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2006 30 June :: 3.36 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: me! (on drums)
et cetera
you know?
i don't. but i'm cool with that. there's much less pressure that way; less responsibility. i like not knowing. adds a sense of adventure.
i'm still alive, just in case anyone was getting worried. hung out with kevin. hung out with shannon. i've been working a lot, lifting weights a little, and stuff like that. i've been working with the digital recorder a little bit too. that thing is fun. i only wish i knew better how to work it. there is so much untapped potential there. but it works well enough for my purposes, for the moment.
i haven't been writing anything lately. i've been trying to keep up with my reading, but even that has been slow lately. the only cognitive thing i've done lately is i proofread a guy's doctoral thesis earlier tonight. for some reason it makes me feel alright knowing that even professors at U of M write bad papers sometimes. not that it was bad, but i mean, there were some mistakes, which i caught. i'm sure i also missed a lot. and i didn't do most of it. bruce did. he just asked me to finish what he hadn't done. he's a better writer anyway, so i'm glad he did it. not to mention, the whole thing was like forty pages.
two more days. then i get a breather again. sunday i'm dj-ing for grandpa and grandma best's fiftieth wedding anniversary. and tuesday i'm going over to kevin's. aside from that, i work. i'm working saturday, monday, wednesday, etc. this (and next) week. it's crazy talk. but i like the overtime. too bad i don't get holiday pay. those fuckers.
shit. it's time for bed. i keep forgetting things. it's bothering me. bed. right.
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2006 24 June :: 2.40 am
:: Mood: yucky ::
:: damn family ::
so, i guess the shit is hitting the fan in a big way, like it hasn't done in four or five years. and that was when i was cutting myself and just all around being really stupid.
i know it may come as a shock, but i'm pretty sure that i'm still quite stupid. i realize that this is an unpopular perspective among my friends. but everyone loves an underdog, right? i just hope i don't lose my cool. i can feel it slipping. it has been happening for a few weeks now. i don't know what to do with it. i know shannon is already starting to feel the effects. i'm just worried.
apparently there's some court hearing scheduled. mom threatened to kick me out of the house, to which i responded, "tonight?". she didn't say anything. she just kind of looked at me like she thought i was being silly.
but as soon as she said that, in my head, i went into survival mode, you know? (hunter would have been proud) i was trying to figure out how best to smuggle clothes, food, possessions, and where they would be going. where i would be going. but it would be such a pain in the ass to have to change my mailing address. and you know a bunch of stuff would get messed up.
the problem is that the cell phone, the truck, and the mailing address, all belong to mom. none of them are mine. i merely use them, with permission (WP, if you will). if she takes the truck, the phone, the house, then i'm left with the mess to clean up. i'm half tempted just to do it. i mean, it would be a pain in the ass, no doubt. but i could really go for something a little more constant, you know? something where i wouldn't be worried about where i'm going to sleep the next night. and up until recently, such a place existed, right here.
part of me is really pissed, and just wants a normal family for once.
but i have to keep reminding myself, especially in times like these:
a normal family would be boring. and wouldn't that be horrible? boring! i quake in mundane angst at the thought of a boring existence with a boring family. < / s a r c a s m >
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2006 23 June :: 3.20 am
:: Music: 311 - music
let's see. kevin spent the night last night, that was fun.
band practice yesterday was good. i've stopped expecting it to go anywhere, but that's alright. i just like being able to still play sometimes. i NEED that. they say to nurture your mind, body, and soul. well, to exaggerate just a smidgen, music is my soul.
shannon got a phone call, and so she called me late tonight, all choked up. i mean, it wasn't a big deal, and we're fine. but yet it was a big deal. hence the crying. the details aren't really important.
i was two minutes late to work today. they'll dock it from my check. but if i clocked in an hour early, you think they'd give me any credit? i just don't understand what their logic is. i mean, what will you do with an inexperienced, uneducated workforce, which has no incentive whatsoever to go above and beyond the bare minimum required to simply maintain their employement status. because, as long as you're not getting fired, you're getting paid the same, regardless of how hard you work.
shannon has a hedgehog, a beautiful personality, and a great sense of humor.
i have muscles, meager fundage, and a decent sense of humor.
i think that's enough. if not, then i'll be damned. i don't have much else to offer.
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2006 14 June :: 1.16 am
:: Mood: hungry
shannon-dance
so, weekend... let's see:
friday night i worked. saturday day i worked. saturday night i went fishing with bruce, after helping clean some stuff around the house. sunday morning, got up early and went fishing with bruce and libby. sunday afternoon, went to grandpa and grandma's for dad's birthday thing. he's 45 now. on my way from there, the truck crapped out on me, so i pulled into a parking lot, called dad up, and he gave me a ride to meijer to pick up a new spark plug, and also stayed to give me a hand turning wrenches for a bit. we also had a nice long talk about the visitation situation. i think it helped him to hear what i had to say about it.
sunday night, shannon came up and we went to dinner with mom and libby, then we rented 50 first dates, which i had never seen before. it was cute. monday morning, shannon took libby and i to the zoo. that was fun. then we grabbed lunch, went for a quick walk in the park, and then i had to go to work, and she had to go to the orthodontist.
that's basically what has happened since i last updated. fishing was fun. shannon was fun.
i might be working as a decoy for the michigan liquor commission. i scheduled an interview for next week. i thought it would be an interesting experience.
tomorrow i'm hopefully going to hook up with emily for a bit. it's been awhile. and i might go out to campus view to get the loan signed, and make the down payment. i hope it's less than $300, because that's all i'm bringing.
thursday i'm supposed to meet with aunt mollie and aunt maria and tour the riverboat on which i will be DJ-ing for grandpa and grandma's anniversary.
friday i'm hopefully going to be meeting up with one of my prospective roommates, for an early lunch. his name is kyle.
and that is me, for the moment.
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2006 10 June :: 12.24 am
:: Mood: drunk
okay, so i put drunk, but i'm really not that drunk. i just thought it was funny that gunnie put it on the list of options. and it might be good to note that funny and gunnie do indeed rhyme.
work was slow tonight. they had me sweeping floors and hauling dunage (empty carts and racks) most of the night. it was pretty lame. i'm still not sure what all they'll have me do for tomorrow, but i really don't care right now, and i'll be getting paid the big bucks to do it, so fuck.
it seemed to fit, okay? fucking shit. that's the thing that zach and i have going right now. it's like our inside joke or whatever... fucking shit. he invited me to fourth of july. i'm not sure if i'll go or not. i really want to see shannon. and i'm sure i'll see her before then.
she's really quite adorable, by the way. i was noticing that earlier, and i figured it would be nice to make mention of it. she's pretty damn cute. and i think i'll keep her.
so, mom opened the apple wine stuff. it's pretty good. it's carbonated. i'm not sure i'm a fan of the carbonation. but i like the tartness. that's different, and i like it. but that's not why i'm messed up right now. i took some more of that yukon jack stuff. it's really smooth. i like that too. it's sort of minty, like wintergreen flavor. and you'd never know its 100 proof....
okay, well, you might, by watching me. but aside from that, it's very inconspicuous.
ds;ljaf;dlkfja ;sdlkjf;alsdfj ad.
my fingers are rebelling again.
it's time for bed. i have to work in the morning.
fucking shit.
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2006 8 June :: 12.54 am
:: Mood: chill
:: Music: brian bromberg - you know that feeling
how country are turnip greens?
i hate B-93. and i dislike a vast majority of country music. i just had to get that off of my chest.
something else i've had to get off my chest:
when i went to the snows' house saturday night, while shannon was babysitting, when i went to the bathroom, there was a sign on the mirror that said "J.O.Y."
it was an acronym, that said "jesus first, others second, yourself third". now, this really irked me. not because of putting others before yourself, i do that all the time. it's the only way to fly. but the problem i have, is with putting jesus before others. that's like... holy war, or some shit. now, i know that's not what they had in mind with the whole "joy" thing, but to me it just seemed ignorant. that jesus himself would likely want us to put others first, him second, and ourself third. or rather, that he was just another human. that he would include himself in the "others" and so, it would just be everyone else before you. that to me is what makes sense. putting jesus before others is just downright scary. i've seen it. not fun.
moving on, to a happier note, i bought some books and cds while i was down there, and i'm enjoying them very much. i'm not quite halfway through murder on the orient express yet. i'll let you know what i think of it, once i'm finished.
i proofread shannon's short story last night. i haven't heard back from her since i submitted my revisions.
and, inspired by her writing, and the rain and the thunder, and a conversation we had this past weekend, i began writing my own short story. which i'm sure will wind up being neither short, nor much of a story. but it'll be fun to write, i hope, anyway.
that's all for now. stuff to do. things to see. hours to sleep.
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2006 31 May :: 12.49 am
:: Music: my fan / the thunder
lightning in the southern sky
this weekend was too incredible to describe with words. so i won't bother. we went canoing, swimming, movie-ing, chilling, playing cards, driving, everything.
it was great. and i still can't belive the trip home. all the way from elk rapids to big rapids. my ears were ringing. jeez.
moving on,
it has been a very long time since i have had my hair in a ponytail. but after today at work, i think it is a necessity, given that my hair kept swinging down and dripping sweat all over my glasses and safety goggles.
that's all i have to say for now. i can't feel my fingers, and that makes typing difficult.
but it's been like a week, and i feel entitled. or something.
i wonder what time i'll get up tomorrow. i'm not going to set an alarm, i know that much.
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2006 25 May :: 12.57 am
:: Mood: not bad. not anything.
lamb...
first off - funny quote of the day:
"skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."
- dave barry
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okay. work was normal. i did stuff. theoretically got paid for it. life goes on.
i was overcome with this overwhelming desire to call shannon. and what made it more difficult is i know she would have wanted me to. but i had to make use of what little willpower i have, and say no. i will see her friday night. just repeat the mantra, i guess. i feel like i should channel that energy i get into something productive, though. like, when i want to call her and talk to her, i should do something else instead. like she did with my memory box, or something. but i'm not as creative like that, so i don't know. i'll have to come up with something. i suppose i could write. i would be writing a lot. i could keep a pad and pen in the truck though. but i usually have to be in a different mindset to write. i dunno. we'll give it a shot.
the reading thing has worked well in that regard, i suppose. which i've been continuing. i finished part one of lamb, and will now proceed to post up my favorite quotes:
"'i'm thinking of being a professional mourner. how hard can it be? tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.'
'his father is a stonemason,' joshua said. 'we may both learn that skill.' at my urging, my father had offered to take joshua on as an apprentice if joseph approved.
'or a shepherd,' i added quickly. 'being a shepherd seems easy. i went with kaliel last week to tend his flock. the law says that two must go with the flock to keep an abomination from happening. i can spot an abomination from fifty paces.'
maggie smiled. 'and did you prevent any abominations?'
'oh yes, i kept all of the abominations at bay while kaliel played with his favorite sheep behind the bushes.'
'biff,' joshua said gravely, 'that was the abomination you were supposed to prevent.'
'it was?'
'yes.'
'whoops. oh well, i think i would make an excellent mourner. do you know the words of any dirges, maggie? i'm going to need to learn some dirges.'"
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"with the tip of his sword, justus guided my gaze to apollo's stone penis, which lay in the dirt next to the two corpses. 'and do you want to explain how that happened?'
'the pox?' i ventured.
'the pox can do that,' maggie said. 'can rot it right off.'
'how do you know that?' joshua asked her.
'just guessing. i'm sure glad that's all over.'
justus let his sword fall to his side with a sigh. 'go home. all of you. by order of gaius justus gallicus, under-commander of the sixth legieon, commander of the third and fourth centuries, under authority of emperor tiberius and the roman empire, you are all commanded to go home and perpetrate no weird shit until i have gotten well drunk and had several days to sleep it off.'"
::
"'we have to find out a couple of things before joshua starts being the messiah,' i said.
'like what?' john seemed as if he would start crying again.
'well, like where joshua left his destiny and whether or not he's allowed to, uh, have an abomination with a woman.'
'it's not an abomination if it's with a woman,' josh added.
'it's not?'
'nope. sheep, goats, pretty much any animal - it's an abomination. but with a woman, it's something totally different.'
'what about a woman and a goat, what's that?' asked john.
'that's five shekels in damascus,' i said. 'six if you want to help.'
joshua punched me in the shoulder.
'sorry, old joke.' i grinned. 'couldn't resist.'"
::
so, apparantly my favorite parts circle around the singing of dirges and bestiality.
that explains a lot.
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2006 24 May :: 12.11 pm
notable mention:
i just had the shortest, most productive phone conversation with my mother, to date.
i thought that was noteworthy. aside from that, i've been reading again which is good. and i'm working. i suppose that's also good. it's looking like i'll have saturday off - keep your fingers crossed. shannon is coming down on friday. friday i have to go into the hiring agency office and sort some stuff out about my check. they shorted me 3 minutes. which, i mean, it's just three minutes. but on the other hand, there's no reason for me to have been shorted at all, and as a matter of principle, that's very aggravating.
and i've only gotten one receipt. i don't even know if i actually have the money yet. i need to go to the bank and check.
and the truck needs work. i don't have time, tools, or a place to do it.
i see not much has changed.
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2006 18 May :: 1.54 pm
:: Mood: motivated
i cleaned up my room some.
i have to run to the bank, because bruce was complaining.
...
"is it cool to hit the sauce when you've got a bun in the oven?"
i need not say more.
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