:: 2004 17 September :: 10.05 am

well this week has been nothing but drama!

thats all natick is.. im so glad that ive met ppl who dont fucking talk shit all the time..

ahh

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 13 September :: 7.24 pm

worst day ever
BlckTangldHrt35x: no, i was walking down the street with lizzy kelsey meg katie and jessie
BlckTangldHrt35x: and they were all behind us
BlckTangldHrt35x: a HUGE group
BlckTangldHrt35x: cozzy and robbie and all those gay ppl
michaud815: o jesus
BlckTangldHrt35x: and fucking and im talking anf having a nice conversation with kelsey and all of a sudden i get fucking punched in the fuckng side of the head from the backk.. and cozzy and robbie are like "yeah forest ave" and all this shit and fucking i turn around and im liek what the fuck is that what is your problem with me
BlckTangldHrt35x: what the fuck did i do
BlckTangldHrt35x: and shes like you were talking mad shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: i was liek ok then tell me what i fucking said
BlckTangldHrt35x: and she was like i dont know what you said but you were talking mad shitr
BlckTangldHrt35x: and i was yelling and shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: and kelsey pulled me away
michaud815: omggg
BlckTangldHrt35x: and we walked away
michaud815: thats horrible >:o
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then we decided to turn around and go follow them but we didnt know where they went
michaud815: lol oh shoot
BlckTangldHrt35x: so we were talking by danas and i called him and had him come outside
BlckTangldHrt35x: and we stayed iwtyh him for a little and i told him what happened
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then we walked dt
BlckTangldHrt35x: and there they were
michaud815: ew
BlckTangldHrt35x: and lizzy went up to lindsey and was like so whats your problem.. is this setteled and lindsey was like yah i guess thats what i anted toi do and lizzy was likem ok but if this gets fucking brought up again.. or you anna fight amanda your gonna fight me too
michaud815: me too i'll be there
BlckTangldHrt35x: and we went into georges and ate some pizze
michaud815: swear to god, im tough, may not look it but wen im angry grrr
BlckTangldHrt35x: and dana was there and stuff
michaud815: aww
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then we went outside
BlckTangldHrt35x: and were siting on the little step thing and they were all like over a little bit from us
michaud815: stalkers
michaud815: god i cant beleive that
michaud815: who the fuck is lindsay
michaud815: or w/e
BlckTangldHrt35x: and they were talking shit and stuff and were just sitting there like this is gay shut the fuck up
BlckTangldHrt35x: and so this chick alyssa who hates all of us and is really fat walked by and matt screamed "YOUR A FUCKING FAT ASS SHIT TALKER" lol
michaud815: haha omggg
BlckTangldHrt35x: and now they all congragated closer to us
michaud815: omg
BlckTangldHrt35x: and dana was just like "shit talkers"
michaud815: i know right
michaud815: dude if this lindsay girl ever does this again, hell, not even that, tell me who she is im gonna go pick a fuckin fight with her, i want to fight so bad hahaha
BlckTangldHrt35x: and dana walked over to talk to someone who he was freinds with and lindsey was like why do u like her shes fucking jail bate and he was like look at this crew all around me your all jailbate
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then dana and john had to leave so they get in danas car and he yells out "so its a no go" lol our joke
michaud815: haha aww
BlckTangldHrt35x: and this chick keri was like "soo john likes his best friends girlfriend"
michaud815: ew
BlckTangldHrt35x: and taht fat chick alyssa was like "oh girl is his fucking girlfriend"
BlckTangldHrt35x: that girl*
BlckTangldHrt35x: and all this crap
michaud815: wow, shit went down today
BlckTangldHrt35x: and they still havent said anything to us
michaud815: :-(
BlckTangldHrt35x: and we start walking away to go to johnson to just sit around
BlckTangldHrt35x: and now they start screaming
BlckTangldHrt35x: "meet us at 6 at johnson"
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then we walk down and they drive by in a car and yell "6 at johnson" and we were like ok
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then they drive by again and change it to 530 and then they drive by again and are like riught now
BlckTangldHrt35x: and so we go up there
BlckTangldHrt35x: and theres little kids all around so we were like fuck its
BlckTangldHrt35x: it*
BlckTangldHrt35x: and lindsey was like 7 at johnson
BlckTangldHrt35x: and so we all left
BlckTangldHrt35x: and steph picked us up and we went to gonchas cuz goncha found out about me getting hit and she was heated and wanted to fuck lindsey up for touching me
BlckTangldHrt35x: and we went there and goncha was like that chick is gonna die for touching you and i felt so loved lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: and so we all drive back downtown
michaud815: aw
BlckTangldHrt35x: and theyre all on the common
BlckTangldHrt35x: and we pull up and dana just happens to pull up behind us
michaud815: sweet
BlckTangldHrt35x: and so were all standing in a big circle in the middle of the common and everybodys talking shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then robbie and cozzy just happen to ride their bikes up
BlckTangldHrt35x: and im screamingf at them and everybody was yellingm and all this shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: and goncha was liek so is this going down yes or no
BlckTangldHrt35x: and lindsey wouldnt
michaud815: hahahha
BlckTangldHrt35x: and steph drove me home
BlckTangldHrt35x: but i KNOW that this is not over
BlckTangldHrt35x: trust me

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 12 September :: 12.34 pm

i hate being in the middle of all this drama.. all i want is to have fun and be happy.. and people always have to start shit and make shit difficult why cant people fucking live their own lives.. everything is all fucked up and so good at the same time i just like wish for once issues would fucking go away so i didnt have to fucking deal with all this shit and i feel like im causing drama too when really its fucking people who cnat live their own fucking lives.. i dont know what the hell i keep ranting about.. im fucking sick of all this shit..

god damn

--




I see dark clouds out my window
I know the storm is coming any minute
and the thunder just confirms my fears
and I know the tears are in it
I'll be cryin unable to stop
look here comes the very first drop

'Cuz every time it rains
I fall to pieces
so many memories the rain releases
I feel you
I taste you
I cannot forget
everytime it rains
I get wet

Darlin I am still in love with you
as time passes by it just intensifies
I know I'll never be with you again
I'll never find another with that kindness in his eyes
I'll be trying unable to stop
look here comes the very first drop

'Cuz every time it rains
I fall to pieces
so many memories the rain releases
I feel you
I taste you
I cannot forget
everytime it rains
I get wet

On sunny days I'm all right
I walk in the light
and I try not to think about
the love I live without


---


Always have, always will
I was mesmerised when I first met you
wouldn't let myself believe
that you could step right out of my wildest dreams
but you didn't know
that secret part of me
until we kissed an made it open up so easily

I always have
even when it didn't show
I always will
you know that I just wanna touch you
whenever you're close to me
I always have
doesn't matter where we go
I always will
you know that I just wanna show you
just how much you mean to me
always have, always will

Everything that you give in to
everyting you'll ever need
is locked up somewhere deep inside of me
you gotta know
but more importantly
you've got to stay and hold me while we live this fantasy

I always have
even when it didn't show
I always will
you know that I just wanna touch you
whenever you're close to me
I always have
doesn't matter where we go
I always will
you know that I just wanna show you
just how much you mean to me

Sometimes we try too hard to please
we should let love come naturally
and sometimes I don't know
just what you really do to me
that is O.K.
cuz it's all part of the mystery

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 11 September :: 12.11 pm
:: Music: on a sunday

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 9 September :: 9.58 pm

(chorus)
you cant break me
break me even if you try
you cant hold this woman down
you cant take me
take me even if you try
leave me spinning helplessly
but i wont fall down

tomorrow
is just another day
another way
for you to try and break me down
i can tell you now
you wont succeed
you wont reach deep inside me
because you cant get by me
you cant break me down

(chorus)

can you tell me
what its like to look at me
through bias clouded eyes?
hearing all the lies
echoing right back at you?
can you tell me what its like
to live a day in your shoes
the shoes of a weirdo
the shoes of a beauty
a beauty in disguise

(bridge)
you know
you know you cant break me
why do you try
you cant take me
away from what i am

(chorus)

can you tell me what its like
to like a life of ease
to do just as you please
and never have to wonder why...
can you tell me what its like..
to wake up in the morning
glad your here...
glad your in the world today...

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 7 September :: 10.42 am
:: Mood: sick

sorry i havent been updating anything exciting lately..ive been kinda busy.. but ive had fun the past couple of days getting in toruble ;-) ;-) haha

lizzy and i hung out with dana and mike n ppl.. so that was fun :-)

ill write some more when i feel like it..

oh yeah im home sick lol

----------

another day
another story
another broken aliby

another heart
another worry
another chance that passes by

wont you find me
in the dark
when im lost and on my own?
wont you hold me
in the dark
when i dont know where to go...

(chorusx2)
the truth is
i need you
i love you with all that i am
i cant say
im sorry
im just waiting for the day that youll care

another empty heart
another broken vow
another chance to screw things up

another sunset
another wish
another hope that we could.. stay like this

wont you find me
in the dark
when im lost and on my own?
wont you hold me
in the dark
when i dont know where to go...

(chorusx2)

another morning
another mask..
just another way to hide

another beauty
who hates herself..
another way to hide the lies...

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 5 September :: 1.02 am
:: Music: hellz pit fucker :)

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 31 August :: 9.22 pm
:: Music: me :-)

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 28 August :: 6.25 pm

You and I got somethin but it’s all
and then its nothin to me …yeah
And I got my defenses when it comes
to your intentions for me … yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown of the
things we never thought we could be
…yeah

I’m not the one who break you
I’m not the one you should fear
We got to move to move you darlin’
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

Chorus:
Yeah … Once you get free talk to me
I can feel you fallin’
Wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution to the sound of this pollution in me..yeah
And I was not the answer so forget
you’d ever thought it was me….yeah
I’m not the one who broke you
I’m not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin’
I thought I lost you somewhere but
you were never really ever there at all

Once you get free talk to me
I can feel you fallin
Wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don’t need to fall out of all the
past that’s in between us
And I’m not holdin on, you know your
last word wasn’t enough to keep me
here

Once you get free talk to me
I can feel you fallin
Wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

Once you get free talk to me
I can feel you fallin
I know it’s out there,
I know it’s out there
I can feel you fallin
I know it’s out there,
I know it’s out there
Somehow here is gone
I know it’s out there,
I know it’s out there
Somehow here is gone

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.59 pm

I wouldn't know what to do with another chance
If you gave it to me
I couldn't take the embrace of a real romance
It's race right through me
I'm much better off the way things are
Much much better if, better by far, by far
I wouldn't know what to say to a gentle voice
It'd roll right past me
And if you chalk it up you'll see I don't really have a choice
So don't even ask me
I'm much better off, the way things are
Much much better off, better by far
So keep on calling me names, keep on, keep on
And I'll keep kicking the crap till it's gone
If you keep on killing, you could get me to settle
And as soon as I settle, I bet I'll be
Able to move on
How can I fight, when we're on the same side
How can I fight beside you
So keep on calling me names, keep on, keep on
Ans I'll keep on kicking the crap will it's gone
If you keep on killing, you could get me to settle
And as soon as I settle, I bet I'll be
Able to move on
So keep on callng me names, keep on, keep on
And I'll keep kicking the crap till it's gone
If you keep on killing, you could get me to settle
And as soon as I settle, I bet I'll be
Able to move on

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 26 August :: 11.15 pm
:: Mood: empty
:: Music: this ring x tech n9ne

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 25 August :: 9.02 am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: imma tell x tech n9ne

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 22 August :: 10.48 am
:: Music: pop that pussy x pastor troy

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 21 August :: 2.58 pm
:: Music: spread x andre 3000

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 20 August :: 11.24 pm

english - collins
latin - geckle
choir
algebra - billet
biology - doyle
world history - brenneman
biology again..
study

studys - b2 c3 c4 d6 f1 f2 g4 h6
gym - d5 g3 h5 - buschenfeldt

--

break my heart into a million peices
stab me in the back
spit into these brown eyes
and i'd still want you back

bruise me, rape me,
touch me too
after all that
i should leave you

(chorus)
break me beat me
love me leave me
after all ive been though with you
cant love and leave you
like you did to me

but i cant leave
i love your kiss
i love you face,
your eyes are bliss

im in a daze
when your in my sight
blurred for so long
cant see wrong from right

(chorus)

i kiss you
and its like im high
i breath you in
and never ask myself why

why you hurt me
like you do
im intoxicated
under your voodoo

(chorus)

(bridge)
you tranquilize me
with your touch
it fills me up
almost too much

empty eyes reflect in yours
void of everything i need
but i look past all that
loves all that i see

(chorus)

call me crazy
if you must
you aint got nothing
without my trust

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 19 August :: 3.18 am

just let me talk to ya...x3

(jonjon)
i'm a hard hittin playa in this game
everytime i'm away i'm always calling ya name
the love i need is truly incomplete
and i cry for love until it knocks me off my feet
the burning desire fire sparks passion burning heat
fills your soul, hits you hard now hug it tight
voice sings tone deep like barry white
lets be a family lets do it right

(chorus x2)
i want to be with you all night
kiss me touch me love me right
your kisses fall so sweetly
but i cant hold you boy

(mandi)
im coming over
Said you want me around six o'clock
im coming over and i am hitting the spot
i try and love you but you push me away
said you dont want to, you dont think of me that way

(chorus x2)

(mandi)
call me at night
why dont you call her?
you tell me your secrets
you keep them from her
whats the deal
what do you feel
if you werent wrong was i?
i dont know just where we stand
you gotta make up your fucking mind

(chorus x3)

(jonjon)
streets got love but i got love for you
don't get it twisted your a part of the crew
real love has to grow out like a flower
after some time love will show its power
i'll be your god, show you the way in the darkest hour
i've never had something thats so real
never had something that my heart could feel
i speak this poetry so my mind can deal
with the pain and struggle as well as the love
think of me as ya' angel not from above
i'm here now whenever you feel the need to escape
my loves in your heart with every move you make
i'm not dead but you feel my loves passion
your the type now that i'd trade my cash in
people try to break us but we say never
this love we have it will last forever

(manda)
give me a kiss
look into my eyes
tell me that you dont need me
i dont know just what to say
if you dont think of me that way
that way

(chorus x2)

your kisses fall so sweetly
but i cant hold you boy (x2)

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 18 August :: 12.15 pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: cold x crossfade

5 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 17 August :: 9.24 pm

sometimes i feel
like im taking over myself
sometimes i feel
like these things that i feel arent real

dont know what to do
when im losing you
cant stand being wthout your smile

whens it my turn
to feel the things that they feel?
whens it my turn to shine?

living in the shadows of another
aint the life that i had planned
just wanna be something special baby
just want you to be my man

but i guess that wont change
i guess ill stay the same
i guess i cant feel
these things that i want to feel
i guess i cant see
these things i want to see
im blind to everything
except this pain i feel
oh its nothing new to me..
my heart is used to this pain

sometimes i feel
like im losing it all
cant touch the ground
theres no one to catch me when i fall

sometimes i feel
like the world is falling down
and everything around me
crumbles to the ground

theres nothing left
for me to hold on to
oh theres nothing left
for me to stay true to
no theres nothing left
nothing left thats real
nothing left to feel
except for this pain

oh its nothing new to me
no nothing new you see
im the same old girl i used to be
baby nothings changed
nothing is new to me
like these stars i see
i wish on them
they wont come true
but its nothing new..

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 17 August :: 2.39 am

this feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because I hurt those who I love. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives me happiness. Once in a great while I will get "too happy" and then anxious because of that. Then I self-medicate with drugs. Then I physically hurt myself. Then I feel guilty because of that. Shame. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I'd feel too much guilt for those I'd hurt, and then feeling angry about that so I cut myself or smoke to make all the feelings go away.

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 15 August :: 11.50 am
:: Music: give it up x midtown

xX.Inspiration.Xx