Stinger hasn't even finished scanning yet and I can tell mom's lappy is pretty fucked. Not because of viruses so much as because she never deletes ANYTHING, and there are a gajillion processes running in the background. I can't see them for some reason, but I can tell they are there, just by the way it's running.
this is the point in time where I usually pack it in and say fuck it.
but fuck that.... not this time bitches.
the question is is it really worth the effort its going to take? and on top of that, the amount of emotional energy its going to consume?
I really dont understand the situation at all, but clearly somethings going to have to give.
its so easy to give up when its two ways, but its so difficult to capitulate when its one sided.... why is that? I dont really have anything to prove, and theoretically speaking, Im sitting pretty otherwise. Its like Im 18 again... I dont like me at 18...
soo... life has been life
up until about 2:30 yesterday it totally sucked... but then I found out I didn't have class for the next 2 days (like today and tomorrow) and my life got better.
As usual mike and I are a toss up. I get sick of him being inconsiderate, and him constantly swearing (you don't realize how stupid swearing is until you hear it being used as every other word when someone is talking). I am sure he is sick of me "being a bitch" but I have always been a bitch so what are you to do? All I want is to be able to pay the bills and do my homework and get them both where they need to go on time. I mean is that too much to ask?
So thankfully I don't ave school again for like a week and a half, which totally rocks. I do have a bunch of stuff to get finished for classes still but nothing new to add to them, which is wonderful!
Leaving for MI sometime in the next few days, and doing lots of work at Dad's store but I enjoy actually getting to have the time to design and finish everything.
Sooo, if you are in MI and read this... I have the same number I have always had, If you want to hang out just call.
PS. I would love to visit east town and maybe drink, have some coffee or hookah... so if you want to do that you should definitely call.
Why'd you call me today.. with nothing new to say?
You pretend it's just hello,
but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.
Now tell me, what do you want?
What do you want? What do you want from me?
Are you trying to bring back the tears, or just the memories?
You keep taking me back, taking me back where I've already been.
When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see?
So what do you want?
What do you want from me?
I get so tired of living like this.
I don't have the time, neither do my friends,
to stay up at night to pull me through..
and to find the things to keep my mind off of you.
So, now tell me, what do you want?
What do you want? What do you want from me?
Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used-to-be?
You keep taking me back,
taking me back where I've already been.
If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?
Can't you see?
So what do you want?
What do you want from me?
What do you want me to say?
That I'm content?
That I'm on the fence?
That I wish you would've stayed?
is that why they say people 'fall' for each other?
journal is going to be 9 years old this winter.
way to be fucking old, journal. you should try harder.
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i keep seeing all these people getting together. i suppose it's all part of the annual cycle. as gunnie said, it's the time of year when i really start wanting a girlfriend.
it seems like summer's all about being single, and going out and playing the field. but now that it's fall, people are all getting ready to settle down and prepare for the winter hibernation. plus i think there's just something romantic about the leaves and the harvest and all that. it's a nice time of year to appreciate the coziness and warmth that can be had in a relationship - especially a fresh one.
the more i see people shacking up (and for the first time ever, my sister is one of them... don't think i haven't noticed that she's been hiding him from the family), the more left out i feel. not that i want to be a part of the herd necessarily, but i like the coziness and the warm fuzzies. and it's really hard to get that by yourself. after all, i should know.
speaking of The Herd; chuck and i have begun writing our Cultural Revolution Manifesto, or CRM. it's currently a very rough first draft. once we do some editing, augmentation, and revisions, i will start posting up the revised copies as we finish them. neither of us is very motivated, so who knows how long it will be. but at least we're getting started.
peace out, mr. j. it's been a pleasure, as always.
p.s. went to visit mike yesterday. he's doing incredibly well, considering that 3 weeks ago he was as good as dead. seems to know what's going on for the most part, but still gets confused occasionally. at least his nurses are cute. that should make things more tolerable.
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Oh oh Oh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time
And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Oh oh
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time
