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spoiled-kisses
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2004 25 June :: 11.07am
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: ..kiNd 0f peRfeCt -->> aRm0r f0r sLeep..
. caN i juSs be s0methiing, s0mewheRe in y0ur r00m .
well, same 0ldD shyt. i've g0ne 0ver miKe's h0use twiice a dayy f0r the past 5 dayysz .. bef0re nd after w0rk. we've hadda l0tta talksz. i g0t madD scaredD. see, this kidD naCh0 g0t hiim in al0tta tr0uble wit the c0psz lyke a c0uple yearsz back nd then he saw naCh0 lyke tueSdayy nd he wantedD t0 fiight hiim. s0o n0w everyy niight, naCh0 will drive by nd juss layy 0n his h0rn in fr0nt 0f miKe's place nd i'm s0o scaredD s0methiing is guna happen .. nd n0t f0r the fact he's guna get hurt, but that he's guna get in tr0uble. cuz he's g0t madD gunsz nd i kn0 if ne0ne triesz t0 fuck wit hiim .. he'll sh00t them in a heartbeat .. but i dun want hiim t0 g0 all crazyy cuz then he'll endD upp in jail. it scaresz the shyt 0utta me. 0mg, last niight was s0o funny. phiL calledD miKe's ph0ne fuckedD upp 0ff his ass nd h0ly shyt .. he was beiin s0o crazy .. he was lyke fr0m n0w 0n, i'm glider guyy - hangiin 1o in maui. l0l, i was lyke wut the fuck phiL. it was great shyt. i c0uldn't st0p laughiing. damn, next weekendD imma miss hiim s0o much cuz i'm g0iin t0 napLes f0r 4 dayys nd he's haviing a partyy .. i wish i c0uldD be here f0r it nd his bdayy is the 6th. But i'll be back the 5th s0o i get t0 see hiim 0n his bdayy .. s0o it's all g00dD. nd then eRin gets back the 7th!! yAyErSz.
i relle h0pe me nd miKe w0rk 0ut. i'm startiing t0 relle lyke hiim n0w. he makesz me smile .. all the tiime. nd wen i'm wit hiim .. i'm s0o happy. y0u kn0, i havent sm0kedD weed in lyke 4 dayysz. i d0 it cuz it makesz me happy .. but it c0uld NEVER make me this happyy. i want hiim t0 quit everythiing (( cept weedD )) th0. cuz i wana make hiim happy lyke he's makiin me s0o he dun have t0 d0 barsz 0r c0ke 0r X n0 m0re. i thiink i can d0 it. =]
s0o juss waitiin f0r hiim 0r eRin t0 call. i'm stayiin at his h0use t0niight. his m0m is the fuckiin BEST! she's guna lie t0 my m0mmy nd pretendD t0 be jaX's m0m 0r sumthiin. this is great nd miKe t0ldD me she relle lykesz me. everyytiime i c0me 0ver, she givesz me a huge hug nd she's juss super nice. l0l, iighty .. imma g0. Later ----- (( oNe ))
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playmate101
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2004 23 June :: 11.20pm
everything only remains ok for like 10 minutes and then i feel completely stupid for talking to him... like i'm retarded or something. w/e
2morrow ashley e, her boyfriend & his friend & i are gonna hit up the beach. it should be fun <3 then we're gonna chill... ya know... i'm sleeping over there... =) BBFL if it wasn't for u, i don't know what'd i'd do. xoxo
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playmate101
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2004 23 June :: 3.26pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: UNREACHABLE // ASHLEE SiMPSON
redid woohu.
i couldn't find a header that i liked.. cause i was looking for something very specific. but when i find it, it'll look ten times better.
anyways... jonah asked me why i haven't changed it yet. considering what i used before as the layout... was kinda... related to us. right? but its like... crazy. i'm not used to not saying, "hey! i love u, MUAH!" the worst thing was when he told me that he heard an avril lavigne song, and he said he heard the line, "there goes my happy ending." at least he knows what he's letting go of... it just gets me frustrated... because if he feels that he is letting go of something worthwhile then WHY is he doing it? a break... but... grr. gosh i feel like cory from boy meets world lol. how i hate his curly hair.
so anyways, jackie called me at 1:30am last night. she didn't have a place to sleep, so i told her that she could sleep here. i didn't ask my parents, but i guess they didn't mind when we woke up and she was here. *shrug* but she left to get her haircut & i... am bored. dude, i have to take a shower, & uh... neil is a funny kid lol. random, i know. but i'm me, so =P but uh... i could go for some good ol' COLDSTONES & some bowling at DON CARTER'S in skirts, so i can twirl around and do a cart wheel & forget i have a skirt on... like i have done before. anyone up for it? =) holl-er. 254-8483.
we were already beautiful together --ASHLEE SiMPSON
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playmate101
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2004 22 June :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: CONFESSiONS // USHER on MTV
everytime i was in LA i was with my x g/f - usher <3
space. that's all we need.
i'll survive whatever his decisions come to. <3
[EDIT]
MoFo1788: hey u kewl for the mountain climbin next wendsday
HCOblonde31: i THINK almost positive... but i dont know when cheerleading practice starts, but i'm up for it... if i dont have it
MoFo1788: aight
MoFo1788: were tryn 2 ride tri rail in the mornin to mia
MoFo1788: get a limo 2 the place
MoFo1788: climb for like 3 hours
HCOblonde31: lol goin in style eh?
MoFo1788: go back to the station go to this cuban coffe place and then cum home
MoFo1788: its cheaper then a taxi
HCOblonde31: really?
MoFo1788: a taxi would be like 45-55 dollars for a ride there and thats for 4 people
HCOblonde31: eek
MoFo1788: we could walk?
HCOblonde31: i'm down for that too lol
MoFo1788: limo would be like 25 per person for both ways i think
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playmate101
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2004 22 June :: 12.37pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: cupid // 112
there's so much that i have to say, but i don't know where to start.
hopefully... ur doing better than i am. hopefully, u got more sleep than i did. and maybe u are luckier than i am... that u don't feel sick and u can actually eat something. ((its not that i don't want to eat, cause us fat people love food, ya know))
but i was up all night. u went to bed, i did laundry, i laid in bed, hoping to fall asleep, and instead, when i closed my eyes, my head was spinning & my heart started to hurt. i'm not one to get my point across with words because my actions ALWAYS tend to speak louder, but here... i'll do the best i can.
8 months ago... there was a promise i made to u, with a simple, "yes". i promised never to hurt u, never to cheat on u, never to keep u unhappy. i hurt u... by not seeing u. i never cheated on u. and u're unhappy because i didn't see u as often as u'd like. i know ur intentions were never to hurt me, talking on the phone... and u would say it all the time, "i won't hurt u," "i'm not going to hurt u." thats when there was safety. that gave me all i needed... and then it wasn't hard to open up to u. because i knew that u weren't going to put me through pain... and i knew that its going to be a smooth flight... and it always was. now... i'm not referring to u as the asshole... because, ur not. one thing that happened won't make me say... "hey jonah is an asshole." sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love. but i don't want u to feel bad about it. there's no reason... ur reputation isn't going to be an asshole, and eventually we'll get over it. maybe with a few more weekends together... or just you and me together... or simple walks to see each other... maybe we can figure something out cause its really worth it. i just sit here... imagine us together.. and it sux. because its not true... we arent together.... now i have to go to bed and actually dream about it. i wonder what its going to be like... the first time i see u... and we arent together. think it will be easy? maybe it will be a little rough? or maybe we'll just flirt so much that it will still feel like we're going out... who knows. but i am so confused right now... that none of this that u're reading makes sense. and i'm just blabbing because it will give me less to think about. idk. i love u. <3 i can't talk anymore. i needa wipe off the tears. xoxo.
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spoiled-kisses
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2004 22 June :: 12.45pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: ..sLow m0ti0n -->> juVi..
. miKe <33 .
s0o me nd miKe startedD g0iin 0ut last niight. i'm happy .. he's happy .. that's all that matters riight?! newh0, i went 0ver there bef0re w0rk nd after w0rk. wen i finally saidD yess after w0rk .. we startedD t0 talk b0ut wut he expectedD in a gurl nd wut i expectedD in a guyy. 0ne 0f the thiingsz he saidD which was s0o cute was that he was lyke .. 0ne thing i relle want is y0u t0 be my best friendD. i wana be able t0 trust y0u wit my wh0le heart nd tell y0u everythiing kn0iin it will stayy between uss nd i want y0u t0 be able t0 d0 the same wit me. wen y0ur haviing a pr0blem, i want y0u t0 c0me t0 me nd cryy 0n my sh0ulder. i've never hadda best friendD lyke that .. i th0ught i did but then theyy startedD talkiin shyt. <-- it was cute. it made me happy nd that's wut i wana be f0r hiim. he saidD he's happy that i saidD yes. we talkedD b0ut respect, trust, l0yalty, cuttiin d0wn 0n drugsz, shyt lyke that. it was g00d. s0methiing crazyy is i've seen hiim lyke everyy sec0ndD i c0uld siince thuRsdayy niight nd i'm n0t guna see hiim t0niight nd i already miss hiim. Nd me nd edDy never saw each 0ther nd i miss hiim as much as i miss edDy nd i juss saw hiim last niight. aww .. it's cute. newh0, chAz calledD eRin last niight nd eRin hadda t0 pretendD that she dun kn0 b0ut his gurl but chAz startedD talkiin shyt b0ut miKe nd h0w he dun wana hang 0ut wit hiim n0 m0re cuz he's a druggiie nd i t0ld miKe cuz i th0ught it was fuckedD upp .. s0o we went t0 chAz's nd he was lyke i swear t0 g0d imma break his jaw but chAz w0uldnt c0me 0ut cuz he was scaredD 0r sum shyt. s0o we went back t0 his h0use nd juss hung 0ut nd talkedD. then i left t0 get jaX fr0m aLex's but she s0ldD me 0ut. yeaa .. gayy shyt. iighty, i'm g0ne. xox (( oNe ))
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playmate101
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2004 22 June :: 2.59am
yeah... i get hurt a lot... but u live and learn i guess.
most life's lessons are learned in pain. but hey ladies is pimps 2. xoxo
bri is a pimp TIMES two. lol. ok... no i'm not laughing, i'm really crying... i can't even pretend i'm ok.
8 months... yeah... bye bye.
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playmate101
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2004 22 June :: 12.55am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: DOWN // BLiNK 182
woke up at 1:15pm. after going to bed around 2:45am. rolled outta bed, jumped in the shower, watched PASSiONS. called jackie, mommy came home. went to the doctor for a physical. found out i am NOT 5 ft. i am 1/4" short of 5'. fudge. 4' 11 3/4''. o & i'm 111 lbs. not completely proud, but definitely not unhappy cause i did lose weight =)
um... got home. watched NORTH SHORE. ate some dinner. trent called. icky. *barf* talked to christian online for like 2 minutes, i'd like to see him... the last time... he stole tons of clothes & his trunk was filled lmao. i miss him.
then i got a call from britt to. damn him. wanted to go to the movies. disgusting. thank gosh for the bad connections in my room. it hung up on him & i just didn't call him back. hehe.
brittany came over. then we walked & got shane. then jb came home. then mike got home from disney. so we talked. then shane left & we talked & played monopoly. i don't think its possible for us to play without alliances or cheating lol. its funny. me & brittany did REALLY good. super slick pimps. midnight came around & they all left cause we got extremely bored.
got online... took a shower & now i'm back online with jonah & typing in here. he's confused. i don't want him to break up with me, but i know he has that instinct to do so. just because i don't see him as often as i'd like... doesn't mean i want to call it quits. i've found someone wonderful... and i'd be so jealous if he found someone else. he's everything i've wanted... and that's all i need. but i want him to be happy even more than i love being his girlfriend. yeah... so i feel completely uncomfortable talking to him right now... like because i guess that he's starting to let go... and... because of that... i don't think i have his heart 100%... which means... i can't talk to him, cause i can't be who i am when i don't have their everything. i can be myself with LOS. or with people from atlantic, and.... my boyfriend.... until now. idk i wished upon that shooting star that him & i would be together.... forever... with so much happiness. and while i was waiting for brittany to come... i took a walk... it was slow, & peaceful... just thinking about the 99 million reasons why i love him. but at this point... its what fate has in store.
i'm putting MYSELF thru pain. and i knew it the first day i said yes... "i'm so scared... cause in the end, there will be so much pain."
but i guess we only learn life's lessons from pain.
i can't sit here and think anymore... i'm getting myself worked up.
W a N t . a . K i S s ?
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spoiled-kisses
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2004 21 June :: 12.49am
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: ..ranDom shyt..
. m0re dRama shyt .
0k .. s0o i went 0ver miKe's h0use t0niight. f0undD 0ut fuckiin chAz's ass has a gurl that he's benn wit f0r 4 yearsz nd she livesz wit hiim! h0w the fuck was he guna try nd pull that shyt 0ff?! w0w, wut a dumbass. s0o miKe t0ld eRin cuzs he didnt want her t0 get hurt nd n0w she kn0wsz why i was s0o madD at her wen she didnt tell me riight awayy. phiL isz tryiing t0 h00k upp wit eRin n0w. miKe t0ld me that everythiing he's benn sayiin ab0ut me has benn true nd c0me fr0m his heart nd n0t juss sayiing cuz he wantsz t0 get in my pantsz nd he saidD he w0uldD pr0ve it t0 me by waiting till i'm readyy t0 fuck. it's niice t0 kn0 he respectsz me. he t0ldD me he's waitiing f0r my answer still 0n g0iing 0ut wit hiim. i'm guna tell hiim yess .. wen i see hiim t0m0rr0w 0r wen i chyll wit hiim thuRsdayy. but yea, i relle think this will be g00d f0r me t0 be wit hiim nd eRin nd jaX b0th want me t0 be wit hiim. newayysz, we h00kedD upp lyke we did last niight nd it was AMAZiNG. w0w .. crazyyness .. l0l. We dun everyythiing but fuck nd imma wait 0n that 0ne .. f0r the fiirst tiime. but sidesz that chAz nd phiL are stupidD thiinkiing they're guna playy me nd eRin. 0utta all 0f them .. me nd eRin b0th trust miKe riight n0w. he tellsz thiingsz exactlyy h0w he feelsz .. lyke i d0 .. isz g00d shyt. yea, i'm startiing t0 lyke hiim .. yAy! 0k .. tiredD n0w .. l0ng niight. xox
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playmate101
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2004 21 June :: 12.02am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: DiP iT LOW // CHRiSTiNA MiLLiAN
LaDiEzZ iZ []D [] []\/[] []D § 2
...i've been saying this all day, cause i love poppin' my collar. haha.
"u look cute." - mom
"u look like u wanna have sex." - danielle & brittany lol
best friends say things that mommy can't. lmao
um... i worked today. could have killed someone. i don't even feel like talking about it.
i need to go to the doctor & podiatrist 2morrow. well... sorta today. w/e monday lol. 6/21/04 =) there.
hung out with brittany, ryan, jb, danielle g, shane, saw frank, saw robert, and saw scott. the old gang. nobody changes. and together... we're still the same shit talkers... into the same things... everything. but i miss them, and its great being in a group. =)
got home around 11... after being at the park, then everyone went home, ryan drove back to boca. yuh.
it was father's day today, yes. daddy was in lakeland for a paintball tournament.... when he got home his back was poka dotted so we let him rest & then he opened presents. i love my daddy. xoxo
anyways there is nothing left to say. i'mma get ready for bed... and sit & talk to ashley e. <3 peace
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