius and later Jen at SpokLAN
Never would've become friends with ANYONE from SpokLAN for that matter.
Probably never would've taken Japanese without Jen's influence, meaning I'd have a completely different plan for my future.
So yeah, in the end, this website has changed my life immensely.

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 6 October :: 9.42am

This is why I fucking hate getting close to people, all that ever happens is that you get hurt, you should never invest your emotions in anyone but yourself, because they'll just treat your feelings like a toy, and toys always end up broken.

1 comment | leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 6 October :: 8.37am

I see why they call it a broken heart, it actually hurts, it feels like someone just reached in there and squeezed my heart until it popped.

It's just so hard knowing that your biggest reason for waking up in the morning doesn't even seem to give a shit about how her actions make you feel.

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 25 September :: 7.37pm

I did painful things today....

2 comments | leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 19 September :: 11.25pm

I should try forming a serious relationship, everyone else does it these days, I should too.

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 16 September :: 9.01pm

"I Won't Ever Be Happy Again"

Well morning came
And it dressed the sky
In a lovely yellow gown
Now the shops they are
All opening
In that narrow hallway of downtown
Filled with people who
Are shopping for
Their lovers and their friends
So they won't ever be lonely again
Well a forest fenced
becomes backyards
Like songs are born from sound
And the apple fell
And it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So here we go
But there ain't no escape
Yeah, these streets they're just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Well, it seems you too
See a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The motion of a hand waving you goodbye
"Bye bye"
But as the story goes
or it is often told
A new day will arise
And all the dance halls will
Be full of skeletons
That are coming back to life
And on a grassy hill
the lion will
lay down with the lamb
And I won't ever be lonely again
No, no, no, no, no
But until that time
I think I had better find
some disbelief to suspend
Cause I don't want to feel like this again

1 comment | leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 11 September :: 11.01pm

Sometimes I want to just leave.

Not even tell anybody, just go to the bus station early one morning, but a ticket to somewhere far away, and never come back.

It's probably a good thing I don't have a job, I'm just impetuous enough to do it one of these days.

1 comment | leave a comment

allyson

:: 2007 6 September :: 12.41pm
:: Mood: crazy

baby
Wow... I can't believe how longs it's been since I actually updated either of my journals. How crazy life has been!

I never talk to anyone anymore and it makes me miss all those sad pathetic days of blink 182 and parties with the group.

I saw james about 4 months ago. He looked healthy. I think. I havn't heard anything from him since then.

I saw Joe yesturday while I was working. He's doing good it seems. Working third shift at family fare and his dad is out of the hospital.

I saw david with his very pretty girlfriend a month ago (yes while I was working). They both seem happy.

Everyone seems good but, you don't talk to anyone like you used to. I have finally been talking to Raych more. The problem was. I am poor and she is altell. I have verizon therefore talking to her takes up my whole 700 minutes that Jared and I share.

I can't believe I am going to have a baby. What is life going to be like? OMG it's so crazy. It isn't going to be just Jared and I. We are going to have a real family, all the time. I mean. Jared has a daughter but... it's different. I try to make it not different. But it is and it always will be. I just can't wait to bring her home and put her in her crib and dress her in all the clothes we got. And of course.. for me to loose all this stupid weight I have gained. A part of me is scared that she will turn out a he. Haha.. knowing my luck I wouldn't be suprised. Anyways.. I don't know what to write. Now that I have internet maybe I will keep this thing updated. doubt it but maybe.

If you want to look at any pictures or anything go to my myspace. You can see how fat I am now. :)

2 comments | leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 23 August :: 4.57pm

I've got some hardcore circles under my eyes.

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 6 July :: 9.14pm

Why do people get so mad when I lump modern religions and ancient mythology into the same group, I mean, there's no real difference, it's just made up bullshit people believe so they can ignore the fact they really don't know that much about the universe.

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 30 June :: 1.48pm

I made my first youtube video =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1SeyA7xJn8

leave a comment

poisonedheart

:: 2007 13 June :: 11.02pm

Gray light, new day leaks through the window
An old soul song comes on the alarm clock radio
We walk the forty blocks to the middle
Of the place we heard that everything would be
And there were barricades to keep us off the street
But the crowd kept pushing forward
Till they swallowed the police
Ya they went wild

We left before the dust had time to settle
Now all the broken glass swept off the avenue
And on the way home held your camera like a bible
Just wishing so bad that it held some kind of truth
And I stood nervous next to you in the dark room
You dropped the paper in the water
And it all begins to bloom
Ya they go wild

And just when I get so lonesome I cant speak
I see some flowers on the hillside
Like a wall of new TVs
Ya they go wild