i\'m turning prep. aaaaaah!
yup. you read right! danielle has waaaay too much influence on me. today, we went to eat dim sum then we went to wellington mall. shopping spree, anyone? lol. i love my mommy! nothing in forever 21!! gosh, i think something's wrong with their designers or something. AE had so much sales, i loved it! lol. so did my mom. i got some tan corduroy pants and a tan corduroy skirt and a navy blue AE sweatshirt. look out for me on tues or wednesday wearing my spankin new preppy gear. lol. i also got a red hollister sweatshirt. it's cute, watch out for that one too. i think i'm wearing lotsa preppy clothes cuz of the cold weather. not many clothes that r my style are fit for freezing cold, so i turn to the comfy AE, AF, Gap, and Hollister. major prep, right? oh well. i know you still love me! i have so many clothes, its like wow. some outfits i've only worn to school once. and some outfits still have the tags on them. i'm so spoiled =p, but i'm trying to get better about it!

clarification? ... "HIM" isn't a person. he doesn't even exist yet. that's the whole point. i haven't found HIM. i will soon, but in the meantime, i'm stuck watching all these cute couples and listening to all this romance. if i ever did find him... he'd be the luckiest guy ever. cuz ya know what? i think i could be the best girlfriend to him. all my girls know how sweet i am! hee hee. this song... jennifer love hewitt... i love her... this song is just making me feel poetic and like i need to sing or something.

"if i try not to need you, i'll be hiding from myself... if tomorrow never comes, i would do it all again, if the light never breaks through, i would stay until the end, if i saved it all for you, i would have my faith again, and then i would know its you."

what kind of junkie are you?

a girl can dream... can't she?
i am emotionally frustrated. how come i cant dream? its like my heart is telling me that it's drawing a blank right now. this is the first time that i've posted like three times in one day. maybe jus cuz there's so many oppurtunities of writing about myself. and my life. where the hell is he? ya know... HIM. the one that makes my heart skip a beat. the one that i go to school for. the one that i love. i'm beginning to believe he doesn't even exist anymore, ya know? everyone in their life has had some special type of relationship, but it's like i've never even been close to getting someone like that. i'm a freak. how come guys dont appreciate how i am? i think i repel guys somehow. like for some reason, i feel like i'm not friendly towards guys unless i crush on them. but i know thats not true, so i dunno. "true love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen."

"those who can, do. those who cant, teach." oh yeah, i'm a long time teacher here. i think im great at being romantic and sweet, but i have never had anyone to be sweet towards. if i dont get a guy soon, i might just run out of ideas. come valentines day... just look into my eyes and see the pain of lonliness. i love my friends and all, but nothing compares to someone holding you and making you feel all warm inside. or the feeling that there's someone who never gets sick of you and loves you for every part of you, good and bad. sometimes i feel like that person will never come along to me. cuz if they havent come by now, who knows how much longer i'll hafta wait. it's like there's no one in the world for me to love [in that way].

dont get me wrong, i'm not always this mope-y or depressing, but i feel so alone. how come no guy ever displays any affection towards me? and why does when the one time i find someone i could and i want to be with, he ends up taking me for granted as this "obsessed" freshman? he sucks. and so do the majority of guys. no offense, but yall can be a little blockeaded sometimes. there are guy friends which are very much potential lovers, but i dont see then at all, so its like the fire isnt fanned.

i want you to want me... i need you to need me... i'd love you to love me... ... watchin lovers walkin', hand in hand they pass me by. wish I was one of them, wish I had somebody wakin' up beside me... looking into my eyes at night i want a love to call my own, i want someone that i can hold. want someone wanting me, wanna feel how it feels to be somebody's somebody.

danielle + luan = ?
haha. danielle and luan wont write about it, but me and vanessa will! lmao. apparently, every lil thing that they do, is between him and her. lol. i think they are the cutest thing to happen since.... hmmm *thinking*...alex and vanessa! lmao. all they need to do, is add some pda into the mix. i know they wont though! cuz if they did, they know that i'd be screaming halfway across the school about how cute they are. i love watching them! lol. *its like peaches and cream* - anonymous. just look at them! they're perfect. they fit together great. and their children will be so beautiful! lol. am i getting a lil ahead here? haha. but danielle is doing the best job at becoming asian just for her sweetiepie! lmao. soon she'll be coming to orlando wit me, wearing the traditional viet dress, and dancing the cha-cha-cha. i cant wait! what else to say... *she's thinking* - anonymous

my mom saw the picture of luan, it was soooo funny!!! she's all like "wats wrong with his hair?" lmao! "how does it stay UP like that? does he roll it? i swear he rolls it." gosh, my mom, she's the funniest. i'm so much like her. *uh huh* - anonymous

i bet you that you can't figure out who *anonymous* is. lemme give you a hint. she's sitting with me right now. lol.

wow, so many topics to talk about!.. mostly about danielle and how she screws up my biorhythms
SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFF! can you say "stuffy nose"?! lol. i love sniffing in peoples ears.

anyways, wow it's already been a funfilled weekend. of course. ya know why? cuz im spending so much time with my best buddy, danielle! so many little things are 100 times funnier when she's here. when she's here, i realize how funny my family really is. she thinks my brother is hilarious! its so funny.

friday night:
danielle came over at like 5:30 or so and we ate our steak dinner and my brother came home and we went to the movies. we met ricky there too. we went to go see "a guy thing", but it wasn't the best. if it was more funny and more romantic it mightve been good. but it wasnt! thats like 7 movies-and-counting for me and danielle.

saturday:
i had to clean the stupid bathroom! thats why i was so stuffy the whole day. i still am. we picked up danielle, went to punjab to eat some indian food and then went to town center. danielle is turning asian!! lol, with my family she is anyways. my mom was all like "dont you know i adopted danielle?" to my dad. lol. our car rides are hella funny. "i'd rather be shopping at nordstrom's" was on a person's license plate. haha. and my dad seems to not be able to hold back the urge to inch the car when the light is red. its so funny. in town center, i bought a new shirt and pants and danielle bought a new shirt [with my financial help of course]. my family thinks we spend too much time together lol. my brother's all like "are you sure she's not stalking you or something? are you sure she doesnt wanna kill us all?" lmao. haha. the green lights. whooo, those green lights. you would think my family and i were smoking somethin in the car. haha. the light, which is extra extra greeeeeeener than usual, turned green and we were all like "woooow..." lmao! me and danielle couldnt stop laughing at our family. [haha, our]

another subject: danielle's typing.
danielle types so funny! you dont see how she types until you're WITH her. she makes so many mistakes its not even funny. here is an example of how she would type if there was nothing such as the backspace key:

Sittung heer in web desing clase, I'm thinkng. Tis is so booring. I mean don't ou rghink we sgould be doing woek? But no that nevwr hppens we jusy sit anf sit. It is cueeently 9:27... onyl an huor lwdt than wonderfully fun vui.

you are everything... and everything is you..
coolie... if ur bored, answer the q's

1. Quiet or Loud?:
2. Short or Tall?:
3. Weird or Original?:
4. Nice or Mean?:
5. Friendly or Selfish?:
6. Normal or special?:
7. Smart or Stupid?:
8.Boring or Fun?:
9.Pretty or ugly?:

U think I'm....
1.A physco?:
2.Athletic?:
3.A nerd?:
4.Funny?:
5.Ghetto?:
6.Shy?:
8.Obnoxious?:
9.Immature?:
10.Mature?:
11.Conceited?:

Just some questions
1. What do u think i'll be when I grow up?:
2.(a) Do u think ill get married?:
b) if u do....who do u think ill marry?:
3.whens my bday?:
4.who is/are my best friend(s)?:
5. What song (if n/e) reminds u of me?:
6. Do i remind u of n/e people on tv?:
7.if u could rename me...what would my 8. have u ever had a dream about me?:
9.do u think im a virgin?:
10.if u could give me n/e thing.....what would it be?:
11.if u could promise me n/e thing what would it be?:

Opposite Sex
1. Am I-->physically ugly, average, decent, goodlookin, beautiful,
hot?:
2.would u ever kiss me?:
3.would u ever consider bein my boy/girlfriend?
4.do u ever think of me off-line?:
5.if we spent a day together...where would we go and what would we do?:
6.if u could describe me in one word, what would that word be?:
7.do u or have u ever had a crush on me?:

xoxo

its such a shame, but i'm leaving, can't take the way you mistreatin me...

_ _ _ sucks!

god. so much anger. i thought i'd NEVER get over him and finally see what a jackass he is. if he wants to say something, why the fuck can't he say it to my face? i didnt see what all my friends were saying but now i do. allison is in health with him and they were talking about me. so he goes "oh is that girl still obsessed with me". i read that in a note from greta and i just blew up inside. i was like helllll naww. he has never said anything negative about or towards me ever and maybe that's why i never got over him. but then i read what he said and after 5 seconds of hurtin, all i can feel is anger. where the hell does he get the right to act like every girl worships him? yeah, its true, i was a little too deep with my feelings with him but i wasnt fucking OBSESSED. why did he have to go there. if he said "oh does she still like me?" that wouldnt have been so bad. the first time i read it i asked danielle "why would he say something like that?!" and she goes "cuz he's an asshole!!!". can you say revelation? god what is his problem. i never wanna talk to him again. i hope his girlfriend breaks up with him and hurts him at least half as much as he's been hurtin me just by EXISTING. i deserve better and i'm gonna find someone better and he's gonna regret he was ever such a jackass. i'm done with this. peace.

xtina

p.s. i'm not always this mad/angry/pissed/bitchy

why must boys be so difficult? and why must emotions run so wild?

today was like a weird day. school was okay. obligation that must be fulfilled. but once i got home, i got this overwhelming feeling that i hate everyone and i hate life and i started to cry but i stopped myself. thank god! anyways...

boys, boys, boys. luan made a journal about why girls dont ask guys out. so i thought maybe i would make an entry about how guys dont even know how much they mess with us girls. and how they break our hearts. when they have no idea that we're crushing on them, they do things and deep down, you can see it in our eyes... its hard to explain. the guy i liked... past tense now [or so i think]... he knew i liked him, and he said he didnt want a girlfriend... and then later he goes and gets a girlfriend. and it hurt so much, its undescribable and thats what every girl fears.

when we like a guy, he's our number one priority and everything is for him. we come to school for him, we wear things for him, and we act a certain way just for him. but when the guy we like, doesnt put US on the top of HIS priority list... it hurts. cuz its like we did it all for nothing. and this happens more than guys think. every girl knows what i'm talking about. and then like me, we try to move on and we try to forget that part of our heart and how it was stolen and never returned. and the guy never ends up knowing of how bad he hurt a girl.

and so when we go to like another guy, we don't want that to happen again. we dont want to fall too soon [but we do anyways] and we dont want to be hurt. and then it happens all over again. its one vicious cycle. asking a guy out is like putting our head [more like our heart] under a pendulum, waiting to see what'll happen, what the guy will do. after that, we never show our feelings or how heartbroken we are to that guy. cuz then we feel weak. and we are weak, when it comes to matters of the heart. more so than most boys.

"it's impossible to love you if you dont let me know what you're feeling. its impossible for me to give you what you need if you're always hiding from me. i dont know what hurts you, i just wanna make it right. cuz boy im sick and tired of trying to read your mind. its impossible for me to love you. its impossible to make it easy if you're always making it so damn hard. how can i give you all my love if you always puttin up your guard? this is not a circus, dont you play me for a clown. how long can emotions keep on going up and down? it's impossible for me to love you."

off the top of my head... some freestylin right here...

i live and breathe you everyday, intoxicated and drunk jus cuz i saw you smile. i love you for everything, your mind, your eyes, it's all worthwhile. and though you cant see me in that special light, its everyday that i fight myself whether or not to love you. and i always end up losing to myself, losing to you, because you are me and for me to live, i need you. my friends advise me to let you go and just walk away, but how can i do that? i just wanna stay forever with you. i've tried before, over and over, to get over you. if at first you dont succeed, try and try again. i've tried everyday since the day i've seen your face and i still havent succeeded. but i try again. and i fall for you all over again. i dont want this longing, this waiting, and this urge to just hold you. i dont want to watch you from afar or anticipate your next move. i dont want to love you, but i just cant seem to hate you. even though i should. i love your good side, your bad side, and everything inbetween. i love you for who you are, and who you make me.

*just the thought of you brings a smile upon my face*
haha. i have no music! i need it to sing to. anyways, just a boring hum-drum day at atl. history was just lookin up crap. math was the same shit with different formulas. lunch.... haha, lunch. that was funny! greta went all by her lonesome to talk to walk by this dude and she was scared, we knew she wouldnt do it! so me and janyll and vanessa were just standin by the window, laughing at her, signing to her to go up there! haha it looked so funny cuz greta is such a dork and it looked like she was talking to her imaginary friends. she really is slow. me and janyll were telling her that and she goes "you guys are fools without the s..... FOOS!" lmao! me and janyll were crackin up. bio was actually kinda short today considering it was mostly the lecture. test on wednesday - must prepare. spanish was great ... as usual. we got new assigned seats and omg i lost ma peeps! cept valerie. now i'm surrounded by unfamiliar faces. although its funny cuz every five seconds i look at danielle, and there she is looking and smiling back at me lol. she can't look at me without laughing. neither can val. hee hee hee. guy update: i have no point in going to school anymore!... no guy to impress or to do things for. i dont even see _ _ _ anymore. and i care a lot less bout my appearance now. but then again i cared a LOT before, so now i just care a little bit more than everyone else bout my looks. lol. danielle, danielle, danielle.... can anyone figure out who she's falling for? lol. dinnertime....

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

quizzes.boredom
god this maid in manhattan soundtrack makes me want to go back to loving him. "i wanna fall in you again..."

hmmm panties...

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sigh. good weekend.
friday: school was alright. world history is same ol same ol. art is boring but i know that mrs.howard has purposes for the boring shit we do. in pe, we didnt dress out so i just got to hang out wit ashley and heather listenin to music and finishin daybook. english was amazingly short. that night i went to eat a1-thai. yummy. then laters, danielle came over to sleepover. we had bunches of fun talking to people online and then we went upstairs, we watched cinderella. cinderella is just like so incredibly romantic! *so this is love... so this is the miracle i've been waiting for...*

saturday: we woke up and immediately got ready to go places. so my mom, dad, danielle, and i went to the lake worth artfest and i got this cute cupid beaded choker, i'm gonna wear it a lot especially v-day cuz i need cupid's help! hehe. then we ate at this french bakery, it was good :). after that, we went to wellington and my parents went to another artfest while me and danielle shopped in wellington mall. it wasnt a good forever xxi day, but i got two shirts from hollister! im so proud of myself. it took probly like an hour to find a good shirt for me cuz my body was just not made for their clothes, but a lotta stuff looked cute on danielle. im not complainin though cuz i look good in a lotta stuff she doesnt. then we went to city place and we went to eat at a cubano restaurant and then we went to see chicago. chicago is like watching a broadway show. only go see it if u feel in the mood for like 2 hours of dancing and singing.

today: my parents went to miami to see don mclean in concert. i didnt wanna go so im just stayin at home, chillin, readin old man and the sea, listenin to music, and watchin tv. i love the R&R.

my emotions: lately i feel like i been drifting apart from some of my friends but in the same time, getting closer to others. i dunno whats going on, but i guess its all good and gravy. also, im doing so totally great about getting over whats-his-face. i dont think about him as much, props to danielle for helping me. although, he'll always be in my heart. if he ever realized he wanted me, i would probably go back to him. but thats not happening! so anyways, thanx for readin.

<3 xoxo

he has a girlfriend
today... could've been better. some classes changed. now i have personal fitness. a buncha ppl are in my gym though. i miss having first lunch! third lunch is hella crowded man... today was so cold, i didnt even take off my jacket/sweater til i got off the bus.

i got on the bus and greta was like "i have SO much to tell you" so i told her to sit with me. she told me how he was talkin in class about his girlfriend, alexandra, and how her birthday is this weekend and he got her a ring and it's their three week anniversary or something. sniff. before we even left the school, i started crying. true, i overreacted, but the heart does things without thinking. the whole bus ride was saddening then. greta, danielle, and valerie tried to cheer me up, but it made me cry even more cuz they are so sweet. i was crying and whispering to greta "its all about her" and she's like "what?" and i said "when he was in mexico.... .... he missed HER..... when it's valentines day..." and i couldnt talk anymore and greta was like "awww!" and i just kept crying on her shoulder. it was funny though too. greta said she wants to punch him lol. i want her to. cuz he's blind. it was also funny cuz greta was saying how i looked like a fallen angel! i was sitting by the window, white shirt, my heart necklace and bracelet, crying, and the sun was shining on me and everything... hehe. this little angel cried all the way home. guitar lesson and mcdonalds fries made me feel a little bit better though.

and so it comes to this
wow. the last day of winter vacation. sorta anticlimactic, huh? all of my xmas break has been filled with eating out, going places, and shopping everyday. and today, i'm here at home, basically with nothing to do. i sorta finished my espanol homework i guess. i do NOT want to do bio bullets just to get ahead. i haven't even started my daybook. *oopsie*

i don't want to go to school tomorrow at all. its kinda weird, cuz most ppl are like "i cant wait to see my friends again" etc, but i'm just not like that for some reason. all i feel like doing is being with my family [the ones that visited from tx]. is that weird? i love and i miss all my friends, but i dont feel the need to really see them yet. but dont get me wrong, i am looking foward a little bit to school. three reasons: a)friends b)that is where i get to show off my clothes c)that special guy.

i was talking to danielle last night about my guy. "a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep". well all my dreams [most of them anyways] with him in it were extrememly heartbreaking. danielle says that maybe my heart is trying to tell me that he's not the one and i shouldnt be wasting my time. it could be a possibility. at one time though, i DID have good dreams about him. but there have been like 3 or 4 dreams where he pushes me away or doesnt want to be with me at all and i end up crying. sigh. why can't i just fall in love with a friend instead of becoming friends with the one i fell in love with? anyways... i have nothing else to talk about so peace out.

xoxo

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