^.^ Sara's World^.^

^.^ Sara's World^.^

:: 2004 24 February :: 9.47 am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: want u bad- the offspring

my life for now
once, agen, Logan! Ok, here's how it goes...I talked to my "friend" ashle, and she was all like "would u do ne thing to get Logan back bc I think I can help u" and I asked Logan if he would ever go bac out with me and he said yes and Ash was like "me n Logan r gettin close, ill help ya get him back, help me get josh bac" (Josh is her ex that she is in love with)...same day but later, i asked britt if her n Logan were still going out, my reply "no, he broke up with me for ash"..Yesterday, "r u going out with ash???" him "ya"...his icon is the same as it was for me "i love ashley"...Today i find out he never went out with Britt, she juss didnt like me and didnt want Logan to go out with me so she lied and told him if he didnt go along with it that she would b mad at him. and everytime she asked him at church if he was still goin out with me, and he said yes, she would b mad at him and hit him.....
I think this is sooo fluckin dum, that he choooses some girl that hated him and everything, over his girlfriend who he supposedly "loves so much"...Seriously, I am ready to give up, and start on Tim...But i dont want to, bc I dont want to get hurt...I dont even know this kid, Tim! So i have to meet him Friday, + he <3s Lisa! ugghh!!!! life is soo complicated! ( I know I know...Im not the only one...I am juss a lil drama queen sumtimes *smiles shyly*)
oh, and it doesnt make it ne better that my friend Sarah could die!!! I promiced not to cry and bc i luv her, I am not going to do it! She has a weak heart and it doesnt function right, and she went to the doctors and they said it was getting worse and the next step is surgery and if it doesnt work as planned, she will die, and she cant get a heart transplant bc it makes the odds worse for living....If she died, i would b miserable, I trust her with my life, and to tell u the truth, I havent even met her! thats the funny part, I care sooo much for her and I trust her so much, and she is one of my closest frinds, and I am one of hers...I mean, the fact we havent ever met, means nothing to us...we r so close like that tho! She told me not to cut myself bc I am her closest friend that she has alive...so, I am not going to die on her...**Sarah, I luv u!!!!**

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 19 February :: 9.26 am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: none

Lisa, I stole ur quizzy thing, and took one or two of ur answers
1. Been Kissed: Yeah
2. Done drugs: unfotunatly
3. Eaten an entire box of oreos?: nope¡Knever been that depressed
4. Eaten sushi? nooo
5. Been on stage: Yeah
6. Been dumped: Yeah :¡¦(
7.Gotten in a car accident: yes
8. Watched Punky Brewster? Um, I don¡¦t think so???
9. Watched Scooby doo: who hasn¡¦t!!!
10. Flipped 8 times off a bike?: lol¡Knot 8 times in a row!
11. Stayed home on a Saturday night just 4 the heck of it: Yea
12. Seen the White House: yes
1. Cold or hot: warm
2. Lace or Satin: Satin
3. Blue or Red: blue
4. Rain or snow: rain¡K
5. Give or receive: Give
6. Wool or cotton: Cotton
7. Rose or daisy: Rose
8. Private school or public school: Public
9. Chocolate milk or plain milk: chocolate
11. Spring or fall? spring
12. History or Science?: history
13. Math or English: english
14. Alternative or Country: either
Opposite sex
1. Do they like you:yeash
2. What do you look for in a woman/man? : if they r there for me, if they have a nice personality¡Klooks don¡¦t matter to me¡Khow they treat me and my friends
Your Friends
1. Who's your funniest friend? Leanne
2. Who makes you laugh/smile the most? Leanne, Elyse, Elena
3. Who do you e-mail the most? Logan
4. Who's the shyest? Courtney
5. Whose parents do you know the best? Meanas
Within the last 24 hours...
1. Had a serious talk? nope
2. Hugged someone? yes
3. Gotten along with your parents? Most of the time yeah
4. Fought with a friend? About something worth fighting for¡Klike the things she does to her self
Do you like to...
1. Give hugs? Yeah
2. Give back rubs? no
2. Take walks in the rain? Yeah, me and Logan used to do that :¡¦(
Random Q's
1. You ever have that falling dream?: yes
2. What color is your floor/carpet in your room: um, it used to be white, now it is whatever has stained my floor lol
3. What was the last CD you bought? I don¡¦t member
4. If you chew gum, what kind? winterfresh
5. Do you use chapstick? no
6. What did u do last summer? Went to camps chillaxed with my ex bf (bf at the time) and our friends
1. Full Name:Sara Nicole Austin
2. Gender: Female
3. Nicknames: Flippy, babi
4. Hair color: browwn
5. Eye Color: hazel
Which one of your Friends...
1. Is most likely to grow up to be a model: Lisa
2. Which one knows most about you: Meana and Lauren, and Sarah
3. Have you known the longest: Julian and Leslie: since kindergarten, Meana since first grade and Tara my whole life
4. You know most about: Meana
5. Who will send this back the quickest: this isnt an email
6. Is the smartest: triplets
7. Most likely to end up in jail: Robert or Matt
Favorites....
1. Food: pizza,
2. T.V. Show: Charmed
3. Drink: root beer mountain dew
4. Actor: orlando bloom
5. Actress: Raven
6. Restaurant: McDonalds
9. Song(s): Always: Seether, Addicted: Simple Plan, Suga Suga: Baby Bah ft/ Frankie J, Little Moments like this: ??, Miss U, Blink 182
10. Singer/Group: Linken Park, Blink 182
10. Sport: soccer
11. Colors: blue pink (lee, we have the same colors!!!ƒº
13. Candy: twix!

Have you ever..
1. Been to a concert: yea
2. What was your first concert: Temptations¡K
3. Been in a different country: nope
4. Loved someone so much it made you cry?: duh, Logan!! And Brett!! Cryin everynight and it hurts like crazy!
5. Cheated on a test:all da time!
6. Bought something and then saw it cheaper somewhere else: yeah
7. Stole from somewhere or someone?: not that I can member¡Kthat doesn¡¦t mean I havent tho¡K
8. Stalked someone: no!.. lol
1. Single or taken: single :¡¦(
2. Who is your biggest crush: Logan
3. If you could go out with anyone who would it be? Logan¡¦
4. Have you had a lot of bf's/gf'? yeapperz

1. Scariest moment: i had alot
2. Happiest moment: honestly. I cant even member the last time I was truly happy
3. Do you curse too much: yes, trying to stop!
4. When was the last time you showered? Last night
5. What color pants do you have on right now?: I don¡¦t, I have a skirt on
6. What cd are you listening to right now?: none
7. What is the last thing that you said?: ¡§opps¡¨
8. What is right next to you? A phone a desk and a book case
9. What is your computer desk made of? wood i think
10. Do you have any lava lamps? In my room, yes
11. How many buddies do you have on your list? A lot, don¡¦t have my AIM on right now
13. What did you do last night?: HW, online, got in trouble, cried.
14. Last person that you talked to on the phone?: Patrick
15. What's the nicest thing you find about the opposite sex? eyes and smile¡Kass!!!
16. Who do you admire most?: Lisa! Ilu girl!!
17. Do you like the person that sent this to you?: yes
18. How do you eat an OREO? middle first!!
19. Fav M&M?: theyre all the same.. just different colors..lol

We wanna know...
Coke or Pepsi?: coke
MTV or VH1?: mtv
WB or FOX?: wb
ABC or NBC?: ABC
TV or Movies?: tv
CDs or Mp3s?: cd
Email or Snail Mail?: Email
Talk Shows or Soap Operas?: both
Party or Hang out?: hang out
Sunrise or Sunset?: both r so entirely beautiful it doesn¡¦t matter to me
Night or Day?: night bc then it is dark, I like dark
Chips or Cookies?: chips
Fritos or Cheetos?: cheetos

2 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 16 February :: 1.36 pm

okie, lets go, me n Logan...over...for good...he ruined my life and I hate him...yet i love him..there is no easy way out of this...I havent cut myself in a few weeks...and I am not planning on it ne time soon unless brett has some great news to pile up on top of all this! I decied, i am not going to let Logan get to me like i let brett...the worst I will do is starve my self...i feel deformed an dliek I am a horrible person to make the one i love miserable...but he should feel like that oo bc he made the one he so called loves miserable too....I hope he is happy with Brittany...really i do...well, ne ways, I am really tired, and supposed to be babysittin so i g2g bye

8 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 12 February :: 9.03 am
:: Mood: happy

Wow, I finally did it u guys!!!! For all u pll ou thtere telling me to find something to do to take my mind off of depression, I found it!!! Last night I went to this sex talk thing (no that isnt my idea) and they were handing out flyers for one life revolution and I decided that is what I want to do! It doesnt take up much time, and its for a good cause...I mean, they need 1 million $'s by August....and I think I can help!!! We raised ALOT of money last night by walking around with buckets when the lil talk think was over and yeah...ok well i g2g!!! but wish me luck...Ill need it to get my principal to agree with letting me start this at school!

4 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 11 February :: 9.30 am
:: Mood: groggy

ooouuuuuucchhhhhh
my mouth hurts like a bitch!!! I got my braces off like Friday, but I now have a retainer and it hurts like hell!!!! n I cant talk...at all! Im serious last night Julian came over, and I had to take it out to tlk or he couldnt understand me!!! lol..it sux major ass...oh well, at least the colors r pretty (pink n blu...duh what else?)

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 11 February :: 9.26 am

Logan emailed me last night and from now on, we r going to b honest and more open! I am glad for that! He asked me if I liked ne one even juss a lil bit...nd i told him honestly, that i didnt like ne one from school, but Brett is still on my mind...?!?!? I prolly shouldnt have said that, but I dont want to lie....and see, he thinks the reason I wont do stuff with him is bc of brett, but it isnt...
n Polly* talked to Brett the other night, and she was like "Yeah, Sara has a great bf and he is so sweet to her" yada yada yada and he was like "Gee, thanks I really needed to know that" or something like that..he semt like he was in a pissy mood...and now he isnt even talking to me :'( I was like IMing him last night and I was like "talk to me please I really need to ask u an important ?" and his a/m wasnt on, so I know he was there....but he didnt answer me.....so I asked him what he really felt for me now...bc Polly did and she said "DO u love Sara still or juss like her alot" and he said he didnt know...so I asked...and b4 I plan on going to Bradenton for sure, I need to know what he feels, bc that effects everything...Polly asked him if he had a job yet and he said no but he is getting one soon with his cuzin or sumthing and shes like what r u going to do with the money and he said save it to go see Sara!!!
See this whole thing is so confusing. I am pretty much torn between 2 guys, and I love them both very much, but I am afraid to say that bc I already lost one of them and I dont want to lose Logan! Why does life have to be so confusing? I love Logan very very much and I love Brett very very much...how is that possible??? I read once that u can love 2 ppl, but it doesnt seem right, an I know at least 2 maybe all of us r going to get hurt!
n like not last night, but the night b4 that I read my IM's with Brett and my Im's with Logan, and I cried myself to sleep, I was about to cut myself, scissors in hand...but I know Logan would find out some way and I promiced I wouldnt

help

YoU

:: 2004 6 February :: 9.47 am

sorry lee, stole ur quiz
1. Starting Time :: 9:34
2. Name :: Sara
3. Best Friends:: Kelly triplets, heather, elyse, sarah, taryn, leanne, robert Meana , Lisa
4. Longest Friend :: meana
5. Funniest Friend :: leanne
6. Smartest Friend :: meana
7. Dumbest Friend ::idk
8. Shyest Friend ::heather
9. Boring Person :: my friends are NEVER boring
10. Who Do u Get Advice From :: ne one who offers
11. Height :: 5' 4"

12. D.O.B ::12*28*89
13. Righty / Lefty :: righty
14. Eye color :: hazel
15. Shoe Size :: o9
16. Shoe Brand(s) ::converse, emerica
17. Do u Crack any Body Parts:: my fingers and toes
18. Pets :: cat, snake, lizard
19. Siblings :: Alex
20. E-mail ::ghettoblondz6969@aol.com
21.Boy Friend/Girl Friend :: Logan ILY
22. Crush :: kinda
23. Liked a Teacher :: NOO
24. Killed someone :: NEVER!
25. Ate a Tub of Ice Cream :: no
26. Ran Into a Glass Door :: duh..who doesnt?
27. Went into rotten.com ::??
28. Gone Skinny Dipping :: yes lol
29. Got drunk :: yes
30. Gotten hit by a car :: no
31. Ran into a parked car : yeah...
**Ladies Fill Out on dudes******
32. Boxers or Briefs:: boxers
33. Tall or Short :: tall
34. Does size matter ::no
35. Six-pak or Muscular Arm :: it really does not matter
36. Body or Personality :: Personality
37. Ear Pierced or Not :: doesn't matter
38. Sporty or Outdoorsy :: sporty
39. Good Guy/ Bad Guy :: a little of both you know not too bad or too good
40.LightHair/DarkHair :: doesn't matter
41. Hat/ No Hat :: none
42. Tan or No Tan ::tan

******Which One is Better*****
55. Coke or Pepsi :: coke
56. Taco Bell or McDonalds :: cant decide
57. Cats or Dogs :: cats
58. Coffee or Tea :: neither
59. Sour or Sweet :: sweet
60. Vanilla or chocolate :: chocolate
61. Cake or Cookies :: cake
62. Ice Hockey or Roller Hockey :: ice
63. Lights on or off :: off
64. Ocean or Pool ::pool, scared of sharks
65. Winter or Fall :: fall

*****Your favorite******
66. Food :: pizza
67.Fav drink: mountain dew
68. Animal :: horse
69. Holiday :: Valentines Day
70. Quote :: too many
71. Music :: rap rock country
72. Song: Alwyas: idk who its by (its a rock song) i think sublime tho
73. Book ::Dont die my love: lurlene mcdaniel
74. Radio Station :: 99x
75. Place :: my room..

******In The Future*****
76. GOD :: god is awesome
77. What do you want to be when you grow up? ::dr
78. What car? :: z3 convertable or a bug convertable

******Random Questions******
79. Define True Love ::the best feeling
80. Where Were You Born? ::cape coral fl
81. Favorite Friend Of Your Gender:: cant pick, they r all my fave
82. Favorite day of the week:: friday
83. Who was the last person you received mail from?:: Logan
84. Bedtime: week nights 10:30 weekends: none
85. Ending time :: 9:42

YoU

:: 2004 5 February :: 9.30 am

I see: the comp.

I need: too see Logan

I want: 4 people to shut tha fuck up about me!

I have: the best friends (and they know who they r)
I love: Logan and my friends
I hate: life
I miss: 6th grade when I was smart and not slutty, and Brett

I fear: losing my friends

I feel: depressed

I hear: the fan and 99x
I smell: axe

I crave: to be able to see Brett, to b normal agen

I wonder: why people lie

----------------------

last cigarette: August¡Kƒº

last car ride: to school

last good cry: a week ago

last library book checked out: 2 weeks ago

last movie seen: The Perfect Score ( don¡¦t see it, it sucked!!!)

last book read: still readin IT

last cuss word uttered: fuck u

last beverage drank: sprite

last food consumed: twix

last crush: Logan

last phone call: Kelci
last tv show watched: West Wing

last time showered: last night

last shoes worn: the ones I am wearing

last cd played: John Denver

last item bought: a movie ticket lol

last downloaded: nuthing

last annoyance: my lil brother :Alex

last disappointment:I am grounded bc I lied so I can see Brett

last soda drank: sprite

last thing written: math HW

last key used: class room key

last word spoken: um?

last sleep: last nite

last im: none

last ice cream eaten: mint chocolate chip

last time amused: 2days ago bc my hole band class has the same friggin 7th period¡Kwell, the 6th graders
last time wanting to die: last night I think..I dk I think about it so much
last time in love: Logan

last time hugged: this mornin

last chair sat in: the one im in right now

last lipstick used: don¡¦t wear the stuff

last bra worn: the one I am wearin now

last shirt worn: my white spaghetti strap
last webpage visited: my journal

------------------------

1.who are u? Sara

2.what are you doing while filling this thingy out? thinkin about how my life is fucked up n listenin to music
3.why are you filling this out?cuz i'm bored
4.what room are you in? classroom

5.who is your bf/gf? Logan

6.where were you born? cape coral, fl

7.how old are your parents? 43 and 45

8.current music? commercials

9.one thing u would change about yourself? I would be skinnier
10.how are you today? tired but it's only tha morning
11.what did you do today? Drove to school

12.what time is it? 924

13.what time did you get up this morning? 7:00

14.did you eat breakfast? yeap

15.if so, what did you eat? Cereal

16.what did u eat for lunch? Nuthin yet

17.who is your fav rock band? trapt

18.who is your fav rapper? eminem
Matt Dewhirst

get scared easy? nope

cry a lotyeah
get hurt easy? ya emotionally

have an enemy? yup

pretend to not care bout someone when u really do? Yeah, Robert¡Kmy best guy friend, but I am supposed to be mad at him

YoU

:: 2004 3 February :: 9.37 am

I found out my boyfriend is cutting him self also...and the reason is...ME...Im so proud of my self..*note the sarcasm*I did another thing wrong to screw up sumones life. I never knew I was causing him sooo much pain! I hate my self for that, and what really hurts is...I cant be there to stop him. When we talked about it, he barely listend to me! I felt so usless....god, why does life have to be so effin complicated?? I mean, it is good bc Logan is really good to me, and he loves me ( i have that convo...put it here when i get online tonight) etc, but then, Brett doesnt talk to me ne more and that makes life tuff on my part, and both of them say that if I hurt myself, they will do it 10 times worse, so I cant let either of them see my scars....I dont think brett will, bc I am not going to see him...unless he wants to come here for spring break, bc i doubt I am going there....But Logan...I am so scared for him...I luv him soooooooo much and he seems to be all I have lately...I mean, my friends seem to busy to tlk to me, or else they juss dnt wanna, and Sarah lives all the way in friggin texas, and she isnt going to walk here agen juss for me...well, i better go

5 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 27 January :: 10.16 am

I remember what I was going to say...
I was going to add: I keep thinking of the night when me and Chris and Todd went to the mall....It was sooo much fun, like he was with us alot and making it fun....it was great..I wonder if hanging out with him would be the same?

4 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 25 January :: 5.32 pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: till the day i die

my feeling
The situation has once agen bottled up inside of me. I know what to do this time and say... Being depressed is nothing but an emotional phase . A thing you will go thru many times in ur life. It isnt fun and it makes u do the most stupidest crap! You'll constantly want to cry and die and ull push ur friends out of ur life.
I guess that is the only thing that from keeping me from dieing. But the thought has crossed my mind more than once. I try to b away from home, where all the ffighting is, but my mom doesnt get it that I dont want to be home and with them...where everyone is fixated on my little brother... My friends are the best thing I have next to God . They have taught me so much about life. But not enuff to make it work for me. I try to be with them as much as possible. but my mom doesnt get it, she doesnrt understand that I need to be with my friends...They (being my friends) stopped me last time, but I am not doing the same thing agen...
Im not sure when I am juss gonna like start cryin...It has happened so many times, unexpectedly.
To tell u the truth, I am sick of ppl worrying about me. I mean i guess Ill never be the same agen. Like today, there were scissors on the table and Courtney moved them bc of me. I know I am depressed and all but I am not going down that road agen. I am not going to hurt myself and others. Im not cutting myself for the person who caused all this...Brett...and Logan...butfor brett, I know I am stupid for still caring about him, but I am sorry I do....I know we made him feel real shitty, but I am glad some one got my feelings out....But for Logan...I dont know what would happen with him if I fief bc I havent really tlked to him about it... But i do luv him, he is my bf and accepts me for me...and the stupid stuff I have done....he is great...they both r...
I believe the fact that cutting myself is like crying...only more painful. It kind of balances things, where as i take the pain from my heart and put it into my arms and wrist. But it puts pain into others...which puts it into my heart, and I take it prom there and it goes to my arms... That poses the question: Do i live and hurt myself, or die and hurt others...I would rather live, and not hurt u....
These r juss my feelings, not a suicide note or ne thing...And I guess I shouldnt put the balme on brett, bc it had to do with other ppl to, its juss he topped it off if ya know what I mean.... Its juss when u love some one, u want what is best for them....and it doesnt matter who the person is or what kind of luv it is, u should always want them to b happy and healthy

YoU

:: 2004 12 January :: 9.38 am
:: Mood: aggravated

(Some one help me please...how do u get it to say something on ur profile...like, my this girls says "if u love me" and I cant get mine to say ne thing but the web address....so, yeah, if u know how to do that, help me please!)

YoU

:: 2004 6 January :: 1.12 am
:: Mood: loved

awww, I am so much in love
Yeash, I will have lots of boyfriends, and I like a few ppl...but there is one guy I love so much...and I wish ppl would think highly of him more than they look down on him! Everyone knows he hurt me, but I forgave him....and I know now, what love is...its when, even tho the person hurt u, u can forgive him, when everytie u tlk to him, u fall in love all over agen, ur always happy with him, ur always waiting for him to tlk to u, etc. I have more on my profile, but thats later, and it isnt on this computor.....so yeah...I juss finished talking to Brett....hmm...we had a good time.....we laughed ALOT, it was good....here is the very end of our convo:
05: i have to get some sleep... i have to get up round 8 and go to my dadsand let the dogs out
2: ohhh...
05: so that they dont crap in the house... they are out of town right now
2: oh,ok
2: will u be on at all tomaro?
2: during the day
05: ya
05: i will be
05: ill talk to tomorrow
05: goodnight sweetheart
2: ok
2: :'(
2: good night baby
05: i love you... sleeptight.....im sorry... dont be sad cuz of me, be happy cuz i love you
05 direct connection is closed.

I am sooo happyy....I love him so much...I have never liked some one as much as him...well, I am going to go watch the movie with my bro cusin and their friend....

much love-
sara

YoU

:: 2004 4 January :: 2.14 pm

teen night...
....hmmm, well, went to teen night, it was awsome cept for one part but I dont really care, he isnt worth it if he is going to do something like that to me! ne ways...a whole bunch of ppl went like, Gracie and Justin (:-) }, Ty, Sean and Abby, Renne, Christina, Tyler, Triplets, Todd...Leslie and Kelly were supposed to come, but they didnt...:'( oh,....n we danced ALOT....ugh, I wasnt going to let one stupid thing ruin the whole night....n me n Lauren n Ty n Renne n Abbey went up on the lil scaffold thingy and danced like crazy, and it was so hott up there n Rene was scared to go cuz she thought it would fall cuz it was really shaky....and then we got down and the Maceraenna or h/e u spell it came on ( LoL, Renne!!)n yeah, we just danced...and then me n Justin started making out....it was cool.....and then him n Gracie had to go...:'( tears....they r so cool, I think I want to go back next week, but I can only go one more place for the rest of the month!>:-( ggrr, my mad face....and yeah...then we all juss danced and hung out and left....I was like the last person there....o well.....n yeah...hen I went home n called chris and e talked for a lil while, I am supposed o call him when he gets off of wok, nhe is gonna tlk to me for a while and then go to his school to run...ahh, I want to see his six pack....no one heard that...oh, n speakingof Chris nd work, I saw this guy Mike that works at Target at Teen Night and I was like WOAH! cuz he had his lil undershirt on n yeah, wow.....lol...;-) he is so hott...so is Justin hehe....well, I am gonna g cuz I got to go call Justin and Gracie so yeah, buh bye...<<3 yas...sorry meana didnt mean you ment abby i proabbl wrote your name down cause i was talking to you lol...

6 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 4 January :: 2.08 pm

so cool!
n
e
v
e
r

a
g
e
n
!

YoU