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2004 12 August :: 11.54pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: ..n0ne..
. LiFE SUXX .
i'm such a h0rrible daughter. my m0m's in the 0ther r00m cryiin her eyesz 0ut cuz she dun have en0ugh m0neyy f0r the billsz cuz she put s0o much t0wardsz my car nd n0w .. it's all d0wn the drain. why d0 i have t0 c0nstantlyy disapp0int my parents. i relle feel it w0uldD be better if i juss went awayy f0r awhile. i feel lyke me beiin here hurts my familyy nd i hate it. i hate kn0iin i'm hurtiin them nd feeliin lyke such a failure. why d0 i alwayysz have t0 screw upp everyythiing. it makesz me s0o upset t0 kn0 that i can d0 nuthiin b0ut it either. nd i've benn crazilyy depressedD the last c0uple dayysz 0ver my car. wut the fuck d0 i d0. i juss want my familyy t0 get 0n a g00dD track nd i wana st0p wastiin their m0ney awayy. i hate myself. i d0, i g0 0ut nd have a g00dD tiime while my m0m w0rksz her fuckiin ass 0ff. why d0 i have t0 be such a fuck upp?!
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spoiled-kisses
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2004 11 August :: 11.12am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: ..aLL faLLsz d0wn -->> kaNye..
. WUT THE FUCK? .
i swear everyythiing fuckiin happensz t0 me?! wen everyythiing seemsz t0 be g0iin great nd everyythiing isz alm0st perfect .. the w0rst happensz. s0o if y0u d0nt kn0 .. i have put alm0st everyy cent 0f all my paychecksz t0wardsz fixiin upp my car nd i was s0o happyy a week ag0 wen i g0t it back wit it's new paiint j0b nd then t0niight .. the wh0le new fr0nt endD getsz T0TALLED. i feel lyke i've benn wastiin my m0neyy nd w0rkiin f0r free. my lyfe sucksz s0o badD. nd t0 make it w0rse n0t 0nlyy d0 i get bytchedD at by my parentsz but by miKe t00 cuz he was madD cuz he thiinksz 0ne 0f these dayysz imma get seri0uslyy hurt. i feel lyke i'm beiin punishedD f0r sumthiing nd i dunn0 wut it isz. lyfe sucksz s0o badD riight n0w nd i dun wanna be here .. i hate it. it's g0nna c0st 0ver $2ooo nd guess h0w much 0f that m0ney i have .. maybe a little 0ver $1oo. s0o in 0ther w0rdsz .. i have n0 car until i can c0me upp wit 2 grandD. hmm .. thats juss great!! fuck it .. fuck it.
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playmate101
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2004 9 August :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: groggy
i went to nikki's last night! <3
it was supposed to be a cheerleading get 2gether... however that's not how it ended up. me, chelsea, nikki & angie were the only ones from the team. then i met Sam Conn who went to WMS, and met megan kristen & katilyn. nikki's house was COMPLETELY empty cause she hadda move out the next day... well... we decided to throw a party with her dad's permission... of course he didn't care. there hadda be 200 kids there according to her dad. omg it was awesome. chelsea n i walking down the street & chelsea throwing a backhand spring while drunk lmao. then being out back n having a cart wheel contest... all three of us = chelsea, me, & lil bella all falling on our asses lol. omg we had so much fun... but then chelsea passing out on the bed & people started making out on the bed... not knowing she was already sleeping in it lmao. sucked that everyone got kicked out kinda early like around 12:30 ish cause the neighbors were threatening to call the cops. and then... Rodrigo being drunk and keith, me, and angie being hungry lol. i hadda blast. i felt bad for angie cause she didn't look like she was having fun. SET! lmao chelsea. dancing with nikki n sam was fun too. but the argument btwn katilyn and nikki was outrageous. but we went to bed around 4am and nikki's dad woke us up around 7am. damn it. we cleaned up and got donuts and then sam's bro picked up me, sam, chelsea, and kristen. i can't believe kristen doesn't remember falling off the bed when nikki pushed her off lmao. but we just hung out and ate food at sam's. then johvan and derek came over. hung out... showered... my mom picked me up around 3:30pm. chelsea, kristen, and sam were gonna go get trashed at the drive thru, and invited me... but i was supposed to go shopping at the mall... but my mother was too tired. damn it. but whatever. that ended my summer just the way i wanted it, although i feel bad considering what jonah probably thinks of me. idk why it matters, but he's always kept me outta trouble. until now... but we're even. he got messed up, so did i. ha. anyways... time for bed... night night. soooo tired. xoxo
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spoiled-kisses
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2004 7 August :: 1.23pm
:: Mood: perfect
:: Music: ..s0uthsiide -->> aShanti..
. ii l0ve y0u .
w0w, i have the greatest b0yfriendD ever. he makesz me feel lyke the luckiest gurl in the w0rldD. he can make me smile wit juss his eyesz. he's amaziing. we never g0 wit 0ne sec0nd 0f silence .. we alwayysz have sumthiing t0 talk ab0ut. we have s0o much funn t0gether t00. lyke we laugh ab0ut everyythiing nd fiightsz juss dun last wen it c0mesz t0 uss. he is 0ne 0f my best friendsz nd he is s0o riight f0r me. i seri0uslyy l0ve hiim. i l0ve hiim a l0t. i dunn0 where the fuck i'd be wit0ut hiim riight n0w .. pr0lly riight back wit edDy. but h0nestlyy, he is the best. lyke last niight, it was s0o incrediblyy stupidD but the greatest feeliing in the w0rldD .. we hadda tickle fiight. nd w0w, we c0uldnt st0p smiling last niight. lyke he's everyythin i ever wantedD nd i cant believe i alm0st saidD n0 wen he askedD me 0ut. i dunn0, i juss feel lyke sumtiimesz i dun deserve hiim. he l0vesz me s0o much nd i l0ve hiim juss as much but he's such a g00dD pers0n nd i'm n0t. i dunn0 but anyy gurl w0uldD be s0o happyy t0 be wit hiim. he treatsz me lyke i'm his wh0le w0rldD nd he c0uldD giive a shyt b0ut nethiing else. i feel s0o l0vedD. i can be myself ar0und nd i dun 0nce thiink b0ut wut he's guna thiink cuz he actsz a f00l juss as i d0 .. l0l. this is great. i dun ever want this feeling t0 leave. i l0ve hiim.
-->> he was w0rth waiting f0r nd gettin hurt s0o manyy timesz. he's the shyt. xoxo
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playmate101
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2004 6 August :: 12.52am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: screwed // paris hilton
home sweet home!
after driving straight from Illinois to Florida, i am finally at home. in time for practice 2morrow, then shopping, then saturday having orientation and going to kaila's party! before school starts, i have to hang out with Alex, Jonah, Britt C, Brittany, Dominic, Jackie, Danielle G, Brett, Travis & Joey. I c Danielle B on Saturday!!!! YAY! plus Pretam, Anand, carlos, Kailannie, Sam, everyone! <333
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spoiled-kisses
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2004 3 August :: 12.27am
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: ..h0w c0me -->> d12..
. l0ve lyke y0u never benn hurt bef0re .
it was a g00d weekendD .. i guess. MiKE met my parentsz nd they lyke hiim a l0t. then after that 0n satuRdayy, i dr0ppedD hiim 0ff nd me nd eRin went t0 see WHiTE CHiCKS finally! l0l, it was g00dD. we came back t0 my h0use nd t00k sh0tsz which didnt d0 SHiT. talkedD t0 miKe f0r the niight. yeSterdayy, went sh0ppiin wit eRin nd then we went t0 miKe's h0use. eRin b0ught shyt f0r NAUTiCA (( the puppyy's name )) nd then we went back d0wn t0 daVie f0r AJ's partyy thiingy. eRin was madD high cuz miKe g0t her fuckedD upp. it was g00d stuff. she triedD t0 act n0rmal nd she did prettyy g00d .. l0l. then we went back t0 miKe's nd i g0t pissedD 0ff cuz he was s0o fuckedD upp nd alm0st fuckedD upp my car lyke 8oo timesz. we were sp0sedD t0 g0 b0wling but me nd eRin were the 0nlyy 0nesz that were guna actuallyy b0wl which w0ulda benn gayy s0o we didnt. then phiL nd taYja (( phiL's bytch ass h0e ugly trail0r trash gurl )) came 0ver. then chRistina (( uglyy wh0re )) nd redD came. s0o me nd eRin left nd miKe g0t pissedD 0ff. i left cuz he was talkiin sum shyt nd i g0t madD at hiim. then taYja was talkiin sum gayy shyt b0ut me nd eRin. i wantedD t0 hit that bytch s0o badD. s0o me nd eRin left nd went t0 jaCki's. then miKe calledD nd wantedD t0 see me s0o i dr0ve all the wayy t0 findD 0ut he w0uldnt c0me 0utside nd see me s0 i left nd went t0 eRin's f0r the niight nd that was it. t0dayy, we w0ke upp nd went t0 miKe's. then we left t0 g0 t0 w0rk. i was late by lyke 1o minutesz nd i thiink eRin was a little late t00. after w0rk, i went t0 miKe's. saw jaCki nd met patRick, deViin, chRis, nd juStin. then miKe g0t lyke jeal0us 0r sum shyt s0 we left. went t0 get whiite nd it was madD gayy. we went by the place he's tryiin t0 get. it's g0t a living r00m, kitchen, bathr00m nd bedr00m. i lyke it a l0t. i h0pe we can get it. it's $6oo a m0nth th0. we juss talkedD b0ut h0w we relle d0 l0ve each 0ther nd shyt. newh0, i g0tta madD headache s0o imma g0. LATER.
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playmate101
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2004 3 August :: 12.10am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: every little thing i do, never seems enough for you. // NSYNC lol
x posting. **
yesterday was fun. i went to ULTA (this big makeup store), Borders, and Carsons (to look at the Coach purses) with my aunt. Afterwards, we came home & i went to the Cubs / Phillies game. cubs won! yay!
today = woke up early, headed north to Six Flags Great America. Hit every rollercoaster with the exception of DeJavu. we went on... Batman, Superman, Raging Bull, Vertical Velocity, Logger's Run, Ice Mountain Splash, Rapid, Demon, American Eagle & some stand up rollercoaster. omg we hadda blast, now i feel like i am permanently on a rollercoaster. we got $90 worth of Fast Lane Passes, so we could do all the rides.
its now 10:42pm here and uncle jim & daddy just came back with White Castles =D
anyways... 2morrow we finally get to go visit gramma Emily's grave. i'm happy.
i got calls from brett & travis last night. they were in front of my house. damn and joey was with them too. o well... i will see them when i get home. i have to call millions of people when i get home. Ashley E, Jonah, Brett, Travis, Alex G, Brittany, Danielle G, Britt, Ryan, JB, Jackie, etc. yay! people missed me! <3333 anyways, i g2g cause i feel kinda sick. =/ hehe
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playmate101
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2004 1 August :: 1.50am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: autobiography // ashlee simspon
has anyone ever reassured u, but u were never comfortable?
heyyyy.
today was a long day. woke up & showered and headed downtown. walked from the train station to navy pier which was a good 2hr walk. we had like the whole family = 18 people with us. but when we got to navy pier, my sister found this place that embroidered plain hats. so she got one, n so did my brother. then my dad decided to get 5 for their paintball team. what a long time that took because it had my mom getting pissed off and everyone was hungry and grumpy. so when my dad finally finished he was pissed at my mom for being bitchy and idk what happened from there... my dad walked off. then he came back. we tried finding the rest of the family aka grammy & aunts & uncles.... but they didn't save seats for where they decided to eat at. so that pissed my mom off more... we all were walking to find a cab because daddy was soooooo pissed. and then in the middle of nowhere my parents started arguing in the middle of the sidewalks with tons of people walking around. so my mom walked off. and my dad was yelling my name, but i wanted to go with my mom... so my dad walked one way with my sister and brother... my mom walked another and i sat next to a cement brick wall and cried my eyes out because of my parents. then my dad came back & we found my mom. once i found my mom i didn't wanna let go. i was hugging her with all i had. then we settled... and got a cab.... and went to Gino's East Pizza. that's the best deep dish pizza i think i ever had. we finished dinner & caught the cab back to the train station. the trains were packed. i was kinda hoping that gramma & etc. wouldn't make the train.... but like... i wish stacey did. cause i love her. but everyone else... idk they just piss me off. cause they don't like me cause they think i'm too spoiled. w/e but everyone of them had to run to the train which i guess was funny torture. its freezing up here. we were soooo cold tonight. but i'm so emotionally exhausted.
i'm tired of my parents fighting at every family outting we have. and it gets ridiculous. tonight... it was so horrible... all i wanted to do was run away and pretend like nothing was wrong. I needed a shoulder to cry on. i had nobody to call that i could rely on. and i couldnt really call anyone because my phone... was at uncle critter's house. i don't want to call someone and have them say "awww i'm sorry" or have someone say "that sucks" or "that's gay". i just want someone to let me call them and listen to me. i can't think of one person that i can call that will listen to me anymore. i wish i could call jonah and just talk to him. i think he's the only one i can rely on. not because he is my ex boyfriend, and not because we had a relationship. its just because he is someone i can trust and talk to without a problem. he was always a great friend. and since i know jonah doesn't want to hear it anymore because we're over... i wish jb and ryan could come over right now. i miss them too much. my brothers. its sad.
i never realized how much people actually make their own families rather than stick with the ones they're given to by birth. i mean... i consider everyone in florida... like LOS people... my family, and up here... i don't even know these people... they're just labelled my family. i mean my dad even admitted that he believed jim & gail were more of an aunt and uncle rather than trixie and sean or paula and joey. that's just the way it is.
i'm just emotionally worn with no1 to burst on. this is why i'm so laidback. i get it now.
but while we were downtown... i enjoyed the lights, the noises, transportation, the people, etc. everything about being in the city was phenomenal! like the stores/shopping beautiful. (the boys downtown and on the trains were hotttt) gosh i wish i lived in a complex in the city. <33333
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2004 31 July :: 2.07pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: ..c0nsequenCe -->> inCuBus..
. LiFE iS S00 G00D .
s0o i g0t 0ff yesterdayy. g0t my car back wit it's NEW paintj0b. gettin new tiresz 0n it t0dayy. it is s0o PiMP. miKe was sp0sedD t0 meet the rentsz last niight but he didnt nd my m0m let me see hiim newayy. s0o i spent my niight wit hiim. it was s0o g00d. he g0t a puppyy f0r me. it's a baby german shepherdD .. we thiink. we havent namedD it yet. but it's s0o0o0o cute. we went sh0ppiin f0r it last niight. it was g00dD. t0niight, me nd eRin are g0iin t0 the m0vies nd then stayiin at my h0use but my parentsz wana meet miKe t0niight s0o i have t0 get eRin later nd chyll wit miKe f0r a lil bit. uGh, it's c0nfusin. but last niight, miKe t0ldD that i'm the 0ne he wantsz t0 be wit nd then he saidD it . i l0ve y0u. nd i saidD it back nd i relle am s0o0o0o falliing f0r hiim. it was a g00dD niight. newh0, that's b0ut it. hung 0ut wit jENNY f0r a lil nd hadda g00dD tiime. miKe t0ldD me jENNY is a relle c00l pers0n nd it was c00l. i'm gladD he getsz al0ng wit her. iightyy, im 0utt. LATER.
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playmate101
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2004 30 July :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: giddy
when i grow up, i'll turn the tables. // garbage
i could use some underground music right now. idk...
yesterday ~~~> woke up, showered, headed out. we had plans to go to the odyssey fun world, kinda like boomers, and it happened to be closed. so we made a trip out to frankfort to go to the grainery. didn't go as planned because it wasn't what my parents expected it to be. but we ended up at "THE PLUSH HORSE" which has amazing homemade icecream. iwescreem. hehe. i kept thinking about that ice cream since we got here cause i knew that grandpa took us there the last time i was in chicago. but anyways... then we came back to uncle jim's & aunt gails.... freshened up... and headed for uncle joey's house. I GOT TO SEE ANASTACIA! lol weeee. i missed her. we talked throughout dinner... which we had at Traverso's. my dad made reservations for 18 people through OnStar... and the lady at the desk was all happy cause it was her first OnStar call ever lol. anyways... after dinner i slept over ms. anastacia derro's house. we talked for hours and then, she got online and we talked to the boys. bubba ---> DAWG! tony ---> house cat. and tommy with the ketchup chips. disgusting. rambo kept biting off bubba's fingers lol. but anyway we enjoyed the night. and woke up... i hadda leave and now i am waiting on my mom to get outta the shower. i miss talking to people. i talked to logan earlier today lol. =) i wanna talk to jonah though, i'm so used to talking to him at least once a day... but now the kid has other priorities... and i can't call him much because my phone has bad connection & it roams up here. so i just wish the punk would get online. anyways... o yeah and anastacia's boyfriend's song that he wrote for her for v-day was the funniest & sweetest. he's a cool dude, with huge feet. i wanna live up here... i miss the family things. =) bye byes. xoxo
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