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This is your life, is it everything you wish it would be?

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squishylover

:: 2004 26 September :: 8.15am
:: Mood: groogly
:: Music: Ragtime

Scotch tape
Well I'm not at home again. I'm at Jorge's in Boca..what fun. In other words theres another hurricane here in florida. Yesterday when we were evacuated we came to Jorge's cause it was Frans birthday and we needed to make up for the party that was cancelled. It was fun though we had some people come over that we know that live in the same area as Jorge and we had burritos from Moes as well as chips and fajitas so its all good stuff. Friday I spent the night at Loreleis and we had fun. We went to the Boynton mall but it was closed then we went to the movies but there were too many people. We went to party city and I tried on a Cat Woman costume (just the top part) and it looked...sorta funny. After that she could see me looking over at Eckerds and she was like you wanna go over? I sorta nodded we get over there and I see Ryan skateboarding and Jose was there with some other kid and I was like I can't talk to him. He looked at our car cause we hadn't gotten out and he gave us this evil look I thought he knew it was us well that hurt me really badly and I was like Lorelei lets go please. She was semi-yelling at me but we finally left. When I texted Ryan later on he realized after we had pulled away that it was us. Lorelei is a wonderful friend trying to make me feel better and everything. We watched The people under the stairs and it was really good I reccomend it. I called Ryan last night and we talked a lil bit and from what was said and what happened...it seems to me that this is affecting him more then me...maybe the full effects of us not being together anymore haven't sunken in yet almost like its not real even though it is. I'm different without him...it's a weird feeling. I snap at people without meaning to. I'm sad of course, I find myself crying over little things. In chorus I asked my friend Cesar to give me some love cause I needed some and he came over and hugged me like usual and was like don't you have a boyfriend? I shook my head no and he wrapped his arms around my waist and was holding me like Ryan would and I was feeling really uncomfortable. I was just like we broke up. I dunno but I was like this is not your job this is Ryans I want Ryan to do this in my head of course I was thinking this. Blah. I bought Ryan's deoderant yesterday cause it smelled like him and the eckerds that I went to by the Boca mall Ryan's brother Miguel works there so I felt sorta weird. I'm sending Miguel evil death glares right now for what he said to Ryan. Ryan told his mom what happened between him and I guess his mom told Miguel. Well Miguel looked at Ryan with a straight face and said "I told you so". When Ryan told me that...I was like you evil thing you. I actually think Ryan and I will be back together soon so thats good. It's too hard being without him...but I'm scared its going to turn into what was going on before. I want to make this work really badly but maybe this small break is what we needed but I don't know anymore. I'm going to take a shower now. To all my Floridians be safe in the hurricane. And if anyone from Atlantic high reads this theres no school Monday.

-Chasmin-

Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 25 September :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: good

As the new, semi-hot pit instructor fooled around on one of the vibes, (making BEAUTIFUL MUSIC) I realized something:

In a boyfriend, I really couldn't care less if he made love to me. But it IS necessary that he make music for me.

Be it music by playing an instrument, singing, whatever, I don't care, as long as there's music.

1 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 23 September :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: giddy

*hopefuly* my last doctors apointment today!
i went to the doctors today, for hopefuly my last apointment being pregnant! my next apointment schedualed is on the 29th- a day after my due date.. so i'm hoping i won't have to show up! :)

i'm 3 centimeters dialated!

woo! go me! the doctor said i'm doing great, and then when i do go into labor he thinks i'll be already about 6 centimeters dialated; which is a pretty good thing.. that means i won't have long to wait til 10 centimeters, then i can have the baby. :)

only 5 more days!

amy.. damn 2 inchers! :-0

Old and busted


squishylover

:: 2004 23 September :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: Everything that is sad and hurtful thats how I fee
:: Music: Billy Joel "And so It goes"

And so it ends.
Ryan and I broke up today...officially. I said it since he couldn't and this time it wasn't planned....oh the pain. This is going to take some time to get over.

-Chasmin-

2 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 21 September :: 10.08pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: charmed on tv

it's been a long day.
today was a really long day.. i woke up at 6:30, fell back asleep til 7:00 and called jim. then i noticed that my sisters weren't up yet so i got up outta bed and woke them up.. anna threw this big fit because sam wouldn't get her something to wear, and that kept me up so i just stayed up. i hung all the baby clothes up and sorted everything out finially. then i fell back asleep around 11:30 and woke up at 12:45-1:00. i woke up and re-did my journal.. then i browsed online for a bit. then i made some dinner for me and my sisters. anna helped me clean my room. it looks good- i set up the playard.. i had to open something up- it was driving me crazy. *yawn* my next doctors apointment is on the 23rd (thursday).

[edit] 11.17pm my gram went into the hospital today- she has some sorta infection. everyone pray that she's okay and out soon. [/edit]

only 7 more days!

1 New hotness | Old and busted


squishylover

:: 2004 21 September :: 3.35pm
:: Mood: Enh
:: Music: Mamma Mia!

Don't go breakin' my heart..doo doo
Would I sound selfish if I said I wish Ryan didn't have any friends? Well thats how I'm feeling alright. I'm envying Lorelei's relationship with Devin so badly. They are always together...and they are usually always happy. I mean these two have classes and everything. What do I have I see Ryan in the mornings and in the halls on one of the days. Thats all. Maybe I'm too busy and I don't see it. Maybe it's my fault. Am I the one with no time for him and he just goes off to find something to do? I don't know but I'm just sad right now. I guess I'm just too needy of a person. Were doin' ok now I guess but we still don't really see each other, and the talking thing is still minimal. We at least either talk or text each other at night sayin' goodnight like we used to but thats all. My friend really thinks I should dump him for awhile so he can see how important I am to him, she doesn't think it's fair for me to be sad like this. I don't even know what Ryan is thinkin' anymore. I don't think I ever will either. I have to finish this ACT packet. ::le sigh::

-Chasmin-

2 New hotness | Old and busted


jus4fun06

:: 2004 21 September :: 8.43am

no one understands her love, her passion. she looks through the magazines, tryign to capture out the beauty of the models. their eyes emotionless. they look at her weird. make funof her. call her things she isnt. she wonders if it is so wrong to want to collect beauties? collect them and hold them since she knows she can never have it herself.

Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 20 September :: 4.59pm
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: baby einstein's "baby bach" - #3 on the cd (it's a long title to type out!)

the music is on my belly with head phones for the baby.

i stayed at jims house all weekend. just got home about an hour and a half ago.

i don't know, theres nothing really to say- i never feel like updating in here anymore. i guess because i really don't do anything to write in here.. haha.

we rented some movies, barber shop 2, thirt3en ghosts, and the butterfly effect.. that was an awesome movie- we watched the different endings and i didn't like the directors cut. :(

my mom and i are going to go to baby depot today to exchange some things.

jim got a job at psi- it's a trucking company. i'm so happy :)

*yawn* i'm so tired anymore. the baby kicks constantly and keeps me up all night.. i'm ready for her to come out! :-P
only 8 more days!

8 New hotness | Old and busted


jus4fun06

:: 2004 18 September :: 11.06pm

<<,,/`hiding takes too much`\,,>>
she felt the remorse of the day seeping throughout her hatred. a hatred for people, but the strongest, for herself. she was a bad, bad girl. no one could doubt it. it was written across her forehead as she stared at herself in the mirror. she could see the blood dripping down, contrasting with the paleness of her skin. she only imagined it. the desire to see it was too strong. grasping her head, wanting to tear it apart... wanting to make the voices stop as they keep echoing in her head. stop the noise... the noise... the screaming... she hated herself and she couldnt hide behind her mask anymore.

Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 17 September :: 7.34pm

Question:
WHERE HAVE ALL THE HOT MAIN STREET GUYS GONE?!?!?! Let's travel back in time, shall we? Think of how hot the Main Street guys were 3 years ago. 2 years...1 year. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but the overall sexiness of MSS guys has gone STEADILY DOWNHILL.


WHYYYY?!?!?!

It's really not fair.

I have a horseback riding lesson at that place tomorrow! I'm excited! Apparently some other person from Stanford called to check out the barn too...hrm. I wonder who it'll be...

I WANT A BOYFRIEND, DAMNIT! Not just ANY boyfriend, either. I kind of want a college boyfriend...*huge grin* Older guys are just so much sexier!

6 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 17 September :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: yellowcard - ocean avenue

so my gram and i were looking on the calendar the other day and we noticed that the 28th [the day the baby's due] is a full moon! i dunno, i really think i might just have this baby exactly on the due date- that would be neat.

<3

2 New hotness | Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 16 September :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: dorky

Who should be in bed right now?
*raises hand* OOH!! ME!! ME!!

It's so depressing to wake up and it's still dark. Zero period...

After an only silghtly enlightening minimum day, I went downtown with Ali, Sara, Sarah, and Meredith. Yummers.

After that I went home and then went to the doctor's to *dun dun DUNNNNNNN* GET MY EARS PIERCED!! So yeah. I now have pierced ears. *shrug*

Is anyone else depressed that people are already starting to talk about Homecoming? Can't Homecoming just wait until I actually find someone I want to go with? I mean, seriously... How come it was so easy last year?! Couldn't I at least have my eye on someone? Usually it's not the 'finding someone to like' part that's hard for me...

I don't know why, but it's really starting to get to me that I have a nonexistant love life. So much so, in fact, that I did a really, really stupid thing. I spent like half an hour searching for text online that showed that someone cared about me. I actually don't regret doing it because I found something that made me smile that I hadn't seen before: the words 'I luv Mel.' Now, seeing as it's been 17 months since those feelings were revealed and it means absolutely NOTHING now, it shouldn't have made much difference to me. Somehow, though, it did. Ya know, it's been about that long since a guy has said that to me. I think maybe I was wondering why anyone would feel that way about me...

Anyway, it made me happy, so it's all good. Thanks to the person who wrote that...

Concert choir tomorrow. Oddly enough, in a year that's gone from my least favorite choral music class to my favorite. It's funny how things change...

15 New hotness | Old and busted


jus4fun06

:: 2004 15 September :: 7.11pm

help me!!
how can i add a freakin background to this thing??? i have been trying and trying and i cant get this cool image for the background!!! help?

1 New hotness | Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 14 September :: 7.10pm

OHMYGOD!!
So today turned out to suck much less than I thought it would! Mme Youatt lost the quizzes SO WE DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE THEM!! WHOOOOO!!! I also got a 22/25 on my Chem quiz even though I wasn't there for the lecture and was too tired to study much last night! I missed really stupid things, so, as it turns out, I actually understand all of the material anyway! That's always good to know...

So now for the majorly exciting news!!

1) My mom's willing to look into buying me an oboe!! AHHHH!!! JOYOUSNESS!! And the strange thing is, she doesn't even want to go for the cheapo $800 one. She actually wants to talk to Julianne, this lady at our church who's like an oboe goddess, to learn about which brands are the best. Nice!

2) I'M GOING TO GO LOOK AT A HORSE ON SATURDAY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Not that this means anything to you, but he's a 7 yr old Fox Trotter gelding, 15 hands, chestnut, with a star and socks. He's had 4 months of professional training (not very much) but has a sweet personality and has good ground manners. He needs a confident rider because he's "spirited". The craziest part: the guy who's selling goes to my church and would sell him to me for $4,500!!!! That's crazy crazy cheap for a horse!! Sure I'd have to find a really good trainer to help me teach him how to jump and stuff but WOULD IT NOT BE AWESOME IF MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME A HORSE?!!?!?! Umm yeah, that might just be the coolest thing in the world.

Marching band was hell. Rick needs to not be so hard on us. But OMG! Somehow I passed my playing test! Not that I should have AT ALL... but still! Yay!

Gotta do MEHAP and WLH homework...minimum day tomorrow! Yesss!!

2 New hotness | Old and busted


jus4fun06

:: 2004 14 September :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: looking up

...::`` past the clouds and into the spacious sky ``::....
she looks in the mirror, trying to be beautiful. the days change her apperance. she smiles, because she is happy. sadness seeps in behind her eyes. she looks at everyone else. she wants to be different. everyone else is sad. she will be happy, because everyone else is not. they laugh at her because she is different. she closes her eyes to block it out, and then continues on. outside, the sky is spread across the horizon.

Old and busted

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