blah...
Yeah, I just bought the soundtrack about an hour ago... yay me! And, I'm basically home alone: my sister's sleeping, meaning no one will be concious while I'm here until six... whoopee?
seriously, I forgot how eerie the soundtrack is... I mean, it can be great for interp, but it's also really one of those send a chill up your spine things...

prom night
holy fuck... I've spent the afternoon setting the table (in the most formal way possible) for my sister's prom meal, party of 10, now 12. And, she plays the most terrible host, so the rest of the family makes up for her skills there in. So, as they eat, I finally get a moment to rest; however, I won't be eating myself until at least 9:30... oy... that's life as a servant. Anywho, I'm exhausted, and Zach will be using my room tonight... so, I'll be poorly rested for the morrow sun.

sorry about not updating
I truly have been swamped by homework recently, so yeah... Anywho, um, my mouse has a broken foot (biology), and!!! we start pig disections today. hahaha to all you kids at GFH, because they cut that from YOUR program :P.
Jessika, I have about ten lines written for a poem about you... and so far I haven't mentioned anything that represents you yet... but don't worry, it will come around.
Oh... and I've recently realized how insecure I've become... yesterday, our lunches were cut back ten minutes (behavior, garbage, neighborhood complaints... what can I say, we must be bad people)... plus, we could either go out to eat, or eat in the cafeteria ONLY. Good god, I may be skipping lunch again, because my severe aversion to crowd really was a problem yesterday... really...
And the night before that, I had a really nice dream, though it did point out another insecurity. All it was about was me walking around school with Jeff's arms around me, and all I could say was "hold me tighter..." I'm really starting to get worried about my love situation. I just feel like I've got no one to talk to anymore (which I know is bull shit, because *mostly* all of you are willing to listen to my rants).. plus, I've really been wanting a cuddle buddy for a while **eee! how feminine of me!**
Oh, and I don't think I did so well on my tryout for Symphonic... tear tear... but, hey! I'll still get into some band.

the play will kill me...
Yeah... I had soccer yesterday, then I had to rush over to play rehearsal, which was 4 hours long last night... I was at school until 11 for a little bell ringing... WHY did I sign up for sound crew? Oh, right, I was doing my civic duty to the drama crew, because someone has to do the crap job.
Oh, and apparantly, I'm now going to OUR prom with Quincy, and I'm supposedly going as Frank... yes... I don't think we've got the details quite worked out on that...
g'day!

it's hard to say what tragedy is
Yeah, the world seems to crumble around us, and it seems we don't have much room to walk anymore. But, hey, we always asked for our solitude. Ironic, how our insanities come from sane complaints.
I read the Trib article today about testing going on in the next few weeks... God... I'm already pissed about Iowas coming up, but then it hit me that NCLB tests are coming too... Fuck... I don't know if I've got much faith in the sophomores... They're the group that decides on sink or swim of the school... Not to mention my parents' occupations... Alexander, you may hate me for this one, but look what the republicans started this time. And I can't fucking believe that they got support for all this... Stress...
And I just noticed today that my music for Symphonic tryouts is missing... I really hope there are more copies...
Oh, and just fucking wonderful. My mother finally found out that I have an online journal:
Lacey: "What are you doing right now?"
Me: "I'm on my journal."
She: "Oh, well I need to print something off later" *walks upstairs*
mom: *rushing down stairs* "What is this?
Me: my journal
she: why is it online
me: because I'm too lazy to put it on paper
she: who can read it?
me: nobody, unless I want them to
she: like who?
me: like Michelle, Jessika, and Roxanne
she: is this the thing that got you in trouble with Schylar?
me: no **thinking: what the fuck?**
carrying on in the convo, me pissed at her, she unhappy with the whole idea
So then, Lacey comes back down, and I bitch on her, because I've been trying to keep this journal quiet, because I know my parents are too fucking stupid to understand some things need to be kept quiet to them. She's all "well, you didn't tell me you wanted to keep it secret from them."
"there are a lot of things I tell you that I don't want them to know."
"well, you didn't say it straight out"
"whatever"
And how the fuck would my mom know about what's been going on with me and schylar unless lacey said something... FUCK! I can't trust anyone again. It's all screwed.

this is life...

Your Energy is Grey. Your thoughts are unclear,
muddled, and confusing. Dark thoughts or
depression may be clouding your true colors.
It may be that you have been hurt and rejected,
or maybe you are just manipulative, dark, and
evil.


What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla


nef...
Couldn't have had a better day... ha...
Since the tourneys are over, I have to say the weekends seem pretty dull... Life at home is very dragging... and since I won't bother with my homework right now... oy... Can't say I've been too successful with chatroom conversations either... well... that's it... blah... death...

pretty good stuff
Screw the day, it was hardly important.
It's the secrets behind it that made it worth living.
And since the secrets are truely secretive,
It seems y'all won't know their meaning.
But, just to let you know
I'm still listening.
A little wiser this time.
(at least, mehopes)
And I'm ready to hear
What you tell me.
But your questions may be
Too heavy for my heart.
Don't worry, though.
We have our time to work through it.
Life is short,
But adolescences seems to be eternal.
Maybe we'll see the meaning together,
And maybe we'll see the end.
It's all a matter of direction.
And maybe there is a Fate to guide us,
But it might be our actions only.
The sun set, but the fire still burns.
Phoenix or not, you seem eternal.

terrible day
I just finished my comments to Schylar... if she doesn't rage on me, then we won't be speaking for a few weeks...
So... English: we're supposed to make one of those *fact based* poems on Shakespeare (yeah, Shelli0 and Jessika, just like those damned things last year...) Bio: I don't remember at all... Math: McLean is acting like a freak again, meaning that basketball really is over and he doesn't have to stress out anymore... I found out I'm taking ITEDS in that class... oy... Lunch: did my homework again :(
History: We had the most annoying sub (Mr. Patton) ... he told us that he's been teaching in the system for 25 years, he's majored in Psych and Administration, and he's been subbing for quite some time too... Well, I don't give a crap how intelligent he is; we were working on WWI battles today, and the tard can't even pronounce Marne or Somme. And, he was like "I know all about the Dardanelles," but he kept saying Guadalupe instead of Gallipoli... I mean, Guadalupe isn't even an Arabian name... WTF?
Band: very boring day... I hate my band... grrr band, grrr... Spanish: reviewing for our unit test... oh joy... P.E.: badmitten, and ran a half mile... then, after school, Shawna decided she and I should practice together... joy... I'm going to bed, as I have absolutely not emotion at the moment... I cry for me.

another weekend with me all gone
Pep band is over :( The tournament was fun, even if we took second (hey, that's a lot better than usual for the girls)... let's see... when I was at the hotel at around 11:30 PM, I said to myself, "Nick, you seem rather thirsty. Yes, yes I am very thirsty. Nick, you should get something to drink." And so I did... I got myself a cup of coffee. I hate coffee... plus, the fact that I haven't had any caffeine in a month or so... in about 15 minutes I was sitting on the hotel lobby floor with "glazed over eyes" and serious trembles. I turned to Halsey, "I think something is wrong with me..." Needless to say, I won't be having any more coffee soon...
On Saturday we went to Fairmont. Mmmm... a few of my admirable guys in only swimsuits... fun day, let me tell you... oh... except that I lost a watch. Oh, and Dacia can't get over the fact that despite her absolute optomistic outlook on life, I will still find a way to piss her off in my "pessimism" which she needs to learn is really cynicism.
On to today... English: gave my powerpoint on the Globe Theatre (really, nothing too special at all)... and, as I was walking down the hall after that class, I saw T.J., then I saw this mildly cute junior with shorts on, then I saw T.J. checking out the legs of said cute junior, and all I could think was, "Nick, maybe you were right about T.J."... yay? ... Biology wasn't too exciting today... we just talked about procedures for collecting data for our mice. Math: pointless... we've regressed to graphing linear equations... strange...
Lunch: ... can't really remember... except I was doing my homework for social studies... said social studies: we FINALLY got to WWI battles today... I can't believe it's been so long in this unit... CRAZY I tell you! Band: I'm really pissed right now, because we have our play tests due Friday, Blaze takes the music home every night (nice, except I need to practice for them too...), not to mention I'm playing crappy in class, AND try-outs for Symphonic Band are in 2 weeks, AND I get my bottom braces on next week... stress...
Science fiction double feature
Doctor X will build a creature
See Androids fighting Brad and Janet....
Spanish: had a sub who speaks German and French, but not Spanish... interesting...
Health: wow... our class felt really stupid today; Maki held us 30 seconds after the bell... yeah... that's a really middle school sort of thing to do... oy...
After school, Lucien was around for only about 10 minutes, and Alisa wasn't being the most talkative (at least in my direction)... Sergie was practically raping Jason in the corner, and Jason came out laugh/crying, all the while I was singing Sweet Transvestite to my Rocky Horror fanatics...
And I had piano today... 3 weeks to district music fest. .... I'm really hoping I'm ready. And, piano made me late for soccer... I felt like an old man on the field today...
Moving on to a different subject, I saw the bulliten print in the newspaper Sunday that alternative youth outreach is setting up in gf... unfortunately, they meet the same time as my soccer practice goes on Thursdays, not to mention I still haven't come out to my family yet, so getting to the meetings would certainly be a problem. Even so, I'm getting the info that I can, and maybe I'll show up... maybe...

one week without me...
Yeah.. I know I didn't update for a while...
Ever since I left for Missoula... Speaking of, mildly romantic moment... Mr. Kellogg had us climb the M (very long walk, I must say), and Drew and I were the first ones up, so we went to sit on the outcropping above the M... yeah, sitting, gazing out at the Missoula below us, sitting next to my sexy sax player... too bad he's not mine... too bad he's (probably) not gay.
When we got home (CMR won!!!!! ahah!!!!), I started to finish the poetry packet we had assigned, spent about 14 hours on poetry... so besides being hyped/poetic/tired, I felt all screwy inside. So, for the last week, I have been extremely moody, telling people off (which is not like me, too often at least...)...
Let's see... highlights... um, Monday/Tuesday was AA Band Festival (which we, being the little kids of the high school, do not play in).. however, 2 good concerts... At lunch one day, Paul and I were messing around, and then all the girls are like, "Aw, you and Paul would be so cute together!" not realizing that I'm indeed bisexual, and Paul is rather not... um... we've been watching "All Quiet on the Western Front" in history... Cislo is great for movies and such... We've played w/ the mice in Bio (yes, we now have mice, in conjunction w/ the psych 2 class, which will train the mice to run mazes... we take care of the mice, and will eventually distribute alcohol or caffeine to them... eh heh... hope I don't get attached...) ... oh, and Lucien tweaked my nipple a few times... I probably shouldn't have told them to not do that... it always makes them want to do it more... AND I told them I can't look people in the eye... OR stand to be in crowds... so now Lucien tries to stare me down while crowding my space and tweaking nipples (which, in a non-school setting I would not find so bad... but, considering the circumstances...) Anyways, the band goes to Butte tomorrow for girl's tourney... hope we win, but I don't see it happening (me of little faith). Love y'all lots (especially if you love me back... maybe...)

sorry for the no update...
yeah... I've been busy trying to finish up ORB... well, no worries, I have the page count now...
Today... nothing special. We schedualed for classes. Pep assembly (band's going to state, yay!) ... which by the way, means I will be gone Friday and Saturday, just for the heads up...so... classes were about 30min. long today because of all the *special happenings* ... yes... um... doughnuts in band today (the concert was last night... um, best that none of y'all came) .... yeah... nothing too special.

sorry I didn't update
Yeah... I've been lazy... too bad... plus, I don't exactly have my h/w yet... Anyways, our play was better (yeah, yeah... school pride) :P The cast/crew party was not the most happening, so don't worry about it, Shelli0 & Jessika. We just stayed up until one watching Wallace and Grommit, The Brave Little Toaster, and watching David's and Jessica's (too many Jess's....) feet having sex... very strange.
So, I came up with an idea for a new book. It's going to be called "Gods and Mortals in the Household Realm" ... comparison of the deviance of Christian religion to the relationship of father and son. Wow... that sounded extremely sophisticated, even coming from me...
I'm realizing (and how naiive of me to not notice until now) that I seriously need to be in a relationship, because I'm becomming overly affectionate to many many people... mildly disturbing... but I feel like I just need one person to cuddle up with now (awe, how sentimental).
Anyways, I need to get all my homework done. Mainly, I have about another 200 pages to read in A.H.W.O.S.G. .... yeah... right now, the guy is interviewing for the first season of Real World San Fran. ... very entertaining...
Anyways, I'm going to make my farewells for the moment. I love you all (affection bleeding through right now), and one day we will all have children!!! ahahahaha!... oh, except for you, Alexander... but that's understandable...