Shea's thoughts

:: 2007 21 May :: 7.02pm

oh my god i am in tears and seriously i'm going to kill myself. today and ysterday i have had the worst headache in the worldmaking mesick to my stomach with pain and omg so apparantely i get migraines now. i am seriously gonna drill a hole in my brain . this hasn't happened since i worked at beaners so it has been quite a while but then last night it happened and then today at work. right before i get the headache i can't see out of one of my eyes. it is all blurry as if i had been looking at the sun or had a flash from a camera in my eye. but it's not just in one spot it is over most of the eye. it makes me have blurry and double vision. seriously everytime i looked at a kid they had two faces. omg and then i had to wrok in the baby room so that was a little better. a little quieter except when they were crying.
and then itgot really realy bad and i was crying but at least i was in the baby room so no one could see it. omg i was gonna ask to go home but of course i am too scared to so i didn't. and i felt so sick i thought i was going to throw up all over the infants. lol. but seriously i elt so nausous . BLEH andthen i have to spend the rest of the day dealing with annoying kids and having a stupid boy spit/pretend sneeze in my face a million times. and screaming stupid kids omg i swear it was a bad day.

yeah so that was my day.

even now when my head isn't like it was it's like a dull annoying headache and if i bend down or anything it all feels like it is scoming back at aonce. if i sneeze or cough or anything that puts pressure on my head it's just like UGHGHGHG. omg i want it to go waway.

sorry for the complianing but i couldn't complain about it all day and it was so horrible.

OMG.

kill me.

:: 2007 19 May :: 10.59pm

kinda not understanding the grey's finale... hmm

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:: 2007 18 May :: 11.17pm

i made macaroni and cheese for you and now it's getting all nasty and soggy.

great.

tare

:: 2007 12 May :: 12.16pm

I am seriously done trying to make and keep friends. It really is a lost cause. My expectations are way too high and nobody can meet them. I'm always left disappointed and upset. Sure, it's my own fault for expecting so much from people, but I really can't help it.

Sometimes I wish I were a normal teenager who saw no problem in being drunk every night of the week, and neglecting every aspect in life. But then I really think about it, and I realize how stupid that is. You only get one go around, why screw it up? I see no problem if people want to drink and have a good time on the weekends... but even then, what's the point of being beligerantly drunk every day of every weekend? I just don't get it.

It's pathetic really. The only way anybody can ever have fun with their friends anymore is if they're drunk. That's only to hide the fact that they really can't stand being with them when they're sober and the fact that they really have nothing in common. I can't play that game. I just have to sit here and patiently wait for a good friend. Just one, I'm not even asking for a bunch... just one.

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tare

:: 2007 9 May :: 8.13pm

seriously, i don't get it...
Why do people feel the need to make stupid decisions and ruin their lives? I'm not saying I've done it all perfectly and made every decision the best I could... but I at least have respect for myself. I've made my fair share of mistakes in my life, believe me... but I don't let those bring me down. Just because you make one, two, or hell... ten poor decisions... that doesn't mean you should just give up.

Life is too precious to waste it. If you make a stupid decision or a stupid mistake... fix it, move on... and get back on track. Don't ruin your life over it for God's sake.

:: 2007 3 May :: 10.36pm

this is what i'm thinking right now

i need someone new to tell me i'm pretty.

i dont know what to do.

my fucking watch broke

i dont have any money it seems like

how much alocohol is too much.

i miss my long hair god dammit.

i hate my short hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i want to dye it.

and diet.

dye it and diet. ha.

yeah funny

:: 2007 3 May :: 9.30pm

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

fuck. what is wrong with me.

4 Added Water!! | Do you want to see some drama?

:: 2007 31 May :: 9.50pm

soooo

right now

i know i'm slacking. but i will begin soon so i dont feel all that bad about it.

roman had this incredibly exciting, completely romantic big suprise all planned. I LOVE suprises. (for the most part) but he cannot keep secrets/suprises/exciting news from me SO he spilled the beans and told me about it. but i stopped him before he told me the details. i am so excited about this though. it is going to be so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like going to sleep right now. i probably should. it'd be good for me. i have to get up at like 7 tomorrow anyway. i have to work at 8.30. i am getting a lot of hours at work. good but tiring. 9 hour days are not so fun. so anyway. i should go to bed. but i'm not going to . i have to wait for roman of course. i hate that he works so late. ugh.

i have been scrapbooking again for the first time since i've lived in the apartment. wow. but i love scrapbooking. and roman is finally putting back to gether the collage i made for him that broke and i cried when he didn't put it back together!! that is nice.

i really like the girls i work with. i am so sad that one is leaving. she is SO funny. i love when people are witty funny. i wish i could be more witty funny. so anyway the girl who is super nice and super funny is leaving and i am incredibly sad.

i seriously love my cats. i feel like a crazy cat lady. but i duno. i just love them so much. i am happy to see them when i get home and sad to leave them when i go. is that messed up?

i hate sarah jessica parker. she is so effing ugly. and annoying.

and god i hate sex and the city.

why is there nothing on my basic cable.

so there is this adorable boy tyler who always gets picked up last at the daycare. and when all the other kids go home and he's the only one left we say "it's just me and you". it's so cute. and then we read books or play the computer together. he can be really naughty but when it's just me and him he is so sweet and adorable. today when the last other kid left I said "What do we say Tyler?" and he said "You say it." and I said "No,you" and so he says "It's just me and you!" and then he said "When I leave then you say ' it's just me!' ". I thought that was so cute.

okay sorry. i seriously talk about the daycare kids like they are my own. but hey, they are part of my life.

btw. i am obsessed with Anchorman. the movie. yeah i know it's like a year later than everyone else on the planet but me and roman like just realized that we love that movie. we quote it like so much it makes me sick.

wonderful Bush, just wonderful. Why don't we all just stay in Iraq until everyone is dead. You are so stupid. I see the reason you don't want to plan the dates for withdrawaling but ughghghghgh. i duno.

yeah so..
that's it. bye

:: 2007 26 April :: 7.10pm

YEAH BITCH. i just got all a's this semester. hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha yay

a fricken A in med terms which is a class that lots of people fail. that makes me so happy yay!

1 Added Water! | Do you want to see some drama?

:: 2007 25 April :: 9.24pm

So here's the deal. i have decided to lose weight. i would really like to lose 30 pounds but i dont know if that is a realistic goal.

i have 3 months to lose weight. how much is a reasonable amount to want to lose in 3 months?

i dont know so help me out all you in shape people!

:: 2007 25 April :: 8.53pm

I need to do something with my life. like... before i begin a regular life with a family and career i want to do something exciting.

i need something interesting .

why does the singer from rascal flats have to be so ugly. i never knew what he looked like and i used to picture him as handsome a man as his voice is good. but he's like utterly hideous. but god i love his voice.

i did so well on my final today. i'm pretty sure i got at least a 90% which means my final grade in that class with be 96% which means that is another A. i have all A's so far and two more grades need to be submitted but i'm pretty sure i will end up with all a's this semester which is pretty awesome.

next year after my summer classes end, i will have one more class until i can actually graduate and be a medical assistant. cooley cool cool huh.

but then what.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i wanna get married.

Roman, i love you.

speaking of whom. he is home. g'day

:: 2007 24 April :: 10.48pm

I finally did it.

I went to the gym.

and it felt FABULOUS!

:: 2007 24 April :: 12.37pm

we've lived in this apartment for 9 months. that is weird. that's like, almost a year. also that is a lot of money spent.

when it comes to school work and trying to lose weight i feel like i am on this ride that never ends and i just want a break so that i can get my life in order. but i will never get that break. i envy kids that go to school all school year long and dont have to do anything but worry about school and live their lives. i fucking envy you kids. but then again, i feel like i'm way ahead of those people because i can handle being on my own.

so fuck yall.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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:: 2007 24 April :: 12.36pm

i dont want to go to work.
i dont want to go to work.

i don't want to go to work.

i do not want to go to work

i have no desire to go to workkkk.

fuck work.

runningfreak

:: 2007 18 April :: 9.30pm
:: Mood: upset, I suppose

They are a pretty penny but they are worth it...

50# Purina Equine Senior: $12.50

50# Dynasty Senior: $10.65

100# Dynasty Pro: $20.90

3 tubes of Ivermax Dewormer: $27.00

1 14 day supply of glucosimine: $14.50

Spring Shots: $212.50

Winter supply of hay: $725

Having 25 and 27 year old geldings and a 5 year old mare that look amazing and shed out every spring: Priceless