sushininja
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2004 27 January :: 10.31pm
:: Mood: Odd...
:: Music: Spokey Dokey
Well, I don't like working...especially on a school day...a school day that was cancelled...A time where I could've hung out with Carmen, like she wanted to...and she can't really visit me at the library as freely as she once could, nor can anyone, because Mrs. East as gotten after me once or twice...but she did visit me today, along with Esther...it was nice of them to come when I called, but I hadn't known that they were together, and felt bad about it...
I watched most of Johnny English with Carmen today, because she left before it was finished yesterday...I also hung out and had a good time with Coomes today...played Need for Speed and then went over to Liz's to watch "Once Upon a time in Mexico" part 3 of El Mariachi trilogy...it was good...
Carmen must not truly grasp how hard it is for me not to say anything about the Abhorsen Trilogy...especially since I get so into books and their story's...extremely so, usually so much that I cry at the slightest sad part...kind of pathetic, n'est-ce pas?
I finished Mistfits by James Howe today, and if you want an extremely good book, and an easy read, read this one...it carries a very good message also...a very good one indeed...
I've been reading more often now...and now I'm reading faster too, pushing my wpm up...did I every tell you that my uncle could read 1800 wpm? Holy Shit!
Quote of the day:
"Candy came from out on the island
In the backroom she was everybody's darlin'
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head
she says, 'Hey Babe, take a walk on the wild side"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 26 January :: 10.31pm
:: Mood: tired...
:: Music: Bring it on Home
I really hate working when I don't have school...it is quite a bother...I wish it would get cancelled when school is cancelled...kind of a boring way to start off the day...well, after work I went to Carmen's, ran some errands, and got Wendy's...dropped her off at rehersal, went home, napped, played more PoP...finished my homework, hung out with Carmen, ate dinner, played more PoP, watched Johnny English...Carmen watched that too...my day was just a list...I hate it when they can be described in list form...
I don't sleep well...maybe it is because of my dreams...especially the grotesque ones...that I can't seem to stop having...*sigh* Something is seriously wrong with my head...
Quote of the day:
"The incarnation of Echos
A creature from below
Your destiny is to be it
After eating of your soul
You feel its cold limb
It's soon you, you're sooner him
Transformation...
Degeneration...
Now you're the creature
The incarnation of All Echos
Your purpose in life is to imitate sounds and find your follower"
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 26 January :: 4.28pm
ever
ate
the
hater
at
the
EveTeaRater?
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 26 January :: 9.57am
:: Mood: cold...frusterated...tired...
Yay, no school! But I still have to work, unfortunately...yesterday was alright...I bought Prince of Persia, got a new reed, and hung out with Carmen some...maybe people will be nice and visit me if they're not snowed in...hah...
Quote of the day:
"I hate it when my penis doesn't stop peeing"
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 25 January :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: groggy
this feeling
of no feeling
it needs to stop
it will stop
i control it
i will reign it
and i will comquer it
with mortal force
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 25 January :: 7.35pm
Doug's evil twin attempted to write a humorous entry about Doug's bassoon playing, but Doug's computer is a crappy jerk and shut down internet explorer right when his evil twin went to post said entry. GRR. Doug is now taking a pee, then brushing his teeth.
Quote of the day:
"We should make him a shirt with a lot of sleeves"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 25 January :: 5.12pm
a poem by Kakinomoto No Hitomaro
I know she thinks of me, far off,
and wilts with longing, like summer grass
maybe if the mountains would bow down
I could see her again
standing in our doorway
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 25 January :: 1.12am
:: Mood: tired...strange...
Today was an okay day for me...I spent the day at Britt's...played a lot of PS2, had a good time with that...visited Carmen at work, but unfortunately, she was back in grill so I couldn't really stay that long...I would have stayed longer, becuase it seemed to me like she may have liked that...came home from Britt's, took my movie back, and hooked up with Esther and Carmen...screwed around for awhile...and then I went home...
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A breeze flows through the wonderful field
That is gently wept upon by the beautiful clouds
These tears pitter softly upon
Pale stones of yellow and blue
And soak the dark, lucious ground
That brings this life to be
I look out across this field of green
And decide to weep along with the clouds
For this is the most beautiful thing
That will have ever graced my pitiful life
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 24 January :: 7.44pm
Sometimes I just like to sit. Sit and think. It might sound boring but in the imagination many things can happen. Worlds and fantasies of splendor; realms of distant worlds unfold but most importantly dreams come true.
While I daydream it is hard to see the real world. Because in my imagination everything happens as I want it. Not one single detail is left out. But while I come back to reality, life isn't as colorful and vivid as I wished it. Instead of neon and metallic spectrums I get stuck with blacks, grays and maybe a hint of brown if I get lucky.
But is life just meant to be a dream? Or is it meant to be a dream come true?
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 24 January :: 12.05am
:: Mood: meh...
I watched "Melvin goes to Dinner" tonight, and it was pretty good...fell asleep during it, not because it was boring, but because I was tired...Carmen also fell asleep...I missed about 20 minutes or so of it, and she did too, the same part, so she couldn't fill me in...I didn't really know what was going on when I woke up, so I didn't get the ending...which is how I feel right now...I don't know how I've come to this place in being, it is like I've slept through part of my life...well, mainly just my mind's process is what I've missed...I'm not quite sure what...
Went to pep band tonight, we beat Perrysburg...good game...before that, hung out with Carmen and Doug, had a good time...school blew, felt really sick...still do, actually...the Veterans were a good experience, had a lot to talk about...
I was going to hang out with Britt tomorrow, but now I'm not so sure...I don't know what she has planned, because she was going to see Hess play...yeah...
Quote of the Day:
"I wish for this night-time to last for a life-time
The darkness around me - shores of a solar sea
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping"
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 23 January :: 4.44pm
A year now is no different than a year as a child. Only now we think of time as a hassle, even a waste, an unreachable goal. It’s as if the length of year increases with the years of our lives. Than when we reach the mountain peak and look back we see that the years going up were indeed strenuous and hard.
At the mountain’s top we cannot go back but only forward, and now the decent is much easier than the climb. But we still look back on those years of struggle and wish that if even for a moment we could return to the years of our youth, and climb that mountain once more before we settle into the green valley.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 23 January :: 3.59pm
Snow was my gift
silent little lambs falling from tissue paper clouds,
landing on snow peaks
quietly blending into aged white hair
in hospital rooms
Arriving and settling onto wedding dresses
grumbling as polar bears
Talking of white lies, vanilla ice-cream,
and sheet music dotted with solos and harmonies
Falling
a tickertape parade
across a blank movie screen
among the milk and honey
of the manger of Christ.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 23 January :: 3.46pm
School is officially HALF OVER
we are going downhill now folks!!!
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 22 January :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: sad...tired...annoyed...
Well, my day could have been worse...having Carmen stop by work and after I got home helped a lot...still, I am sad...
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 22 January :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: cheerful
I sat
waiting for the moment
when you will look into me
the brown mysteries
encased behind those eyes
your eyes
such a haunting
I wish I knew
what was behind
those eyes
the eyes
of my destiny.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 22 January :: 9.43pm
dancing
and singing
clapping
and prancning
I ran around the open
yard
calling out your name
did i hear you call back?
no
not today
so i pranced and waited
for that time
though it far away
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 22 January :: 3.12pm
:: Mood: depressed...downtrodden...sad...
:: Music: My Old School-Steely Dan
*Sigh*
I'm off to work soon...my day is going to suck...school wasn't fun...French just pissed me off and made the rest of my day horrid...she assigned us test corrections for homework...maybe I'll just hand her a homework pass...
I blushed today at lunch...
Anyways...after schoo, I've got work and then a mortuary for my Uncle...I would have liked to go to the Girls' game tonight, Carmen probably had wanted me to go...I would like to go...but I can't...this day is going to have no fun...
Sometimes...
Quote of the day:
"I cried when I wrote this song
So sue me if I play too long"
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 21 January :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: sick...tired...ornery...
:: Music: BTO-Shotgun Rider...
Monday morning, my great-uncle died...I had a dream that I was standing in my kitchen with Carmen when my dad came downstairs...he seemed upset...he told me that Uncle Ed had just died...In my dream, I did not take this well...luckily, the dream ended soon...at this point, our house phone rang...it was my cousin asking for my dad...I told her that he was off, and gave her his cell number...she told me that my Uncle Ed had just died earlier...I had that dream before I found out about his passing...if you ask me, it is very weird...it still creeps me out...how could I have a dream like that? Why did I have a dream like that? *Sigh*
Tuesday night, I had a good time with Carmen watching the State of the Union...making fun of Bush is both easy and fun...haha...
Today, school sucked...it was quite boring...got my exam results back though...at 79% in French, a 96% in Chemistry, and an "A" in Math (60/64)...band, we played Carl Orff's "Carmina Burana", an extensive and amazing song...in American Studies, we went over Vietnam War stuff...I'd have to say that this is my "favorite" war...I find it to be very interesting, because there is quite a lot of philsophy involved in this war, with so many levels to it...and plus, it shows that we aren't perfect, and we have blundered with that, and with many other things in the past...heh...not that I'm anti-American or anything, it's just good to have humility...
After school, well, actually before school, I felt sick...I didn't have enough time to use the restroom before school, and becuase I've got this damned fear, I waited till I got home to use the restroom...I used the restroom thrice between getting home and leaving for work...work sucked, had to clean up a lot of books because of fucking children...I fucking hate those children...cause me so much strife...gosh!
After work, I came home, used the restroom often, and read my book...after awhile, Carmen came and picked me up to go to Meijer, to develop my film...oh yeah, my car rolled over to 200,000 yesterday...took pictures of it with my uncle...I had a good time with him yesterday...he found it funny that I was taking pictures of my odometer...we get along well...
Tomorrow, I'm going to the morturary for my Great-Uncle Ed, who was 91...his body just gave out because of his Alzheimer's...
Everynight since the beginning of October, I have talked to Carmen save for when I went to Buffalo, Myrtle Beach, or I fell asleep...it's become part of my life...something that is always that...that I know will be there...at the end of the day...sure it causes me to be tired at school, but I deal with that fine...at it is enjoyable, to talk that late at night...these conversations we have are long, but important...what we discuss needs to be discussed, because it helps...yeah...
And I seem to be really picky lately...and for that, I'm sorry...letting small things bother me...with no good reason for them to bother me...I'm really sorry about these occurances...
Et enfin, Carmen and Britt giv eme the best back scratches ever...nothing can seem to top them...
Quote of the day:
"Someday
When my life has passed me by
I'll lay around and wonder why
You were always there for me"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 21 January :: 4.06pm
Emerson
...we receive glances from the heavenly bodies, which call us to solitude and foretell the remotest future. The blue zenith is the point in which romance and reality meet. I think if we should be rapt away into all that we dream of heaven...the upper sky would be all that would remain of our furniture.
For no man can write anything who does not think that what he writes is for the time the history of the world; or do anything well who does not esteem his work to be of importance. My work may be of none, but I must not think it of none, or I shall not do it with impunity.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 21 January :: 3.29pm
it seems I have somewhere to be
someone to see
something to do
but I realize I am only
fooling myself
_______
Of dreams we are made; and of that undone. Once in a fairytale we are seduced by its intrigue. In this essence we forget ourselves, and seek only to discover what was lost- not what is yet to be attained. We are reaped of wonder, to be ensnared by the clutches of hope.
______
...but sometimes dreams are simply dreams, and we understand them only when we encounter their manifestation late in the hours of our life.
crush me
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