My Journal

My Journal

:: 2004 17 October :: 4.48am
:: Mood: refreshed

The number one best way to procrastinate homework is playing in the rain with friends at 1:30 in the morning. "playing in the rain"=wandering around/puddle splashing/puddle fights/puddle swimming/soaking wet/mud slidding/mud throwing/mud wresing/picture taking/hot showers/good memories! "playing in the rain"=fun!

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angelgrl

:: 2004 20 September :: 12.00am
:: Mood: bored

dae dae with your long curly hair
and a cool ride over there
she has pretty eyes
and wants to be a punk
and like to run in cirlces
and fake cry to make angel laugh
she is very steller and spiffy and lickable
one day she will lick angel
and it will all be great
dae dae, the hip grovey chick
my friend, then end

dictated by Samantha
composed by me

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angelgrl

:: 2004 19 September :: 12.00am
:: Mood: depressed

9-19-04
Emotional thunderstorm

A head full of false hopes
A sky full of dark clouds.
My heart tears and shatters in pain
Lighting rips apart the night.

I scream and cry out in pain and anguish
The thunder�s bellows fall upon a deaf man
My efforts are in vain
My feelings lost to all
The ground soaks the water up, but nothing grows from it.

Rain falls all around me soaking me through and through
Until I drown myself in my tears

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angelgrl

:: 2004 4 September :: 12.00am
:: Mood: scared

9-4-04

Your actions stab like a knife in my back
Your words twist it around inside me
What did I do to deserve this pain?

You look at me with uncaring eyes
and tell me that you have done no wrong.
If you�ve done no wrong, why am I dieing inside?
Why do I feel lost and alone?
Where is the friend I used to know?

I cry and beg and plead to you.
Please take the knife out and help to mend to wound.

Then, if you do, no matter how hard you try the scar will always be.

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angelgrl

:: 2004 2 September :: 12.00am

i just found this, i wrote it a while ago...

Feb. 2004
Free

I want to jump out the window and touch the stars
fly through the air and never look down,
off to my own world where I�m free to think,
free from my problems
free from my life.
I lean out the window and reach for the sky
I gaze at the star then close my eyes,
for a moment I�m there. I smile to myself.
Then open my eyes and realize through strife,
so close it seems, but yet, so far away.

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angelgrl

:: 2001 7 January :: 12.00am
:: Mood: happy

I found this last night, I thought i'd put in here....

Best Friends

a best friend is someone who will stay up with you all night painting your bathroom before your parents get home the next morning
a best friend will buy you the car of your dreams, even if it does say hot wheels underneath
a best friends is someone who can be at your house without you, and not feel weird about it.
A best friend is someone that knows more about your family gossip than you do.
A best friends call you their sister, and people believe you.
A best friend is someone who will let you steer their car while they are driving, so that you can get that much closer yourself.
A best friend will get souvenirs from your parents when they return home from their vacation.
A best friend will talk about becoming roommates with you and going off to college together
A best friend is someone you can call crying at 3:00 in the morning after your break up with your boyfriend.

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skaterchickgl

:: 2004 23 February :: 3.38am
:: Mood: blank

when nothing seems to go my way
when everything seems wrong again
when will this pain end
when will i see the light again

hey now...i think i have lost all my feelings..am i going crazy
hey now...i think i have lost my
mind..am i going insane

when will all this stop
when will the answers be let out
when my head has had enough
when my heart has lost its will to live

when everything seems gone
when everything becomes a blur
when my life is so numb
when i have no clue what to do

hey now...i think i have lost my
faith..am i going crazy
hey now...i think i have lost my
love..am i going insane

when i wonder if your there at all
when i call upon your name and there is no answer
when fear takes hold of me
when i shake in an unexplained emotion

I SAID
HEY NOW...I THINK I HAVE LOST MY
RELIGION..AM I GOING CRAZY
HEY NOW...I THINK I HAVE LOST MY
JESUS..AM I GOING INSANE

when everything good is gone
{END}

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angelgrl

:: 2004 18 January :: 12.00am
:: Mood: lonely

Alone

Alone.
Completely and utterly alone.

Nowhere to go, no one to turn too.
My one true friend taken out from under me.
The one I go to when I�m feeling down,
The one that made even the worst of times turn around.

I am now left standing here,
My arms are empty, my heart the same.
What�s left of my live? I�ve got no more to give.
The empty feeling inside, devours me,
It threatens to consume.

Inside of me, my heart cries out.
Seeking desperately to ease the pain
Searching for something, anything,
but finds nothing.
It eats at me from inside out.

I sit alone and cry out loud
for tears have now escaped.
I�ve tried so hard but I have failed.
Now the tears fall from my eyes,
And land upon my face.

This loneliness I cannot take.
There�s nothing I can do to change
This hole inside of me.

My only way out is embrace the pain
and sit alone and cry�
alone�
completely and utterly alone

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angelgrl

:: 2003 6 November :: 12.00am
:: Mood: lonely

they say that people feel the most alone when surounded by people....

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angelgrl

:: 2003 5 November :: 12.00am
:: Mood: depressed

I want my little sound proof room where I can go and yell.
I�m dieing inside, and it all stays inside.
I have no way to get it out.
I want to yell, and scream, and shout, and cry.
But I can�t.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 20 March :: 12.00am

Too Many Goodbyes

I hate to say Goodbye my friend,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
I'm moving away never see you again,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
You've one more chance, just hold me close,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye my friend, goodbye old pal,
I know you'll miss me too.
Goodbye my love, goodbye sweet kiss,
oh please don't be to sad,
for in my heart you will always stay
until we meet again some day.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 13 March :: 12.00am

My Book

I long for my book
I beg for my book
I want to be taken away.
taken away out of my life and into another
to a place where my fantasies become reality...
please, just give me my book.
I beg you, pled you, just one request.
I can't stay wrapped up in this thing called life.
I need to be taken away.
just for a while,
taken away to a better place
a place where my life does not exist.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 13 March :: 12.00am
:: Mood: frustrated and afraid

I'm Not Ok

I want to scsream at you "I'm not ok!"
Look at me, can't you see the agony in my eyes?
The pain I try so hard to hide?
Hidden behind the facad of my face.
A breath away from streams of tears
I compose myself and force a smile.
Sure I'm fine. I always am.
I have too many things to do to contemplate my own feelings.
Burried deep down inside it's ripping me apart
with every word, every movement i make,
it's cutting me deeply.
I'm afraid to move, afraid to look,
afraid to breath....
for fear that it might consume me.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 19 June :: 12.00am

Sometimes I wonder�

I sit alone in my room and wonder�
Is it worth is?
Do the good times really outweigh the bad?
Sometimes I wonder�.

Sometimes it�s yes,
And sometimes it�s no.
I guess it all depends on you.

When you smile at me,
And laugh at my jokes,
I know it�s worth it.

When you pick me up when I fall,
And put me back together again,
I know it�s worth it.

When I�m lost in the dark,
And you hand me a light,
I know it�s worth it.

When there�s no place I�d rather be,
Then right here with you,
I know it�s worth it.

When things are at their worst,
And we�re at each other�s throats,
And I know deep down that you still care,
I know it�s worth it.

I love you, and nothing you ever say or do will change that.
In my opinion, the good will always outweigh the bad.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 19 June :: 12.00am
:: Mood: unsure

Unsure

I don�t know whither I should be hurt, mad, sad, none or all of the above.

Once again I feel alone.
Once again I feel forgotten.

Why should it matter?
Why do I care?
Why do I put myself through this misery?
This just isn�t fair.

Why do you love me?
Why do you care?
We never seem to see eye to eye
We only agree to disagree.

So why do we do this to each other?
The hurt, the pain, the sorrow.
Is it really worth it?
Please tell me now,
Don�t wait till tomorrow.

You say forever,
How long is forever?
This week? The next?
From the looks of things,
Forever, I fear, is coming too soon.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 12 June :: 12.00am
:: Mood: angry

I never knew what it was like to hate until tonight�

Sitting there, listening to lies about myself,
And not being able to do a single thing.
And not just one lie, more follow.
Lies that are completely off the wall
Lies that have no ground to stand on.

My heart beats faster,
My breath gets short.
How can I contain myself?
I�m shocked, pure and utter shock
I couldn�t speak if I tried.

The lies continue
The anger builds.
My chest is heavy
I can�t think straight.
I wanna hit something�
But I can�t.

So I wait.
More lies.
The hatered builds more and more.
Stronger now, consuming me.
I�m turning to the dark side,
It�s taking over
and I can�t help it.
I�m losing control

I have a right to be mad.
I can�t believe the words I�m hearing
It must be a dream�.
But I know it�s not�
There�s nothing I can do
But wallow in this pain.

I sit and cry.
Completely helpless at the mercy of hate
Now I know why they say that hate is so strong
I understand it now that I have felt it.

I never knew what it was like to hate until tonight�

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angelgrl

:: 2003 12 May :: 12.00am
:: Mood: contemplative

My past comes back to haunt me.
My eyes fill with tears.
I know how she feels.
They try to tell me that that not true.
That I was not like her.
But how do they know?
There weren�t there
They weren�t there everyday to endure the hurt
They couldn�t see the pain in my eyes
The longiness for a friend.
All these feeling I�ve put aside
It doesn�t matter.
But it does.
Watching her, it all comes back.
I know we�ve both come far.
�Sometimes you have to take a step back
to realize that you have taken 100 steps forward�

thank you to those who have helped me get this far.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 23 April :: 12.00am

k, I found this, and thought it was cool.

The Bible in 50 Words!

God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.

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angelgrl

:: 2003 15 April :: 12.00am
:: Mood: frustrated

Merry-go-round

It�s a merry-go-round of madness
And I�m getting to dizzy to hold my ground.
I tell you something then turn around
And now it�s something else.
You hear what you want to hear.
I explain to you then, what I ment.
You hear what you want to hear.
We go around in circles,
The ride never stands still.
This merry-go-round is making me sick
Round and round it never stops.
I want off this ride,
Please let make it stop!
You hold the key to the switch,
The key is common sense.
And by common sense I mean,
Taking things they way they are
And not what you exaggerate them to be.
So please, just listen to me.
Only you can end this crazy and demented ride.

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