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m&ms487
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2006 6 November :: 10.07am
:: Mood: content
It's actually quite warm out today. I trudged to my computer lecture only to sit there and stare at the powerpoint on the screen. I don't even take notes in that class, and as usual, we got out fifteen minutes early today. I trudged back to the towers and went to the computer lab. I read spark notes on "To the Lighthouse" by Virginia Woolf. It's one of those novels you can appreciate, but not like in the least bit. I read twenty five of the prescribed eighty pages. Spark notes saves my life. I have little patience for novels. I'm more of a short story/ poetry kind of girl. Then again, if this novel actually had a plot, then maybe it would be more interesting. Stream of conciousness is admirable, but leaves much to be desired.
Michelle
4 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 5 November :: 5.12pm
Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder treason and plot.
We see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
Guy Fawkes, guy, t'was his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.
By god's mercy he was catch'd
With a darkened lantern and burning match.
So, holler boys, holler boys, Let the bells ring.
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the king.
And what shall we do with him?
Burn him!
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2006 4 November :: 4.09pm
In the computer lab waiting for laundry.
My intent is not to offend anyone.
I write what I see, what I think, what I feel.
I understand those aren't the same things the rest of you see, think, or feel.
Michelle
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2006 3 November :: 2.39pm
:: Mood: mellow
They say drugs are a crutch. Some people use them to escape reality. I take that back. All people use them to escape reality. Their reality. Theyre an escape from failure, from success, from whatever you dont like about your life. But there are so many other crutches that arent even acknowledged. Food, exercise, writing, reading, or self injury. A parent living out his or her dreams through their child. Its anything that creates an escape. Our world, our reality, is full of these crutches that we use to hobble away from the reality we created for ourselves.
7 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 31 October :: 9.56am
:: Mood: amused
I had some of the craziest dreams last night.
One of them involved Brett. Yes, Brett, I dreamed about you.
Anyway, it was really odd. Brett was behind many of the journals on woohu. He created and was posting on them as the person, but it was really him.
And I uncovered the conspiracy.
It was pretty fucked up.
Then again, so was I.
Michelle
2 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 30 October :: 3.24pm
:: Mood: contemplative
"We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless"
-T.S. Eliot
Every day I learn more, and realize more. I become aware. But that doesn't make it any less difficult.
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2006 29 October :: 10.22pm
It's worth noting...
The scariest thing on television tonight isn't the showing of Spooky Hollow, or The Exorcist. It's not the scary marathon about ghosts on the family channel.
It's the two Republicans arguing over immigration on Fox News.
I watched in horror as I ate my pinapple cup with chop sticks and mulled over my recent addiction to sushi.
Michelle
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2006 29 October :: 4.00pm
Some drugs are not bad for you. Yes, some physically harm you, but legal drugs do the same, tobacco and caffeine, for example.
People who don't like people doing drugs are bad for you.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
And lastly, hippies don't suck, and just because you do drugs doesn't mean you're a hippy. And, if it was indeed true that only hippies do drugs, this world would be a better place, because everyone wouldn't be unintelligent assholes that don't know what the fuck they're talking about, and stupid enough to know that hardly anyone really likes them.
Michelle
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2006 29 October :: 3.50pm
whoa, my journal's fifthennial extravaganza is coming up (relatively) soon.
maybe i ought to buy it a bottle of tang or something. you know, to celebrate.
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2006 29 October :: 3.43pm
the weekend!
it was fun hanging out with kevin on friday. and i got to talk to mom, which was nice.
then, yesterday and today have been spent watching really bad movies. i've watched 4 episodes of MST3K that i borrowed from Jenny so far. Space mutiny was by far the funniest. we also watched "creepshow" and "puppet master vs. demonic toys". the bad movie marathon has certainly lived up to its name.
but now it's homework time, although probably not, since it never really is.
and since it got such a hell of a response the last time:
i could really go for punching shannon in the face, right about now!
yep. that ought to do it. ; )
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2006 28 October :: 4.21pm
Jessie is here at CMU with me. I'm extraordinarily excited. Earlier, we romped about the campus. Next, I believe we'll prance to Meijer. Either way, I'm sure it's going to prove to be a most fantastically enjoyable occasion.
Good Day.
Michelle
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2006 27 October :: 11.20am
"Now it is autumn and the falling fruit
and the long journey towards oblivion.
The apples falling like great drops of dew
to bruise themselves an exit from themselves.
And it is time to go, to bid farewell
to one's own self and find an exit
from the fallen self."
-D.H. Lawrence
From
"The Ship of Death"
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2006 26 October :: 6.54pm
Sometimes I can just feel this pressure well up inside of me, encompassing my heart. I get cold, and shiver, even when the air is warm. My eyes well up with moisture, ready to burst at any moment. The back of my throat aches with every beat of my heart. I become despondant, distant, a type of concentrated deliriousness. My lips become dry, a shiver runs through my shoulders. The hair that fell in front of my face remains unmoved.
I stare at the screen, or some other distant or imaginary object. I can't think of anything else.
What is this feeling?
8 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 26 October :: 10.22am
:: Mood: nachdenklich
:: Music: BSC
word on the streets
yeah, so college changes people.
really?
i know!
i have yet to figure out if it's a good change.
4 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 25 October :: 10.04am
:: Mood: bored
So...
Would you say your nose crotch has had an important effect on your recent health?
If so, explain.
Thank you.
1 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 24 October :: 5.56pm
:: Mood: amused
University band in thirty minutes. Never fear, I won't be late. The library is next to the music building, and I'm always the first person in there anyway.
I played Syrinx today. It's been a long time. I remember auditioning at Grand Valley. Thinking of that day makes me less nervous for my audition here.
I still have to figure out if it's allowed to major in English and minor in Music in the degree i want to get. I'm not quite sure. I hope so.
Rueben is coming to see me tonight. I'm relieved.
My phone and his phone are acting weird. We can't call each other's phones, but we can both call other people.
Speaking of people calling me
[check phone]
No one called me.
I didn't go to bed until three this morning. It was so odd. I was wide awake. I took a shower and painted my nails. I watched the SNL with Dane Cook.
Everyone up here is obsessed with Dane Cook. Especially my roommates.
Deja Vu.
Goodness. My mind is just not doing well today. I have one of those headaches that you get when you think too hard. We started cellular respiration today in biology. It makes a lot more sense the second time around. Especially with a teacher that knows what he's talking about.
6:03pm
The news is on. I'm not watching it. But it's on. It's a definite.
Babbling on and on.
Your comment. I'm not quite sure what to make of your comment, but either way, I'll take care of it, whether it's apparent or not.
What is it with creepy old men around here?
Ham in the cafeteria today. It was pretty delicious. My roommates and I have agreed that they put laxatives in the food. It's a precautionary measure, so that if something's spoiled, it goes through your system faster so you don't food poisening as bad.
Head Aches.
Rueben is coming soon. Goodness.
Next:
Prelude, Rondo and Siciliano
Salvation is Created
And, the one and only
Liberty Bell
Like I said, John Phillips Sousa and I have something going on.
I bet you're jealous.
Michelle
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2006 23 October :: 10.20pm
I've lost almost all of my hope for the future intelligence of the human race.
I'm fairly positive that they're going to put me in a nursing home and call me demented when I'm eighty and start reciting Frost.
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2006 23 October :: 5.32pm
i'm fucking pissed.
mostly at myself, i guess.
who else do i have to blame? my professor? i'm trying to be reasonable here.
and at the moment, wigging out and beating the tar out of something sounds very reasonable to me.
27 Wasted Their Money |
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2006 22 October :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: nauseated
Online Child Predator?
I'm in the library and I think I might be sitting next to an online sexual predator. These computers are open to the public, so you don't need to log in or sign in or anything.
When I came over to this computer he was on a site that feature interactive anime. Now, he's in a chat with someone who's icon is an emo stick figure. He keeps on stretching out and chuckling to himself whenever he gets a response to his message.
Did I mention he looks like he's fourty????
Gross.
[edit] oh, and he has a long scraggly ponytail, too. I bet he's almost bald underneath his embroidered baseball cap.
[edit 2] I think i'm going to throw up.
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2006 22 October :: 6.28pm
:: Mood: drained
I went to the choir concert today, the one Jackie was in. It was beautiful. I've never been to a truely good choir concert, just high school ones.
I finally got it. The reason. Their voices, the instruments of a wind ensemble, they're suppose to sound the same (very few do, however). There were times when I would shut my eyes and it was just music. It wasn't a band, it wasn't a choir, they weren't even chords. It was just beauty painted on the silence of the stage. It made me start crying.
The more I listened, the more I felt that I have become disconnected from all of this. I just thought over and over how if I was studying music at Grand Valley right now, everything would be better. My life would be so different. But I'm not there, and my music is growing more distant every day. I'm ashamed of that.
The first choir sang a piece derived from my favorite poem by Christina Rossetti. I didn't have a program, but I knew after the first line what it was. I recited it to myself as they sang. The arrangement for it was beautiful, full of movement and richness. The words got to me. It was then that I realized that I love both too much to choose. I love words, I love how they make me think and question, but I love music as well, how it makes me feel, how it makes find beauty in everything. I don't know if I was suppose to study music, or english, but without both, I can't live, and in that, I'll study both for the rest of my life.
REMEMBER
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
December 29, 1894
michelle
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