fearthainn
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2005 28 May :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Within you - David Bowie
"How you turn my world
You precious thing.
You starve and near exhaust me.
Everything I've done,
I've done for you.
I move the stars for no one.
You've run so long.
You've run so far.
Your eyes can be so cruel,
Just as I can be so cruel,
Oh, I do believe in you.
Yes I do.
Live without your sunlight.
Love without your heartbeat.
I... I...
Can't.. live.. within.. you..."
Oh, how I love the Labyrinth.
Today I went out with my sister for awhile. Then I came back home.. and now I'm listening to music, and doodling.
Yeah, very uneventful.
But tomorrow will definitley be the opposite, as I'm going camping with Carl.
I'll probably be bringing my camera along, so I'll most likely have pictures when I return.
I think that is all, I'll update either tomorrow, or when I get back..It depends on what time I decide to wake in the morning.
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jaganshi
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2005 27 May :: 7.09pm
Enough! The lot of you!
Why must I constantly be expected to divulge personal information on command to make someone else feel better? I will not be made to feel guilty for the way I choose to live. If I lie, it's because I have a damn good reason. I can't trust you people!
To the bloggers: When you read my posts just to give yourself a grain of hope that maybe you're not the most fucked up person alive, I hope I can offer you that. When you read my posts because you're looking for someone to pity, I hope you die. When you read my posts because you want me to read yours, fuck you. Everyone. Everyone who reads and says nothing, everyone who replies to entries that mean something with silly juvenile bullshit. Everyone who thinks that the worst thing that could happen to a person is people might not like you. People might not accept you. People might think you're a whiny little bitch who has nothing to say except mindless appeals for pity.
To the anonymous lurkers: If you have something to say, say it. Don't pussyfoot around because you want me to spend that much more time thinking over just what you have to tell me.
To my friends: There aren't many of you. But you know who you are. You are important. Fuck the people who don't know me and are comfortable with that. You listen to me bitch, and I try to make sure I'm listening when you need the same.
To the people I know over the internet and actually communicate with(namely RPGWWers): Without you I'd probably have no one to talk to. I can talk about politics or the worship of pastagami or my budding interest in video games. Any number of things. You are also important.
I'll be back with the blogging foolishness. When I have something more to say to any of you. It won't be as long as I think it'll be because I'm just pissed right now. I'll get over it.
Meanwhile, I'm going to restrict communication to people who actually talk back.
4 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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fearthainn
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2005 27 May :: 11.38am
:: Mood: hungry
To Carl:
I once again forgot that you don't get service out at your mom's.. and I do not have your mom's number. I was wondering if you'd like to do something this weekend. Soo, call me once you read this.
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jaganshi
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2005 26 May :: 8.55pm
You may ask me one question. But I always lie.
There's nothing inherently wrong with lying. On the other hand, it could be considered the only real evil in existence.
Chibikeriana and I are having a conversation about sincerity in terms of being accepted at school. Here's my unabridged rant in all its glory:
I never thought of it as fear of negative reprisals, but rather in terms of the potential rewards of manipulation. A little prevarication here, a few windows washed there, and teachers don't question anything else they see. All they want is to believe that kids are okay. If you can help them do that, they'll get you anywhere you want to go.
I figure it's better to live a lie than sit at home for the rest of my life contemplating a sincere suicide because I'm sincerely dissatisfied with the way things have gone for me.
A lie is often better than nothing. As much as I value the truth, in my experience the only ones who know what it is are the ones who are forced to contrast it with something. As much as you can apply the laws of economics to abstract concepts, the more scarce truth is, the more people realize how important it is.
I tell the absolute truth to one person. Everything else is a lie. And I like it that way. The way I live is the way I live. I lie. The sooner people accept that, the sooner we can all live in happy bunny peace and harmony.
2 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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Jaganshi
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2005 26 May :: 11.19am
| Your Star Wars Pickup Line |
"Hey, Beautiful. What's a nice girl like you doing waiting in line without bathing for 10 days?" |
Star Wars Horoscope for Pisces |
A typical Pisces, you have your head in the clouds.
You're self-sacrificing and a bit too passive to stand up to the dark side.
You become fairly pessimistic when put under pressure.
You are a chameleon - wanting to change your scenery on occassion.
Star wars character you are most like: Lando |
Read more..
1 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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fearthainn
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2005 24 May :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Savage Garden
I didn't really get the chance to update about my weekend, I'll just name a few things..
- Went to Alicia's
- Took photo's downtown Holland
- Had an awesome italian soda
- Walked around for a bit
- Hung around Alicia's house
Yep, I didn't feel like going into detail.. buut, I'm sure you get the gist of it.
I was listening to music with Sye, and man, I'm getting hooked to Savage Garden.. they're pretty awesome. I haven't heard a lot of them, only bits from when my sister would listen to them, and then the radio hits.. but I didn't know I'd like 'em as much as I do.
Thank you Sye, for reintroducing me to them. : )
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jaganshi
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2005 24 May :: 3.27pm
:: how jedi are you? ::
Your Lightsaber is Blue
Blue is often associated with depth and stability.
It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom,
confidence, and truth.
What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
1 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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fearthainn
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2005 23 May :: 3.11pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Zeromancer - Send me an angel
I'm sick of you taking your anger out on me.
I'm sick of you being selfish.
I'm sick of your excuses.
I'm sick. of. you.
"All you care about is your goddamn computer, and your stupid pictures! Fuck you!"
No.
Fuck you.
I've had enough of this.
All you do is think about yourself, you don't care about any other.
I've asked you to take me to the doctor for my headaches. What do you do?
"Oh, it's nothing."
You try to make things better with purchasing me things.
Enlighten me, how is that going to make things better?
Please, look up the word "mother" in the dictionary.
You shouldn't have the honour of being called by that name.
- - - Edit- - - 5:48 pm
I apologise for all of you having to read about how my mom angers me, but she just crossed the line yesterday, and I needed to take it out somewhere. I figured this was the best choice.
I'll update tomorrow.
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fearthainn
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2005 16 May :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Darude - Sandstorm
Today was.. alright.
Nothing worthy of posting about, happened during school.
But after school today, Carl and I were talking about how I am incredibly intimidating, you know, when I turn around, throw my gum on the ground, puff my self up, and then slowly turn back around.. you cannot tell me that is not intimidating, you just can't. Hah.
Well, yeah awhile back when there was still snow on the ground, there were kids throwing ice chunks.. and they decided to throw one above my head and it smashed, and fell all over me.. well, I threw my gum on some kid standing next to me, puffed myself up and turned around real slowly.. all of the kids stopped dead in their tracks, and stared at me.. well, then they noticed it was me. This is how Carl put it..
*they all stop*
"Ohh, it's alright, it's just Hillary..we don't have to worry about her."
Then they go back about their business of throwing ice.
They did too, that's the sad part.
But c'mon.. you have to say that's at least a little intimidating.
But on to other things..
I went to my cousin's lacrosse game tonight, I suppose it was alright, besides the fact that I was freezing, and still am. *shivers*
Hm. I don't think I've much else to say right now.
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jaganshi
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2005 16 May :: 6.26pm
Sitting here listening to music. What right to I have to be so profoundly unhappy?
There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing is being done to me. Just the same thousand petty torments that fly below my radar.
Even my repression isn't perfect.
I should not even be writing this. But then, why do I continue? Ah, the questions. *muses* I'd say that I'm probably writing because I'm doing the elevator-button thing. If I keep pressing the button, the elevator will go faster. If I keep writing, someone will log on and respond. The logic is roughly as sound.
Meh. Resume stoicism.
3 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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Jaganshi
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2005 16 May :: 5.23pm
Well. I was reprimanded for something interesting today. You know those picture holder things with the weighted base and a clip on a flexible wire? The clip holds the picture, and the base says something like "Butler Fall Ball 2004" on occasion?
My mother threw both of mine out, and told me never to bring drug paraphernalia home again. When I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, she told me she found two roach clips in my boxes from college. When she described those, I tried not to laugh at her, but I knew that laughing would only make it worse.
She told me that even though she knew I didn't know what they were (because God forbid they be for photos), if the military ever found out that shit was in this house, Mitch could be court-martialed. She said that she didn't tell Mitch what she'd found, she just threw them away. But if he'd known, he'd have been pissed and would have kicked me out of the house. (Which is just her trying to give us a common enemy to get me on her side.) Right.
"And it's not because we don't love you or anything like that, but we can't have these in our house. Don't ever bring drug paraphernalia home again."
"Wait, what? Where did that disclaimer come from?"
"Well, I don't want you to think that we don't love you or I'm just being mean about this, because I know that's how it must seem."
"Well, at the beginning I thought you were accusing me of smoking pot, but after that... that wasn't the conclusion I came to."
"No. I know that you aren't into all of that. [author note: Feel free to cast detect bullshit right about here.] But I was there in the 60's and 70's when all these came out, and that's what those are."
"Okay."
"Just don't bring drug shit home ever again."
Seriously. For fuck's sake.
Read more..
9 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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Jaganshi
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2005 15 May :: 7.54pm
I'm considering doing one of those 'friends list cleanout' things.
So, if you still read anything on this blog, kindly post so I don't accidentally delete someone who might want to read the odds and ends I post.
9 punched that stupid owl in the face
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how many licks to get to the tootsie pop center?
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