So maybe this time, I'll speak the words of life, with your fire in my eyes, but that old familiar fear is tearing at my words. What am I afraid of?

 

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:: 2003 23 November :: 8.46 pm

It's been a long weekend for me. Saturday night was great. We had a good performance and a great cast party with lots and lots of pizza. Well I wanted to go home, deciding to leave the party a little earlier than I had planned before. I pulled out of the high school parking lot and saw an accident happened on 17 mile in the muck fields. Well my first instinction was to go down Ritchie around the block because I was trying to avoid being a "gawker" as they say. I was going down Becker at the time when I realized that I forgot my Bible at school. So I turned around to go back and get it. Well, by the second time that I pulled out of the parking lot there was no one down 17 mile, so I took that to go home. I finally arrived at my house to the suprise that my sisters weren't home yet. Dad told me to go to his room because there was something he needed to tell me. I asked Dad why the girls weren't home yet. And he replied with "just sit down." He told me that my sisters had been in an accident and that they rolled the car three times. And it happened to be in the muck fields. And they went to the hospital because my sister Katie had a scraped face and her chest hurt my sister Emily had a cut finger and Melissa had a gosse egg on her head and several bruises from the seat belt. That night I stayed in the emergency room for 4 hours. Exhausted from the play and petrefied of my sisters conditions. It's funny how life throws it's trials in your face when you least expect them. But one thing everyone must do, is choose joy, my friends, choose joy.

4 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 22 November :: 1.59 pm
:: Music: Sky Is Falling

Just Another Day
Today is a new day. And I've found that Things are so messed up. This world is so screwed up. There is no one here who understands the power of God. Why are you so afraid? Why don't you see that he is the most powerful thing ever, why not be afraid of him? If you think about it, he is the creator of everything and therefore he can DESTROY everything. I don't get why none of you see it. I know that I have to try harder to show you all that He is there. To show you that He makes it all possible. I know that I have had some troubling times, and I don't act as Godly as I should. I should be spreading His word no matter where I am. No matter what I am doing. No matter who is there and who choses to listen or not. I know that I probably seem like what I say isn't true, but I can feel it, and theres' no other way that I can say it. It's just there. Because I have faith.

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2003 15 November :: 4.51 pm

Song that makes you happy:"In the Summertime"- Mungo Jerry
Song that makes you want to cry:"With Every Breath"- City On A Hill
Song that makes you feel dreamy:"Glorify the Son"- The Rock and Roll Worship Circus Song that makes you sleepy:"Ender"-Finch Song that makes you want to dance:"Hey,Hey"- The Elms
Song that makes you want to close your ears:"Oops blah blah blah..."- The stupid Britney Spears
Song that makes you think of that special someone:"On Fire"-Switchfoot
Song that makes you feel relaxed:"track 3"-Clemency
Song that makes you feel inspired:"Um..."-One Line Drawing
Song that makes you want to sing along:"Start Again"-Clearly Blind "

have some nuts?

:: 2003 11 November :: 7.04 pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: "Hanging On"-Everyday Sunday

My thoughts for the Day
Last night, Matt came over. He asked me a question that has been on my mind since. He asked me if I could tell him my life story. Well I started from day one when I moved out of my dads house. And I told him all the things that have happened. All the things that I've done, and all the things that I went through, all the times that I thought I was someone else, and when I finally found the truth. After I told him all of that, It kinda made me start to think of where I've been and where I am now. And I honestly have to say that I really have come a long way. I haven't been a christian my whole life, but I know that my sins are forgiven and that I don't have to struggle to live anymore. I don't have to move from place to place, I don't have to smoke pot or drink, I don't have to lie. It's beautiful the places that I've been with Him, It's so wonderful how God saw that I needed Him, and provided a way for me to see the truth. I needed his light for so long, and He blessed me. I don't regret anything that I have done, because I know that It all happened for a reason. It just took me a little longer to realize that He is life. There is one thing that keeps coming to my attention that I think God wants people to know, is that life is about relationships. Thats what He is anyway, a God of relationshps. And I believe that it is up to me to show some people here that they need Him. That life isn't about grades or parties or who knocked up who? It's about the love that you recieve and the love that you are willing to give in return. And this isn't obligated love either, this is the love that makes you feel complete. The love that you know is there, but you choose to ignore it because you are scared and don't want to face the truth that is laid right at your feet. It's the only reason why you ignore God. The only reason why you live life alone, because your not willing to give up your life for someone elses. I believe that, that is all we have to learn to realize that life is beautiful. That life isn't for us its for Him.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 9 November :: 7.52 pm
:: Music: Switchfoot: On Fire

Nothing in paticular
Well, my dad left for Boston today. It was actually quite weird around here afterwards. The sisters and I just sat around and did absolutely nothing except watch T.V. and I played my guitar. Its so weird not havin' Dad around. He's always telling us to do stuff like clean this, and clean that. It's like he wants everything spick and span. It's okay though, I don't mind authority. It's better than me bein' a lazy bum.
I wrote a few new songs today, their not completely finished but there almost. I went through all my cd's today and found the songs that I liked and didn't know how to play. I spent about 2 hours getting tab for them. So hopefully, later, I'll know more than I do now.
I went to Amy's house last Friday, that was interesting. Matt showed up, which was kinda cool. I played my guitar for everybody. I had my fifteen minutes of fame. We were gonna watch Finding Nemo but I had to leave by 9. So I didn't get to.
I did, though, have a very interesting talk with Richelle and Amy. It was about nothing really in paticular just talk. It was nice. I realy haven't had conversations like that in a long time.

have some nuts?

:: 2003 7 November :: 4.24 pm
:: Mood: blank

to you...
I just want to say that I'm sorry to you. I am wrong, and I don't want to make you believe that your not important to me. I love you so much. You've been a great friend to me and I do really love you for that. Your the only one who ever believed in me when I felt like I was on my own. And to treat you the way that I have been treating you is wrong. I'm so sorry. The only thing that I can do now is ask for your forgivness. I hope in the future everything will be back to the way it was. But if you need time, It's yours. I guess I'll see ya on Monday.

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 4 November :: 9.47 pm

I really don't know...
I've had a wonderful day, first with Marisa telling me that she's married, to Matt asking me, to go to lunch with him to watching Finding Nemo after school. I'd say I had a good day. I really like Matt. It's really weird I have that little school girl crush. when he even blinks at me I get all wide eyed, and start to blush. And me, I mean seriously! I really don't understand. I really like this guy though. I'm glad that Marisa likes to keep me on my toes. She had me goin' for a little while with her "eloping" I figured it out though when I real8ized that there's no way that she would do that. ever. It was good though. I'll get you back Marisa. You'll see....Mwahahaha

have some nuts?

:: 2003 28 October :: 9.13 pm

It's been a long day. After school today I went to Rosie's diner to watch a commercial shooting and come to find out, Nick, my little sister and I were in it. I was quite interesting. Not anything to jump for joy over. I gave Matt a ride home after that. That was cool. He plays the drums for Res life. Now that's awesome. It's cool when you find Christian friends. That's pretty swell. Well I came home after all that. My dad skipped work. Had to go to the store. Saw Dylan being his cool Dylan self. Except I've never seen his mom, I'm starting to believe he doesn't have one. J/K. Went home and made dinner. had some bbq ribs(very messy). Ryan called me. Told me I'm getting Jonesd for by 3 people. That's nice to know, although my priorities are with God, and God alone. Plaed my guitar for about an hour. Now it's time to pass out. That's what my day consisted of. exciting isn't it?

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 27 October :: 2.50 pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: wonderful cross

Today is a new day...scratch that, todays Monday and everyone knows how a Monday goes. Things I suppose are swell, not really anything to make it a bad day. I hope I can go with Ryan to Gold tonight, that would be cool. I haven't been there in such a long time. I hope Nick isn't mad at me for it though. Wait, I actually think I should go to my bible for the answer on this one.
Dan and I had a very interesting conversation last night. It wasn't about anything in particular just us goofing around. And I am glad that he sees God more instead of me. The boy finally got his priorities straight.
Well, it's time for me to peace. ta-ta

have some nuts?

:: 2003 24 October :: 4.32 pm
:: Music: Clemency

My really, really good day
We have 30 people plus more that are going to Spring Hill. Matt is coming back to Cedar. My dog is pregnant and she looks funny. I actually have kept straight A's for a total of 9 weeks. My dad's not sick anymore. Dusty and I actually had a good coversation about God. I'm learning apologetics. I love my church to peices. My musical talents are getting better. The peace in my heart would be amazing if it could get even greater. I have hope for the rest of everyone else. These things are why my day is the best. Of why I can't stop smiling. This day is the happiest day of my life. And the cool part is, is that I didn't have sex, and I didn't do drugs, I only had hope. I am sharing my joy with the rest of you. I hope you take it, this is the one time in my life when I realized that it's not about me. And I'm not scared anymore. I give my life away. It's all for you, Lord. It's all for you, and I will gladly let you take it, if It means that I could save them. I love you God.

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2003 21 October :: 8.00 pm

I'm in the strangest mood right now, and it's crazy. I don't know why, everythings like it should be, well not exactly how it SHOULD be but close enough. I kinda noticed that here on woohu, everyone always gives out their deepest thoughts, and I don't. And I don't know why, I think I try to hide my real self from everyone. If you all saw me I don't know if you'd like it, but there's more to life than pretending to be someone else, not to mention the glory. I'm not afarid anymore... I'm not afraid to say the wrong thing, or make the wrong movement, I'm not afraid to look different, I'm not afraid to be Molly... and even though, Marisa, you might think I'm gay, but I have God with me, and it's "all about him!" This is my chance to start it all, the chance to show everyone that there is a God, and he is beautiful, and I can't wait until he comes. Because he will and I know that his truth will set me free....

3 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 16 October :: 8.57 pm

So anyway, how is everyone? I suppose I'm just peachy. I gave blood today which made me feel special so I had to tell everyone. I couldn't last year cause my irpn was to low but I did it this year. Oh yeah. I'm glad Ryan doesn't hate me anyomre. Cause he made me sad when he didn't listen to me. I felt unwanted, but now he and I have both changed again. Hopefully for the better. I hope he goes to church with me. He can see what this is I'm talking about first hand. But anyway...
My dad's real sick right now. I feel really bad for him. He missed work three days in a row. Now that has to be something bad. I hope he gets better, I really do. Well it's time for me to depart. ta-ta.

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2003 8 October :: 6.22 pm

content
I'm sorry for making you believe that I was talking to you, I wasn't at all. There were other people that I needed to say something to, not you. But I guess you can forgive me when you feel like it I guess. So anyways...I might have a taker for my dog. I'm bringing her after school tomorrow to show Mr. Jungkind or whatever his name is. I went to my little sisters parent teacher confrences for her today. That was quite exciting. I've come to a realization though, all middle school teachers are crazy. It's funny just listening to them talk. I don't know what it is but it's great. So anyways I'm just blabbering on so I guess I'll leave....

have some nuts?

:: 2003 7 October :: 9.37 pm

Today is just the same as every other day. Not much to do, except listen to people soak in their self-pity. It's always good to know when all anyone ever cares about these days is themselves. But what do I know right? I'm just the one who never knows what shes talking about because she doesn't have the grades or the test scores or the wide ranged vocabulary. Well you know what I'm...I'm...a hypocrite. I'm so dumb. Ha Ha Ha

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 29 September :: 5.59 pm

I just realized that I am not happy with a few things in my life.And I must change them before I go crazy. ANd Because God told me too. So maybe I should, but I don't know how. It's been a long time. I don't want anyone getting angry though. But if God said so then It's true. And for future refrences, I'm sorry.

1 squirrel | have some nuts?

:: 2003 29 September :: 5.53 pm
:: Music: Meet with Me

Here We Go Again...
Well today was an interesting day for me. I went to try outs after school for the play. I hope I made it. I actually tried out for the main teacher girl lady that falls in love with the retarded boy. interesting yes I know. Quite. So anyways, how is everyone. I'm kinda glad to be home right now. I get to relax. It's nice. But yeah. I gotta peace. See ya.

have some nuts?

:: 2003 24 September :: 6.43 pm

ah, how the days go by so fast. Next it'll be that damned graduation day that slipped through my fingers once already. But who's to be blamed but myself and my slacker skills. Somphmore year really wasn't the greatest for me. I feel sorry for anyone who must stay behind like I did. I feel their embarasssment. In other words....it sucks. But we're not worried about that anymore. Ya know what I've realized, that being 18 you automatically gain authority. Like I have so much power right now. Like I could leave the state right now or the country or I could buy cigarettes for minors. Not that I'm going to be doing any of those things. But it's just so awesome to experience that. Well it's time for me to leave now. May God Bless you all.

2 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 23 September :: 9.59 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: newsboys

eberythings fine
I don't really know what to talk about. That's why I don't really talk in here much but I guess I'll just talk about my day. Well today the power went out and it was nice cause I got to play a game of Euchre. I haven't played that in a long time and the last time I did was with Justin Hale. Ahhh...memories. I miss Justin, He was so weird and creepy but his philosiphies were kind of interesting. about life and death and goats. He was quite an interesting person. But yeah... Oh yeah Kelly, if your reading this I miss him too. *tear*Oh yeah, if anyone has a line that I could steal from "Flowers for Algernon" will they please let me know. Cause I actually think I'm going to try out next week, see if I can come up with something. I never really thought about acting but it'd be cool. ANyways, We had this cool speaker lady at our church for the past 3 days and she is just amazing. She asked people to come up to the altar to get prayed for and 3/4ths of my church went up there. It was so amazing. There were people crying, rejoicing, laughing. it was so great. my sisters went up there, and I went up there with them. They need Jesus. Well yeah. I think this is the time where I part so ta-ta.

have some nuts?

:: 2003 11 September :: 9.22 pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: My sister talking to herself in the background...

another day
I missed my nap today after school and it made me sad....*tear*....but I'll be okay. I have to give my dog away if anyone wants her. Shes only 3 years old and very...well, she's a dog. She can be either an outside dog or inside, which ever you prefer. But I just can't keep her because I moved to my Dad's. So If I got any takers -have some nuts?-anyways today in Drama I had to be a microwave, isn't that exciting. I was proud, cause I did good. Well that's my day.....

4 squirrely | have some nuts?

:: 2003 5 September :: 6.41 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Me and Bobby McGee

????????????????
Things are really tough inside my social life. I don't know what it is, but it feels like I'm fading away. Theres sometimes when I feel that one of my friends steals all the glory, then theres another friend who wants me to fall away from everything that I spent the last 5 years trying to find. Now I don't know what to do, I want to try to be friends with everyone, but I think I've figured out slowly that it's not possible. I guess I'm clomplaing again. I'm just sick of hiding myself. I'm not gonna do it anymore. This is my life, and you can laugh at me for believing in God, or for not dressing like Marisa, or not having a Rockabilly Dad, well ya know what...I do have everything. This is all I'll ever need. you can neglect it if you want but it's the most beautiful thing in the world. And in the end your gonna wish you didn't ignore it. I wish you could all just see. Just see.

6 squirrely | have some nuts?

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