::
2004 23 January :: 3.56 pm
:: Mood: i hate myself
feel for once what it's like to rebel now, I wanna break out now, let's go.
Dinner was nice with my dad, it was. My Mom is driving me nuts. I think she's more excited about my photo project then I am, I mean, yeah I'm happy for myself, but geeze, she needs to chill the fuck out. It's making me so discouraged. You know what one of the hardest things to do is? I'll tell you. So you become good friends with this guy, not best friends, or anything, just good friends. And then you realize that your falling for him, and your clueless on whether your feelings are mutual, but you would never dare to say anything, or act upon your feelings. He tells you about his girl problems and all the girls he likes and you do everything in your power to help him, and then..all you wanna do is do everything to stop him, but you can't. I hate being a girl, i hate being me, I hate everything. And ih ate my digital camera, all I wanna do is play with this one picture, and I dont know how the fuck to do it.
I wanna cry, that's all I want.
-mandyy
[[edit: contrary to populare belief, this isnt about ryan, sorry.]]
8 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 21 January :: 12.17 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: you and i both // jason m raz (sp?)
I'm breaking a habit, tonight!
Woohu is being really weird, and really gay. I woke up this morning on the couch in the living room and I have no fucking idea how I got there. But my back was killing me, and then i went to brush my teeth and my tooth started up again, so I stayed home today, i have a dentist appt at 2, and I have to go to the bank and such. So Ill get that stuff down, oo, that reminds me. Math homework. I went into work on Monday, and I was double checking my schedule, and I see that my Wednesday night was whited out, and Lauren's Friday nght was crossed out...I broght Maggie over (another hostess) and showed her and asked what I should do? come in? stay home? she said for both me and lauren to stay home. Lauren found out last night that Kara, stupid fat bitch, crossed off her friday night on her own, w/o permission, and she can still come in. So now i have no fucking clue if I'm suppose to come in, or not. I feel like shit, I dont want to work, I want the money, my check is only gonna be 250, I was hoping for more. But whatever.
Gah, so this whole mauricio/pat situation, i guess i'm kind of over it, i mean who was I kidding? :-(
I'm off to go run some errands, and hopefully FIX MY TOOTH!
<3mandyy
until the next time I can sneak on the computer, ill see ya whenever
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 19 January :: 2.05 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: me vs. the world
I would give you the world, just so I could get some attention
This weekend was okay, not the best. Sunday sucked, really bad. I woke up in a bad mood which just put me down for the rest of the day. My dad and I argued a lot, which I hate, and then I felt guilty, but I guess we're okay? I left my dads around 3, and went to work to get my schedule, I'm working Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, so that will keep me busy, and hopefully keep my mind off things. I went to blockbuster after that and rented myself three movies, just so I could lounge the rest of the day. I rented Freaky Friday, Uptown Girls, and How to Deal. I watched Freaky Friday and Uptown Girls last night, both amazing. I really needed the chick flick movie night, made me feel better. This morning I woke up, brought my car to the shop, mom picked me up, we ate lunch, mom stayed at work, and I took her car with me home. I have to work at 6, so either I'm goin with her to get my car, or her and my step dad are later this evening, eitehr way, I need my car back, damn breaks. I think I'm gonna go watch How to Deal now, cause I'm in a mandy moore mood, I dont know when I'll update again..I'm grounded, I need to keep reminding myself that.
<3mandyy
x to the o.
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 14 January :: 4.04 pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: fefe dobson // take me away <33
This is the night!
Getting ready for work, listening to FeFe Dobson, I like her, a lot. 'm excited about working, I like where I work, but not as much as I liked the theatre, I miss the theatre, a lot. Jess is leaving the theatre too ;x
I'm suppose to go and chill in deerfield with some of them this weekend, hopefully it'll go through.
I really like Mauricio and I can't have him for more than one reason
My head hurts like a bitch
Sarah's dad's car got fucked up, people are so fucking dumb, i hate people.
I still haven't done my photo project and I'm gonna end up screwing up again.
On a lighter note, my project got into the scholstic art awards, heh, ive never gotten anything awknowledged before, so i'm pretty damn happy.
and i still like mauricio, just so that's clear
<3mandyy
x to the o.
3 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 13 January :: 11.16 pm
If anyone has an extra graduation ticket that they are willing to sell to me, PLEASE let me know. Thank you m'loves.
<3mandyy
x to the o.
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 12 January :: 10.46 pm
I'm a theif, yeah yeah, but it was too cute to resist<3
success at...
age 4 not peeing your pants
age 12 having friends
age 17 having a drivers license
age 20 having sex
age 35 having money
age 50 having money
age 60 having sex
age 70 having a drivers license
age 75 having friends
age 80 not peeing your pants
lol, thanks alison<3
<3mandyy
x to the o.
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 11 January :: 10.34 pm
Sorry to dan and lauren, but i have to test my pictures some way
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 11 January :: 8.07 pm
you're the best<3
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 10 January :: 11.08 pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: get low
The Berenstein Bears<3.
My mom and step dad are such dorks, but so cute. I got home from the theatre, and their in the back yard, with blankets and hot tea, infront of a fire (one of those chimney things). their such d0rks.
<3mandyy
2 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 10 January :: 12.01 am
First and formost, my new lay out is awesome.
Survey time!
FIRSTS
First screen name: Gilly8268
First piercing/tattoo: ears
First credit card: a month ago
First true love: not yet
First enemy: lol in 4th or 5th grade, Natalie Croy.
First concert: All That Music Festival and More =)!
First musician you remember hearing in your house: hmm, probally Greatful Dead
LASTS
Last big car ride: I guess to Jupiter last weekend.
Last kiss: over thanksgiving break?
Last library book: Cut, over summer break
Last movie seen: Cheaper By the Dozen
In the theatre: Cheaper by the Dozen
Last food consumed: my moms left over sushi
Last phone call: Lauren
Last CD played: lol, my NOW 2 cd<3
Last annoyance: the old people at work
Last soda drank: coke
Last time scolded: this moring, cause i had to go home for a couple minutes during 3rd hour =\
Last website visited: www.woohu.com =)
SHORT ANSWER
I AM: cold and tired
I WANT: my room to be cleaned
I HAVE: too many bug bites ;x
I WISH: i had love
I HATE: being alone
I FEAR: not knowing what i want to do with my life
I HEAR: my computer
I WONDER: if i can clean my room in time for the game tomorrow
I LOVE: you
I ACHE: not now
I ALWAYS: try and smile
I AM NOT: genuinely happy
I DANCE: in my car, alone.
I SING: in the shower
I CRY: too much
I WRITE: a lot lately
I WIN: nothing
I LOSE: hopes
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED: to clean my room and sleep
I SHOULD: do all that, but I won't.
YES or NO
YOU KEEP A DIARY: yes
YOU LIKE TO COOK: depends
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVEN'T SHARED WITH ANYONE: i guess you can say that
DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: yeah
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah
GET MOTION SICKNESS: yeah
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: not really
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: most of the time
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: yeah
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: reddish?
BIRTHPLACE: boynton beach, florida
FAVORITES
NUMBER: 19
COLOR:black, yellow and hott pink
DAY: friday/saturday
MONTH: anything btwn december-april
SONG(S): dunno
SEASON: winter and spring
DRINK: now, water.
PREFERENCES
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: cuddle
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: choclate milk
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: ALL!
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: chocolate
IN THE LAST DAY, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? yeh
HELPED SOMEONE? yeah, at work
BOUGHT SOMETHING? gas
GOTTEN SICK? nope
GONE TO THE MOVIES? to see solange
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? nope
SAID 'i love you'?: to my mommy<3
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: nope
TALKED TO AN EX?: nope
MISSED AN EX?: nope
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: yeah
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: no
MISSED SOMEONE?: yess
HUGGED SOMEONE?: yess
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: yes
WOULD YOU EVER:
Eat a bug?: no.
Bungee jump?: yes, i kinda have/sorta.
Kill someone?: maaybe ;x
Parachute from a plane?: yess
Walk on hot coals?: no
Go out with someone for their looks?: no
Be a vegetarian?: no
Wear plaid with stripes?: not seriously
IM a stranger?: yeah
Sing Karaoke?: depends where
Get drunk off your Ass?:yeah
Shoplift?: no
Run a red light?: i have..;x
Star in a porn video?: nope
Dye your hair blue?: nope
Be on Survivor?: nope
Wear makeup in public?: yes
Not wear makeup in public?: yess
Cheat on a test?: mhmm
Make someone cry?: yeah..i dont know, depends.
Date someone more than 10 years older than you?: probally not, thats a big difference.
Stay up all night?: yeah
<3mandyy
x to the o.
7 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 8 January :: 3.20 pm
This is my plee for help from anyone from 4992
AHHHHHHHH! I'm so confused. Ok to clarify any question for the dramatarians that still read this, yes, I did drop drama. I wasn't enjoying the class anymore, it used to be fun, but now i didn't like it. I was scared and bored, not a good combo. So i dropped it, and I didn't talk to Mrs. Hasko yet, cause my guidance counselor took care of it, and she GAVE MY SPOT AWAY FOR DISTRICTS. I'm seriously going to cry about that, I paid my money to go as an observer, thats all I wanted and now I can't go. SOMEONE who reads this, PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY HASKO PROBLEM, please!!!!!!!!!
<3mandyy
6 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 7 January :: 5.59 pm
:: Mood: poop
Mr. play it safe, was afriad to fly, packed his suitcase, kissed his kids goodbye.
Everything can be summed up with one word, interesting. I'm opening my eyes up to everything around me, and taking it all in, piece by piece, bit by bit. I went grocery shopping today, I kinda liked it, except the paying for everything part, that kinda sucked. Oh, so everyone knows, I've been writing in my livejournal more often, and it's friends only, so if you wanna be my buddddy on LJ, holla. www.livejournal.com/users/fandapop . I'm talking to Co right now, he's my chinese friend, but he's sooo nice. God, I miss everyone at work. o0o0o Co told me that the deerfield boys, are all playing football on Saturday, now I have to find a way to weasel my way into going, I wanna see Pat, Mike and Mauricio. hmm..ok I'm off to dinner with my dad, maybe things won't be that bad. xox
<3mandyy
p.s. Patrick Moran, if you see this...call me.
2 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 6 January :: 9.50 pm
Wow, just when I was beginning to think not too many people cared, and I was in this for myself..I got a voice mail from the unexpected. Thank you Pat Moran for that message, you made my day. xo
<3
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 6 January :: 9.43 pm
I'm starting fresh, clean slate, heh...it's all over from here
;x
with a smile on my face |
::
2004 4 January :: 2.23 pm
:: Music: linkin park // numb
I want what I had, and what I had wasn't what I wanted.
This weekend was an eye opener for me. I had too much thinking time on my hands is what I'll call it. I left Friday with Lauren, Dan, Heather, Brian, Matt, and other Brian for camping. It was fun, I loved it. I'm not so sure, how i felt about being there with the ones I was with, not cause I don't like them, or anything of that matter, I just felt so alone. All weekend, I had this pit in my stomach, of loneliness. We were on the beach on Saturday, it hit me hard. I had to walk away, and I cried and cried. A good cry can truly help sometimes. The other day, when someone asked me what was wrong, I said I don't know, I'm just kind of sad and alone, they told me it's called depression..I am not a depressed person, and that really bothered me to think I'm depressed? I don't know how I'm feeling right now, but I know for sure, I'm feeling regret, too much of it. Another thing that I thought about this weekend was Sunrise Cinema's and how much I want it back. How much I loved my work friends, and how good I had it there. But I fucked things up there with my boss, and I ruined my chances. Now, I'm screwed, and there isn't one thing I can do, to get it back. So I'm left here now, sad alone and regretful, and all want to do is talk, but the words won't come out.
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face |
|