ladybug04
|
::
2006 26 July :: 11.38am
Wow, time is going by pretty fast. My blackbelt test is less than 2 weeks a way. I'm very nervous.
4 memories made |
drops of time
|
jacqui-chan
|
::
2006 23 July :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: silence
Stolen survey
TEN EMOTIONS.
1. are you missing someone right now?: kinda'
2. are you happy: I'm confused which is hindering the happy thing
3. are you talking to anyone right now: No
4. are you bored: Yes
5. are you german: a little
6. are you irish: maybe...
7. are you french: Yes
8. are you Italian: maybe
9. are your parents still married: Happily
10. are you in love with someone right now: Funny how you can love but not be IN love
TEN FACTS.
1. hometown: Cedar Springs
2. hair color: Blonde
4. hair style: I don't think it's named
5. eye color: Blue
6. shoe size: 8
7. mood: Overwhelmed
8. orientation: umm...
9. available?: Pretty much
10. lefty/righty: Righty
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
1. have you ever been in love: Yep, it's getting over it that's the issue
2. do you believe in love: Obviously
3. why did your last relationship fail: Because we're both stuburn, I can be a witch, and he can be the most selfish, cold-hearted jerk on the planet.
4. have you ever been heart broken: Mmhmm
5. have you ever broken someone's heart?: Yes
6. have you ever fallen for your best friend: Does it count if he turned into my best friend and I fell for him all over again?
7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: Many times
8. are you afraid of commitment: Kind of, I'm too young to know who "the one" is... so why commit to ONE person?
9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: Yep
10. have you ever had a secret admirer: Don't think so.
TEN THINGS:
1. love or lust: In a way, they're interchangable
2. hard liquor or beer: umm... neither
3. night or day: Night
4. one night stands or relationships: How about dating a few guys at once for a while... not just a night
5. television or internet: internet (it's got TV too)
6. pepsi or coke: PEPSI
7. wild night out or romantic night in: In
8. colored pictures or black and white pictures: Black and white
9. phone or in person: In person
10. aim or phone: Phone
TEN HAVE Y0U EVERS.
1. been caught sneaking out?: Never snuck out
2. skinny dipped?: Nope
3. done something you regret?: Oh yea
4. bungee jumped?: Nope
5. been on a house boat?: Yea
6. finished an entire jaw breaker?: Mmhmm
7. wanted someone so badly it hurt?: Wanted how?
8. been caught by your parents with a hickey?: No
9. danced in the rain?: Of course
10. had a hang over?: Nope, never.
drops of time
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2006 22 July :: 6.46am
:: Mood: listless
I haven't slept in 28 hours, and if I go to bed soon I'm looking at about four hours of sleep before the park picnic and then work until 10 tonight.
I had my CMU orientation yesterday morning. Very informative. I got some of the classes I wanted, the others I dropped and added the correct ones. Twelve credit hours, not bad.
BIO 101 (and lab)
CSP 10something (computers and society, i know...but i had to fill a gen ed requirement)
ENG 235 American Literature
COM10something, intro to speech and communications.
All fun things. No ensembles, no music classes right now. Because I had to change schools so quickly, I can't be in their music program until next year. However, I may still pick up my entry level music classes and an ensemble next semester, until then, studying by myself is the only option I have.
We went to IHOP and played mau. I drank real coffee for the first time in my life, with a lot of cream and sugar mind you. The waiter made us triple strength coffee (three bags of coffee grounds in the pot). That shit really gets you. I believe that is the reason why I am not tired at this time.
Driving home from IHOP I witness the most beautiful sunrise, so, I took out my writing journal and compiled a few thoughts I will share with you here.
July 22 2006 6:30a
The dew soaks thorugh my clothing as I sit here, witness to this event. So few times have I been so aware of this constant change of my home. Something so beautiful would be more cherished if it were rare. We prize the true diamond because it is rare, but would we not just as easily be careless with it if it were common to us? Would we not use it as an adornment fabricated to eventually break to keep the economy going. The slogan would not be "Diamonds are Forever," rather they would be quite common place and often disposed of, losing all significance of importance. Beauty is only acclaimed in the rarest of forms. A perfect sunflower is often only left for the birds to admire.
This magnificent event before me may be prized by another people, another culture, because of its rarity, such as in the north. The sun sets for half the year, and is risen for half the year. Do you think they are not joyous after six months of darkness when the sun rises, illuminating their world? It seems beauty and admiration are only warrented for the rare, but never the equally admirable but common.
-michelle
4 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2006 18 July :: 10.27pm
why do i keep on missing everything?
why do i ruin everything?
why?
drops of time
|
|
Jacqui-Chan
|
::
2006 15 July :: 3.38pm
:: Mood: aggravated
Can't you just take ten seconds for me anymore? Is it impossible!? You think I want you to spend every waking moment with me... but that's not the case. I love hanging out with my friends and family... I need time for them and myself too. But I would like to see you more than ten minutes a week. We haven't hung out in a week and a half or more. Yet you say that I'm being selfish asking why you have to hang out with Nick and Logan all weekend and then into the week, and sleep over at Matt's for days at a time. You wouldn't even come over when my grandma died to help make me feel better! You were too tired from hanging out with your shit ass friends all night the night before!!! Well I'm sorry that her death came at an inconvenient time for you! Ass hole. You constantly call me your best friend, tell me we'll get married someday, tell me that you love me. Well if you ask me that's a crock of shit. You don't hang out with people you feel that way about only once in a while... you hang out with them at least twice a week... for longer than an hour. I know I have a job and softball, so I don't get as much time to just lounge around with my friends... but you could at least try to hang out with me when I have time. Not avoid me completely. I can't even believe you had your arm around me at that car show. You ignored me basically all day, unless it was to prove you knew my grandpa and his friends. I told you I would only see you for a couple minutes because that's always what happens when you're with your friends, but you wouldn't believe me. Proved ya' wrong again. I'm sick of being you 100th priority. I want to be at least in your top five. So give it a rest with the I love you, you're my best friend crap... I don't believe you anymore.
1 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
jacqui-chan
|
::
2006 13 July :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: contemplative
It's HOT outside.
So, I was WAY off today at our game. It sucked. I missed basically everything at first... then I started to get a bit better. But I guess it's not unexpected being as I've practiced once in the past two weeks. Plus this week has basically sucked... way more than any other week ever in my life. My Great Grandma passed away, you see. And she just happened to be one of my all time favorite people on the planet EVER. I love her like crazy... and I'll miss her. So yea, I guess if nothing else it got me off of work. That's AWESOME.
Yea, I'm suppose to go to Bryan's tomorrow to swim and hang out. Only for a couple hours though, thank the Lord. I SO don't feel like hanging out with him. I ditched him for JD Monday... but don't tell... nobody knows that (except JD obviously). I really just don't like the kid like that. I try to, because everyone wants me to, but I just can't do it. He's nice enough... but he has NO sense of humor. As a matter of fact, I don't think he knows what funny is. We went to the movies and stuff that I found histarical he didn't even smile at. It was retarted!! Moral of the story: Bryan is not for me.
Yea, I am in a weird place right now. I mean, I don't know what to do about a lot of different things... and it sucks! See, I like JD, but he can be a BIG jerk, and I don't like that at all. I also hate my job, but I have to way to get a new job... and I NEED the money for gas a stuff. I keep being forced into thinking about college, but I have NO idea what I want to do, and I don't want to choose a college until I figure that out. So yea, I'm just all dazed and confused.
Saturday is the Town and Country days parade and car show. I'm mucho excited. Have to get up at like 6 in the morning... but it's SO worth it. We buy goodies and sit under my grandparents easy-up canopy while playing cards, and when we decide to we walk around and look at all the other cars. We talk to all my grandpa's friends and hang out with all of the other people that are like us, Car CRAZY! It's really really fun. Plus we get there so early that we are first in line for seats for the parade. Gotta love that. It's just always one of my favorite days. It sucks though... cuz this year Logan and his cousin are entering their cars in the show. So JD will be there with them. I just don't see the need to have tuners in car shows. These things are for classic, classy, and muscle charged cars. Good old things that have lasted through the ages, not pathetic little import cars that have big rims and a stereo system. Yea, you're cool because you have enough money to make your car look and sound retarted. Way to be! Oy.
Anyway, I should jet. Talk to ya' later... hope to see ya' at the parade.
-J-
4 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
ladybug04
|
::
2006 8 July :: 11.19pm
5 weeks from today is my black belt test.
That's right.... only 5 more weeks until i'm a first degree black belt.
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 today. It was pretty good. Orlando Bloom sure is a nice sight.
3 memories made |
drops of time
|
fishyrere
|
::
2006 7 July :: 2.48pm
| Odd Facts about ME | | DO YOU SNORE?: | Nope | | LOVER OR A FIGHTER?: | both | | WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?: | divorce | | AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER?: | heck yes... still am | | WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"?: | sucks | | DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?: | yeah | | WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?: | of course | | HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?: | not all that bad | | WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?: | black | | DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?: | yes | | HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?: | i wish | | ANY SECRET TALENTS?: | haha. any talents at all? not really | | WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?: | europe | | HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI?: | not yet | | HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?: | sure have | | DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?: | not really | | HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?: | a lot | | CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?: | no | | HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?: | yeah | | ARE SPEEDO'S HOT?: | not on old men at the beach | | WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?: | gotta do whatcha gotta do | | IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?: | i hope so | | DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?: | not really | | WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?: | dust | | WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU": | last night to Ben | | IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?: | no comment | | DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?: | I did at me sisters | | HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?: | depends on my mood | | ARE BLONDES DUMB?: | NO. i resent that | | WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?: | the cat has it | | WHAT TIME IS IT?: | 2:43 | | DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?: | yeah my friends call me Re | | IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?: | yup | | WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?: | about a half hour ago | | DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?: | showers | | IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL?: | no | | ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?: | sometimes | | WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?: | caffine | | CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?: | crunchy | | HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?: | yes | | HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?: | one | | IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?: | heck yes | | ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?: | yup | | HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED?: | no | | WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?: | greenish | | WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: | a few days ago | | DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?: | sure | | WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?: | mine | | ARE YOU PSYCHIC?: | no | | HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?: | yes | | DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?: | not yet | | CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?: | i can try | | DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?: | depends on who i'm with | | DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?: | no | | DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?: | no | | IS A DOG A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?: | yes | | YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?: | I believe it happens but shouldn't unless certin cases | | CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?: | no | | DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU HAVE A MYSPACE?: | i don't have one | | WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?: | french fries | | DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?: | no | | DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?: | kind of | | WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?: | all of them | | DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?: | no | | FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?: | Mae and The Postal Service | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
What can i say? i was bored.
~Re~
2 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
Jacqui-Chan
|
::
2006 6 July :: 9.57pm
:: Mood: blah
I don't try to describe the future. I try to prevent it. -Ray Bradbury
Boys. That's my life lately. I talked to Kulak for almost 2 hours this morning while getting ready to go out. Then I went out with Bryan. Then I called JD when I got home (because he told me to so that he could come over). You see this? This is what we call retarted.
Yea, Bryan asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him that I didn't know him well enough to be that for him right now... but we can keep dating so that I can get to that point. He said it was cool and now I'm going to his house to swim sometime.
JD made me want to shoot him yesterday. He totally lied to me and blew me off yesterday. I told him the only reason I wasn't gonna' completely hate him is that he's probably gonna' start working with me soon. And he would literally be the only person there that I don't like. But as usual he got off the hook... mostly because my mom and sister inturrupted the conversation halfway through. So yea, my bad with the assist going to them.
Kulak has a new girlfriend now. I can't help being mildly jealous. We always have fun flirting and such... and I usually have ALL his attention. It's one of those, I-don't-want-him-but-you-can't-have-him-either things. I'm a loser that way. But yea, I'll try to get over it.
I am just so sick of my family lately. It was really nice not being around them a lot today. I like being independent, but it seems like since the summer started it's gotten harder to get away. Sucks.
Yea, I'm really tired... so I think I'm gonna' take my body up to bed. Check ya' later loves.
-JJ-
1 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
fishyrere
|
::
2006 6 July :: 12.25pm
Well hello.
I had fun. The fourth of July was fun. I indeed loved spending time with everyone who was there. It was nice to be able to do something besides work. I got home and my mom was pretty ticked though. And the funny thing was I really didn't care. I woke up and was sore from football. My arm hurts a lot from when Katie tackled me but I'm good. Even though I am horrible at football I still liked playing.
Last night I talked to Emma on the phone until forever and that was awesome too. She knows how to listen and I found myself telling her things that I can hardly admit to myself. It was sort of refreshing to get some things off my chest. Yeah.
~Re~
1 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
Jacqui-Chan
|
::
2006 30 June :: 10.21pm
:: Mood: drained
High school is closer to the core of the American experience than anything else I can think of. -Kurt Vonnegut
Yea, I got to here about Ken's hot date the other night. I'm making a list of the things that the guys at work tell me that I do NOT want to know. (not really... it would be WAY too long.) I just think it's funny. Those guys think I'm so innocent... so pure... so naive. They have no idea what I've done, or more what I do. It really does make for an interesting time. I won't tell them unless they ask... so I suppose they'll never know.
I don't like Bryan. I pretty much decided that after the first date... but I hung out with him a couple more times just to confirm. He's just too, I don't know, goody goody or something. He's never ever had a girlfriend, he is super super religious, and he's a MAJOR mama's boy. It drives me CRAZY. I want to like him, mostly because everyone else wants me to, but I just can't. Is there no happy medium between Mr. I've-slept-with-everyone and Mr. I-can't-touch-her-she's-a-GIRL! Ugh. Honestly, I just want a normal guy. Wait, does that exist? Probably not. Well, sort of. I guess there could be guys who've had girlfriends but never slept with them before... hopefully. Wow, it's sad that I even have to think that.
Oh speaking of boys... JD is such a psychopath. I shit you not. He is the most confusing, nutso kid I've ever met. He doesn't want to date me... he just wants to mess around with me. And that's basically fine because I enjoy that too. But at some point it gets weird. Whenever I'm with another guy he gets all jealous and protective... which is retarted since I'm not his property, but whatever. I just would like to know where I stand. Like, he told me that I have to bring him with me to Coast Guard festival agian and he wants to go with us to Sparta for Town and Country days. Then he called me baby at Hobby Lobby today, went out of his way to go past my house Tuesday when Bryan was over, and called me at 10 to make sure Bryan was gone. But he doesn't want to date me... he likes Katie and Shae too. AND to top all of this craziness off, any time I mention how silly this whole thing is he say's I make him feel like an ass. (Which by the way I really don't mind!) He makes life SO confusing... way more than necissary. But I like him still. He's cute and AMAZING... yea... we'll leave it at that. Plus I love to cuddle with him... having his arms around me makes all my problems dissapear, because with him I feel safe. I love it. Too bad it'll all go away when we go off to college. Oh well, for now I guess I'll enjoy the good times and ignore the bad. As usual.
Okay enough babbling about things that will bore you to death. I'll check ya' later. Chao loves.
~J
3 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2006 29 June :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: embarrassed
Going over to my grandparent's house always makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty because I never go and see them, and when I do I realize I should have instead of doing everything else I have been doing lately. I still encounter that 'perfection' thing, but I'm trying not to let that get to me. You know, the whole 'I have to be just like they want me to be, or else they won't want me anymore'.
My biggest fear in life is of confrontation that ends in abandonment.
I know they are all going to die pretty soon, and I'm going away, away to college. I'm going to miss the little they have left. At least, I always feel that way.
To all those who don't know, the admissions office at GVSU doesn't like me and wouldn't take me (even though i was accepted into their music program, their school, and I graduated sixth in my class with a fucking 3.96 gpa), so now I am going to CMU. My orientation day is July 21.
I'm not a little child anymore, but I still feel like I need to behave like one sometimes...ask permission, don't talk to strangers, eat my vegetables, and the like.
3 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2006 27 June :: 10.51am
:: Mood: awake
I dream of...
glow worms
rockstars
candy buttons
fancy cars
melodies
vibrant skies
starry nights
pecan pies
total darkness
extreme light
frigid waters
my lonely fight
sorrowful mothers
holding hands
perfect kisses
marching bands
moving music
shadows of night
green tall grass
famine and blight
beautiful sorrow
dramatic scenes
exquisite jewels
Alien Beings
Perfect ends
being close
never ending
Him the most
michelle
drops of time
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2006 26 June :: 7.43pm
I've missed so many things already.
I don't have time for this, I don't have time, don't have time, don't have time.
There are children laughing outside. Is it wrong to want to shoot them?
5 memories made |
drops of time
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2006 25 June :: 10.44am
:: Mood: contemplative
Going camping the best break from here I could have had.
It was so wonderful and smokey smelling. And I think I came out unscathed, except for, perhaps, a small bug bite that is developing on my right foot. It's itchy.
I don't regret anything I have done. If I regret it, it's like exiling a part of me. Everything I have done is always going to be apart of me, whether I like it or not. We all have room for mistakes, and some fill that room sooner or more closely than others. But you only fill that room when you feel like something is a mistake. The door to my room hasn't been open in a while, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I'm not talking about petty mistakes, either. I'm talking about huge life changing, crying for days mistakes. I use to think everything was a mistake, that I was a mistake. I'm not sure exactly where I belong, but I know I'm not a mistake anymore, and whatever I do, and whereever I go, whoever I meet, I will be lucky to be there and do that, and talk to them, and see them, because I'm here, and by some will I can, and so I shall.
I suppose a lot of that does not make much sense to anyone but me. That's fine. You never understand sex in a trashy romance novel until you actually have sex. You just can't understand some things until you feel them, and even then, you still may not be certain of them exactly. Perhaps we find solace only in the end. Perhaps we never find solace. And that's okay with me.
"She told me son, fear is in the heart of love, so I never went back..."
lushness?
michelle
3 memories made |
drops of time
|
|