spud
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2008 14 August :: 3.12pm
i know this is lame of me, but still.
i'm kind of hurt because a bunch of people i know apparently went out to a bar that i may not frequent, but have certainly been to several times (and have thoroughly enjoyed every time), and not one of them invited me.
i mean, maybe i wouldn't have gone anyway, but at least then i would have had the choice. it just makes me sad that there are so many nice people out there that really don't want me around.
and mom wanted me to find a friend to go with us to the baseball game tomorrow night, and i completely ran out of friends. i was running off the list in my head, and most of them were out of town or busy. and i wasn't going to count on kevin, because i figured he'd be with andrea. but maybe he'll pull through still.
all in all, i don't feel very desirable at the moment. and shannon doesn't count because she has more justifiable reasons to despise me than most anyone else, and her ignorance of that fact is not any fault of my own.
i'm gonna go mow lawn soon, i think. i don't feel like calling lenders today. addison was supposed to call me, though. maybe i'll give him a ring first.
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 11 August :: 6.24pm
gmail is having a server error. and that pisses me off.
so, thank you woohu, for not malfunctioning.
4 overdoses |
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 5 August :: 3.48pm
so, i'm completely done done with my summer class. still hasn't quite sunk in yet. but it will soon.
and emily is gone again. also hasn't sunk in. coffee today was nice though. i can't believe she'd never played chess before.
so yeah, that's pretty much it. i lost my phone charger at kevin's this weekend. kinda sucks. but i'm getting my new one soon, so it doesn't really even matter that much.
i don't know. i'm gonna go play drums, since i'm all out of ideas.
peace.
2 overdoses |
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 2 August :: 10.14am
:: Music: kebbeen, buying me dinner.
Mr. J, (this entry's more for me than anything else)
movie's done, at least as far as i'm concerned. going canoing today. wrap party for the film is tomorrow. the last class is on monday, and i have to turn in a 3-5 page paper that i have yet to write. should be exciting. also going to try and schedule a job interview for that time. and go into campus view and raise hell for my damage deposit. so, staying plenty busy, even though it's supposedly over.
but that's okay. life barrels on.
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 26 July :: 12.37am
:: Music: Go Fish - Part of the Proof
seriously. i just want a day off. one fucking day off.
we filmed again today. james's room is fully dressed. but since our camera broke this afternoon, and they didn't get to the interior shots on the call sheet, they pushed them back to the end of the schedule, so that room didn't need to be dressed at all... so dumb, but it couldn't be helped.
i'm having lots of fun. but i'm so fucking tired. and i'm just getting sick of being there all the time.
and i'm smoking way too many cigarettes. this is killing me. neither softly, nor slowly.
but i'm determined to have fun, dammit. we're making a movie. it should be a good time.
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 20 July :: 1.55am
i'm SOOO tired. but it's back to the grindstone again tomorrow, so i suppose i ought to suck it up and deal.
sleepy time looms.
foreboding and somnambulant are the pertinent adjectives.
i think.
1 overdose |
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spud
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2008 18 July :: 1.28am
drizzunk? schmammered? was macht es?
seriously, guys. 9pm. friday night (tomorrow... or today, depending on how you view it). sazerac lounge. be there (i will).
and fuck you jessa, for getting that damn song stuck in my head, right before i go to sleep. it will drive me insane.
; )
peace.
1 overdose |
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spud
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2008 17 July :: 12.17am
went to blues on the mall tonight with mom and lib.
i got some free beers (we went to the BOB during the thunderstorm), and i got to hang with my family and pontificate some. it was gratifying.
but after spending all day working, and all evening walking around downtown, i am completely beat. and i get to do it all over again tomorrow.
no rest for the wicked, i guess. and apparently i'm totally fucking wicked.
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 15 July :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: none
Summer Film Project
::
i have finished day two of our preproduction preparations to the caledonia location. there's a shit ton of stuff that needs to be done, but at least we're finally getting somewhere.
i'm not doing anything involving audio, as i said before. but i do at least get to do construction stuff, which i'm fairly good at. not like it's rocket science.
but yeah. it's fun. the people are cool to hang with. but it's a lot of work. i mellowed out a lot once i resigned myself to the fact that this is just a really slipshod operation, and that i won't be able to rely on anything. i will do the best i can to make it happen for them, but nobody, not even me, can ask for anything more than that.
and i think i'm doing my part. i certainly have lots of tools down there, and we're making decent progress. i'll keep you guys posted on the happenings as i can, but no promises. it's keeping me plenty busy.
the important thing for you to remember is:
"WALTER'S WIFE" FUNDRAISING PARTY
Friday Night - 9PM - at the...
Sazerac Lounge
1418 Plainfield Ave NE
Grand Rapids, MI
Be there if you can. although, i believe it's 21+.
sorry.
call me if you have questions, or shoot me an email. i'll get more info as it becomes available. (like i said, slip-shod).
Peace.
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 19 June :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: getting frustrated
summer film
so...
as you are aware, if you're a devoted fan, i'm involved with the summer film project at GVSU. i feel kind of gipped in this whole experience, because it's been a mish-mash mess thus far. nobody knows who the professor is going to be, what positions the students are going to fill, or anything.
not to mention, i've been getting emails from a wide assortment of people for the last three months, all claiming to be giving me information on what the fuck is going on. seriously a class act. not to mention, the week that my summer project starts, is the same week as the world premiere of last year's summer film.
my theory is that, basically, the film department blew their load on last year's film, and now this year it's gonna suck. so, they're trying to publicize last year's film as much as possible in order to boost morale and public reception of GVSU's film dept. image or whatever.
and i'm a sound person. i have made that no small secret to anyone. when i applied for the summer film, i told them specifically that i'm a sound person, and wanted to work with sound if at all possible. at first they told me i was going to be a grip. which, you know, i was not into or whatever. but gradually i warmed up to the idea, talked myself into how awesome it could be, met a bunch of the other grips on the roster and tried to get friendly with them a little bit. and now i get an email, less than a week before class starts, saying that i'm now a set dresser.
yes. A SET DRESSER. what this has to do with sound, i know not. perhaps i will be able to manipulate the set in such a way that i will isolate its reverberative characteristics. yes? NO. there is no way i will have any impact on sound whatsoever! and all of that work i did on learning about lighting and shit, getting all buddy buddy with some of the grips is now completely out the fucking window. i'm with a bunch of other people i've never met, in a job i've never done. all the grips pretty much stayed the same. all the sound people changed, however, except for one. why i did not get one of the positions that was vacated during the shuffling, i know not. why the one person that remains from the initial lineup is the one that has no specific interest in sound whatsoever, is also beyond me.
i feel like i'm not in the right place. for awhile i was. i was in the right place, doing the right things. now, somehow, i've gone and fucked it all up. and i don't know how to fix it. and it's manifesting itself in extremely unpleasant ways. i don't know. something just feels really really wrong. and i don't like it. i'm just absolutely petrified that this year's going to suck. a lot. and rather than going on my way, continuing in my career like everyone else, i'm going to be the world's biggest fuckup, with no place to live, no job, no life, and $200 a month in student loan payments that i can't afford to make.
but i could be wrong.
4 overdoses |
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spud
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2008 19 June :: 12.36pm
::
Job ID: 10593
Job Title: Bell Person
Work Schedule: Flexible
Hours per Week: 16-32
Wage: 2.65
Employment Start Date: ASAP
Employment End Date:
Job Description: Assist guest with luggage and other room deliveries.
The wage is $2.65/ hour, plus tips.
Qualifications: Previous customer service is preferred.
-------------------------------
okay, really. i mean, how can they get away with this? paying a person less than half of minimum wage on the assumption that their tips are going to compensate? there was another posting for a breakfast waitress (not a waiter, mind you) for $4/hour. i just don't see how that's fair. and i thought it was kind of sexist to ask for a waitress. i kind of wanted to apply, just to see what they'd do.
so yeah. that's all i got.
bonnaroo was sweet. i'm still recovering. i'm a peely bastard too. that's what i get for going out in the sun like i did.
peace.
5 overdoses |
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kelso263
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2008 5 June :: 10.53am
I just went through and read a bunch of my old entries. Shit. It was hard to stomach, makes me sort of want to puke. Although, I can't say I have changed too drastically; for example, the one where I say that all I have been doing is playing Grand Theft Auto could be applied to about 2 weeks ago with absolute relevancy.
1 overdose |
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kelso263
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2008 2 June :: 9.23pm
My goodness. Look at this old thing. I can't believe I remembered the password.
1 overdose |
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spud
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2008 30 May :: 11.42am
:: Mood: wet ::
:: Music: muse ::
hey, it's been awhile
::
yeah, i know, it's been awhile. i'm sorry. i'm a slacker.
since my last update i've...
been to europe.
left my girlfriend.
moved.
been unemployed.
fucked around.
gotten some stuff done.
fucked around some more.
there. now that we're all caught up, i can move on to more pressing things.
okay. i really don't have anything pressing. i've been in a funny mood lately. and that seems to pervade everything. so, there's no sense of urgency.
but i dunno. something has to change. i mean, a lot of STUFF has already changed since last we met. but i'm talking about something within myself that needs to change. because i can't continue on this path and remain successful.
which is exactly why i don't want to go back to steelcase. because i could, but it would just be more of the same old bullshit. and i want something new, something different, something that takes me somewhere else. i'm moving on damn it, even if the rest of the world won't let me.
another part of moving on involves not smoking. which is really really hard. it's hard because i don't want to. if i wanted to, it wouldn't be nearly as difficult. but i don't want to. i like smoking. i like the way it tastes and smells and feels. but we're a dying breed.
*pause for irony*
got that laugh out of your system? good. me neither.
but yeah. i really have to cut it out. out of my lifestyle. out of my budget. i need to make more room in it for beer money.
party at emily's tonight. bound to be a great time. i'm looking forward to it.
bruce wanted some help installing a door tomorrow morning. should make the job go faster, and i might get some cash out of the deal. that'd be nice.
after that is owen's graduation party. and hunter wanted to hang out in the evening. but the hockey game is on at rich's. so i'm gonna have to figure out what i'm doing with that scheduling conflict.
and rich invited me to go down to indianapolis with him to see nada surf. it's in like a week and a half. i hope i'm working by then, but i'll have to ask for that night off or something. i dunno. we'll see what happens.
and i think bonnaroo is the weekend after that. so i've got two concerts in the span of like a week. and they're both overnighters. damn man. i'm never going to get anything done.
speaking of which, time to get off my ass and do something. this has been a truly leg-numbing experience.
peace.
::
4 overdoses |
perscriptions
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tuwang
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2008 20 April :: 3.10pm
"Piss, piss piss piss piss" - Andrea's mom
1 overdose |
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spud
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2008 16 April :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: tired, hungry, etc.
:: Music: my professor
job hunting
::
i hate looking for jobs. i mean, i get excited about all of the opportunities. but i also get really depressed about how i feel like i'm not good at anything. and all the things i am good at, aren't interested in having me.
whether it's true or not, even partially, doesn't really matter. it still feels crappy.
then again, maybe i just need to eat.
and i feel guilty for not listening to the lecture today. but it's just review. so there.
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 16 April :: 1.37pm
i'm kind of a hard person to be friends with sometimes, i think.
not all the time. and not in all respects. but there are a few areas where i'm definitely lacking.
but that's okay, because i'm still not really that bad.
2 overdoses |
perscriptions
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spud
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2008 15 April :: 7.16pm
i walked out of class today because i was frustrated. probably not a good choice, but there you are.
at least i made amends with my groupmates. that's the important part.
4 overdoses |
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spud
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2008 14 April :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: better
:: Music: radiohead - no surprises
::
i feel much better after today. i'm still kind of pissed about some stuff. and the wings lost. but at least, for whatever reason, i managed to evade the same sort of funkiness that's been haunting my shadows for the past week or two.
and there's nothing but good on the horizon. so, shut the fuck up, brain!
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