xoxchubbyxox
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2004 21 September :: 10.10pm
blah
hi, i guess i actaully deleted the last one on purpose. i dont know whta im sayign anymore. im making no sense.
i just want to be happy, i really do. and i want it o be real. that might not happen for a year even, but if it does, it will be worth the wait.
im sorry for always complaining. my heads so messed up rite now...its all i can think about.
im just angry. but really, i need to move on. and stop wondering about the past, because it hurts too much.
everyday i find myself crying for some reason, and it needs to stop.
poeple have their reasons for doing things, and i cant let my mental state depend on others anymore.
i guess ill always wonder about certain things tho. the people i loved, the memories i had with them, and the things they said. was it real? i dont know if ill ever find out.
you probably dont care, but i was happy and ill remember that.
please comment :(
2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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emmyd
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2004 21 September :: 3.02pm
:: Mood: scared
qteekate88: i will have serge drive me over to that school and i will kick him in the nuts :-) and then ill be like oh im sorry did that hurt maybe u shouldnt fuck with peoples heads
^^ haha thats only a lil bit katie...:-) the rest had to be edited...for EXPLICIT CONTENT hahaha
i laughed hysterically at that so i had to put it in here..
kelsey dunne hahaha i love you!!!!
ughh tummy hurts STILL...
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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jus4fun06
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2004 21 September :: 8.43am
no one understands her love, her passion. she looks through the magazines, tryign to capture out the beauty of the models. their eyes emotionless. they look at her weird. make funof her. call her things she isnt. she wonders if it is so wrong to want to collect beauties? collect them and hold them since she knows she can never have it herself.
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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emmyd
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2004 20 September :: 3.40pm
:: Mood: crying...
:: Music: all my life...(yes if u kno me u kno why)
what the fuck
lemme just say that i love Kelsey haha and Katie and Helena, and of course Heidi..and Kelly for making me smile :-) lol
im in the worst mood rite now mann...lol seriously...
its so fucked up, helena says i should talk about it....HA! wen do i ever tell people wat im thinking...or feeling???
i think i need to pay a visit to good ol' Natick High... ;-)
AWWW omg katie im sooo happy for you!!! lol
serge if ur reading this, lol ur the best u made me cry, cuz i was soo happy for katie haha, it was tears of joy tho, at the time lol i love you katie!!
::cramps all day long today:: ughh i hate being a girl haha
so much homework...im like stressed rite now, lol and scared :-\ and like....sooo many emotions running around in my lil head...its not good at all, wen i get like this, things could get bad haha
well w\e im out...
bye
leave me sumthin to make me happy :-\
-emily
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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emmyd
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2004 19 September :: 3.31pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: nothing...
blah
ugh..still dont feel too good, but i definately feel better then i did the other day...
i dont want school tomaro..i hate classes, i should prolly be doing all my homework, but yea im wickedd tired rite now and bored,
peter called last nite, it was kinda random, he just wanted to talk, lol it was nice tho to kno that hes happy, lol
yea nothin to write about...
im gunna go try and do homework...
-emmyd
<3 ryan
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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jus4fun06
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2004 18 September :: 11.06pm
<<,,/`hiding takes too much`\,,>>
she felt the remorse of the day seeping throughout her hatred. a hatred for people, but the strongest, for herself. she was a bad, bad girl. no one could doubt it. it was written across her forehead as she stared at herself in the mirror. she could see the blood dripping down, contrasting with the paleness of her skin. she only imagined it. the desire to see it was too strong. grasping her head, wanting to tear it apart... wanting to make the voices stop as they keep echoing in her head. stop the noise... the noise... the screaming... she hated herself and she couldnt hide behind her mask anymore.
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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emmyd
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2004 18 September :: 10.19am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: california dreamin...
ugh..dont feel good
so yesterday i stayed after to watch the cheerleaders..haha yea that was oh so much fun..no lol
then went to helenas, chilled there for a lil...then Gui,Lloyd and Ryan came...and we drove to Lloyds..and Gui left...we were there for a lil bit..then we got into a car, about the size of Gui's old one lol...and we went to the mall...
i got to see kelly there!! haha and other ppl too, but kellys worth mentioning...lol i say Lauren, and Alyssa too i miss them!!
umm..then we were walking to Starbucks, and my mom wanted to drive us home then, and she was at the mall, and um we definately werent..so we had to walk back lol, i felt bad
yea so today i donno wats happening..im supposed to be chillin with Gui, Sarah and Ryan..but i donno when...and its um definately pouring out..
ughh..my stomach feels a lil better FINALLY but wen i got home last nite it hurt again..but not my eyes are kinda puffy...and i kinda have a headache....damn im fallin apart
well imma go...
byez
leave love
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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emmyd
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2004 16 September :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: pieces of me- ashlee simpson
doobie doobie dooo
soo...
i hate her...a lot
ehh i got another fucking stomach ache last nite..it was horrible lol it still hurts now too :-[ my mom says that every time i get one i have to like mark it on a calender..to see if theres a pattern or sumthin...? i donno all i kno is that i hate them and i wish that acid-reflux or w\e would die lol
im goin out with Ryan :-)
tomaro im stayin after school..then to Helenas..then chillin with Ryan and Jeremy...then saturday im chillin with Gui,Sarah, and Ryan...fun fun :-)
ehh i hafta go eat sumthin my mom says...
byebyez
haha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY!!!!
i <3 KRK hahaha
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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jus4fun06
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2004 15 September :: 7.11pm
help me!!
how can i add a freakin background to this thing??? i have been trying and trying and i cant get this cool image for the background!!! help?
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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jus4fun06
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2004 14 September :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: looking up
...::`` past the clouds and into the spacious sky ``::....
she looks in the mirror, trying to be beautiful. the days change her apperance. she smiles, because she is happy. sadness seeps in behind her eyes. she looks at everyone else. she wants to be different. everyone else is sad. she will be happy, because everyone else is not. they laugh at her because she is different. she closes her eyes to block it out, and then continues on. outside, the sky is spread across the horizon.
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 15 September :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: ....
say one thing...do another
well since im not there nemore, you can go on pretending like i dont exist, if thats what you truly want to do. forget your promises....mayeb i wouldnt notice.
well its really shitty because you guys are all i had left. maybe youll reconsider. you meant everything to me, and i now i know what i meant to you.
please comment.
5 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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cocopuff
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2004 14 September :: 3.24pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Oasis-
hehee
lol well its been a while since i wrote in here....
havent been able to really write since scholl started and shit and im not home till later.. then i have homework to do... but today i came home after school.. lol and i dont have ne homework so i decited to write in here....
nothign really new.. im a boring person.. but yea.. yesterday some fucked up shit went down.. lol look at mandas journal if u want the scoop lol... other then that shits been same old same old...
im lookin to change this again.. but idk cuz i like this bg alot... lol but yea...
i have an obsession with the band Keane... i dled a song by them in july( the one in my last entry) and then liek last week Manda sent me 4 songs by them to.. and i fell inlove wiht all of them! lol espically this one...
Keane
We Might As Well Be Strangers
I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well
I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know
i think im gonna get some grub then hit the sack and take a nap.. haha im soo cool huh!?
I <3 U ALEX!!!
<3 Lizzy
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
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emmyd
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2004 14 September :: 2.58pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: you had me..joss stone
la la la la
wow shops boring...lol Heidi does my hair everyday...we call it Cosmo in Graphics
but yeaaa neways....
NATICK = DRAMA
wow sooo much fuckin drama its fuckin scary...
ahh I HATE HER SO MUCH!!! (yea u know who the fuck im talkin about!)
hmm so last nite i talked to Ryan about "us"..it was a much needed conversation :-)
tomaro i have an assembly on class rings...lol
wow all i can think about now is how FUCKED UP people in natick are...damnn so much fuckin shit rite now
whatever...certain ppl need to keep their fuckin mouths SHUT and some ppl really need to NOT talk to me EVER cuz yea i hate you....
im out
-emily
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 13 September :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: blah
i guess...
i guess people forget. or lie. or they do things for no reason.
i will never understand...
have i been lying to myself?
im sick of everything, i hate it all.
i hope you like the new setup. (sry nikkie! i was ahving fun with my photobucket)
comment please
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 13 September :: 3.14pm
:: Music: bahh
nothing
i hate school!!i havent made any friends lol. i hate it there!i wanna come back to nhs...where i belong :-(well thats my complaint...
comment
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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emmyd
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2004 12 September :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: watchin charlies angels..
ehh
so the party wasnt that bad. . .
i got to see my baby cousin Gabriel!! i was soo happy my cousin Danielle and I played with him the whole nite, hes soo adorable, i took pictures of him lol
every1 loved the collage that i made :-)
it was a lot longer then wat i thought it was gunna be tho lol ppl didnt leave until like...11:30
i had a SIP of my moms smirnoff twisted..and maybe a FEW MORE SIPS of some other stuff... JUST SIPS! haha i swear!
i woke up and my tummy kinda hurt.. :-[
hmm today i just sat around cuz i was REALLY tired, then i took a wicked long shower cuz i pretty much fell asleep lol
marks a bum and has been in the basement the whole day, and says that i cant watch tv down there, wens hes there..umm no thats not gunna work out kidd
ehh im gunna go finish watchin charlies angels...
shop tomaro ...ehh boring
much love lol
-emmyd
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xonixieox
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2004 12 September :: 4.58pm
fucking bad day gets even worse.....
so becca sed we were having a bean sleepover last nite.. i told amanda .. her mom sed yes and whatever so then emme ditches her so she ditches me to go be with her best friend kadie and shit.. then she apoligises to me and is like we cant fight.. bad things happen when your mad at me.. like Gene died!
She fucking blamed me for Gene! thats fucking rediculis and i can NEVER ever forgive her for that...
im crying becasue to think someone who was closer than close to you can blame you for something like that....
Gene i love ou so much! i miss you!
<3 NikkiE
2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xonixieox
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2004 12 September :: 11.48am
:: Mood: depressed
amanda maltz
my convo with amanda that made me a little bit less sad.........
xNikkiE 435x: no she didnt go!
BlckTangldHrt35x: hello my love lol
xNikkiE 435x: i was looking for her all day lol
xNikkiE 435x: hello my love too
xNikkiE 435x: lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: i was with dana yesterday for 10 hours
BlckTangldHrt35x: how insane is that
xNikkiE 435x: insanely
xNikkiE 435x: lol
xNikkiE 435x: you needa go out with him
xNikkiE 435x: lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: and i didnt get bored of him
BlckTangldHrt35x: isnt he gorgeous
xNikkiE 435x: ya.. lol so lizzy told me you went home from jimmys at 1 am
xNikkiE 435x: thats awesome!
BlckTangldHrt35x: :-)
xNikkiE 435x: amanda.. im so depressed
xNikkiE 435x: i really wanna kill myself
BlckTangldHrt35x: why so
BlckTangldHrt35x: SHUT UP
xNikkiE 435x: im not even kidding
BlckTangldHrt35x: why?
xNikkiE 435x: like everytime things are starting to go good.. my family is there to fuck it up
xNikkiE 435x: like ii was sitting on the front steps cuz its a nice day out nd my dad was like i want you out of the house today!
xNikkiE 435x: ui didnt even fucking do a single thing.. i dint even say anything
xNikkiE 435x: and then he went into my room and trashed it and stole my cell phone
BlckTangldHrt35x: :-\
xNikkiE 435x: and was like pushing me
BlckTangldHrt35x: nikkie i love you so much
xNikkiE 435x: .. and i feel kinda bad cuz i took thepicture of him and his father (who died) and sprayed windex all over it
BlckTangldHrt35x: but he had no right to push you or trash your room
xNikkiE 435x: but then after 3 hours of screaming and me crying my mom made him gimme the phone back if i gave the picture back... and he called my bama(his mom) and left a message of him like taping me!
xNikkiE 435x: like me saying i was gunna ruin all the pics ofg him and his dad
xNikkiE 435x: and now he left and it was the first time i ever sed fuck you to my dad... but lemme tell ya it felt Good
xNikkiE 435x: my mom said that on monday shes calling dss or that 10 day place jessie went to or whatever its called.. and she doesnt want me to come back!
BlckTangldHrt35x: are you kidding me
xNikkiE 435x: i swear
BlckTangldHrt35x: you didnt do anything wrong
xNikkiE 435x: i dont wanan go anywhere\
xNikkiE 435x: i knw
BlckTangldHrt35x: come live with me
xNikkiE 435x: but i have drugs in my system and everything
xNikkiE 435x: i dont know
xNikkiE 435x: what to do
BlckTangldHrt35x: omg
xNikkiE 435x: i know
xNikkiE 435x: and im just sitting hereat the computer crying
BlckTangldHrt35x: you need omni clean
xNikkiE 435x: ???????
xNikkiE 435x: whats that?
BlckTangldHrt35x: its this pill that clears your system of any drugs
xNikkiE 435x: ohhh...
xNikkiE 435x: well whatever if shes gunna send me away for real then i dont ever want to come back to see or or live with her or talk to her Ever again...
BlckTangldHrt35x: :'(
xNikkiE 435x: if she really sends me there i going to tell them i dont want her to visit me or anyone else
xNikkiE 435x: i just want to die amanda
xNikkiE 435x: i really really do
BlckTangldHrt35x: nicole
xNikkiE 435x: amanda
BlckTangldHrt35x: please dont say taht
xNikkiE 435x: i cant help it
xNikkiE 435x: h/o i needa tissue
BlckTangldHrt35x: ok :-(
xNikkiE 435x: ok im back... amanda.. i have a bloddy nose now .. this dfay fucken sucks
BlckTangldHrt35x: nikkie are you allowed to do anything?
xNikkiE 435x: no
BlckTangldHrt35x: ugh :-(
xNikkiE 435x: im stuck in this fucken house until monday when shes calling she says someone is gunna pick me up from school or some shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: Kocis350: well i can order this drink
Kocis350: that you take 2-3 hours before your test
Kocis350: and it holds all the toxins in your body
BlckTangldHrt35x: does it work?
Kocis350: and it has a 200% guarantee
BlckTangldHrt35x: how much is it
Kocis350: http://www.tests-shop.com/product71/product_info.html
Kocis350: 30 bucks a bottle
xNikkiE 435x: it offers a double money back guarentee
xNikkiE 435x: lol
xNikkiE 435x: amanda i love talking to you becasue i know you will listen and not criticise me or judge meore anything... and you always make me happy and make me laugh
BlckTangldHrt35x: :-Dgood i love you
xNikkiE 435x: i love you too
BlckTangldHrt35x: Kocis350: like 2-3 hours before your test you drink the whole bottle, then you fill it up with water and drink it, and then you have to go pee like 2 or 3 times
Kocis350: and you will pass your piss test for 5 hours
xNikkiE 435x: and who is giving us all this information?
BlckTangldHrt35x: dave kocis
xNikkiE 435x: and that would beeee...? lol
xNikkiE 435x: do i know this kocis fello?
BlckTangldHrt35x: you might
xNikkiE 435x: probobly not tho lol
xNikkiE 435x: i was really bored last night so i changed my journal
BlckTangldHrt35x: one sec
xNikkiE 435x: www.woohu.com/~xonixioex
xNikkiE 435x: k
xNikkiE 435x: ooopps wrong link
xNikkiE 435x: www.woohu.com/~xonixieox
BlckTangldHrt35x: i like ittttt
xNikkiE 435x: yay :-)
xNikkiE 435x: aww i like how yours says dana got sick
xNikkiE 435x: and you took care of him
xNikkiE 435x: and you didnt wanna leave him alone
xNikkiE 435x: lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: :-D
xNikkiE 435x: ast night i went to jimmis with lizzy john mike ryann mike costello lee and tim.. haha we had an interesting night i must say
xNikkiE 435x: excuse meeeee
BlckTangldHrt35x: ;lol cuz 7u had to go
BlckTangldHrt35x: u missed all the more drinking
BlckTangldHrt35x: aty least john cma eback you meany
BlckTangldHrt35x: and you barely said goodbye!
xNikkiE 435x: there should be a "nikkie was there but she had to leqave but she smoked a blunt and i love her"
xNikkiE 435x: iu hugged you asshoole
BlckTangldHrt35x: bahahah look aty it
xNikkiE 435x: ewwwe there was a inchworm in your bud
xNikkiE 435x: ewwwe
xNikkiE 435x: k
BlckTangldHrt35x: YES lol
xNikkiE 435x: awwwwwwww your the love of my life too
xNikkiE 435x: lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: :-D
xNikkiE 435x: ewwe what if you smoked
xNikkiE 435x: it
xNikkiE 435x: grrroooosssss
BlckTangldHrt35x: I KNOW thats what i thought
xNikkiE 435x: im fucking gagging
xNikkiE 435x: thats soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo NASTY
BlckTangldHrt35x: u should have seen it
xNikkiE 435x: i wish i did
xNikkiE 435x: it was probobly stoned
xNikkiE 435x: did you keep it
xNikkiE 435x: lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: lol no
xNikkiE 435x: aww you should have broght it into school as a science project and said this is the incworm i found in my weed
xNikkiE 435x: its a stoner and i love it
xNikkiE 435x: and its my best friend
xNikkiE 435x: lol
BlckTangldHrt35x: LOL
^aww she makes me happy
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
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