Conor Oberst is exactly 10 years older than me.
How awesome is that?

Oh my Lord, what a jackass.
Now what I don't understand is why he would make up a lie I wasn't the one to break up with him. He really wants to be a macho man. You can completely ditch the idea of me wanting to be friends with him again. What an ass. He better be shelling out the apologies tomorrow, and I don't mean just to me. I can't believe he made me believe that girl was like that. I really don't think he has a resonable explaination at all. He just a big liar.
And I trust that you guys aren't gonna believe the crap that he's saying, right? That is seriously the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why the hell is he still trying to hurt me?

Heh.. and I wrote:
"I hope we can still be friends and this isn't gonna be some "oh-crap-i-see-you-in-the-hallway-must-avert-eyes" kinda deal."

So much for that. Whatever.

I just can't make up my mind about how I feel. I'm just angry. This is probably going to be the last post about this because I'm not going to get caught up in this. But today I was so happy and I was just pissed off and didn't care about him. But then people bring to my attention how much time and energy I've wasted. That I've gotten nothing out of this. And he's not concerned at all. That's what bothers me the most. He doesn't need to run away from me. That's about the wimpiest thing a guy has ever done. I'm not trying to beg for you back. I mean what do you think? I wanted to say I wanted to be his friend, and be there for him and shit. But.. I don't know now if he doesn't want to even look at me. Like.. I didn't do anything. It pisses me off. I'm done with worrying about this because I've got the greatest friends on earth. So that's about it. Well here's the song I told Ben I'd put in here. It doesn't really relate to anything. I'm just learning it on the guitar sort of.

Third Eye Blind - The Background Lyrics
Read more..

So I guess he just couldn't commit. He's not the right guy for me. But I will miss it.
I think I'm okay now. I'm kinda mad though, cuz I made this big long list on woohu that I was gonna privitize anyway of all the stupid reasons I didn't like him anymore. It ended up being kinda funny. Andrea and I would have a good laugh if it hadn't gotten DELETED! arrg. whatever.
This really isn't explaining how I feel.
It would have been cool if he had told me what was bugging him.
I'm sorry I'm not "fun" and that I'm "happy in the morning". I bet you had a field day when I cried this morning. I'm glad I've finally made you smile. We really could have talked this out. You're missing out, Josh. You're not a good breaker-upper. Way to let me down really hard a week after I thought it was going really well.
I know you'll never read this, but I still care about you. And if you ever need somebody, I'm still here.
I'm completely pathetic. I'm going to go puke. I was wondering if I should jump out my window. That would be fun. Straight into the pool. I wonder which would kill me first? Impact or suffocation? I'm sorry I said that. I wouldn't do it. I'm just being emotional.
But ya know what bugs me? I left 1st hour because I was upset and didn't wanna be all upset in front of the whole world. So I came back 4th hour in time for lunch so that I could talk to Josh about it. I was telling myself that I was so tough for coming back. So, so tough. But really, I'm a wimp. I'm a stupid wimp for caring that much to talk to him. I still want to talk to him, but I'm not gonna go beg for him back. I guess there just had to be one time in my life that I have to learn that I can't love hard. I loved too much and he was just looking for a damn fling. I'll definetly be okay in time. I refuse to get myself sick over this. I'm drinking orange juice. lol. Whenever I get upset I get ill. But this isn't gonna do it. Sigh..-hence the reason I haven't been sick all that time I was going out with Josh. I wasn't upset.- ugg. And he doesn't care. So. I need to shut up. One day he's gonna look back and wonder why he ditched such a good girl. I'm a good girl. Maybe that's just not what he's into. So I guess he'll never regret it. Nevermind.
I hope we can still be friends and this isn't gonna be some "oh-crap-i-see-you-in-the-hallway-must-avert-eyes" kinda deal. I still care about him.
I'm an idiot. I really hate myself. I must be a damn moron for him to only last 2 months w/ me. I'm being dumb. I'm done with this entry.

This is making me completely sick to my stomach. It's sad I still don't know exactly what's going on, and I act like it's nothing.

Andrea, I don't know where you are right now, but I tried calling you like 5 times. I kinda need somebody to talk to...

I have a problem with over-analyzing things.